Whiskey Rebellion Part 3

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused. "We just got here."

"Addison, we've been here for half an hour. I've taken pictures and given you a full rundown of what you can expect when you're on your own. You, however, have been humming the theme song to Growing Pains and checking the mirror to see if your roots are showing."

She was right. I was hopeless. Sitting still was not one of my strengths.

"You're a good friend," I said, patting her on the arm.

CHAPTER FOUR.

Monday "You look like you've had a rough day."

I winced at the chirpy voice that was, in my opinion, the equivalent of fingernails on a chalkboard.

Rose Marie Valentine teaches choir in the room next to mine, and unfortunately her singing voice is even worse than her speaking voice. The walls are thin at James Madison High School, and sometimes I wish I could teach kids about the Battle of Little Bighorn in a padded cell. If only life were that easy.

Rose Marie was the last person I wanted to talk to today. In fact, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be the invisible woman today, and I figured if I wished it hard enough, kept my eyes closed and didn't say anything to acknowledge her presence, she'd just go away and leave me floating in an invisible cloud of depression.

"Are you all right, Addison?"

So much for luck. I slowly brought my head up off my desk and peeled away the term paper that was stuck to my cheek. I could tell by the smears on the page that I'd have a big fat F marked in red on the side of my face. A merry band of hammering men were pounding away in my left temple, and I was pretty sure I'd hit rock bottom around my third period cla.s.s. Technically, things could only get better.

Once his family had been notified, the news of Mr. Butler's death had spread through our small community like wildfire. I'd been fortunate that my involvement in finding his body hadn't gotten out yet, but I wasn't holding onto too much hope my luck would continue.

Teachers had been roaming the halls all day with red-rimmed eyes and the school counselor had been available for all students and faculty who were having a difficult time coping with the situation. I personally wouldn't take advice or comfort from James Madison's counselor if I had an ingrown toenail. My mother went to school with him, and she said he used to tie firecrackers to cat's tails and light them when he was a kid.

"Addison?"

"I'm fine, Rose Marie. I just have a little bit of a headache."

What I was really thinking was that it wasn't such a great day to go into the police station and give Detective Dempsey the statement he was so hot and bothered for or to start a new job, but then I thought of the little house on Hutton Street and decided to suck it up.

I opened my eyes and saw more than I wanted to of Rose Marie. She was dressed in hot pink capris and a pink and white striped sailor's top. What they say is true about large women not wearing horizontal stripes. Her permed blond hair was teased high around her head, and she always wore two perfect dots of rouge on her cheeks. I had the sudden urge to take out my makeup sponge and show her how to blend.

"Bless your heart," she said in a syrupy accent thick enough to spread on toast.

Rose Marie wasn't a bad person. She was just someone who took a great deal of energy to deal with, like a toddler or a Great Dane.

"I just can't believe Veronica said those things to you at lunch today," she continued. "I don't believe for a minute that someone posted naked pictures of you on the Internet, but I'll go home and check for you this afternoon just to make sure."

"Thanks, Rose Marie. You're a true friend."

"I'm sure you'd do the same for me," she said. "I wouldn't be surprised if Veronica posted those pictures herself." Veronica had experience in posting naked pictures of me on the Internet, so I wasn't completely surprised by her bombsh.e.l.l during lunch. She'd done the same thing our senior year after I'd been voted Most Likely to Succeed by setting up a camera in the girls locker room. I like to think she wouldn't have bothered with such a thing if she'd known in advance that my greatest successes would be teaching high school history and being the president of the Whiskey Bayou Yoga a.s.sociation. But here we are again.

"She's always been vindictive and spoiled," Rose Marie continued. "I heard she seduced her mother's third husband when she was sixteen and blackmailed him with the tape because he didn't buy her the car she wanted."

"I heard that, too," I said. I knew for a fact Veronica had always been vindictive and spoiled. Just like I knew the moment she came back to town she'd set her sights on Greg Nelson. It was me who was nave enough to think he'd ignore her advances since he was so madly in love with me.

"I tell you, you girls have been entertaining this town for twenty years, but it's not just a simple case of female rivalry anymore. In my opinion, Veronica's out to draw blood. I'd watch my back if I were you."

"Well that makes me feel better," I said.

