My Own Two Feet Part 2

"This must be it," I heard one of them say. They dismounted their bicycles and approached the cabin.

"What do you want?" I asked bravely as I sat up, the blanket pulled to my chin.

"Is this where the Bunns are staying?" The voice was that of a high school boy. The pair stepped onto the porch at the foot of my bed, out of the rain.

Dad had heard. I saw him, dimly, by the wavering light of his flashlight as he tried to hold it while he b.u.t.toned his pants. Rain had plastered his hair to his forehead. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

"We have a telegram for Mrs. Bunn," one of the sodden boys answered.

A telegram! And in the middle of the night. No one ever sent telegrams or made long-distance calls unless there was a calamity.

"Where did you kids come from?" Dad asked as he signed for the telegram.

"Canby," one answered. "The telegraph office thought we could find you out here."

"Some ride in the rain." Dad reached into his pocket for change to give to the soggy pair. They thanked him, grateful for anything they were given, and rode off into the darkness by the unsteady beam of their flashlight.

But who would send a telegram so important it had to be delivered in the woods in the middle of a rainy night? By now Mother, with a sweater over her nightgown, had joined us. We huddled around the flashlight while she tore open the yellow envelope. "Why, it's from Verna," she said. "Aunt Elizabeth died."

"She was well when I left in June." I didn't know what else to say.

(Today I wonder if her personality change might have been due to a health problem. Perhaps I did not deserve all her nagging. Perhaps I did. I'll never know.) "I wonder how Western Union tracked us down," said Dad.

"Poor Aunt Elizabeth," said Mother, and we all went back to bed with our own thoughts.

The next morning the sun was s.h.i.+ning, Mother was smiling, chipmunks scampered through the trees, and Dad had built a fire in the camp stove. "Now you can go back and stay with Verna and Fred another year," said Mother as she laid bacon in the frying pan.

I was sure I could not. "If they invite me," I said. Now, having thought of an alternative plan, I was not entirely sure I wanted to stay with relatives again. Even though I loved them all, there had been moments of discomfort, of not knowing where I stood, of feeling I was not doing the right thing. Beneath my happiness there had been some strain, even before the arrival of Aunt Elizabeth.

"But Verna promised you two years of college." This was wishful thinking on Mother's part. I tried to remind her that I had been invited to spend the winter. "No," insisted Mother, and Mother was a great insister, firm and unrelenting. "She promised two years."

In a day or two we packed up the car and headed for home, the mailbox, and my yearbook. A welcome letter from Paul was waiting. After I read it, I studied my yearbook for Norma's picture. There she was, N. Crews, a tall girl in the last row of the Women's Athletic a.s.sociation picture. N. Crews was also on a victorious hockey team and the freshmen women's basketball team. I looked for a written farewell message but found none. Obviously N. Crews and I had little in common, but still...

Mother and I wrote letters of condolence to Verna, who responded by saying her mother's death was quite unexpected and that Atlee, now sixteen, had accompanied his grandmother's body by train to their family cemetery in Michigan. She said nothing about my returning.

Mother was indignant. Why hadn't Verna mentioned my coming back? What was wrong that I was no longer welcome?

"Mother, just forget it," I begged. "I had one happy year. Don't spoil it."

But Mother would not forget. She wrote to both Verna and Lora. I did not know what she said and did not want to know. Whatever it was, she received tactful answers but no invitation for me. Mother despaired. Her cousins must not consider me the perfect daughter she had struggled to bring me up to be. What had I done wrong, she insisted on knowing. I wasn't sure, I told her, but I supposed I hadn't done enough housework.

"Housework!" Mother was indignant as well as desperate. "You weren't invited to do housework. You were invited to bake cake."

"And I did bake cake," I reminded her. I waited for Mother to calm down before I brought up my idea of asking Norma, if I could reach her, to share an apartment. At first Mother was horrified. I would do no such thing. Two girls in an apartment? It would never do.

