The Humors of Falconbridge Part 49

"And I was thinking, Joel," resumed the wife, "that the exclusion of our own child, Cecelia, from the family re-unions, from joining us in returning thanks to G.o.d for his mercy and preservation of us, is cruel and offensive to Him we deign to render up our prayers."

"Rebecca," said the old gentleman, "I but agree with you in this, you have but antic.i.p.ated my feelings in the matter. I have long fought against my better feelings and offended a discriminating G.o.d, I know.

Ashamed to confess my stubbornness and frailty before, I now freely confess an altered feeling and better determination."

"Then, Joel, let our daughter Cecelia and her husband join with us to-morrow in rendering our thanks to a just G.o.d and kind Providence."

"Be it so, Rebecca. G.o.d truly knows it will be a millstone relieved from my heart. I wish it done."

Three family re-unions, three days of Thanksgiving had been held in the paternal mansion of the Newschools, since Cecelia had left it for the humble home of the poor artizan. But their several re-unions were clouded, gloomy, unsocial affairs; there was a gap in the social circle of the Newschool family, as they met on Thanksgiving day, which all felt, but none hinted at. It was hard for a parent to invoke blessings on a portion, but not all, of his own flesh and blood; it was hard to return thanks for those dear ones present, and _wonder_ whether the absent and equally dear had aught to be thankful for, whether instead of health and comfort, they might not be sorrowing in disease, poverty, and despair! Such things as these, when they obtrude upon the mind, the soul, are not likely to make merry meetings. And such was the position and nature of the re-union upon the late Thanksgiving days, at the Newschool mansion. But better feelings were at work, and a happy change was at hand.

Several carriages had already drove up to the door of Mr. Newschool, Sen., and let down the different branches of the Newschool family. A brighter appearance seemed gathering over the household than was usual of late on Thanksgiving day, in the old family mansion. As each party came, the good old mother duly informed them of the invitation given, and the hope indulged in, that Cecelia and her husband would join the family circle that day, in their re-union.

The proud sisters seemed willing, at last, to cast away their pride, and greet their sister as became Christian and sensible women. The brothers, chagrined at the unmanliness of their conduct, now gladly joined their approval of what betokened, in fact, a happy family meeting. As the clock on old South Church tower pealed out eleven, a pretty, smiling young mother, in plain, but unexceptionable, neat attire, ascended the large stone steps of the Newschool mansion, with a light and graceful step, bearing a sleeping child in her arms.

Another moment, and Cecelia Fairway was in the arms of her old mother; the smiles, kisses and tears of the whole family party were bountifully showered upon poor Cecelia, and her sweet little daughter. Imagination may always better paint such a scene, than could the feeble pen describe it. The deep and gus.h.i.+ng eloquence of human nature, when thus long pent, bursts forth, sweeping the meagre devises of the pen before it, like snow-flakes before the mighty mountain avalanche.

Oh! it was a happy sight, to see that party at their Thanksgiving dinner.

Old Mr. Newschool, in his long and fervent prayer to the throne of grace, expressed the day the happiest one of his long life. Quickly flew the hours by, and as the shades of evening gathered around, Francis Fairway was announced with a carriage for his wife's return home.

Francis Fairway, the artizan, was a proud, high-minded man, conscious of his own position and merits, and scorned any base means to conciliate the favor and patronage of his superiors in rank, birth, or education.

His deportment to the Newschool family was frank and manly; and they met it with a sense of just appreciation and dignity, that did them honor.

Francis met a generous welcome, and the evening of Thanksgiving day was spent in a happy re-union indeed. Upon Cecelia's and her husband's return home, she found a small note thrust in the bosom of her child, bearing this inscription--

"Grandfather's Re-union gift to little Cecelia; Boston, Nov., 184-."

The note contained five $1000 bills on the old Granite Bank of Boston, and which were duly placed in the old Bank fire-proof, to the account of the little heir, the enterprise of the artizan having placed him above the necessity of otherwise disposing of Joel Newschool's gift to the grandchild.

Cabbage vs. Men.

Theodore Parker says, the cultivation of man is as n.o.ble and praiseworthy a science, as the cultivation of cabbage, or the garden sa.s.s! Says brother Theodore, "You don't cast garden-seed in the mire, over the rough broken ground, and exhibit your benefits. No, you dig, level, rake, and then sow your seed, you give them suns.h.i.+ne and water, you tear out the weeds that would choke your infant vegetables--why would you do less for the material man?" Pre-cisely! we pause for an answer, proposals received from the learned--until we go to press.

