Walk With Me Part 3

Chapter 3.

Eli Block.

MY FRESHMAN FRESHMAN year in college, I came home for winter break planning to seduce my childhood crush. It all started out well enough. I found him at a wedding-romantic setting with flowers and music and love in the air. I sat close to him and started making small talk. Things were right on track. And then the wedding fiasco of the century unfolded when a drunk bridesmaid took down the wedding tent. It would have earned a win on that year in college, I came home for winter break planning to seduce my childhood crush. It all started out well enough. I found him at a wedding-romantic setting with flowers and music and love in the air. I sat close to him and started making small talk. Things were right on track. And then the wedding fiasco of the century unfolded when a drunk bridesmaid took down the wedding tent. It would have earned a win on that America's Funniest Home Videos America's Funniest Home Videos show but it wasn't captured on film because everyone, including the photographer, had been keeping a safe distance from the scene of the crime-of-absurdity. show but it wasn't captured on film because everyone, including the photographer, had been keeping a safe distance from the scene of the crime-of-absurdity.

Unfortunately, my ankle was a casualty of the chaos, and I was rushed to the hospital while Seth stayed behind and tried to keep the bride and groom from setting a world record for shortest marriage ever. When I left the postwedding festivities that night, I still planned to make him mine. It wasn't a new desire. If anything, it was the status quo. I had a lot of years under my belt during which I thought Seth was the one and he didn't know I was alive.

I first met him at summer camp when I was eleven. Yup, eleven. For as long as I could remember, when people made comments about my future girlfriends or wives, they struck me as wrong. Something inside me always knew the right fit for me would be a boyfriend. But it wasn't until that summer that it all solidified in my mind as a clear picture of what I wanted and therefore who I was.

The bus pulled up to Camp Ahava, and I shuffled out alongside dozens of other campers. We huddled next to the bus and waited for the counselors to get our bags out from the underneath storage area and line them up so we could haul them to our cabins. The camp director came over to welcome us, and we mostly didn't listen to what she said. We were way too busy looking around at the place that would be our home for the next week or more.

For me, it was only a week, because my mother said she was worried I'd get homesick. If you ask me, the real reason I wasn't signed up for a longer session was because she wasn't ready for her only child to be away from the nest for that long. Meredith Block was a helicopter parent before the phrase was coined.

Anyway, I was standing outside, enjoying the scent of pine and the warm sun, when I heard him. I say heard heard because I remember hearing Seth before I saw him. He was singing "Little Plastic Castle." It was the first time I'd heard the song and I instantly became an Ani DiFranco fan. because I remember hearing Seth before I saw him. He was singing "Little Plastic Castle." It was the first time I'd heard the song and I instantly became an Ani DiFranco fan.

I'd always been musically inclined. I started taking piano lessons at four, and by the time I was ten, I was d.a.m.n good at piano, guitar, and harmonica, and I could stumble through a half dozen other instruments. When I was in a boys' choir, I'd been awarded a solo at every one of our recitals.

Seth adored music, listened to it all the time, and appreciated it more than anyone I knew. But as far as creating music? Well, that wasn't one of his strengths.

I wasn't saying he had a bad voice. I loved his voice, actually. It was deep and warm and soothing. I could listen to him read from a dictionary and feel safe and relaxed. But he didn't hold a tune all that well. Despite that, when I heard him singing that day, I stopped chatting with my buddies and looked for the source of the sound. By then he was next to the bus, bent at the waist, yanking out duffle bags and suitcases.

I caught glimpses of his smile as he spoke to the other counselors. I saw his chocolate-brown eyes twinkle as he tried to get them to join him in song. His brown hair was long enough for the curls to fall over his ears, and I wondered if they felt as soft as they looked. At the time, all I could think was that he was gorgeous. I'd never had that thought before, not about anyone, but the word fit Seth.

And then there was his trim but toned body. He was wearing sneakers without socks, cut-off jean shorts, and a white T-s.h.i.+rt that clung to his chest because he was wet. I later realized he must have come straight from the ropes course he taught. Part of it ran over the lake, and on hot days, people liked to leap into the water to cool off. Seth was attractive in any setting, but with his wet body glistening in the sun, he was enough to be the basis for my first ever feeling of a new kind of desire. Over the years, I learned what that desire meant, I realized that Seth's beauty wasn't only skin-deep, and I came to yearn for him inside as well as out.