Once more Dad reminded Mother that if I didn't have any sense by then, I never would have. Gradually she softened and asked the usual motherly questions. Just what sort of girl was this Norma? I described her as a picture of health, full of fun, a model student, a hard worker, a really lovely person. I was sure about the picture of health, and produced my yearbook to prove it, but I was not so sure about the rest of my fanciful description. With such different interests, we had not shared cla.s.ses.

Mother reluctantly allowed me to write to Norma and offer my suggestion. But how? I must have sent my letter in care of the Seattle Watershed. Somehow it reached her. In a few days I received an enthusiastic answer. She, too, had longed to go back to Chaffey, and her parents agreed to our sharing an apartment. Mother wrote to Verna, who volunteered to look for an apartment.

Letters flew back and forth. My parents could let me have fifteen dollars a month, and my grandfather would continue to send my five. Norma would have about the same amount. I found remnants in a department store bas.e.m.e.nt and made some dresses that weren't too tight, wrote frequently to Paul, watched eagerly for his less frequent letters, knit swiftly around and around Verna's skirt, finished it, started the jacket.

Claudine invited me to spend a few days at Puddin', an invitation I was overjoyed to accept, and I went, knitting all the way. I finished knitting the jacket and started the lace blouse on larger needles. Somehow, by the first of September, that, too, was finished. I had earned twenty dollars! Twenty whole dollars, the most I had ever earned.

Verna wrote that she had found us a two-room, share-a-bath apartment next door to the public library, which made it, in Mother's eyes, respectable. The rent was fifteen dollars a month. Joyfully I packed my trunk, this time including sheets, dish towels, and lavender bath towels with purple monograms (Meier & Frank had had a sale), which cus.h.i.+oned a sandwich toaster Mother had bought for us. I met smiling Norma at the Greyhound depot and brought her home on a streetcar. Mother studied her, relaxed, and took me aside to whisper, "It's going to be all right. She's a nice girl." I was relieved that Mother was relieved.

Late the next afternoon, Norma and I took off on the bus for California. During the uncomfortable night, she confided that until my letter arrived she had been desolate with longing to return to Chaffey when she was not invited back, but because she had two older brothers in college, she had to wait her turn to continue her education until they graduated. Her parents could not afford three children in universities at the same time. They had been as relieved as Norma by my letter, and her mother apparently did not worry about "just what sort of girl is this Beverly."

We had planned to stay two nights at the San Francisco YWCA so we could spend a day sightseeing, but after one night we were so eager to get to Ontario, as if we were afraid it might have disappeared during the summer, that we consulted the bus schedule and found the next bus for Los Angeles left in late afternoon. We arrived at the station early and each rented a pillow, a necessity, not an extravagance, we decided, after our previous night on the bus.

We had not noticed that this bus traveled by Highway 99, a much longer, hotter trip than the route I had taken the year before. It was a miserable journey with many stops.

Bakersfield, in those days before air-conditioning, was an oven at midnight. Inside the station hundreds of sinister-looking large-winged insects swooped and flopped. Norma and I were too sweaty to eat and beat off bugs, so we climbed back onto the bus. Neither of us could sleep. I wondered if this bus driver had pinpoint eye.

Daylight. In Los Angeles we ate a greasy breakfast at a counter in the station before we changed to a bus bound for Ontario, where we arrived grimy and rumpled. After the ritual agricultural inspection of our trunks, we walked, overnight cases in hand, to our new address, a big old gray house on Euclid Avenue.

The landlady, Mrs. Tuckness, who was also a dressmaker, led us upstairs to the two front rooms, identical in size and separated by a closet with a curtain of eucalyptus buds strung like beads. The floors were painted "robin's egg blue" and had large linoleum rugs. Each room had a door into the hall. We were not given keys and did not think this unusual. After we paid our rent, Mrs. Tuckness said, "It is going to be fun to have girls around, and as long as I can hear noise when young men come to call I won't worry about you."

