The Hampton Road Club: Hesitant Heart Part 3

The command in Aaron's voice had been unmistakable and Sam didn't hesitate to meet his eyes. The very sound of it had him all soft and melty on the inside.

"Don't be ashamed to admit that you need the comfort of another person." Aaron's tone had softened. "Everyone does."

Sam gasped. "Even you?"

There was the barest hint of a smile on Aaron's lips, but it seemed to be tinged with a melancholy. "Even me, little Sam."

His head was alive with all kinds of thoughts and questions. He needed to know more about Aaron, everything he possibly could. Swallowing hard to try to relieve the dryness in his throat, he then took a deep breath to give him the courage to ask his next question.

"So...do you have anyone?" He was sure his cheeks were a bright red, but he wouldn't back down. He had to know. "I mean, so that you're not lonely?"

If only Aaron would show more of his feelings.

Sam had caught a few moments that day where there'd been some emotion from Aaron, but for the most part, he'd maintained a slightly amused, even expression. However, there was something about what Sam had said that seemed to have affected Aaron strongly. There was a genuine sadness in his eyes. Even his shoulders had slumped almost imperceptibly.

"No." He cleared his throat. "I have no one."

Sam considered this, frowning. "But you're so handsome and nice. I don't understand."

Aaron sighed. "It's perhaps preferable that you don't. I have specific needs that I require from a companion that are unusual, at best. There haven't been any who've desired to stay with me under my conditions."

"I'd stay with you."

The startled look on Aaron's face alerted Sam to the fact of what he'd just blurted out loud. As much as his cheeks continued to furiously heat up, he couldn't take it back. And anyway, it was the truth. Wasn't that what Aaron had asked for?

Chapter Four.

The compulsion to simply wrap Sam up in his arms and take him straight home-possibly even tying him with silk cord to his bed and never letting him free-was almost impossible to ignore.

I mustn't. He's innocent in everything. He doesn't need to be turned into a deviant like me.

His chest hurt. It was a physical phenomenon. Every muscle, every tendon, every nerve-his whole being ached to protect and keep Sam. The boy stared at Aaron expectantly, as if he was waiting for him to say yes.

"You don't know what you're saying." Aaron thought his heart might actually be breaking as he spoke. "You've only just met me. You have no idea what I'm like."

Sam fidgeted, appearing shy. "I didn't just meet you. I've known you for seven weeks since last Friday." Sam scrunched his eyebrows. "Which makes it really almost seven and a half weeks."

Despite the pain in Aaron's gut, he had to chuckle. "Oh, Sam. But other than seeing my unclothed form, what else do you know of me? I could be a madman."

"I know that you're a good person. I can tell. You've always treated me better than any of the other men there-than any man I've ever met."

Aaron couldn't control the bizarre streak of jealousy and protectiveness that coursed through him every time Sam mentioned another man. Yet, who would protect Sam from him and his twisted desires? He thought he might make himself sick from wrestling with it all.

"Sam, I need you to listen very carefully to me. I can't take you home. You said you trusted me before, and you need to trust me now. I'm not good for you."

His sadness deepened at the look on Sam's face, the silent pleading from his eyes.

"But why? Is it really because you don't think I'm good enough for you?"

"No." Aaron had said it firmly. "That's not it at all. Don't ever let anyone tell you that." Aaron had to stop the conversation before it went any further. "That's enough about this topic. If you trust me like you say you do then trust that I know this is what's best for you."

He needed to get out of there. As much as he didn't want to leave Sam scared and alone, it was preferable to him getting mixed up with Aaron's perversions. He noted that Sam appeared more upset than he had all day. There was an uneasy silence and Aaron rose to his feet. He pulled a ten dollar bill from his wallet then extended it to Sam. He kept his head down. Aaron shook the bill.

"Here. You'll need to get something to eat for the next couple of days until you find a new job."

"No thank you."

"Sam..."

"I still have the two and a half left. I'll be fine."

The f.u.c.king twisting and turning in his stomach wouldn't stop. He hated himself right then. Hated that he couldn't be the normal and respectable man that Sam deserved.

"I'm leaving this, whether you want me to or not. I expect you to take it and I don't want you disobeying, understand?"

Sam peered up at him, anger clearly etched in his features. It was for the best. Maybe he would get over his youthful infatuation and find a better way for himself.

"I understand."

