Brite and Fair Part 4

(P.S. again. fench is ment for fence. poits can do this whenever they have to)

and he set on fire that poor sheeps fur and that was the best he cood do for her, but mother throwed that pale of water half on the sheep and 3 fourths on her daughter and Cele sed Sam you dam big lout just what in h.e.l.l are you about?

(P.S. once more. my sister Cele never sed that really. she wood ruther cut her rite hand off than use such langage. but n.o.body but me will ever read this)

and Sam sed looking verry wize i apoller-oler-ollergize.

and then thinking he better not stop he clim the fence to his backsmith shop and oh how grateful that sheep must feel to me and mother and Keene and Cele.

but old Sam Dire has went to his shop where we certingly hoap old Sam will stop.

(P.S. the last time. we really dont hoap so becaus we all like Sam very mutch. Sam is one of the best fellers we ever gnew. But i had to finnish the poim some way. ennyway Sam wont ever read it.)

There i think they aint many better poims than that.

i bet the Exeter News leter wood put it in their paper if i da.s.sed to let them. i bet Beany coodnt have wrote it. i bet Pewt coodent have either.

August 19, 186---tomorrow is the last day before the picknic and i am still hoaping. it will be prety mean if i cant go to that picknic. i am stil hoaping.

August 20, 186---hooray i am going to that picknic.

i had almost given up hoap. mister minister Barrows come and asted me if i wood let my boat for the picknic. i sed i never let my boat to a picknic unless i rew it myself becaus i never gnew who wood row it and how they wood treet it and once they dident bring it back at all but after they had used it all day they left it up river and dident pay me and i had to go up after it and when i had waulked three miles up river i found it on the other bank and it was too cold to swim across and i had to waulk way back to the brige and then go up on the other side to get it and it took me most all day and the boat was all full of dried mud and ded hornpout and i had to spend the rest of the day in was.h.i.+ng it out and dident get enny pay.

wel he sed they wood pay me well and wood treet the boat verry carifully but i sed i coodent trust enybody eether to pay for the boat or to take cair of it.

so i sed i gess i dident want to let the boat unless i did the rowing and was there to look after it. i sed it was the only boat i had and that father was always telling me not to let evry Tom d.i.c.k and Harry have it jest becaus they wanted it.

he sed he wood a.s.sure me that everything wood be all rite if i wood tell him how mutch i wanted for it but i told him he coodent have the boat unless i went with it and he had beter get a boat of sumbody elce. he sed that my boat was large and safe and that n.o.body elce has so good a boat.

i told him that wasent my fault but that was the way i did business, so after awhile he sed well if i wood promise to do all the rowing that he wanted he wood ingage me and my boat and he is going to give me 50 cents. i only get 25 cents most of the time but i thougt i had augt to get 50 of him. so he sed all rite and i am going. when father come home i told him the minister had sed that if i wood come to the picknic and help row the boat he would give me 25 cents more than i usally got, and he sed i cood do it if he wanted me as bad as that. i dident tell father all i sed to the minister or all he sed to me. i dont think the minister wanted me very bad. i think he wanted the boat more. enny way he had to do it. tomorrow i am going to wash the boat out and i bet i will have a good time.

Keene says she woodent want to go where she wasent wanted but i told her that when they paid me twice as mutch as i usally got it showed that they wanted me prety bad. so Kerry coodent say mutch to that.

August 28, 186---it is almost time for school to begin and i have lost a hole week in bed and my life has been despared of. i dont beleeve enny feller ever was so sick as i have been and still lived to tell the tale. doctor Pery sed he never gnew a feller to go throug what i have went throug and live. it was that darn picknic that done it. doctor Perry says they aint a doctor in Exeter that dont lay in a lot of extry caster oil and rubarb and sody and a new popsquert and get a lot of sleep the nite befoar a chirch picknic. he sed that a collick from eating two mutch is bad enuf but when a feller is all swole up with poizen ivory leeves two it is wirse.

it is a very long story and i dont beleeve i can write it out all in one evining becaus sumtimes my head goes round like a b.u.t.ton on a barn door so father sed.

wel the morning of the picnic i got up erly and washed out my boat and had it at the worf when the peeple come down. mother sed she dident want me to go unless i took sumthing for them to eat so she put me up a half dozen donuts and sum sanwiches and sum apple tirnovers and a little bottel of pickels.