We stepped out onto the shaky balcony outside our living-bedroom to look at the library and the palms, grevillea, and pepper trees along Euclid Avenue. We were exhausted, ecstatic, and in need of baths. I shared my farewell gift of lavender bath salts, and we emerged in turn, fragrant and ready to set up housekeeping. Lunch? Our Greyhound breakfasts still weighed on our stomachs. Our trunks were delivered, and we unpacked, dividing our meager wardrobes between a closet off the kitchen and the closet between the two rooms. Norma had brought an unexpected luxury, a small radio that we placed on the lamp table. She set photographs of her two handsome brothers on her half of the dressing table.

We placed a sign for the iceman in the front window before we walked to the A&P to lay in a supply of groceries. Then, groggy with fatigue, we prepared a hasty supper on the three-burners-over-an-oven stove and, like the good housekeepers our mothers had brought us up to be, washed and dried the dishes and returned them to the china cabinet.

By then we could barely stay awake, so we tackled the studio couch Mrs. Tuckness had bought for us to sleep on. She had explained, "When young men come to call, it wouldn't do to have a bed in the living room."

That green couch! It had three cus.h.i.+ons propped against the wall. The bottom of the couch pulled out like a drawer to make a second place to sleep and for storing bedding during the day. We had to move the mattress from the top to the pull-out section. Because Norma was tall, she took the foundation of the couch, which had springs and was a few inches longer and about six inches higher than the lower half. When we made up our uneven bed with our new sheets, we discovered there was no place for Norma to tuck in her half of the bedding. "Never mind," she said. "I can balance the cus.h.i.+ons on my feet to hold the blanket down."

Exhausted, I fell into my half of the bed and watched, fascinated, as Norma went through a series of exercises. That's a P.E. major for you, I thought. When she had completed her exercises, Norma climbed into bed, as exhausted as I, and balanced the green cus.h.i.+ons on her feet. We both slept soundly.

In the morning we awoke to the song of a mockingbird. Because we were so happy, we lay in bed singing at the top of our voices a popular song: "You push the middle valve down. The music goes 'round and around, wo-ho-ho-ho, and comes out here!" We had actually made it back to Chaffey and one more year of college.

Life with a P.E. Major.

The next afternoon, when Norma and I had recovered from the day before, someone knocked on our kitchen door. A strange man introduced himself, said he lived in a room at the rear of the house, and held out a basket of tomatoes. We were delighted, accepted them, thanked him, and closed the door. Late the next afternoon he knocked again and offered us the evening paper, which he could not have had time to read. Again we accepted his gift, thanked him, and shut the door. This went on for several days before he gave up and kept his paper. We were so naive we did not realize that he expected to be invited in. After all, he was old. Probably thirty.

For two such different people, Norma and I got along surprisingly well, although she said I made her feel tall and lanky, and I said she made me feel short and dumpy. We enjoyed housekeeping without our mothers telling us what to do even though we did exactly what they would have wanted us to.

The first one home from school shopped for groceries with money from the $7.50 apiece that we had deposited in a cookie jar for a month's supply of food. Sometimes, if our schedules permitted, we went to the A&P together because marketing was fun. The young men who worked there were lively and often stuck a thumb into an avocado. "Oops! Damaged goods. Can't sell that," they would say, and present it to us. Once when they marched up and down the aisles with brooms over their shoulders whistling "The Stars and Stripes Forever" for our amus.e.m.e.nt, the manager appeared. Suddenly the men were diligently sweeping while Norma and I examined the vegetables.

One joint attempt at was.h.i.+ng sheets and towels in the laundry tub in the shed behind the house was enough for us. We sent our linens to a laundry and subtracted the money from the cookie jar. Every morning we walked to school with our dishes washed, our lunches packed, and our bed converted to a couch. Our mothers would have been proud.