G.o.d bless Dairy Queen. When life lets you down, they're always there to pick up the pieces with the help of twenty-percent b.u.t.ter fat.

I'd gone home to change into what I considered to be "spying on adulterous spouses attire." Which included a short black skirt, a George Michael concert tank top that said FAITH in hot pink glitter, a pair of flip flops, an oversized straw hat, and large sungla.s.ses to help hide my ident.i.ty. I'd wiped the red marker off my face, but I still wasn't in top form, so I stopped for a banana split to calm my nerves before driving to Kate's office.

I was mult.i.tasking, steering with my knees while eating my ice cream as I weaved in and out of traffic on Harry Truman Parkway. My stereo was cranked and Lynyrd Skynyrd was vibrating the fillings in my teeth.

I savored each bite of ice cream and hot fudge and almost missed my exit because I was lost in semi-o.r.g.a.s.mic bliss. I was in the far left lane of traffic, so I punched my horn to warn the people around me and zipped over two lanes. A black Ford F150 swerved when I cut him off at the exit, and I winced and waved an apology as I headed down the exit ramp.

In my rearview mirror I could see the truck parked at a funny angle on the side of the road and all four of its tires smoking. Whoever was inside looked to be okay though so I didn't stop to lend a hand.

I glanced back at the road in time to see the stop sign, so I slammed on my brakes and jerked as my body slammed against the seat belt and my head hit the steering wheel. Fortunately, I'd finished my ice cream because the plastic container was now face down on the floorboard.

I made the rest of the drive to Kate's office in peace with no more close calls and decided it would probably be best if I didn't indulge in one of my greatest weaknesses while traveling at a high rate of speed from now on.

The McClean Detective Agency was run from a two-story, red-bricked building that was more than a hundred years old. There were black shutters on each side of all the windows, green ivy growing riotously across the front and large white columns flanking the front door. It was on the corner of a block filled with similar looking buildings that housed law firms, doctor's offices and tax agencies.

The street was packed, so I parked at the end of the block and walked to the building. My head was throbbing by the time I made it up the stairs to the second floor.

I waved h.e.l.lo to Lucy Kim, Kate's secretary, and as usual hurried past her desk as quickly as possible. The woman scared the c.r.a.p out of me. There was something in her eyes that made it very clear she was way more than an average secretary. She looked really crazy and deadly at the same time. She always dressed in black and the highest heels I'd ever seen in my life. Her hair was straight as rain down her back and her lips were always the color of blood, like she'd just finished feeding.

I s.h.i.+vered when she just stared at me with a blank expression instead of saying h.e.l.lo in return. Like I said, she scared the c.r.a.p out of me.

I nodded to a few other familiar faces and knocked on Kate's open office door before sticking my head inside. Kate sat at her desk, piled high with papers, and still managed to look professional and cool.

"Hey, come on in. I was wondering if you'd changed your mind after yesterday," she said, standing up to give me a quick, but preoccupied hug.

I looked down at Kate's practical blazer and white stretchy s.h.i.+rt tucked into dress slacks in no-nonsense gray and shook my head. I'd never been able to get her to see the importance of colors and accessorizing. I could see her shoulder holster when she moved back behind her desk, and I wondered if I got my P.I. license if Kate would let me carry one too.

"I got held up in a little traffic on the way here," I lied. "What is this suit you're wearing?"

"Don't start, Addison. I'm a private detective, not a supermodel," she said, exasperated.

Kate looked me over from top to bottom. "That must have been some traffic because you've got chocolate sauce on your s.h.i.+rt and a b.u.mp the size of the Grand Tetons on your forehead."

My forehead was a little sore, but I ignored the pain. I was more concerned about the small glob of chocolate on my left breast. It was an exercise in self-control that kept me from leaning down to lick it off.

"Dammit, this is vintage George Michael."

"Look on the bright side. No one will be able to see you since you'll be hiding out in your car the whole time."

"Good point. You know, I have some serious reservations about your secretary. Have you done a background check on her? I bet she's an a.s.sa.s.sin for hire or maybe even a vampire. I bet she's the head vampire, not one of those lowly minions that have their minds warped during the transition."