well i thougt they wood have enuf for all of the people without that and so i et it all while i was was.h.i.+ng out the boat. i gnew i was a going to have a hard days wirk and i wanted to be ready and after i had hid the basket and had the boat reddy the peeple began to come down to the worf. they had baskets and pales and paper boxes and ice creem freesers and bottels and plaits and goblets and mugs and cups and brown paper packages of coffy that smeled awful good and made me hungry again althoug i had et a hole basket full.

well the minister was there with a long taled coat and a white neck ty and decon William Henry Johnson and decon Ambrose Peevy and Aunt Hannar Peevy and Widow Sally Mackintire and lots of them and evrybody was talking and laffing and stepping on things they hadent aught to step on and puting things in rong places and loosing things jest like old peeple always do.

the ferst thing they done was to pile on to the worf so many that the worf sunk down and the water come over it and wet most of there feet and they al screached and hipered up the bank and then begun to blame me for it as if i had done it when i was in the boat and dident tuch their old worf. and Mrs. Lydia Simpkins shorl went floting down river and i had to row out and get it and she sed i had augt to know better than to get too many peeple on a worf and wet their feet and they thougt i done it a purpose. sum peple wood have given me ten cents.

she mite have thanked me. the minister was all rite.

he sed it wasent my falt. so they was more cairful nex time and one at a time they tiptode acros the worf and got into the boats. i had my boat full and al the women grabed at the sides of the boat and hollered wen it rocked the teentyest bit.

but after they see i gnew what i was about they begun to have a good time draging their hands in the water and setting one sided. it made it awful hard to row but i dident say nothing but rew as hard as i cood. i dident know until we got to the eddy woods why it was so hard. it was becaus Thomas Edwin Folsoms coat tales were draging in the water all the way. if i had gnew that i dont beleeve i wood have sed nothing. they sung songs like lightly row, lightly row ore the sparkling waives we go and rocked in the cradle of the deep and come away come away theres moonlite on the lake and row brother row the stream runs fast the rapids are near and the boat is---sumthing or other i have forgot. they always sing songs like them.

when we got up to the Eddy they got out and the decons coat tales were driping over his hine legs so he took his coat off and hung it on a lim of a tree to dry. then i had to lug all the baskets and pales up the bank. befoar i went down for a second lode of peeple Mrs. Dearborn give me 2 more sanwiches and 3 donuts and a drink of lemonade for rowing them so good and when i had et them i started down river again. it was bully to se how eesy that boat went after the people was out. it was jest as eesy as nothing at all. i met all the boats comeing up.

they was rowing evry whitch way. the oars was splas.h.i.+ng and not keeping time. there was one man whitch thougt he was a grate rower. he set in the back rowing seat and had 2 or 3 full groan peeple in the front part of the boat and a little dride up woman who dident weig more than a empty basket on the back seat and she was triing to steer the boat.

the bow of the boat was sunk down and the stirn was up in the air so that the ruder dident tuch the water. the boat would swing round and the man wood pull sideways till his face was all one sided and jaw at his wife becaus she dident know enuf to steer a boat, and she wood paw back that she gnew as mutch about steering as he did about rowing. they were having a real good time.

then i met Beany with 2 fat wimmen in the stirn seat and in the front seat Beany was up so high that his oars cood hardly reech the water and the boat was one sided becaus one woman was twice as fat as the other and the other peeple were leening over the side of the boat and Beany was sweting like a horse and mad enuf to bite a peace out of the bow of the boat and eat it and he was going about one mile an hour and his face was as red as Skiny Bruces hair. i set up and rew with long even stroaks and fethered my oars and dident splash a bit and the boat went on an even keel with little whirlpools when the oars came out and when i pa.s.sed Beany the peeple in his boat sed dont that Shute boy row well, i wish he was rowing this boat. if he was we wood get there sum time today. and Beany was mad and i heard him say huh old Plupy is only showing off.

well when i got back to the worf there was sum more peeple wating with sum milk cans of lemonaid, and a freeser of ice creem and i was so hot from rowing so hard that i set down and brethed hard and wiped my face and held my head in my hands.

they asted me if i was sick and i sed no only xasted becaus i am so thirsty my throat is dry. so they give me a glas of lemonaid and a saucer of ice cream and 2 peaces of cake and after i had et that i sed i felt better and was ready to row them up. they asted me how long it would taik and i sed if they wood set so the boat wood run even i wood do it prety quick. so they done as i sed and i rew steddy by the gravil and the oak and the cove and the fis.h.i.+ng bank to the willows whitch is haff way and they give me 2 gla.s.ses of lemonaid and when i had drank it i started again and rew stedy till i got to the last tirn when i pa.s.sed Beany and the other boats that the old pods were rowing.

