The ninth vibration and other stories Part 8

She resumed;--

"The abbot saw her and he loved her. He was young still, you remember.

She was a woman of the Hindu faith and hated Buddhism. It swept him down into the lower worlds of storm and desire. He fled with Lilavanti and never returned here. So in his rebirth he fell-"

She stopped dead; her face pale as death.

"How do you know? Where have you read it? If I could only find what you find and know what you know! The East is like an open book to you. Tell me the rest."

"How should I know any more?" she said hurriedly. "We must be going back. You should study the plans of this place at Peshawar. They were very learned monks who lived here. It is famous for learning."

The life had gone out of her words-out of the ruins. There was no more to be said.

We clambered down the hill in the hot suns.h.i.+ne, speaking only of the view, the strange shrubs and flowers, and, once, the swift gliding of a snake, and found Mrs. Delany blissfully asleep in the most padded corner of the car. The spirit of the East vanished in her comfortable presence, and luncheon seemed the only matter of moment.

"I wonder, my dears," she said, "if you would be very disappointed and think me very dense if I proposed our giving up the Malakhand Fort? The driver has been giving me in very poor English such an account of the dangers of that awful road up the hill that I feel no Fort would repay me for its terrors. Do say what you feel, Miss Loring. Mr. Clifden can lunch with the officers at Nowshera and come any time. I know I am an atrocity."

There could be only one answer, though Vanna and I knew perfectly well the crafty design of the driver to spare himself work. Mrs. Delany remained brightly awake for the run home, and favored us with many remarkable views on India and its shortcomings, Vanna, who had a sincere liking for her, laughing with delight at her description of a visit of condolence with Lady Meryon to the five widows of one of the hill Rajas.

But I own I was pre-occupied. I knew those moments at the monastery had given me a glimpse into the wonderland of her soul that made me long for more. It was rapidly becoming clear to me that unless my intentions developed on very different lines I must flee Peshawar. For love is born of sympathy, and sympathy was strengthening daily, but for love I had no courage yet.

I feared it as men fear the unknown. I despised myself--but I feared.

I will confess my egregious folly and vanity--I had no doubt as to her reception of my offer if I should make it, but possessed by a colossal selfishness, I thought only of myself, and from that point of view could not decide how I stood to lose or gain. In my wildest accesses of vanity I did not suppose Vanna loved me, but I felt she liked me, and I believe the advantages I had to offer would be overwhelming to a woman in her position. So, tossed on the waves of indecision, I inclined to flight.

That night I resolutely began my packing, and wrote a note of farewell to Lady Meryon. The next morning I furiously undid it, and destroyed the note. And that afternoon I took the shortest way to the sun-set road to lounge about and wait for Vanna and Winifred. She never came, and I was as unreasonably angry as if I had deserved the blessing of her presence.

Next day I could see that she tried gently hut clearly to discourage our meeting and for three days I never saw her at all. Yet I knew that in her solitary life our talks counted for a pleasure, and when we met again I thought I saw a new softness in the lovely hazel deeps of her eyes.

III

On the day when things became clear to me, I was walking towards the Meryons' gates when I met her coming alone along the sunset road, in the late gold of the afternoon. She looked pale and a little wearied, and I remembered I wished I did not know every change of her face as I did. It was a symptom that alarmed my selfishness--it galled me with the sense that I was no longer my own despot.

"So you have been up the Khyber Pa.s.s," she said as I fell into step at her side. "Tell me--was it as wonderful as you expected?"

"No, no,--you tell me! It will give me what I missed. Begin at the beginning. Tell me what I saw."

I could not miss the delight of her words, and she laughed, knowing my whim.

"Oh, that Pa.s.s!--the wonder of those old roads that have borne the traffic and romance of the world for ages. Do you think there is anything in the world so fascinating as they are? But did you go on Tuesday or Friday?"