The icebox somehow turned into my responsibility because Norma had a carefree att.i.tude toward it. During the day she simply put it out of her mind. I could not. That icebox haunted me. Suddenly, in the middle of cla.s.s, I would remember that we had forgotten to empty the pan under it that, at that very moment, might be overflowing and leaking through the floor onto Mrs. Tuckness's bed downstairs. Between cla.s.ses I would rush to telephone her. She was always grateful for my warning.

That first semester our social life was limited. Paul came to see me a couple of times before he went off to his junior year at U.S.C. and a part-time job on the Los Angeles Times. We walked up Euclid Avenue to see the new Chaffey library and the new women's gym built with government funds. We talked about our futures and Paul revealed, without actually saying so, that even with a scholars.h.i.+p and a part-time job he had to manage on very little money. Once when Verna drove into Los Angeles to attend the book breakfast, I went along and met Paul to sit for a few minutes on a bench in Pers.h.i.+ng Square before he had to go back to the Times. He looked tired. I wondered about his living conditions in Los Angeles but did not ask and did not expect to see him again. His work, our studies, and our lack of money, I knew, made meetings impossible. I was sorry, but our goals were more important than our friends.h.i.+p.

Sometimes Atlee and his friend Harold would drop in to listen to Norma's radio. Norma and I were always careful to walk around and to laugh heartily from time to time so Mrs. Tuckness would not be alarmed by silence overhead. Once the boys drove us to a movie in Pomona in the topless Rickenbacker. They sat in the front seat while we sat in the back with our hair tousled by the wind. They paid our admissions, but they refused to be seen sitting with us. What could we expect of sixteen-year-old boys?

The Clapps invited us to dinner and so did Norma's friends. Connie, a bright-eyed sparrow of a girl who was to be my friend all her life, often dropped in for supper after stopping at the A&P to buy "whatever meat the girls were having." In my Argus at the end of the year she reminded me of "dinners at your apartment when we could not eat for laughing." We went to football games in Connie's family car and to YWCA suppers where Norma and I were usually given leftover ca.s.serole dishes to take home. We went to school dances, Norma and I, each with somebody's brother, while Connie went with Park, a minister's son, whom she was pursuing and appeared to be gaining on.

One spring day, as I ate my lunch on Chaffey's lawn, I came to know a freshman, Frank, whom I treated with a touch of condescension because I a.s.sumed he was younger than I. At least, that was how he seemed after Gerhart and Paul until he admitted with amus.e.m.e.nt that he was a year older. His ambition was to become a politician, and he treated me with such formality that I felt I had to behave with unnatural dignity. This did not prevent us from having some pleasant times together. We went to a dance at the Red Hill Country Club, where he looked handsome in what every young man aspired to own, a white jacket, which I was pleased to be seen with, but Frank was tall, and I worried about smearing lipstick on his white shoulder as we danced. One day we drove in a borrowed car to Los Angeles to see The Great Ziegfeld at Grauman's Chinese Theatre and to admire the footprints of movie stars in concrete. Could Gloria Swanson's feet really have been that small? We finished the day with dinner at Lucca's-the first Italian meal I had ever eaten. I liked Frank but somehow could never get over feeling we were both pretending to be something we were not. Probably I was wrong and was only responding to Frank's natural reserve.

Norma had another source of recreation, which was exhilarating to her but would have been misery to me. These were Play Days, when she went off with a group of P.E. majors to other schools where they spent happy, for them, days of sports: baseball, archery, swimming, hockey, and tennis. Norma returned glowing with health and always went through her program of exercises while we listened to the news and I lay lazily on my low half of the couch. Norma followed events in Europe closely. She was afraid her brothers might have to go to war.

Norma studied at the kitchen table and solved math problems in ink on the oilcloth, which she scrubbed off before she went to bed. Now the icebox was her problem. The steady drip-drip of melting ice irritated her, so she put our dishcloth in the pan to m.u.f.fle the drips, a nuisance because she had to fish it out, cold and sopping, before we could wash our breakfast dishes. Except when Atlee and Harold dropped in, I studied in the living-bedroom, sitting in the rocking chair with my feet up on the gas heater, which we never turned on.