Kate looked at me like I was an idiot and rolled her eyes. "I think your mind's warped. Lucy is very good at her job, but I wouldn't stand in her way if I were you. I'm lucky to have her."

"Well, I tell you, something's not right about her. I saw her at the supermarket a couple of weeks ago, and it surprised the h.e.l.l out of me to see milk and eggs in her grocery basket. I figured she had the blood bank make deliveries right to her door."

"Has anyone ever told you you're weird?" Kate asked.

"All the time," I said, giving one last glance at the chocolate sauce on my s.h.i.+rt. "Okay, hit me with everything you've got. I'm ready to catch some bottom feeders."

"Since you weren't listening yesterday when I was pa.s.sing along my infinite wisdom, I'll repeat everything. The most important thing you need to remember is that you're not out to catch anyone. Your only job is to trail each subject and snap a few photos. If you run into any trouble whatsoever, I want you to drive away. Period. And we never break the law."

I nodded my head furiously, trying to convince her that I would never be so stupid as to get in the middle of anything dangerous or marginally illegal, but she knew me too well. Disaster was my middle name, and it showed a serious lack of judgment on her part that she'd even offer me a job like this. But for a hundred bucks a night, I could be agreeable to almost anything.

"We also have a confidentiality clause you need to sign. Most of our clients are from out of town, but we give local residents our promise to be discreet as well. There could be times when you'll recognize somebody."

"I can talk about it with you though, can't I?"

"Absolutely. I always enjoy hearing the juicy tidbits. But you can't tell your mother."

Kate must have read the intent on my face because a guilty flush washed over my skin. I had planned to do just that. Old habits were hard to break, and gossip in a small town was the same as breathing. My mother would never forgive me if she found out I knew other people's dirty secrets and didn't share them with her. That was grounds for being cut out of the family will.

"Oh, all right. I promise not to tell a soul. Except for you, of course."

"Here are three of our most recent cases. All of them are allegedly cheating on spouses or significant others. I would take them home tonight and read them through before you start tailing them. It'll make your job easier in the long run to have all the information in your head."

I flipped through the files. There was a doctor from Savannah, a librarian from Thunderbolt and a banker from Whiskey Bayou.

"Whoa, this is a file on John Hyatt," I said.

"Yeah, you remember f.a.n.n.y Kimble?"

"A couple of year older than us, head cheerleader, president of the math club, homecoming queen and valedictorian. Black hair down to her a.s.s, big blue eyes and built like a supermodel-all leg and no breast. How could I forget f.a.n.n.y Kimble?"

"Well in a few months she's going to be Mrs. John Hyatt. The only problem is she thinks he's cheating on her. She suspects it's a relations.h.i.+p he had before they ever met that has continued over the past couple of years. She's found expensive lingerie a time or two and receives hang up calls when she spends the night at his house."

"But how could he cheat and get away with it?" I asked navely. "He works at the bank and lives on the busiest corner in town. You'd think someone would notice."

"Which is why you'll need to talk to the neighbors when you get a chance. Besides, just because we live in a small town doesn't mean the people there don't have secret lives. Look at Greg, for example. He'd been sleeping with you and Veronica for two months before you were supposed to get married, and you never had a clue."

"Thanks for reminding me," I said. "I think I'll leave on that pleasant note and go earn some money."

Before I could gather all my things there was a terse knock and a powerful presence at the door that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and heat shoot straight to my unmentionables. I looked down to make sure my clothes were still on and hadn't melted away at the first sign of such masculine vitality.

"Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe the day I've had. I caught two homicides this morning, and then some drunk woman ran me off the road and a nail punctured my tire. I should have given her a ticket, but I couldn't drive on a flat."

Uh-oh. I recognized that voice now, though it was more expressive than the first time I'd heard it. I looked up into the familiar face that hadn't yet noticed my presence. He was an electric force standing in the doorway of Kate's office, and a quick spurt of jealousy rushed through me as I wondered how they knew each other.

Nick got his first glimpse of me and narrowed his eyes. "I should have known it was you," he finally said, shaking his head. "I thought I recognized the car, and my first impression of you was that you don't seem to think things through too well."

"Hey, that's not fair. You don't even know me."

"For which I can be eternally grateful, since I just changed a tire on hot asphalt that was baking my internal organs at a hundred and thirty degrees."

