One-Act Plays Part 16

ELOISE [_gasping_]. "Responsive"--Oh!

VALSIN [_indulgently_]. Let us return to the safer subject. Presently I shall arrest those people in the other room and, regretfully, you too. But first I pamper myself; I chat; I have an attractive woman to listen. In the matter of the arrest, I delay my fire; I do not flash in the pan, but I lengthen my fuse. Why? For the same reason that when I was a little boy and had something good to eat, I always first paid it the compliments of an epicure. I looked at it a long while. I played with it. Then--I devoured it! I am still like that. And Louis yonder is good to eat, because I happen not to love him. However, I should mention that I doubt if he could recall either myself or the circ.u.mstance which annoyed me; some episodes are sometimes so little to certain people and so significant to certain other people. [_He smiles, stretching himself luxuriously in his chair._] Behold me, Citizeness! I am explained. I am indulging my humor: I play with my cake. Let us see into what curious little figures I can twist it.

ELOISE. Idiot!

VALSIN [_pleasantly_]. I have lost count, but I think that is the sixth idiot you have called me. Aha, it is only history, which one admires for repeating itself. Good! Let us march. I shall play--[_He picks up the "permit" from the desk, studies it absently, and looks whimsically at her over his shoulder, continuing:_] I shall play with--with all four of you.

ELOISE [_impulsively_]. Four?

VALSIN. I am not easy to deceive; there are four of you here.

ELOISE [_staring_]. So?

VALSIN. Louis brought you and his sister from Paris: a party of three.

This "permit" which he forged is for four; the original three and the woman you mentioned a while ago, Eloise d'Anville. Hence she must have joined you here. The deduction is plain: there are three people in that room: the Emigrant, his sister, and this Eloise d'Anville. To the trained mind such reasoning is simple.

ELOISE [_elated_]. Perfectly!

VALSIN [_with an air of cunning_]. Nothing escapes me. You see that.

ELOISE. At first glance! I make you my most profound compliments. Sir, you are an eagle!

VALSIN [_smugly_]. Thanks. Now, then, pretty governess, you thought this d'Anville might be able to help you. What put that in your head?

ELOISE [_with severity_]. Do you pretend not to know what she is?

VALSIN. A heroine I have had the misfortune never to encounter. But I am informed of her character and history.

ELOISE [_sternly_]. Then you understand that even the Agent of the National Committee risks his head if he dares touch people she chooses to protect.

VALSIN [_extending his hand in plaintive appeal_]. Be generous to my opacity. How could _she_ protect anybody?

ELOISE [_with condescension_]. She has earned the grat.i.tude--

VALSIN. Of whom?

ELOISE [_superbly_]. Of the Nation!

VALSIN [_breaking out again_]. Ha, ha, ha! [_Clutching at his side._]

Pardon, oh, pardon, liver of mine. I must not die; my life is still useful.

ELOISE [_persisting stormily_]. Of the People, stupidity! Of the whole People, dolt! Of France, blockhead!

VALSIN [_with a violent effort, conquering his hilarity_]. There! I am saved. Let us be solemn, my child; it is better for my malady. You are still so young that one can instruct you that individuals are rarely grateful; "the People," never. What you call "the People" means folk who are not always sure of their next meal; therefore their great political and patriotic question is the cost of food. Their heroes are the champions who are going to make it cheaper; and when these champions fail them or cease to be useful to them, then they either forget these poor champions--or eat them. Let us hear what your Eloise d'Anville has done to earn the reward of being forgotten instead of eaten.

ELOISE [_her lips quivering_]. She surrendered her property voluntarily. She gave up all she owned to the Nation.

VALSIN [_genially_]. And immediately went to live with her relatives in great luxury.

ELOISE [_choking_]. The Republic will protect her. She gave her whole estate--

VALSIN. And the order for its confiscation was already written when she did it.

ELOISE [_pa.s.sionately_]. Ah--_liar!_

VALSIN [_smiling_]. I have seen the order. [_She leans against the wall, breathing heavily. He goes on, smoothly._] Yes, this martyr "gave" us her property; but one hears that she went to the opera just the same and wore more jewels than ever, and lived richly upon the Laseynes and Valny-Cheraults, until _they_ were confiscated. Why, all the world knows about this woman; and let me tell you, to your credit, my governess, I think you have a charitable heart: you are the only person I ever heard speak kindly of her.

ELOISE [_setting her teeth_]. Venom!

VALSIN [_observing her slyly_]. It is with difficulty I am restraining my curiosity to see her--also to hear her!--when she learns of her proscription by a grateful Republic.

ELOISE [_with shrill mockery_]. Proscribed? Eloise d'Anville proscribed? Your inventions should be more plausible, Goodman Spy! I _knew_ you were lying--

VALSIN [_smiling_]. You do not believe--

ELOISE [_proudly_]. Eloise d'Anville is a known Girondist. The Gironde is the real power in France.

VALSIN [_mildly_]. That party has fallen.

ELOISE [_with fire_]. Not far! It will revive.

VALSIN. Pardon, Citizeness, but you are behind the times, and they are very fast nowadays--the times. The Gironde is dead.

ELOISE [_ominously_]. It may survive _you_, my friend. Take care!

VALSIN [_unimpressed_]. The Gironde had a grand facade, and that was all. It was a party composed of amateurs and orators; and of course there were some noisy camp-followers and a few comic-opera vivandieres, such as this d'Anville. In short, the Gironde looked enormous because it was hollow. It was like a pie that is all crust.

We have tapped the crust--with a knife, Citizeness. There is nothing left.

ELOISE [_contemptuously_]. You say so. Nevertheless, the Rolands--

VALSIN [_gravely_]. Roland was found in a field yesterday; he had killed himself. His wife was guillotined the day after you left Paris.

Every one of their political friends is proscribed.

ELOISE [_shaking as with bitter cold_]. It is a lie! Not Eloise d'Anville!

VALSIN [_rising_]. Would you like to see the warrant for her arrest?

[_He takes a packet of doc.u.ments from his breast pocket, selects one, and spreads it open before her._] Let me read you her description: "Eloise d'Anville, aristocrat. Figure, comely. Complexion, blond.

Eyes, dark blue. Nose, straight. Mouth, wide--"

ELOISE [_in a burst of pa.s.sion, striking the warrant a violent blow with her clenched fist_]. Let them dare! [_Beside herself, she strikes again, tearing the paper from his grasp. She stamps upon it._] Let them dare, I say!

VALSIN [_picking up the warrant_]. Dare to say her mouth is wide?

ELOISE [_cyclonic_]. Dare to arrest her!

VALSIN. It does seem a pity. [_He folds the warrant slowly and replaces it in his pocket._] Yes, a great pity. She was the one amusing thing in all this somberness. She will be missed. The Revolution will lack its joke.

ELOISE [_recoiling, her pa.s.sion exhausted_]. Ah, infamy! [_She turns from him, covering her face with her hands._]