We were both getting laboratory sciences "out of the way." Norma was studying zoology, which required dissecting a rabbit that she fished out of a barrel of formaldehyde on lab days. We joked about serving it for dinner when she finished dissecting it. While Norma was studying the anatomy of her pickled rabbit, I was studying botany because I had enjoyed the study of plants in my high school biology course. I was also taking psychology and two English courses from Mr. Palmer and two units of conversational French from Dr. Miller.

And then there was P.E. in the new women's gym, where the subject of scandalized talk was communal showers in one large room with showerheads along two sides. There was no privacy, people said. Like most gossip, this was not entirely true. There were several stall showers for modest maidens, but many girls adjusted the showerheads so that opposing streams of water met in the center of the room, sending spray in all directions. Then they raced up and down, spluttering and splas.h.i.+ng, dancing and leaping like nymphs. I rarely used these showers because I didn't want to get my hair soaked.

My metatarsal arches must have improved because I was no longer required to pick up marbles with my toes. Instead, I was a.s.signed to a folk dancing cla.s.s, which I enjoyed. To this day, whenever I hear "La Cucaracha," I feel an urge to spring to my feet and, with my hands on my hips, stamp out imaginary c.o.c.kroaches.

Of my courses, although I really did not count P.E., English Composition was the most absorbing. Mr. Palmer a.s.signed us a daily three-hundred-word paper on any subject, to be poked through a slot in the locker nearest his office by three o'clock every school day. We were to do this until someone in the cla.s.s earned an A. At first it was easy. I described the view from our kitchen window, the scene inside a shoe repair shop, my grandfather's store in Oregon, the sound of palm trees at night, but as the days went by, I began to feel as if I had written everything in the world there was to write about. Still Mr. Palmer h.o.a.rded his A's. I also began to think, but did not write, about myself in the third person: Her saddle shoes crushed pepper berries into the lawn as she walked under the feathery trees. She joined friends on the school steps, tore open her lunch bag, and bit into a peanut-b.u.t.ter sandwich. Bending over, she tightened the laces of her gym shoes and tied them in a neat bow before she...

Because I was also studying psychology, I began to wonder if I might lose my mind if this went on. Finally, finally, after what seemed like weeks, Mr. Palmer announced that an A paper had been turned in. It was mine, a description of a shabby old man shuffling through a restaurant trying to sell violets, a sad Depression scene I had witnessed when a young man named Bob had taken me to a Portland restaurant for a hamburger. People had money for hamburgers, but no one had money for violets. When Mr. Palmer read my melancholy description aloud, the cla.s.s was grateful to me for commuting our sentence of a daily three hundred words.

One day, when five dollars arrived from my grandfather, I went into a shop to buy yarn to knit Norma a pair of bed socks for Christmas because the cus.h.i.+ons balanced on her feet often fell off, exposing her toes to the chilly night air. Knitting was popular at Chaffey. When the shop owner learned that I could knit lace patterns, she asked me to take on the difficult parts of other customers' knitting. To be paid for something I enjoyed! I was delighted and knit lace yokes, for which I was paid seventy-five cents an ounce. Norma and I then decided to knit ourselves dresses out of raw silk yarn, but because we could not afford to buy all the yarn at once, the shop owner kept the skeins and allowed us to pay for them as needed. I knit along with other girls in cla.s.ses, at YWCA meetings, and at tea at Dr. Miller's home, where we rummaged around in our minds for easy verbs to use in the required French conversation.

Then one day the Dean of Women called me in and asked if I had ever studied Latin. I had, for two years at Mother's insistence, "because Latin was the foundation of language." The dean offered me the task of correcting high school Latin papers. I was paid out of National Youth Administration funds for the boring work, which paid for the rest of my silk yarn.

