The Prophet of Berkeley Square Part 52

"The Mouse is delicious in spring."

There was another dead silence, and Madame, turning with patronising and heavy affability towards Lady Julia, added,--

"Your ladys.h.i.+p doubtless loves the Mouse--_Mus Pulcherrimo_--in spring as I do?"

The Prophet felt as if he were being p.r.i.c.ked by thousands of red-hot needles, and the perspiration burst out in beads upon his forehead.

"I am not specially fond of mice in spring, or indeed at any season,"

replied Lady Julia, with her slight, but very distinct and bell-like, cough.

"I said the Mouse, your ladys.h.i.+p," returned Madame, feeding upon this t.i.tled acquaintance with her bulging black eyes, and pus.h.i.+ng the kid boots well out from under her brown skirt. "I observed that the Mouse was peculiarly delicious in the season of love."

"No mouse attracts me," said Lady Julia, coughing again and raising her fine eyebrows slightly. "I should much prefer to pa.s.s the spring without the companions.h.i.+p of any mouse whatever."

Both Madame and Mr. Sagittarius opened their lips to reply, but before they could eject a single word the door was opened by Mr. Ferdinand, who announced,--

"Sir Tiglath b.u.t.t."

Mr. Sagittarius started violently and upset a vase of roses, the astronomer rolled into the room with a very red face, and Mr. Ferdinand added,--

"Dinner is served."

Mrs. Merillia shook hands with Sir Tiglath and glanced despairingly around her. It was sufficiently obvious that she was considering how to arrange the procession to the dining-room.

"Hennessey," she began, "will you take Lady Julia? Sir Tiglath, will you"--she paused, but there was no help for it, she was obliged to continue--"take Mrs. Sagittarius? Let me introduce you, Sir Tiglath b.u.t.t--Mrs. Sagittarius. Mr. Sagittarius, will you take--"

"Mr. Sagittarius!" roared Sir Tiglath. "Where is he?"

That gentleman gathered Mr. Ferdinand's trousers up in both hands and prepared for instantaneous flight.

"Where is he?" bellowed Sir Tiglath, wheeling round with amazing rapidity for so fat a man. "Ha!"

He had viewed Mr. Sagittarius, who, grasping Mr. Ferdinand's suit in pleats, ducked his head like one wis.h.i.+ng to be beforehand with violence and set the spats towards the door. Sir Tiglath advanced upon him.

"The old astronomer has heard the name of Sagittarius," he vociferated.

"He has been informed that--"

"It's not true, sir," cried Mr. Sagittarius, pale with terror. "It is not true. I deny it. I am an Ameri--I mean I am not the American syndicate--you are in error, in absolute error. I swear it. I take the heavens to witness."

At this remarkable and comprehensive statement Mrs. Merillia and Lady Julia looked at each other in elegant amazement.

"What do you mean, sir?" exclaimed Sir Tiglath. "And why do you insult the sacred heavens, you an astronomer!"

"I am not an astronomer," cried Mr. Sagittarius, cringing in the voluminous waistcoat of Mr. Ferdinand. "I am an outside broker. I swear it. My dress, my manner proclaim the fact. Sophronia, tell the gentleman that I am an outside broker and that all Margate has recognised me as such."

"My husband states the fact," said Madame, in response to this impa.s.sioned appeal. "My husband brokes outside, and has done for the last twenty years. Collect yourself, Jupiter. Pray do not doff your _toga virilibus_ in the presence of ladies!"

The terror of Mr. Sagittarius was such, however, that it is very doubtful whether he would not have proceeded thus to disrobe had not the Prophet, rendered desperate by the turn of events, abruptly leaped between Sir Tiglath and his old and valued friend and, gathering the outraged Lady Julia under his arm, exclaimed,--

"Pray, pray--we can discuss this matter more comfortably at dinner.

Permit me, Lady Julia. Sir Tiglath, if you will kindly give your arm to Madame Sagittarius. Mr. Sagittarius, my grandmother."

So saying, he made a sort of flank movement, so adroitly conceived and carried out that, in the twinkling of an eye, he had driven Sir Tiglath to the side of Madame and hustled Mr. Sagittarius into the immediate neighbourhood of Mrs. Merillia. Nor had more than two minutes elapsed before the whole party found themselves--they scarce knew how--arranged around the dining table and being served with clear soup by Mr.

Ferdinand and the astounded Gustavus, whose naturally round eyes began to take an almost oblong form as he attended to the wants of Mrs.

Merillia's very unfamiliar guests, whose outlying demeanour and architectural manners evidently filled him with the most poignant dismay.

As to Mrs. Merillia and Lady Julia, the foregoing scene had so reduced them that they were almost betrayed into some hysterical departure from the rules of exquisite good breeding which they had unconsciously observed from the cradle. Indeed, the latter, strong in the belief that the terms outside broker and raving maniac were interchangeable, twice dropped her spoon into her soup-plate before she could succeed in lifting it to her mouth, and was unable to prevent herself from whispering to the Prophet,--

"Pray, Mr. Vivian, tell me the worst--is he absolutely dangerous?"

"No, no," whispered back the Prophet, rea.s.suringly. "It's all his play."

"Play!" murmured Lady Julia, glancing at Mr. Sagittarius, who was holding back the right sleeve of Mr. Ferdinand's coat with his left hand in order to have the free use of his dinner limb.

"Yes," whispered the Prophet. "He's the most harmless, innocent creature. A child might stroke him. I mean he wouldn't hurt a child."

"Yes, but we are not children," said Lady Julia, still in great apprehension.

Meanwhile Sir Tiglath, concerned with his dinner, took no heed of Mr.

Sagittarius for the moment, and that gentleman, slightly rea.s.sured, endeavoured to make himself agreeable to Mrs. Merillia.

"You are very pleasantly situated here, ma'am," he began.

Mrs. Merillia thought he meant because she was at his elbow, and answered politely,--

"Yes, very pleasantly situated."

"It is indeed a blessing to be within such easy reach of the Stores,"

added Mr. Sagittarius, finis.h.i.+ng his soup, and permitting Mr.

Ferdinand's sleeves to flow down once more over his hands.

"The Stores!" said Mrs. Merillia.

"_O festum dies beatus illa_!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Madame, a.s.suming an expression of profound and almost pa.s.sionate sentiment. "Happy indeed the good lady who dwells in the central districts!"

She permitted a gigantic sigh to leave her bosom and to wander freely among the locks of those at the table. Sir Tiglath, who, on being a.s.saulted by her learning, had shown momentary symptoms of apoplexy, now gave a loud grunt, while the Prophet, perceiving that his grandmother and Lady Julia were quite unequal to the occasion, hastily replied,--

"Yes, Berkeley Square is very convenient in may ways."

"Ah!" said Mr. Sagittarius, keeping a wary eye on Sir Tiglath and re-addressing himself to Mrs. Merillia, "the Berkeley Square. But if you lived in the one behind Kimmins's Mews, it would be quite another pair of boots, would it not, ma'am?"

Lady Julia, who was sitting next to Mr. Sagittarius, s.h.i.+fted her chair nearer to the Prophet, and whispered, "I'm sure he is dangerous, Mr.

Vivian!" while Mrs. Merillia, in the greatest perplexity, replied,--

"The one behind Mr. Kimmins's Mews?"

"Ay, over against Brigwell's Buildings, just beyond the Pauper Lunatic Asylum."