When the Past is Always Present Part 11

TRAUMA STORIES AND TRAUMA CURES.

Patients wrote the material in this chapter after undergoing havening and gave permission for their stories to be told. They are presented without discussion and are meant to ill.u.s.trate the myriad of treatable problems that can arise from traumatization. It is hoped that these patients' stories will encourage a search for a traumatic origin for puzzling problems.

Loss of a Loved One.

In the story of the widow in Chapter 5, we chose to haven the terror of the initial phone call: the anger and frustration about traveling to the hospital and the look given by the doctor.

There are not enough words that will express the deep grat.i.tude I have for this amazing peace and calmness that has returned to my entire being. Last night, when I left your office, I felt so euphoric and calmed. I said to Arnold you must have drugged me in some way. I even thought perhaps there was something on your hand every time you touched my face and I took a deep breath. I am just amazed and totally blown away by this instantaneous freedom from the horrific prison I was in for three years.

When we left your office, we went across the street to the parking garage and an alarm and flas.h.i.+ng went off. I never even flinched; normally I would have what I used to call "a squirt," which I believe was a release of cortisol from the pit of my stomach, and it would have made me feel extremely anxious and vigilant. I had nothing of the sort, I heard it, but did not feel it. The same with driving home, stuck in NYC traffic for at least two hours. I had to tell Arnold to calm down, that it was okay, it was only traffic-it didn't bother me in the least. Had I not had your treatment, I would have been raging, swearing, and very angry. I am so amazed! On the drive home today, I heard ambulances and sirens and exactly that: I heard it but did not feel it! When I try to recall the events, they are jumbled, but I no longer feel them. So far my experience after day 1 is I can hear things and see them, but no longer experience them physically or in any sort of uncomfortable way. You gave me back my peace; I am ever so grateful and pray that it lasts.

Three days later she writes: "I really am going to be okay."

Loss of a Loved One.

I was particularly haunted by the image of my father in the hospital right after he died. I dreamt about the image, and the mere thought of it would bring tears to my eyes. I willingly partic.i.p.ated in the havening exercise. I am happy to say the vividness of the image has faded, and while I do picture it sometimes, it is not a frequent guest of my dreams and no longer elicits a strong emotion. It frankly never occurred to me I was suffering from a posttraumatic syndrome. I can't remember the purpose of the visit that day, but I do know that it has given me many nights of peace.

September 11, 2001.

Since September 11, 2001, I suffered extreme anxiety and have had difficulty sleeping. Each night I would lie awake, watching airplanes fly up the Hudson River through my bedroom window. Each time one took a flight path I thought to be too low, I would jump out of bed, scurry to my living room, and watch the plane, waiting to see if I needed to wake my family for a quick exit. I thought for sure one of these planes would eventually come straight for my building. I visualized it happening and lived that dreadful moment over and over in my mind.

While my difficulty with 9/11 was not as severe as many others', things just hadn't been the same. I never sought professional help because I felt that countless hours of therapy would be fruitless, depleting not my anxieties and stress but my wallet. When you offered to help, I didn't fully understand just what an effect that dreadful day had on me. Nor did I imagine how much life was about to change.

I am not sure I understand your treatment or its scientific explanation, but you stopped the airplanes. Not only did you stop the planes from coming, but also you changed my life in a very big way. You probably saw it in my countenance after your treatment. I felt as though a tremendous burden was lifted. After leaving your office, I went home, saw my beautiful wife and adorable daughter, spent a lovely evening in their company, went to bed at 11, and had the best night sleep since 9/10. The planes never came.

For the first time since that day, I can say that I am truly happy. I don't know if I am being naive thinking my family and I are now safe, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I am now enjoying life again to its fullest extent.

Medical Trauma.

Thank you again for the havening. My breast cancer diagnosis was. .h.i.tting me hard, and while I was physically fine, I could not get the last appointment with my surgeon out of my mind. All I thought of was a reoccurrence. My moods varied between anxious and depressed. I spent the weekend in bed just crying. I actually called into work sick the Friday before I saw you because my eyes were swollen shut from crying.

