Bill The Minder Part 7

'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.

'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the society of the youngest of the Leanm.u.f.fin brood--Basil Herbert, one who as yet had not developed the mean disposition of his parents and sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanm.u.f.fins were away at some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save him from falling to the depths of the other Leanm.u.f.fins was now my one hope in life.

[Ill.u.s.tration: HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME]

'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming as virtuous as he was handsome.

'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all beholders.

'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last they were compelled to send for a physician.

'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot, eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in a few days:--

[Ill.u.s.tration: Basil Herbert develops a chilblain]

1 Pint New Gruel.

1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns.

1/2 gr. Hypo.

1/16 gr. Castor Sugar.

3 Clove Kernels.

1/2 lb. Coffee Essence.

3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc.

2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead.

1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur.

5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre.

1 oz. Table Salt.

'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six months' time.

'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But, alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary ingredients in stock,--the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find that not one of them could supply me with _all_ the necessary ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo, while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on.

Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy each separate ingredient at a different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels.

Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the other.

'As I stood on the sea-sh.o.r.e at the edge of the island wondering what next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to find the kernels.

'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.

'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents, being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them I could not do, and besought their help and advice in my quest. The Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to a.s.sist me, and took a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked from top to bottom, but with no success,--there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the place.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN]

'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to help me in the quest I had so much at heart.

'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too ashamed to appear before the Leanm.u.f.fins without the completed prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on the hard dry leaves of the cactus.

'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I embarked, this time for the sh.o.r.es of Lombardy, at which place I knew he had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I antic.i.p.ated, he was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date, handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over, but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.

'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanm.u.f.fins, I made several inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous, and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work in Lombardy if any were to be had.

'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter, true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived in Sicily.

'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the housemaid that he had found them therein when brus.h.i.+ng his master's clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running joyfully up to the light-hearted lad discovered, alas! that he was only playing with bra.s.s b.u.t.tons.

'After the first shock of my new disappointment had pa.s.sed away, I questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had taken them from him and given him three bra.s.s b.u.t.tons in exchange.

'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction indicated, I perceived a little fis.h.i.+ng-smack, miles away. Without the loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to a.s.sist, rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the day in a state of mind bordering on madness.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED]

'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I was sitting over the kitchen fire. The cook had just served up an excellent dish of fish, and my mind was still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to forget that there was such a place, and wondering if ever I should see Basil Herbert again. Suddenly there was a most terrible disturbance overhead in the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown from one end of the room to the other, and presently wild shrieks and groans of pain. I ran lightly upstairs, always ready to be of use in emergencies of any kind, and opened the dining-room door just in time to see the Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that the very identical fish that had swallowed the hook and the clove kernels had been caught and served up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had just swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at a glance, I soon saw the probability that the three clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in the body of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped the fish by the tail, and took to my heels.

[Ill.u.s.tration: DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL]

'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the country without stopping, until, quite exhausted and out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to rest. I now examined the fish which I still held in my hand, and found only two of the kernels in its body, the Marquis having probably swallowed the third.

'However, although not the complete number required by the prescription, they were better than no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I resolved to return once more to Sicily.

'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at the home of the Leanm.u.f.fins to find them all in despair. Basil Herbert's condition had not improved, and the physician had ceased his visits and gone in search of me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some little relief to the unhappy young patient--but not enough, as the lotion was not sufficiently strong without the third clove kernel.

'We persevered, however, and the improvement was just maintained. At last one evening when all the members of the family were gathered round the sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every manner of entertainment conceivable and by cheerful songs, glees, and the telling of interesting stories, there came a low knock at the door and somebody inquiring for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the waiter, who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic refreshment room, had discovered a little clove kernel in the corner, and, mad with delight at being able to a.s.sist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me the treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to give the requisite strength to the lotion, and in due course the young patient completely recovered.

'After their severe trials the Leanm.u.f.fins were completely transformed; from being ign.o.ble, mean, and unkind, they became generous in the extreme. Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made me quite one of their family, and my friend the waiter and his good people were asked to dine with us every Sunday that they were in Sicily.

[Ill.u.s.tration: vignette]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE INTERVAL]

[Ill.u.s.tration: headpiece]

'THE INTERVAL'

When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand, explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful as we undoubtedly are, and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness, and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted to engage you as an a.s.sistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance upon my person.'

'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off.

Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it had not already been filled, in his army.

'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the flag-bearer.'

'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.

'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And she at once removed her ap.r.o.n and s.n.a.t.c.hing from the astonished Scout the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the ap.r.o.n thereto by its two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each time jumping as high as she could.

Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman, and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to their forces.