The Humors of Falconbridge Part 30

"I suppose so," responded our friend; and here, think's we, if there is anything important or business like on the man's mind, he must be near to its focus. But he started again--

"Ain't goin' to Californy, then, are you?" says Mr. Smallpotatoes.

"Guess not," said our friend. "You talked of going, I believe?"

"Well, ye-e-e-s, I did think of it," said the rural gent; "I did think of it last fall, but I kind o' gin it up."

Here another _hiatus_ occurred; the rural gent walked around, viewed the goods and chattels for some minutes; then says he--

"Guess I'll be movin'," and of course that called forth from our friend the venerated expression--

"What's your hurry?"

"Well, nothing 'special. Plaguy cold winter we've got!"

"That's a fact," answered the storekeeper. "How's sleighing out your way--good?"

"First rate; I guess the folks have had enough of it, this winter, by jolly. I hev, any how," says the rural gent. "Trade's dull, eh?"

"Very--very _slack_."

"Dullest time of the year, I reckon, ain't it?"

"Pretty much so, indeed," says the storekeeper.

"I don't see's Californy goold gets much plentier, or business much better, nowhere."

To this bit of cogent reason our friend replied--

"Not much--that's a fact."

"I 'spect there's a good deal of humbug about the Californy goold mines, don't you?"

"The wealth of the country or the ease of coming at it," said the storekeeper, "is no doubt exaggerated some."

"That's my opinion on't too," said the agriculturist. "Some make money out there, and then agin some don't; I reckon more don't than does." To this bright inference the storekeeper ventured to say--

"I think it's highly _probable_."

"All your folks are lively, eh?" inquired Smallpotatoes.

"Pretty much so," said the storekeeper; "troubled a little with influenza, colds, &c.; nothing serious, however."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it."

"All your folks are well, I believe you said?" the storekeeper, in apparent solicitude, inquired, to be rea.s.sured of the fact.

"Ye-e-e-s, exceptin' the old lady."

Another pause; we began to feel convinced there was speculation in the rural gent's "eyes," and just for the fun of the thing--as we "were up"

to such dodges--we determined to hang on and see how he come out.

"Well, I declare, I must be goin'!" suddenly said the rural gent, and actually made five steps towards the handle of the door.

"Don't be in a hurry," echoed the storekeeper. "When did you come in town?"

"I come in this mornin'."

"Any of the folks in with you?"

"No; my wife did want to come in, but concluded it was too cold; 'spected some of your folks out to see us durin' this good sleighing--why didn't you come?"

"Couldn't very well spare time," said the storekeeper.

"Well, we'd been glad to see you, and if you get time, and the sleighin'

holds out, you must come and see us."

"I may--I can't promise for certain."

Now another pause took place, and thinks we--the climax has come, surely, after all that small talk. The country gent walked deliberately to the door; he actually took hold of the k.n.o.b.

"You off?" says the storekeeper.

"B'lieve I'll be off"--opening the door, then rushes back again--semi-excited by the force of some pent up idea, says the rural gent--"O! Mr. ----, _don't you want to buy some good fresh eggs_?"

"Eggs? Yes, I do; been looking all around for some fresh eggs; how many have you?"

"Five dozen; thought you'd want some; so I come right in to see!"

We nearly catapillered! After all this circ.u.mlocution, the man came to the _pint_, and--sold his eggs in two minutes!

Jolly Old Times.

Either mankind or his const.i.tution has changed since "the good old times," for we read in an old medicine book, that bleeding at the nose, and cramp, could be effectually prevented by wearing a dried toad in a bag at the pit of the stomach; while for rheumatism and consumption, a snake skin worn in the crown of your hat, was a sovereign remedy! Dried toads and snake skins are quite out of use around these settlements, and we think the Esculapius who would recommend such nostrums, would be looked upon as a poor devil with a fissure in his cranium, liable to cause his brains to become weather-beaten! We remember hearing of a learned old cuffy, who lived down "dar" near Tallaha.s.see, who invariably recommended cayenne pepper in the eye to cure the toothache! Had this venerable old colored gem'n lived 200 years ago, he would doubtless have created a sensation in the medical circles!

The Pigeon Express Man.

In nearly all yarns or plays in which Yankees figure, they are supposed to be "a leetle teu darn'd ceute" for almost any body else, creating a heap of fun, and coming out clean ahead; but that even Connecticut Yankees--the cutest and all firedest _tight_ critters on the face of the _yearth_, when money or trade's in the question--are "_done_" now and then, upon the most scientific principles, we are going to prove.

It is generally known, in the newspaper world, that two or three Eastern men, a few years ago, started a paper in Philadelphia, upon the penny principle, and have since been rewarded as they deserved. They were, and are, men of great enterprise and liberality, as far as their business is concerned, and thereby they got ahead of all compet.i.tion, and made their _pile_. The proprietors were always "fly" for any new dodge, by which they could keep the lead of things, and monopolize the _news_ market.

The Telegraph had not "turned up" in the day of which we write--the _mails_, and, now and then, express horse lines, were the media through which _Great Excitements! Alarming Events!! Great Fires and Awful Calamities!!_ were come at. One morning, as one of these gentlemen was sitting in his office, a long, lank genius, with a visage as hatchet-faced and keen as any Connecticut Yankee's on record, came in, and inquired of one of the clerks for the proprietors of that inst.i.tution. Being pointed out, the thin man made a _lean_ towards him.