Wanted--A Young Man from the Country.

All of our mercantile cities are overrun with young men who have been bred for the counter or desk, and thousands of these genteel young gents find it any thing but an easy matter to find bread or situations half their time, in these crowded marts of men and merchandise. An advertis.e.m.e.nt in a New York or New Orleans paper, for a clerk or salesman, rarely fails to "turn up" a hundred needy and greedy applicants, in the course of a morning! In New York, where a vast number of these misguided young men are "manufactured," and continue to be manufactured by the regiment, for an already surfeited market, there are wretches who practise upon these innocent victims of perverted usefulness, a species of fraud but slightly understood.

By a confederacy with some experienced dry goods dealer, the proprietor of one of those agencies for procuring situations for young men, _victims_ of misplaced confidence are put through at five to ten dollars each, somewhat after this fas.h.i.+on: Sharp, the keeper of the Agency, advertises for two good clerks, one book-keeper, five salesmen, ten waiters, &c., &c.; and, of course, as every steamboat, car and stage, running into New York, brings in a fresh importation of young men from the country, all fitted out in the knowledge box for salesmen, book-keepers and clerk-s.h.i.+ps,--every morning, a new set are offered to be taken in and done for. Sharp demands a fee of five or ten dollars for obtaining a situation; victim forks over the amount, and is sent to Sharp number two, who keeps the dry goods shop; he has got through with a victim of yesterday, and is now ready for the fresh victim of to-day; for he makes it a point to put them through such a gamut of labor, vexatious man[oe]uvres and insolence, that not one out of fifty come back next day, and if they do--_he don't want them!_ If the unsuspecting victim returns to the "Agency," he is lectured roundly for his incapacity or want of _energy!_--and advised to return to the country and recuperate.

Jeremiah b.u.mps having graduated with all the honors of Sniffensville Academy, and having many unmistakable longings for becoming a Merchant Prince, and seeing sights in a city; and having read an account of the great fortunes piled up in course of a few years, by poor, friendless country boys, like Abbot Lawrence, John Jacob Astor, he up and came right straight to Boston, having read it in the papers that clerks, salesmen, book-keepers, and so on, were wanted, dreadfully--"young men from the country preferred"--so he called on the _suffering_ agent for the public, and paying down his _fee_, was sent off to an _Importing House_, on ---- street, where a clerk and salesman were wanted. Jeremiah found his idea of an _Importing House_ knocked into a disarranged chapeau, by finding the one in the "present case," a large and luminous _store_, filled up with paper boxes and sham bundles; while gaudily festooned, were any quant.i.ty of calicoes, cheap shawls, ribbons, tapes, and innumerable other tuppenny affairs.

Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum, the proprietor of this importing and jobbing house, was a keen, little, slick-as-a-whistle, heavy-bearded, shaved and starched genus, of six-and-thirty, more or less; and received Jeremiah with a rather patronizing survey _personelle_, and opened the engagement with a few remarks.

"From the country, are you?"

"Sniffensville, sir," said Jeremiah; "County of Scrub-oak, State of New Hamps.h.i.+re."

"Ah, well, I prefer country-bred young men; they are better trained,"

said Cheatum, "to industry, perseverance, honest frugality, and the duties of a Christian man. I was brought up in the country myself. I've made myself; carved out, and built up my own position, sir. Yes, sir, give me good, sound, country-bred young men; I've tried them, I know what they are," said Cheatum; and he spoke near enough the truth to be partly true, for he _had_ "tried them;" he averaged some fifty-two clerks and an equal number of _salesmen_--yearly.

Jeremiah b.u.mps grew red in the face at the complimentary manner in which Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum was pleased to review the country and its inst.i.tutions.

"What salary did you think of allowing?" says Jeremiah.

"Well," said Cheatum, "I allow my salesmen three dollars a week the first year, (Jeremiah's ears c.o.c.ked up,) and three per cent. on the sales they make the second year."

By cyphering it up "in his head," Jeremiah came to the conclusion that the _first_ year wouldn't add much to his pecuniary elevation, whatever the second did with its three per cents. But he was bound to try it on, anyhow.

"Now," said Cheatum, "in the first place, Solomon----"

"Jeremiah, if you please, sir," said the young man.

"Ah, yes, Thomas--_pshaw!_--Jediah, I would say," continued Cheatum, correcting himself--

"Jeremiah--Jeremiah b.u.mps, sir," sharply echoed Mr. b.u.mps.