My finances continued to improve. Alberta Schaeffer, the Ontario librarian, knocked on our door. "Mrs. Clapp recommended you for subst.i.tute work in the library. Would you be interested?" she asked. Would I! Of course I would. Miss Schaeffer cautioned me that the library board would fire without notice any librarian seen drinking or smoking in a public place. I did not find this a problem.

In 1935, in the Ontario library, any librarian who was ill had to pay a subst.i.tute out of her own pocket. Forty whole cents an hour. I didn't want to wish the librarians any hard luck, but I enjoyed working at the circulation desk of the old Carnegie library. One elderly woman was indignant because pitchblende was not in the encyclopedia. Having met the word in Geology, I found it easily; she had not realized it was spelled with a t. Then Miss Schaeffer asked if I could translate a letter from France, which the local nursery, noted for citrus plants, had received. The letter in simple business French was easy to translate, and I was elated to have used both geology and French in real life while earning money in a library. Patrons furnished subjects for English compositions. An old man who spent most of his days in the library confided that he called it his private club. Describing him earned me another A. During the year I banked my earnings, most of them from an unfortunate librarian who suffered a bad case of trench mouth. Fifty dollars! I would not go into the future empty-handed.

The future was a worry to most Chaffey students. Norma, whose brothers were graduating in June, planned to go with hockey stick and tennis racquet to Was.h.i.+ngton State to continue P.E. Many were applying for scholars.h.i.+ps at the University of Southern California. Others hoped to go to Cal, as the University of California at Berkeley was called by everyone before other campuses were built and it became known as U.C., Berkeley. Everyone was filling out applications, so I filled out one, too. Although I had no hope of going there, I applied to Cal because of its graduate School of Librarians.h.i.+p, an application to fantasy. How could I possibly manage three years of attendance at a university that charged $150 a year in nonresident tuition?

Connie and I were both accepted by Cal, with my acceptance stipulating that I must take one year of either philosophy or mathematics. When I wrote this news in my weekly letter home, Mother answered that she and Dad had talked it over and decided that somehow they could manage the nonresident tuition. I learned later that my father, like many Depression fathers, borrowed on his life insurance.

There was, however, another obstacle: living. Because Oregon friends all lived in dormitories or sorority houses, I had a.s.sumed that all college women lived this way, which I knew I could not afford. I soon learned from others that most Cal students had to find their own living accommodations. Five of us talked about renting an apartment. Norma and I got along, with one or two rough patches, but five girls with different allowances, temperaments, interests, and schedules? I was dubious.

The news of cooperative houses at Cal filtered down by way of former Chaffey students, mostly brothers, for in the 1930s when money was hard to come by, many parents felt it was more important to educate their sons, who would have to support families, than their daughters, who would be supported by husbands. First we heard of cooperative houses for men: Barrington and Sheridan. Then we learned that in January of that year a women's cooperative, Stebbins Hall, had been established. Room and board were eighteen dollars a month plus half an hour of work a day. I began to be hopeful, but the catch, I soon learned via rumor, was a waiting list so long there was no point in applying so late in the year. Still...

Worrying about living conditions would do no good, so as Mother so often advised, I took one day at a time. Except for Dr. Miller's spoiling Christmas vacation by requiring us to read Madame Bovary without a dictionary, the winter days, most of them, were pa.s.sing happily by, interrupted by another phenomenon, almost as interesting as an earthquake. One night the notorious Santa Ana winds began to blow in from the desert. Pepper trees tossed their tousled heads, and palm fronds danced and rattled. As the winds increased, we closed all our windows and went through our usual bedtime ritual of Norma doing her exercises, putting our hair up on curlers, and listening to the news while Norma worried about her brothers.