When I came to see you my blood pressure was 150/100. My heart felt like it was going to beat right through my chest. When you asked me to visualize the doctor's appointment, I started crying immediately.

After you treated me, it was amazing: I could not even visualize the appointment! I still can't. My blood pressure returned to normal, and for the first time in a long time, I feel calm. When you told me my anxiety was now gone forever, I found it hard to believe, but so far so good!

Public Speaking.

When perhaps a year ago you showed me how your havening procedure could cure fear of public speaking, the law of unexpected consequences manifested itself. I fearlessly began a late-life career as a public speaker, addressing audiences large and small on a myriad of subjects in varied venues.

But because of "remembrance of things past," I was afraid the efficacy of the treatment could fade in the middle of a speech, like the battery of my cell phone in the middle of a call, and I therefore utilize a reinforcement ritual. Immediately before rising to my feet to speak, I tap my left hand several times with my right, then the right with the left, tap the collarbone on both sides and then my forehead, roll my eyes to the ceiling, and recite the alphabet backwards and hum "Happy Birthday," in clear view of an astonished audience.

Generally, the reaction has been that I was suffering from St. Vitus dance, or performing a religious rite, similar to crossing oneself before attempting to kick a field goal, or having an allergic reaction to the awful food you get on the speaking circuit.

But obviously the treatment works, and, as an added benefit, the reinforcement ritual is the only physical exercise I get.

Fear of Snakes.

Thank you for your help in dealing with my snake fears. Although I still do not understand how it works, I do know that it did. The recurring dream I've had twice a week since childhood, I have not had since you treated me. What a pleasure not to wake up two or three times each week anxiously checking under the bed and covers for snakes before being able to go back to sleep.

I also don't respond to photographs or snakes on TV shows or movies like I did in the past. This included running from a movie theater, leaving a child behind, when a snake appeared on the screen. It did not occur to me that I left a six-year-old in the theater until I reached the lobby.

When I used to see the image of a snake on TV I had to look under the chair, behind me, or under the covers or bed, depending on where I was. As irrational as I know this was, I was not comfortable again until I made sure there was not a snake in the room. Now I don't have the same anxiety. I do turn away if I see a picture of a snake, but that's because it is ugly-I no longer feel the fear that I felt in the past. It is like it went from a 3D image to just a picture, and now is no longer threatening.

Grief Reduction.

Since last Thursday's visit, when you performed that grief reduction procedure for me, I have continued to feel lighter and less sad when thinking about the death of my partner.

I noticed I have thought of him many more times during each day than I did prior to my visit with you-what I view as an interesting compensation for the lack of sadness intensity. Thank you for the "bearable lightness of being."

PTSD.

I just had to let you know two things happened this weekend that [in the past] would have definitely caused an emotional reaction to what happened to my father that caused my PTSD-and nothing! I talked about it and I didn't get anxious or sad at all. I also heard a chainsaw, which was always a trigger for me because my father was cutting a tree with a chainsaw when I thought I saw him crushed to death.

Back Pain.

Regarding the voodoo shaman juju stuff you did for my back, while I still have pain issues, the feedback loop of pain triggering stress triggering more pain, etc., is gone. One of the major benefits is that it allows me to focus clearly on the pain without fear, implementing remedial actions such as stretching or what little yoga I know, to help get it under control. Before, the panic response would prevent me from risking stretching out the muscles for fear something would "pop."

Back Pain.

One week ago I came to your office in severe back pain. It was extremely difficult to bend or lean over, then try to stand erect. This could only be done by holding on to objects, i.e., chairs, tables, etc. I struggled with this more than a year, seeing physical therapists, taking medications, and even having a pain-killing device implanted in my back. After my visit, I can now bend, lean over, and stand straight up without holding on to anything, and more importantly, no pain. As you know, I also had a fear of public transportation, due to the major surgery I had one and a half years ago. Today I get on and off like everyone else and do not think about it twice.

Carrying a Chicken.