"Oh, yes, yes; one has so many clerks and salesmen in course of business," said Cheatum, "that I get their names confused. Well, Jeremiah, in the first place, you must learn to please the customers; you must always be lively and spry, and never give an offensive answer.

Many women and girls come in to price and overhaul things, without the remotest idea of buying anything, and it's often trying to one's patience; but you must wait on them, for there is no possible means of telling a woman who _shops_ for pastime, from one who shops in earnest; so you must be careful, be polite, be lively and spry, and never let a person _go_ without making a purchase, if you can possibly help it. If a person asks for an article we have not got, endeavor to make them try something else. If a woman asks whether four-penny calico, or six-penny delaines will wash, say 'yes, ma'am, _beautifully_; I've tried them, or seen them tried;' and if they say, 'are these ten cent flannels real _Shaker flannels_? or the ninepence hose _all merino_?' better not contradict them; say 'yes, ma'am, I've tried them, seen them tried, know they are,' or similar appropriate answers to the various questions that may be asked," said Cheatum.

"Yes, sir," Jeremiah responded, "I understand."

"And, William----"

"Jeremiah, sir, if you please."

"Oh, yes; well, Jediah--Jeremiah, I would say--when you make change, never take a ten cent piece and two cents for a s.h.i.+lling, but give it as often as practicable; look out for the fractions in adding up, and beware of crossed six-pences, smooth s.h.i.+llings, and what are called Bungtown coppers," said Cheatum, with much emphasis.

"I'm pooty well posted up, sir, in all _that_," said Jeremiah.

"And, Jeems--pshaw!--Jacob--Jeremiah! I would say, in measuring, always put your thumb _so_, and when you move the yardstick forward, shove your thumb an inch or so _back_; in measuring _close_ you may manage to squeeze out five yards from four and three-quarters, you understand? And always be watchful that some of those nimble, light-fingered folks don't slip a roll of ribbon, or a pair of gloves or hose, or a piece of goods, up their sleeves, in their bosoms, pockets, or under their shawls. Be careful, Henry--Jeems, I should say," said Cheatum.

Being duly rehea.r.s.ed, Jeremiah b.u.mps went to work. The first customer he had was a little girl, who bought a yard of ribbon for ninepence, and Jeremiah not only stretched seven-eighths of a yard into a full yard, but made twelve cents go for a ninepence, which _feat_ brought down the vials of wrath of the child's mother, a burly old Scotch woman, who "tongue-lashed" poor Jeremiah awfully! His next adventure was the sale of a dress pattern of sixpenny de-laine, which he _warranted_ to contain all the perfections known to the best article, and in das.h.i.+ng his vigorous scissors through the fabric, he caught them in the folds of a dozen silk handkerchiefs on the counter, and ripped them all into slitters! The young woman who took the dress pattern, upon reaching home, found it contained but eight yards, when she paid for nine. She came back, and Jeremiah b.u.mps got another bombasting! He sold fourpenny calico, and warranted it to wash; next day it came back, and an old lady with it; the colors and starch were all out, by dipping it in water, and the woman went on so that Cheatum was glad to refund her money to get rid of her. Two das.h.i.+ng young ladies, out "shopping" for their own diversions, gave Jeremiah a call; he labored hand and tongue, he hauled down and exhibited Cheatum's entire stock; the girls then were leaving, saying they would "call again," and Jeremiah very amiably said, "do, ladies, do; call again, _like to secure your custom!_" The young ladies took this as an insult. Their big brothers waited on Mr. b.u.mps, and nothing short of his humble apologies saved him from enraged cowhides!

Jeremiah saw a suspicious woman enter the store, and after overhauling a box of gloves, he thought he saw her _pocket a pair_. He intercepted the lady as she was going out--he grabbed her by the pocket--the lady resisted--Jeremiah held on--the lady fainted, and Jeremiah b.u.mps nearly tore her dress off in pulling out the gloves! The lady proved to be the wife of a distinguished citizen, and the gloves purchased at another store! A lawsuit followed, and Mr. b.u.mps was fined $100, and sent to the House of Correction for sixty days.

How many new clerks Nebuchadnezzar Cheatum has put through since, we know not; but Jeremiah b.u.mps is now engaged in the practical science of agriculture, and shudders at the idea of a young man from the country being _wanted_ in a dry goods shop, if they have got to see the elephant that he _observed--in Boston_.

Presence of Mind.