His tone had been flat, but he took the ten. Aaron had to get the h.e.l.l out of there or he would go stark raving mad. Before he could change his mind, he turned away from the sweetest boy he'd ever met. Once he'd opened the door to the room, he paused.

"The hotel is paid for through the end of the month." He inhaled deeply. "Take care of yourself, little Sam."

Walking down the hall toward the elevator, Aaron reminded himself he was doing the right thing, that it was all for Sam's benefit. Maybe if he repeated it over and over in his mind, he would finally feel the truth of it. But the battle inside of him raged. His softer emotions had been saved for love, something he'd already given up on. So he couldn't understand why the tears fell so freely.

"I was wondering if you would be patronizing Hampton Road tonight?"

The phone had rung almost the moment Aaron had stepped back into his Craftsman style bungalow home in Larchmont Village, just south of Hollywood. It was the perfect size for his needs with three bedrooms. One for him, one for his art studio and one for the implements he used on those occasions when he could find a companion. His trust fund could have supported one of the grander homes in the quaint village area, but he didn't want the added intrusion of needing to maintain a staff. Not with the activities he engaged in. He held the small receiver to his ear and spoke into the microphone at the base of the candlestick shaped device.

"I don't know Saul..."

The darkness that consumed him at times had enveloped him as he'd driven from the hotel where he'd left Sam behind.

Left him.

Aaron pressed a hand to his forehead. If he could shake his melancholy long enough to prepare himself for a night out, it might keep him from descending too far into despair.

"Aaron? You still there?" Saul muttered. "Dratted modern contraptions. Never work properly."

"I'm here, Saul. I just..."

"Good Lord. Come to the club. I need a ride anyway. That useless pile of metal I was talked into purchasing last year is being repaired. You'd be doing me a favor."

"I thought you drove it to the bathhouse earlier?"

"Yes. That was prior to it falling apart. You know, when we used horses, all we had to worry about was some hay and the occasional pile of s.h.i.+t."

Aaron laughed lightly, a small portion of the weight in his heart lightening. "Yes. Maybe that's what I need. A night out with a good friend."

"So how did things go with the young towel boy?"

His heart was back to weighing a ton. But maybe Saul could give him some perspective on the situation. Surely he would reinforce Aaron's decision and help him feel better about it.

"Actually, could we meet for a drink at Walter's speakeasy first? I wouldn't mind having a chat with you about all of that."

"Ooh. Sounds terribly interesting. All of what?"

"Saul, please."

"No need to beg. I've been wanting to see a man about a dog anyway. I've been parched all day."

After finalizing the evening's plans with Saul, he ran a bath and soaked for a while in the comforting embrace of the heated water. There had been an Oriental man who'd visited the club when he first joined and he'd not only instructed him in some very interesting rope knots, but had advised him on some meditation techniques. Somehow, he'd sensed the melancholy in Aaron and had offered to help. It did make a difference.

His soak complete, he dressed in a carefully selected outfit of all black with flannel trousers and silk s.h.i.+rt. A tooled leather waistcoat that he'd had custom made went over the s.h.i.+rt. He wore a proper suit coat and bowtie for public eyes that would then be removed once he arrived in the South Pasadena neighborhood of San Marino, where the club operated in a private mansion. The final task he performed before leaving was to put a few carefully selected items in a small leather satchel that he would bring with him to use-should he find a willing submissive to spend the evening with.

He pulled up to Saul's home near downtown. It appeared his friend was anxious to get going, as he'd been waiting for him at the curb. It was almost seven in the evening, the nightfall complete for the time of the year. October was upon them at which point it would become darker still.

"Precisely on time." Saul chuckled as he hopped in the car. "This is what I love about Dominant men. We're so d.a.m.n controlling. Structured."

Aaron didn't want to a.n.a.lyze what he was. He'd done enough of that over the years. "I suppose one could look at it like that." Aaron pulled away from the curb and steered the car down toward Wils.h.i.+re Boulevard.

"Oh dear."

He detected Saul glancing at him in his peripheral vision.

"What?"

"I take it that the towel boy wasn't interested?"

Aaron gripped the wheel tighter. "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Well, there was your invitation to speak on the subject at the pansy club for one thing. And I know you well enough by now to sense one of your moods has come on. Did he reject you?"

He remained focused on the road. They had never discussed Sam before any of the craziness of earlier in the day, so he couldn't imagine what Saul was talking about.

"No, on the contrary..." He drew in a deep breath then cleared his throat. "Perhaps we can continue this at Walter's? I think I might need a gin or two tonight."