When I hear people talk about puppy love like it's a cute little crush that doesn't mean anything, I wonder if they somehow managed to get through their teen years without ever experiencing the heart-stopping joy and heart-shattering pain of falling in love at that age. Everything felt so huge back then, so unique.

I went to Camp Ahava every summer, and Seth was there. I remember looking at him and being certain, absolutely certain, that n.o.body in the history of the world had ever wanted anyone as much as I wanted him. And when I came to camp the summer before my soph.o.m.ore year in high school and found out he wouldn't be there, that he was done with his camp counselor stint, the pain was so severe I was sure my heart was bleeding inside my chest. I cried in my bunk night after night with the certainty that I'd never love anyone as much as I loved Seth. Never mind that he had never been my counselor, so I hadn't had a whole lot of contact with him; I still loved him with all my heart and soul, and the loss of his presence in my life, however brief and distant, was one of my most painful childhood experiences. Anyone who says that pain was silly and childish might be right, but it was also intense and real, so very real.

So when Seth became the a.s.sociate rabbi at our temple, I was certain fate had sent him especially for me. Then I was injured in the Great Wedding Dance Debacle of 2001, and Seth came over regularly to check on me. We ended up spending more real time together in a week than we had in the entirety of our lives to that point, which made me realize I had to stop with the silly seduction plan and leave the man be.

It wasn't because I no longer wanted him. If anything, I wanted him more than ever, and I knew that would never change. It was because I was becoming doubtful he would ever want me back and starting to feel a little foolish and a lot selfish about constantly throwing myself at him despite his obvious discomfort. But mostly it was because I realized how much I enjoyed being Seth's friend, and I didn't want to annoy him to the point where he pushed me away.

"ELI?" THERE was a light knock on my door. "Your mom said you're awake. Can I come in?" was a light knock on my door. "Your mom said you're awake. Can I come in?"

I had been slumped against my headboard, playing video games on my TV, but at the sound of Seth's voice, I paused my game and tossed the controller aside. "It's barely six o'clock," I shouted as I peeled my s.h.i.+rt off and flung it in the corner. "Of course I'm awake." I adjusted my jeans, hoping to make myself look s.e.xy even though I was sitting on one of my best attributes.

My bedroom door creaked open, and Seth peeked inside. "How're you doing?" he asked.

He checked me out, his gaze roaming over my body, but there was no l.u.s.t in his expression, only concern.

I sighed in disappointment. "Come on in." I waved my hand at him.

He walked in, sat on the edge of the bed, and ghosted his hand over my ankle brace. "How're you doing today?"

I wished he would touch me. Of course, even if he did, it wouldn't mean anything. Or at least it wouldn't mean what I wanted it to mean.

"Bored out of my gourd," I answered with a pout only partially due to that boredom.

He smiled and nudged his chin toward the TV that had The Legend of Zelda The Legend of Zelda paused midframe. "Getting sick of video games?" paused midframe. "Getting sick of video games?"

"Yeah. This sucks!" I huffed dramatically. "The doctor said I'm not supposed to put any weight on my ankle for two weeks, so I'm trapped in here. I can't see my friends or go out or anything." I crossed my arms over my chest.

He nodded in understanding. "That's not a fun way to spend winter break."

For some reason his calm response made me feel a little silly for being so worked up. So I was lying around my parents' house playing video games. It wasn't like it was the end of the world.

I averted my eyes, relaxed my arms, and picked at my blanket. Acting like the kid he accused me of being was no way to win him over. I forced myself to look up and smile.

"It's fine," I said, hoping I sounded sincere. "I like video games." As soon as the words left my mouth, I winced. That sentence was doing nothing to make me seem more mature.

"Good." Seth grinned. "How do you feel about The Princess Bride The Princess Bride?"

"What is that?" I asked.

His eyes widened. "Don't tell me you've never heard of The Princess Bride The Princess Bride?"

I shrugged.

"It's a movie," he said incredulously.

"I've never been into, uh, princess movies," I said in confusion.

"It's not a princess movie."

