One-Act Plays Part 61

BILL. I don't know.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. And how much longer will he keep us here?

BILL. We've been here three days.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. And 'aven't seen a soul.

BILL. And a pretty penny it cost us when he rented the pub.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. 'Ow long did 'e rent the pub for?

BILL. You never know with him.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. It's lonely enough.

BILL. 'Ow long did you rent the pub for, Toffy? [_THE TOFF continues to read a sporting paper; he takes no notice of what is said._]

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. 'E's _such_ a toff.

BILL. Yet 'e's clever, no mistake.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. Those clever ones are the beggars to make a muddle. Their plans are clever enough, but they don't work, and then they make a mess of things much worse than you or me.

BILL. Ah!

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. I don't like this place.

BILL. Why not?

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. I don't like the looks of it.

BILL. He's keeping us here because here those n.i.g.g.e.rs can't find us.

The three heathen priests what was looking for us so. But we want to go and sell our ruby soon.

ALBERT. There's no sense in it.

BILL. Why not, Albert?

ALBERT. Because I gave those black devils the slip in Hull.

BILL. You give 'em the slip, Albert?

ALBERT. The slip, all three of them. The fellows with the gold spots on their foreheads. I had the ruby then and I give them the slip in Hull.

BILL. How did you do it, Albert?

ALBERT. I had the ruby and they were following me....

BILL. Who told them you had the ruby? You didn't show it.

ALBERT. No.... But they kind of know.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. They kind of know, Albert?

ALBERT. Yes, they know if you've got it. Well, they sort of mouched after me, and I tells a policeman and he says, O, they were only three poor n.i.g.g.e.rs and they wouldn't hurt me. Ugh! When I thought of what they did in Malta to poor old Jim.

BILL. Yes, and to George in Bombay before we started.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. Ugh!

BILL. Why didn't you give 'em in charge?

ALBERT. What about the ruby, Bill?

BILL. Ah!

ALBERT. Well, I did better than that. I walks up and down through Hull. I walks slow enough. And then I turns a corner and I runs. I never sees a corner but I turns it. But sometimes I let a corner pa.s.s just to fool them. I twists about like a hare. Then I sits down and waits. No priests.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. What?

ALBERT. No heathen black devils with gold spots on their face. I give 'em the slip.

BILL. Well done, Albert!

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS [_after a sigh of content_]. Why didn't you tell us?

ALBERT. 'Cause 'e won't let you speak. 'E's got 'is plans and 'e thinks we're silly folk. Things must be done 'is way. And all the time I've give 'em the slip. Might 'ave 'ad one o' them crooked knives in him before now but for me who give 'em the slip in Hull.

BILL. Well done, Albert! Do you hear that, Toffy? Albert has give 'em the slip.

THE TOFF. Yes, I hear.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. Well, what do you say to that?

THE TOFF. O.... Well done, Albert!

ALBERT. And what a' you going to do?

THE TOFF. Going to wait.

ALBERT. Don't seem to know what 'e's waiting for.

Sn.i.g.g.e.rS. It's a nasty place.

ALBERT. It's getting silly, Bill. Our money's gone and we want to sell the ruby. Let's get on to a town.

BILL. But 'e won't come.

ALBERT. Then we'll leave him.