My grandma Margaret always carried a chicken in her purse. It was broiled, then carefully wrapped in tinfoil so it wouldn't leak. I have a clear image of Gram's black purse with the gold clasp opening-on the playground, at the beach, in the shoe department at Best & Co. ... and there was the chicken wrapped in foil. She also carried fruit, a few chocolate chip cookies, and little coffee-flavored sucking candies. I suppose she stored other things in there as well, like cash, keys, and makeup, but I never checked. I only remember the food.

My gram was 14 when her family emigrated from Hungary. I don't know who they left behind, or how terrible their living conditions became, or how many friends and relatives they eventually lost in the Holocaust.

My mom left Gram at 16 to become a dancer. She never returned or learned to cook. As an adult, I did my best to emulate Gram. By the time I was 40, I was a busy mom with three boys and a minivan filled with food. First, it was Cheerios in little baggies and juice boxes, then snacks like popcorn and peeled apples, maybe an occasional slice of pizza.

Years of being well prepared meant I never left the house without food in my car or my bag. Perhaps I didn't realize the food was also meant for me because it wasn't wrapped in foil. As the kids grew older, they only wanted money for the snack machines at school, but I noticed I still carried food with me. The groceries changed somewhat: For myself, I kept a supply of bran m.u.f.fins for breakfast, power bars, peeled apples, cheese sticks, and Mentos for entertainment. I was ready for a long trip.

Eventually, of course, eating this car food was not without consequence and I needed help with my weight. I never left the house without food. When I discussed this with Dr. Ruden he said, "Let's try something." The treatment was gentle; he tapped and rubbed points on my face, had me hum a tune, count backwards, and move my eyes. Thoughts of anxiety, of leaving the house without food, seemed to diminish. The treatment sequence was repeated several times: I felt calmer about life in general, and definitely calmer about food.

I've actually started, yes, to leave the house without food. I have the clear sensation that I'll either be able to buy food wherever I go or be able to handle being hungry for a little while before I return home. I travel with a small purse now and lost those last tough 10 pounds!

Claustrophobia and Elevators.

I felt a stirring in my stomach as I approached the elevator doors and couldn't differentiate between being frightened or just plain excited about testing the treatment you performed on me. Upon entering the elevator, the stirring ceased and, for a moment, I chatted with my husband, not even realizing I was on the dreaded elevator. I did, however, look up as we approached my floor and felt nothing! Not even a bit of discomfort. I almost felt as if something was missing from the ride (imagine!).

Rats.

For years I had a terrible fear of rodents, to the point of experiencing horrific nightmares. I would wake up in a sweat, usually crying. One day my fear became a reality! I came home to find a little creature scurrying about. I went into immediate hysteria and ran out of my apartment. My anxiety was so severe I could not return home.

After two sessions with you, I was not only able to return home, but was quite proud of the fact that I was able to confront, literally, my worst nightmare! I have not had one dream since our work together.

Fear of Falling.

I fell down a flight of "old Victorian stairs" with metal grippers and severed half my leg. Fortunately, I was able to keep my leg, but not without complications. In any case, since my accident, I find I am very sensitive to others' near accidents. An example of this is watching someone trip or me holding on to the railing very tight as I go downstairs, looking at each step. I didn't have much fear before my accident, but the reality set in and I have been having a hard time shaking it. Two weeks after your treatment, I was in a hurry to get somewhere and I was going down a flight of stairs. I noticed I was running down the stairs without holding on to the railing. I stopped halfway down, thought about the procedure you did on me and how you said at the end "you won't have any more anxiety about your accident." I laughed out loud and skipped, without holding on to the railing the rest of the way down. When I got to the bottom I jumped off as if I were a little kid. What a relief ... freedom!

Nasal Congestion.

I asked if you could refer me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist for the chronic congestion in my left nostril. You questioned me about when it began. I told you it began after I hit my nose on a fence running out of the woods after being frightened. You had me recall the event and, applying gentle touch, had me do some humming and counting. After you were done, I couldn't believe it, seven years of congestion just disappeared!