For these are the only days in the week when the Khyber can be safely entered. The British then turn out the Khyber Rifles and man every crag, and the loaded caravans move like a tide, and go up and down the narrow road on their occasions.

Naturally mere sightseers are not welcomed, for much business must be got through in that urgent forty eight hours in which life is not risked in entering.

"Tuesday. But make a picture for me."

"Well, you gave your word not to photograph or sketch--as if one wanted to when every bit of it is stamped on one's brain! And you went up to Jumrood Fort at the entrance. Did they tell you it is an old Sikh Fort and has been on duty in that turbulent place for five hundred years And did you see the machine guns in the court? And every one armed--even the boys with belts of cartridges? Then you went up the narrow winding track between the mountains, and you said to yourself, 'This is the road of pure romance. It goes up to silken Samarkhand, and I can ride to Bokhara of the beautiful women and to all the dreams. Am I alive and is it real?' You felt that?"

"All. Every bit. Go on!"

She smiled with pleasure.

"And you saw the little forts on the crags and the men on guard all along the bills, rifles ready! You could hear the guns rattle as they saluted. Do you know that up there men plough with rifles loaded beside them? They have to be men indeed."

"Do you mean to imply that we are not men?"

"Different men at least. This is life in a Border ballad. Such a life as you knew in France but beautiful in a wild--hawk sort of way. Don't the Khyber Rifles bewilder you? They are drawn from these very Hill tribes, and will shoot their own fathers and brothers in the way of duty as comfortably as if they were jackals. Once there was a sc.r.a.p here and one of the tribesmen sniped our men unbearably. What do you suppose happened? A Khyber Rifle came to the Colonel and said, 'Let me put an end to him, Colonel Sahib. I know exactly where he sits. He is my grandfather.' And he did it!"

"The bond of bread and salt?"

"Yes, and discipline. I'm sometimes half frightened of discipline. It moulds a man like wax. Even G.o.d doesn't do that. Well--then you had the traders--wild s.h.a.ggy men in sheepskin and women in ma.s.sive jewelry of silver and turquoise,-great earrings, heavy bracelets loading their arms, wild, fierce, handsome. And the camels--thousands of them, some going up, some coming down, a ma.s.s of human and animal life. Above you, moving figures against the keen blue sky, or deep below you in the ravines.

"The camels were swaying along with huge bales of goods, and dark beautiful women in wicker cages perched on them. Silks and carpets from Bokhara, and blue--eyed Persian cats, and bluer Persian turquoises.

Wonderful! And the dust, gilded by the suns.h.i.+ne, makes a vaporous golden atmosphere for it all."

"What was the most wonderful thing you saw there?"

"The most beautiful, I think, was a man--a splendid dark ruffian lounging along. He wanted to show off, and his swagger was perfect. Long black onyx eyes and a tumble of black curls, and teeth like almonds.

But what do you think he carried on his wrist--a hawk with fierce yellow eyes, ringed and chained. Hawking is a favourite sport in the hills. Oh, why doesn't some great painter come and paint it all before they take to trains and cars? I long to see it all again, but I never shall."

"Why not," said I. "Surely Sir John can get you up there any day?"

"Not now. The fighting makes it difficult. But it isn't that. I am leaving."

"Leaving?" My heart gave a leap. "Why? Where?"

"Leaving Lady Meryon."

"Why--for Heaven's sake?"

"I had rather not tell you."

"But I must know."

"You cannot."

"I shall ask Lady Meryon."

"I forbid you."

And then the unexpected happened, and an unbearable impulse swept me into folly--or was it wisdom?

"Listen to me. I would not have said it yet, but this settles it. I want you to marry me. I want it atrociously!"

It was a strange word. What I felt for her at that moment was difficult to describe. I endured it like a pain that could only be a.s.suaged by her presence, but I endured it angrily. We were walking on the sunset road--very deserted and quiet at the time. The place was propitious if nothing else was.

She looked at me in transparent astonishment;