"Oh dear, indeed."

Sam thought about going out and getting something to eat. He wasn't hungry, but it would at least give him something to do other than stare out the window and try not to cry. Would he ever see Aaron again? He'd promised to let Sam pay him back for the hotel, yet he'd left without giving Sam his number or address.

Maybe he'll be at the bathhouse.

The thought of ever going back to the Temple of Eros petrified him. However, the thought of never seeing Aaron again terrified him even more. He wasn't even sure he understood why. The feelings that were piled on top of one another inside him weren't ones he'd ever had before-not anywhere near as strong, at least.

There had been stirrings of want when his p.e.n.i.s would get hard, and there had even been one boy who he'd wanted to kiss very badly. They were both only fifteen and Sam had thought that Gerald had very pretty eyes. He'd thought if he told him so, then Gerald would want a kiss. Instead he'd called Sam a fairy and punched him in the mouth. Sam was fairly sure it was around then that his father had figured out the truth about him.

I miss my mother. And Nadine.

If his mother had known that he wasn't a normal boy, she'd certainly never acted like it. She'd always given him hugs and told him that he was good and smart. And Nadine was only eight years old. She adored Sam and Sam adored her. He'd let her help him when he'd taken care of his plants in the greenhouse-yet another thing his father had said made him a sissy. Sam had never wanted to go hunting or fis.h.i.+ng with his father. The times his father had forced him, Sam had only embarra.s.sed him by not being good at it, so his father had stopped taking him.

He wished his mother had been able to stop his father from pus.h.i.+ng him around and smacking him in the face so much or telling him how bad he was. How Sam wasn't really a man and that he would give the family a bad name unless he performed his duty as the eldest son. It hurt him even more because he knew that he smacked her too. He was filled with guilt that he hadn't been able to help her, running away instead.

'Go, sweetheart. Don't stay here and let him destroy you. Don't worry. You will always be in my heart.'

There was no way to stop it. The tears rolled down his cheeks. Thinking about his mother and little Nadine made the pain of losing Aaron even sharper. Even if he hadn't known the beautiful man for very long, there was something about him that beckoned to Sam. The short time they'd spent talking, finally talking for the first time, Sam had believed even stronger than before that he should be with Aaron. The way Aaron had spoken about giving up control to another person had shocked Sam at first, but as he'd contemplated it, there was something so right about it that Sam had immediately pictured giving himself to Aaron.

But he didn't want me.

There was so much about the world and people that Sam didn't understand. His father had only allowed Sam to have the information that he parceled out. If it didn't fit in with his agenda, Sam didn't need to know about it. It had only added to Sam's insecurities and belief that there was something wrong with him. Through his mother's encouragement and his own determination, Sam had set out on his own. He'd been so angry with his father at the end before he left, that he'd sworn to himself he would find other people like him-Sam would prove that his father was wrong. He was a normal man.

"Ahh, yes." Saul licked his lips and closed his eyes before opening them again and regarding Aaron. "I've needed that spot of gin all day. Now, where were we? Of course, the towel boy. What in heaven's name is going on with you and him?"

They'd arrived early enough before the typically boisterous speakeasy was in full swing. The jazz band was still setting up and only a handful of tables were filled. Aaron and Saul sat perched on a couple of stools at the large mahogany bar at one end of the room. Aaron thought he'd heard a story about the grand Victorian piece being rescued from a hotel prior to the beginning of Prohibition.

"There's nothing going on with him, which is as it should be."

"Oh? If you were so certain of that, then you wouldn't have asked me to come here with you before heading straight to the club."

b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

"Is it that you think you're too old for him?" Saul raised one eyebrow.

Aaron latched onto that. "Yes. Much too old. He obviously has a case of puppy love."

"I see." Saul appeared even more intrigued, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward as if a grand revelation had just occurred.

"What?"

"It's been quite obvious from the first that he's taken a s.h.i.+ne to you. I know you don't typically engage young men, but maybe you should reconsider when there is such a lovely one begging for your attentions?"

Aaron groaned, resisting the urge to run a hand through his freshly greased hair. "That's just it Saul. He would have no idea what he was begging for. He's unspoiled and would likely be terrified if he knew what my abnormal tendencies are. There's no point in corrupting him."

There was a strong choking sound and Aaron turned to Saul with concern. He patted him on the back heartily as Saul continued to sputter and cough.

"Are you all right?"