I arched one eyebrow. "It's called The Princess Bride The Princess Bride and it's not a princess movie?" and it's not a princess movie?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Well, I guess it sort of is, but not like how you think. It's not a kid's movie." My expression must have made my disbelief apparent, because Seth chuckled and said, "Seriously. The wedding I officiated this afternoon? They had a line from The Princess Bride The Princess Bride in their invitation. That's what made me think of it when I was trying to pick a movie to bring over." in their invitation. That's what made me think of it when I was trying to pick a movie to bring over."

"You brought over a movie?" I asked, practically shaking with excitement. I was thrilled that he wanted to spend time with me. The type of movie he chose was irrelevant.

"Yup." He raised his hand and showed me a video tape. "I thought we could have a movie night."

A movie night meant at least two hours with Seth. And because I wasn't exactly mobile, it meant two hours in my room with Seth. I doubted he'd want to sit in my uncomfortable desk chair, so it probably meant two hours on my bed with Seth.

"I'm sure it's great," I said.

"It is!" He patted my knee. "Just wait. You're going to love it." He climbed off the bed, stepped over to my TV/VCR combo, and said, "You'll see."

Right at that moment, what I was seeing was his b.u.t.t. He was wearing what looked to be suit pants, and when he bent over to fiddle with my VCR, the fabric hugged his firm backside, which was at my eye level. I groaned.

He looked back at me over his shoulder and said, "Are you okay?"

"Oh, uh-" I coughed. "Just a little something in my throat." I rubbed my neck and cleared my throat. "I'm good."

"Is there something on my pants?" He twisted around and tried to look at the back of his pants.

Admitting I had been shamelessly ogling his b.u.t.t would have risked an end to the shared-bed movie night, so I pressed my lips together, shook my head, and mumbled, "Uh-uh."

"Are you sure?"

He shook his right leg, which made his b.u.t.t wiggle. Oh d.a.m.n. It looked even better in motion. I managed to hold back another groan but then he repeated the action with his left leg and all bets were off. I moaned and then coughed again to cover it up.

Seth jerked his head up and stared at me. "Now you're laughing." He turned around. "I have horse dung on my pants, don't I?"

"No, your pants are fi-" His words registered, making me stop midword and furrow my brow. "Did you say horse dung?"

"Yes." He kept twisting this way and that while he tugged on his pants looking for, apparently, horse s.h.i.+t. Actual, literal horse s.h.i.+t.

I wasn't sure how I managed to keep a straight face.

"Why would there be horse s.h.i.+-uh, dung on your suit pants?"

Without looking up from his task, he said, "They were trying to keep to the movie theme, so the bridal party rode in on horses."

"There are horses in the movie?" I asked.

"Uh-huh," he said distractedly, still focusing on his pants. "Horses and giants and rodents of unusual size."

"They had rodents at their wedding?" I screeched.

"No," he said in a tone that made it seem as if my question was ridiculous. "Just horses."

Which was weird all on its own, but I decided not to press that issue because I knew from my dad that people did all sorts of crazy things at weddings. That still didn't explain the pants problem.

"So, uh, what do the horses for the bridal party have to do with horse s.h.i.+t on your pants?"

"Horses aren't exactly trainable," he said as he toed off his shoes. "At least not when it comes to bodily functions. It turned out they chose an, uh, unfortunate time to relieve themselves."

I swallowed down my laughter. Again. "Unfortunate time?"

Seth shook his head and pursed his lips. "Yes. They were trotting down the aisle."

"Wait." I held my hand out and tried to keep my breathing even. "Are you saying a horse took a dump on the wedding aisle?"

"Not a a horse. horse. All All the horses." He paused and furrowed his brow in thought. "That's weird, right? That their schedules are lined up like that?" the horses." He paused and furrowed his brow in thought. "That's weird, right? That their schedules are lined up like that?"

"Yeah." No amount of slow breathing and swallowing could keep me in complete check, but I managed to limit myself to a snort and a chuckle. "That's weird. Maybe they had a long, uh, drive or something, so they'd been holding it."

He tilted his head to the side. "Do horses do that? Hold it, I mean?"

I had no idea. "I have no idea. So, anyway. You were saying?"

"I was saying?" He moved his hand to his pants b.u.t.ton, which distracted me. Thankfully, he didn't really need an answer. "Oh, yeah, so the horses relieved themselves in the aisle and with the volume of their, uh"-he glanced up at me and his cheeks colored slightly-"excrement and the number of horses, their stuff was everywhere."