"Why is your flat tire my fault?" I asked. "I honked. You should have gotten out of the way, but you sped up instead."

"I was trying to get out of your way. You're a menace to society. You shouldn't be let out of a padded cell, much less issued a license to drive a vehicle."

"I'm a very nice person, dammit. I've just been under a tremendous amount of stress lately and my life has gotten slightly misdirected."

"Well, thanks for trying to bring me down with you. I deal with the sc.u.m of the earth on a daily basis, and I can't remember the last time someone irritated me as much as you do."

Nick's voice hadn't risen in volume since he'd started lecturing me. It had gotten softer and the words more terse and deliberate. I noticed the vein bulging out in his forehead and thought it looked a little dangerous.

"You need to take some anger management cla.s.ses before you explode or something from keeping everything inside," I said. "It wouldn't hurt for that granite face of yours to show some emotion. Your bedside manner sucks. You didn't even ask me if I was okay or make any personal observations when you questioned me."

"Lady, I was there to investigate a murder, not partic.i.p.ate in social hour. Besides, you were drunk. I was just trying to get you to tell me what you knew before you pa.s.sed out in my lap. And speaking of Sat.u.r.day, why the h.e.l.l haven't you come in to give your formal statement?"

"This is perfect," Kate said before I could argue in my defense. "I've never known two people that make more memorable first impressions than the two of you. It's absolutely perfect."

Nick and I were both looking at Kate like she'd lost her mind.

"Kate, I think your headband's too tight. It's cutting off the circulation to your brain," I said.

I stood and gripped my small stack of file folders to my chest, hoping to hide the chocolate sauce I'd spilled on my b.o.o.b, and got ready to make a grand exit.

"I'm out of here, Kate. I'll read these through and start the surveillance tomorrow night. I don't think I'm up to starting tonight anyway. It's been a h.e.l.l of a day, and Mr. Personality is giving me a headache."

"Kate, please tell me you're not giving this nutcase a job. She couldn't find her way out of a paper bag. How the h.e.l.l is she supposed to follow a suspect around unnoticed? She has the subtlety of a neutron bomb and the luck of Jimmy Hoffa."

"All right. That's enough. Who the h.e.l.l do you think you are?" I asked, poking my finger into his chest hard enough so he took a small step in retreat. He narrowed his eyes menacingly.

"I'm a cop, and I could have you arrested for a.s.saulting an officer," he said, taking hold of the finger I had pressed against his rock hard pectoral muscle and pus.h.i.+ng it away. "Want to see what it feels like to be cuffed and put in the back of a police cruiser?"

A shot of heat spread from my loins to all my pleasure points, my eyes widened and my breath caught at the image, and I could tell he wasn't entirely without imagination either as he realized where our conversation was leading.

"If you two will give it a rest, I'd like to give my clients the illusion that this is a place of business," Kate said in her best intimidation voice.

I was caught off guard because Nick smiled at Kate's attempt to restore order. d.a.m.n those laugh crinkles in the corners of his eyes. I'd just had more of a s.e.xual rush in the last ten minutes than in the whole two years I'd spent with Greg. My sympathies went out to Veronica. She could have Greg with my blessing.

Kate looked at me in exasperation. "I told you not to delay giving your statement, Addison. Why don't you follow Nick back to the station and get that taken care of? There's no point delaying the inevitable. Don't argue," she said, as I was about to do just that.

She turned her attention to Nick. "Addison and I have been best friends since the first grade. She's going to work for me for a little while as a personal favor. You two will probably run into one another on occasion, so my only request is that you don't shed blood in my building. It's d.a.m.n hard to keep a good business reputation nowadays, and blood is h.e.l.l to get out of industrial grade carpet."

I nodded stiffly in the jerk's direction and gathered up as much dignity as I could find. I was running a little low today, considering everything I'd been through up to that point, but I was a southern woman and I could be dignified in my sleep. For the most part. Despite my mother's best efforts, sometimes I fell off the wagon a little.

"I'm not the one you have to worry about. I can get along with anyone. It's obviously Detective Sugar here that needs a lesson in manners."

I thought that was a great exit line, but I didn't get out the door fast enough to miss his parting words.