The Elevator Part 2

MRS. ROBERTS, through her set teeth, smilingly: "Oh, if it IS, I'll make him suffer for it."

MR. CURWEN, without: "No, I hated to wait, so I walked up."

LAWTON: "It is Mr. Curwen, after all, Mrs. Roberts. Now let me see how a lady trans.m.u.tes a frown of threatened vengeance into a smile of society welcome."

MRS. ROBERTS: "Well, look!" To MR. CURWEN, who enters, followed by her husband: "Ah, Mr. Curwen! So glad to see you. You know all our friends here--Mrs. Miller, Dr. Lawton, and Mr. Bemis?"

CURWEN, smiling and bowing, and shaking hands right and left: "Very glad--very happy--pleased to know you."

MRS. ROBERTS, behind her fan to Dr. Lawton: "Didn't I do it beautifully?"

LAWTON, behind his hand: "Wonderfully! And so unconscious of the fact that he hasn't his wife with him."

MRS. ROBERTS, in great astonishment, to Mr. Curwen: "Where in the world is Mrs. Curwen?"

CURWEN: "Oh--oh--she'll be here. I thought she was here. She started from home with two right-hand gloves, and I had to go back for a left, and I--I suppose--Good heavens!" pulling the glove out of his pocket. "I ought to have sent it to her in the ladies'

dressing-room." He remains with the glove held up before him, in spectacular stupefaction.

LAWTON: "Only imagine what Mrs. Curwen would be saying of you if she were in the dressing-room."

ROBERTS: "Mr. Curwen felt so sure she was there that he wouldn't wait to take the elevator, and walked up." Another ring is heard.

"Shall I go and meet your aunt NOW, my dear?"

MRS. ROBERTS: "No, indeed! She may come in now with all the formality she chooses, and I will receive her excuses in state." She waves her fan softly to and fro, concealing a murmur of trepidation under an indignant air, till the portiere opens, and MR. WILLIS CAMPBELL enters. Then MRS. ROBERTS breaks in nervous agitation "Why, Willis! Where's Aunt Mary?"

MRS. MILLER: "And Mr. Miller?"

CURWEN: "And Mrs. Curwen?"

LAWTON: "And my daughter?"

BEMIS: "And my son?"

MR. CAMPBELL, looking tranquilly round on the faces of his interrogators: "Is it a conundrum?"

MRS. ROBERTS, mingling a real distress with an effort of mock-heroic solemnity: "It is a tragedy! O Willis dear! it's what you see--what you hear; a niece without an aunt, a wife without a husband, a father without a son, and another father without a daughter."

ROBERTS: "And a dinner getting cold, and a cook getting hot."

LAWTON: "And you are expected to account for the whole situation."

CAMPBELL: "Oh, I understand! I don't know what your little game is, Agnes, but I can wait and see. I'M not hungry."

MRS. ROBERTS: "Willis, do you think I would try and play a trick on you, if I could?"

CAMPBELL: "I think you can't. Come, now, Agnes! It's a failure.

Own up, and bring the rest of the company out of the next room. I suppose almost anything is allowable at this festive season, but this is pretty feeble."

MRS. ROBERTS: "Indeed, indeed, they are not there."

CAMPBELL: "Where are they, then?"

ALL: "That's what we don't know."

CAMPBELL: "Oh, come, now! that's a little too thin. You don't know where ANY of all these blood-relations and connections by marriage are? Well, search me!"

MRS. ROBERTS, in open distress: "Oh, I'm sure something must have happened to Aunt Mary!"

MRS. MILLER: "I can't understand what Ellery C. Miller means."

LAWTON, with a simulated sternness: "I hope you haven't let that son of yours run away with my daughter, Bemis?"

BEMIS: "I'm afraid he's come to a pa.s.s where he wouldn't ask MY leave."

CURWEN, re-a.s.suring himself: "Ah, she's all right, of course. I know that" -

BEMIS: "Miss Lawton?"

CURWEN: "No, no--Mrs. Curwen."

CAMPBELL: "Is it a true bill, Agnes?"

MRS. ROBERTS: "Indeed it is, Willis. We've been expecting her for an hour--of course she always comes early--and I'm afraid she's been taken ill suddenly."

ROBERTS: "Oh, I don't think it's that, my dear."

MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh, of course you never think anything's wrong, Edward. My whole family might die, and"--MRS. ROBERTS restrains herself, and turns to MR. CAMPBELL, with hysterical cheerfulness: "Who came up in the elevator with you?"

CAMPBELL: "Me? _I_ didn't come in the elevator. I had my usual luck. The elevator was up somewhere, and after I'd pressed the annunciator b.u.t.ton till my thumb ached, I watched my chance and walked up."

MRS. ROBERTS: "Where was the janitor?"

CAMPBELL: "Where the janitor always is--nowhere."

LAWTON: "Eating his Christmas dinner, probably."

MRS. ROBERTS, partially abandoning and then recovering herself: "Yes, it's perfectly spoiled! Well, friends, I think we'd better go to dinner--that's the only way to bring them. I'll go out and interview the cook." Sotto voce to her husband: "If I don't go somewhere and have a cry, I shall break down here before everybody.

Did you ever know anything so strange? It's perfectly--pokerish."

LAWTON: "Yes, there's nothing like serving dinner to bring the belated guest. It's as infallible as going without an umbrella when it won't rain."

CAMPBELL: "No, no! Wait a minute, Roberts. You might sit down without one guest, but you can't sit down without five. It's the old joke about the part of Hamlet. I'll just step round to Aunt Mary's house--why, I'll be back in three minutes."

MRS. ROBERTS, with perfervid grat.i.tude: "Oh, how GOOD you are, Willis! You don't know how MUCH you're doing! What presence of mind you have! Why couldn't we have thought of sending for her? O Willis, I can never be grateful enough to you! But you always think of everything."

ROBERTS: "I accept my punishment meekly, Willis, since it's in your honor."

LAWTON: "It's a simple and beautiful solution, Mrs. Roberts, as far as your aunt's concerned; but I don't see how it helps the rest of us."