I would have laughed at that point because, come on, really? But he had pushed the b.u.t.ton through the hole and was lowering his zipper, which made me stop breathing. As it turned out, without air in your lungs, you can't laugh, so all I could do was bob my head in what I hoped pa.s.sed for an "I'm listening" nod.

"Anyway." He finished unzipping his pants. "The wedding was on this huge lawn, and it rained last night, so the gra.s.s was wet to the point of being almost muddy. There was a temporary floor thing put out to hold the chairs with the aisle in between them, but there was no extra s.p.a.ce. So to get out, we had to step off the plywood floor thing and walk on the gra.s.s, climb over the chairs, or walk down the aisle."

Dear G.o.d, he was taking off his pants. It was a dream come true and I didn't want it to stop. Of course that meant keeping myself together and not screaming or fainting or e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.n.g. in my pants.

Act cool. Act cool. Act cool, I chanted internally. I chanted internally.

"So, uh, what'd you do?" I asked, hoping my voice didn't sound as oddly high-pitched to him as it did to me.

"I walked through the gra.s.s and got my shoes muddy, but it wasn't terrible. A couple of bridesmaids tried it but, unfortunately, stepping on gra.s.s in high heels was impossible because the shoes poked right into it, so they got stuck. Eventually they gave up on the gra.s.s and tried to cross over the floor instead."

He dropped his pants and I whimpered. Before he could notice, I covered it by asking, "So they walked through the s.h.i.+t?"

"At first they tried to climb over the chairs." He scooped up his pants, shook them out, and started eyeing them, presumably inspecting them for horse s.h.i.+t. "A bunch of the guys did that too. But there were three hundred people there, so it didn't take long before the chairs were falling and people were tripping and things things were smearing around. Ugh, it was a mess." were smearing around. Ugh, it was a mess."

I s.h.i.+fted so I could look around the pants and check out his groin. Unfortunately, with the distance, the pants obstruction, and his loose boxers, it was impossible for me to see what he was packing. One thing I knew for sure, though-he didn't have a hard-on.

That moment right there, with Seth partially undressed and me trying to scope out his d.i.c.k, was when I realized I had to make a change. After what sounded like a s.h.i.+tty day-pun intended-he had chosen to come spend time with me. That had to mean he enjoyed my company. And he had no qualms about dropping trou in front of me, which was normal for guys to do in front of their buddies. So even though my seduction plan had failed, I had managed to attain friend status with a guy who previously hadn't known I was alive.

But if I kept coming on to Seth, I risked ruining our budding friends.h.i.+p. Even if that didn't happen, even if he was willing to continue putting up with my little comments and looks, there was no way he'd be comfortable enough to take off his pants in front of me, no way he would consider me a trusted friend, someone he could let loose with, someone who he could turn to after a stressful day.

Seth didn't seem to want me the same way I wanted him. If his words weren't enough to make that clear, his physical reaction-or lack of physical reaction-to me was. But he wanted to be my friend, which was better than nothing. And maybe if I was a good friend, he'd want to spend even more time with me. Telling myself to be thankful for what I could get and not blow it (pun intended), I forced myself to stop staring at his d.i.c.k and start focusing on the conversation. Even if it was s.h.i.+tty. Pun still intended.

"So did everyone make it out all right?" I asked.

He dragged in a deep breath. "For the most part."

I was almost afraid to ask but I couldn't help myself. It was like a train wreck and I couldn't seem to look away. "For the most part?"

"Well, most of the guests got out clean. Some had a little, uh, smudging on their shoes or pants, but the bride and groom-" He grimaced.

"Oh no." I gulped, actually focused on his story now instead of his body. "What happened?"

"The bride's dress was really big and poufy with this long train, so there was no way she could climb over the chairs."

"She walked on the gra.s.s?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Afraid not. She had on high heels and the groom had this great idea that he could carry her down the aisle like an early threshold thing."

I raised my eyebrows and said, "He wanted to carry her over a threshold of s.h.i.+t?"

"I was helping some of the older guests cross over the gra.s.s by then, so I didn't hear them talking, but, yes, that's what people said happened. He lifted her up, started walking, slipped, and then-"

I gasped. "He slipped?"

"Yes. He slipped on the horse dung and fell down. He managed to hold on to the bride, but honestly, there was so much of it on the ground and her dress was so big, there was no avoiding it."