Then we climbed into our uneven, uncomfortable bed, but that night we slept very little. The winds increased. We felt as if we were breathing dust and our skins were drying up. We pulled the sheet over our noses. The grevillea twisted, branches broke off, clattering palm fronds were ripped away, trash cans bounced down the street. We were afraid the windows were going to blow in. Finally, when daylight came and the winds calmed, we dragged ourselves out of bed. Everything was covered with dust, and under the closed kitchen window sand was a quarter of an inch deep. Good housekeepers that we were, we cleaned it all up before we left for school, and I had another subject for a composition.

And then the first semester grades came out. I leafed through the report slips, found more A's than I really expected, even an A in Conversational French, which was kindness on Dr. Miller's part, a B in P.E., but who cared? And then D in Botany, a terrible shock. A D! No one gave me D's, not even P.E. teachers. It simply wasn't done, I felt, because along the path of education several teachers had told their cla.s.ses that they didn't want to hear any complaints about grades because what went into our heads was more important than a grade. I believed them. I worked hard at subjects that interested me, was satisfied with disgraceless B's in others, and didn't care what I got in P.E. But a D! I would be drummed out of the honor society. The humiliation was too much to bear.

I accosted Mr. Stanford after cla.s.s. Why had he given me a D? "Because that is what you earned," he said. I stopped and thought. There was that exam question that required us to identify samples of wood and tell how they had been sawed. I had been surprised by the question and guessed at the answers. Then there were my struggles with the microscope. I wasn't very good at using it. Mr. Stanford insisted the proper way was to look through the microscope with one eye and use the other eye for drawing what we saw. I usually gave up, looked back and forth with both eyes, and emerged from the lab feeling seasick.

No one else reeled out of the lab pale with nausea. Then I recalled that I was unable to see trees, visible to everyone else, on the mountains, so I wrote home saying I needed gla.s.ses. Mother's reply was prompt and definite. Rather than wear gla.s.ses, I was to drop out of school and come home. Never! I said no more about my eyesight.

As I stood before Mr. Stanford, I must have looked so humbled that he told me that if I raised my grade the second semester, he would average the two semester grades and give me one grade for the year. I thanked him, determined I would manage an A.

In pursuit of that A I found a useful pamphlet called How to Study that advised s.p.a.ced repet.i.tion and reviewing work at bedtime for subjects requiring memorization. I lugged my botany text around and went over memory work several times a day. At bedtime, while Norma exercised her body, I exercised my mind on botany.

My test grades shot up, but that left my microscope problem. I shared the microscope with a young man, Said Shaheen, who had come from Palestine to study citriculture. As I frowned through the lens, he asked me if I was "stuck up."

Surprised, I answered, "I hope not."

"Perhaps I can help," he offered.

Then I realized he meant "stuck," not "stuck up." Together we struggled on, he with his idioms, I with the microscope.

That second semester we were to find and identify a collection of wildflowers. But where was I to find wildflowers? Atlee came to my rescue in his Rickenbacker. We drove out into the desert, where he steered with one hand, and, keeping our eyes out for flowers, we both leaned out open doors. If either of us saw a flower, he stopped while I jumped out and picked it.

Identifying desert flowers was difficult for an Oregonian. Other students knew what they were aiming for before they started. I struggled, wis.h.i.+ng I were studying botany in Oregon, where I was familiar with the trilliums, Johnny-jump-ups, and lady slippers of Oregon woods and pastures, and hoping the little brown book, the key to flowers, would lead me to the right answer. My semester grade was A, the D was expunged from my record, my grade for the year was B+, and I no longer felt I was in disgrace. I had learned a lesson more valuable than botany. The whole experience was humbling.

The second pitfall on the path to higher learning was the second semester of P.E. While Norma cavorted in the suns.h.i.+ne with hockey stick or badminton racquet, I was a.s.signed to a tap-dancing cla.s.s with other girls who would never leave their mark on the world on the playing fields of Chaffey. To borrow words from Ruth Tremaine Kegley's freshman drama cla.s.s, I "hated, detested, abominated, and despised" tap dancing. At the end of the semester Mrs. Quackenbush announced that each of us was required to compose an original tap dance for our final examination.

