Oh! Susannah! Part 7

Plant. I tell you I left 'em here, on this sofa.

Doctor. _(rises indignantly)_ Oh _my_ sofa! Then you'd no business to. How dare you leave the poor things lying on my sofa?

Where are they? _(looking under sofa cus.h.i.+ons)_

Plant. Hang it, sir, that's what I've come to ask _you_. What have you done with them?

_(Enter Tupper.)_

Tupper. _(to Doctor)_ Please, sir, Mrs. O'Hara says--_(hands him her account book)_

Plant. _(seizing Tupper)_ Where are my daughters? _(crosses C, shaking Tupper--threatening him with big stick)_

Tupper. I dunno, sir--give it up.

Plant. No prevarications! You saw the two young ladies.

Doctor. _(surprised)_ Two young ladies! I see now!

Tupper. Are you their _father_, sir? I didn't think you was old enough.

Plant. _(pleased, releases him, pats his head)_ Good lad!

_(crosses down L.)_

Doctor. Where have they gone, Tupper?

Tupper, I dunno, sir--they was fetched.

Plant. Fetched? Who by? _(rus.h.i.+ng at Tupper furiously)_

Tupper. I dunno, sir, two gentlemen--they didn't leave no name, they simply come, saw the ladies---and carried 'em off.

_(Bus.--Plant threatening Tupper--Tupper arm up.)_

_(Exit Tupper quickly.)_

Doctor. _(aside)_ Just my luck--lost two cases!

Plant. A plot, sir--a vile plot--whoever the scoundrels are, they shall pay heavily for this wounded heart.

Doctor. _(seriously)_ Heart? Cardiac? _(hand on Plant's heart, listens)_

Plant. _(half crying, on Doctor's arm)_ My precious jewels!

Two dear girls, Doctor. who have never caused me a moment's uneasiness all their blessed lives.

Doctor. Apparently not. Hadn't you better go and look for them?

Plant. _(excitedly walks up and down)_ Ah, you are not a father--

Doctor. _(aside, looking through microscope)_ Hope not--only married this morning.

Plant. --or you couldn't stand there unmoved. I am struck down in the flower of my days; this is a stroke, sir, a fatal stroke.

Ach! _(cries out with pain--puts hands to his back)_

Doctor. That's not a _stroke_--that's _lumbago_.

Plant. _(hotly)_ Hang it, sir, I speak in parables--I'm not a patient!

Doctor. Not a patient! Then what do you come here for? Parables are no good to me. I've got my living to earn! _(rings bell)_ Good afternoon!

_(Enter Aurora.)_

Aurora. 'Ere's a letter for you, sir.

Doctor. _(taking it)_ Thanks, and show this gentleman out.

Aurora. Very good, sir, we _are_ busy to-day, sir. _(to Plant)_ This way out. _(at door)_

Plant. _(to Doctor)_ You little know whom you are insulting. Some day, sir, your eyes will be opened--and you will discover that the country cousin--

_(Aurora listens and mimics him.)_

--whom you spurned from your door, was none other than a fairy prince, who will this very day lift you from the slough of grovelling poverty to the realms of affluence and prosperity.

Good day, sir!

_(Aurora crosses and exits behind Plant.)_

Doctor. _(alone)_ "This very day"--"Affluence and prosperity"--"fairy prince"--oh, he's off his dot! _(looks at postmark)_ "Ambleside." Why, it's from _(rises and crosses L.)_ Aunt Susannah! "My dear Nephew: I have heard glowing accounts of your success." My success! "I long to see my brilliant nephew --I'm coming up to London to-morrow." To-morrow--to-morrow, _(looks at calander)_ that's Sat.u.r.day, good job it's not to-day.

Mrs. O'Hara's got an Irish party on upstairs and Aunt Susie's so awfully quiet she can't stand the slightest noise, _(reads)_ "It is my constant joy to know that you are devoting your days--and I daresay many of your nights--to the n.o.ble work of alleviating human suffering." _(looks at her picture--reads)_ "I mean to do all that my money can do to help you to pursue your glorious profession with everything in your favor." Its too good to be true! _(rises)_ No, it isn't Quayle's right again! Flo _has_ brought me luck, and on our wedding day! _(pause)_ The very day!

That's what that silly old man with the dyed hair meant. By Jove!

he is a fairy prince! Oh, Flo, Flo, what a honeymoon we'll have!

_(dances all over the room with delight, seizing a sofa cus.h.i.+on to dance with)_

_(Enter Aurora. followed by Ruby. Pearl. Waverly and Andrew in single file.)_

Aurora. The Doctor'll see you directly. Take your seats, please.

_(Ruby and Pearl sit on couch, Ruby L. of Pearl; Andrew and Waverly R. C, laughing.)_

TABLEAU.

Doctor. _(stops dancing suddenly--aside)_ Quayle's right again!

They're flowing in, simply flowing in! _(sits at table--to Waverly down r.)_ Good afternoon. Won't you sit down?

_(Waverly sits O. P. corner.)_

Now what can I do for you? What's the trouble, eh?