A final in P.E., how ridiculous, I thought as rebellion rose within me. After cla.s.s I approached Mrs. Quackenbush and asked, "What will happen if I don't compose a tap dance?"

She promptly squashed my small rebellion. "Then you won't graduate," she said.

I fumed. When no one was looking, I tried to compose a tap dance, but I was no Ginger Rogers. Neither was I s.h.i.+rley Temple tapping down the stairs with Bill Robinson. I was plain old me with feet heavy with resistance. On what I thought of as execution day, still not knowing how I was going to come up with an original tap dance, I borrowed a pair of tap shoes that made a rea.s.suring clackety-clack as I walked across the gym floor. Grimly I waited my turn while other girls went through their neat composed routines. My name was called, I asked the pianist to play "A Little Bit Independent," took a deep breath, gritted my teeth, sacrificed my integrity, and hopped, stepped, brushed, and slapped down in no particular pattern. Finally the pianist stopped. "Good," said Mrs. Quackenbush, but I didn't believe she was referring to my dancing. Oh well. At least I pa.s.sed P.E. with a semester grade of B.

Years later I met a tall, somewhat awkward woman who had been given the same a.s.signment at another junior college and refused to go through with it. She did not graduate and never finished college.

While I dragged my feet in P.E., I was eager to attempt the last a.s.signment in English Composition, a short story. My trouble was I couldn't think of a plot, and in those days a short story was supposed to have a plot. I thought and thought. I had lived in several settings, known a variety of people, and had a good memory for dialogue, but I could not hatch a plot.

Finally I sat down in the rocking chair, placed my feet on the gas heater, and commanded myself: Write! The first thing that came to mind was my wretched experience in the first grade when I was learning to read. I turned myself into a third-person child, miserable and frightened in the reading circle, who in desperation misp.r.o.nounced city, calling it kitty even though she knew it was wrong. I wrote of the snickers of the cla.s.s, the harshness of the teacher. But where was my plot? I finally fabricated an ending having the teacher ask if anyone could tell a story, something my own teacher would not have done. My timid alter ego volunteered, stood before the cla.s.s, and told a folktale her mother had read to her many times. The cla.s.s listened, the teacher praised her, and my story had a happy ending. Mr. Palmer gave me an unqualified A, read my story to the cla.s.s, and said, "This story is nothing to be ashamed of," lighting me with joy with this, for him, lavish praise. Without knowing it, I had begun to write the story of my life.

The semester was ending. Yearbooks were exchanged. Norma wrote a word or two beside every picture of herself. "Nut!" under the cla.s.s picture, and beside others, "Roomy," "Athlete!" "What again!" "Yes me!" Norma was no sentimentalist.

Connie wrote an honest, tender letter telling me I had been sweet to her when she didn't deserve it. She hoped I was her friend for life (I was) and that I would be "one true friend, who would sympathize and understand."

Frank wrote a somewhat pompous message telling me I was "too perfect" and that I "would be a wonderful wife for a politician. You have every charm and quality that such a woman needs. This is not a proposal-just an explanation." He closed his message with "Love" and a footnote: "Love-Strong likeing (sic). The state of feeling kindly toward others." Such caution was quite unnecessary.

As the semester drew to a close, days pa.s.sed much too fast. Norma's parents drove down from Was.h.i.+ngton to see us, in our gray caps and gowns, receive our a.s.sociate of Arts diplomas.

The next morning Norma and I climbed into the backseat of her parents' car. We were both sad to leave Ontario, but this time I did not shed tears. I was going, as Mother would say, "by hook or by crook" to Cal even if I had to live under a bush, but I wanted to remember every geranium and pepper tree, the brown mountains, and Chaffey's tower against the blue sky.

Photographic Insert I.

"Chaffey, where the fronded palm uplifted to the sky..."

Virginia gives Guard a bath.

Atlee hugs Guard.

P.E. teacher, fifty-three, and son, nineteen, flex their muscles.