when i went by Beany he sed i bet you havent been way down to the worf old Plupe and the peeple in my boat sed he surely has and the fat wimmen in Beanys boat sed the nex time we come up we will get him to row us and not you Elbrige. i sed to myself low so they woodent hear me i bet you wont if i can help it.

well i landed my peeple at the bank and luged up their stuff befoar Beany got there. when he got there a awful funny thing hapened. Beany he give 2 or 3 long stroaks to land the boat and he done it pretty good for him. while the boat was running in Beany balanced in the bow ready to gump out and hold it. well when he done it and lifted the bow to pull up the boat the stirn went down so far that the water came over the side of the boat and the fat wimmen were setting in about six inches of water.

well they screeched and tride to get up but they was weged in so t.i.te that they coodent till 2 of the men gumped into the boat and yanked them up and you augt to hear them lay into Beany. the back of their dreses was sopping wet.

wel peeple had put up swings and fellers was pus.h.i.+ng girls in swings and runing under them and sum were swinging in hammocks and sumone had bilt a fire and sum were setting the tables and sum were setting down on shorls and cus.h.i.+ngs and children were playing copenhagin and going to Gerusalem and it was a lively time.

i wanted to have sum fun but the minit i landed 2 wimmen that i had never saw befoar wanted me to go out with them to get sum flowers and leeves for their table and of coa.r.s.e i had to go but as i was prety well tuckered out i made them give me one more glas of lemonaid and 3 sandwiches. that was better than nothing and after i had drank it and et them i was reddy and we went off in the boat. i rew them across the river and we found sum vines with s.h.i.+ny leaves and a lot of yeller dazies and sum cardinel flowers and the wimmen made reaths of them one for eech plait on the table.

while we was doing this sum more people come and they began to make reaths and i helped them.

bimeby we had enuf and we went back to the picknic with our arms full. when we got there they was a big crowd round sumthing on the ground and we run up and found that Beany had fell out of a swing and had hit on his head. he sw.a.n.g the higest of enyone when he fel out and if he hadent hit on his head it wood have killed him. it made him kind of squint eyd for a while and his head was on one side for 2 or 3 days but it dident hurt him.

miss Lewccretia Baley had spraned her anckle by steping in a hole and had to set with her anckle rapped up in a shorl. but i notised she et as mutch as ennyone, and Tommy Tomson had got a fishhook in his leg and had to have it cut out. evryone was having a good time and i cood smell the coffy.

after Beany was pernounced out of dainger and was able to crawl round and drink about 3 glases of lemonaid before dinner was ready, sum fellers is pigs ennyway, i had to row sum moar peeple up river for sum cardinel flowers. before i done this i got them to give me 2 creem cakes and a peace of blewberry pie. i aint like Beany always waiting to eat without wirking for it. a feller has to eat in order to wirk good.

well when i had et them i rew the people up river and when they wood see a cardinel flower they wood holler to me and i wood row the boat up to the place where the cardinel flower was and they wood pick it and holler over it and then we wood go on. the river was kind of low and the banks were steep and slipery where the cardinel flowers grew and Charlie Lane, the feller whitch was in the boat, had on sum white britches and we had got enuf and was going back when one of the wimmen sed oh see that splended one we must have that one. so i rew up and Charlie got out and clim up and got the flower whitch was a big one 2 or 3 feet above the water.

when Charlie got it he turned round and sed

the rose is red the vilet blew the pink is sweet and---

and his hels flew up and he set down in the slipery mud and slid rite into the water, that is his hine legs went in to his gnees but he grabed the boat and that stoped him. his white britches were wet and covered with green slime to his gnees and the seat of his britches was black with mud. the wimmen nearly dide laffing and Charlie sed mersy sakes what a mess. most evry other feller wood have swore feerful but Charlie doesnt sware and is a good young man. that is why we call him Charlie.

well Charlie sed he gessed he wood woulk home and change his britches, he called them his pants, and so he got out of the boat and clim up the bank and started. i dident tell him he was on the rong side of the river becaus he dident ast me and i supose he gnew what he was about. the last i see of him he was going towerds Kensinton. while i was sick i sort of wurred about him but when i ast mother she sed he was in the store. he works for old Gid Lyford.

when we got back to the picknic old Mrs. Bolton had had a spell and the minister and Decon Sawyer was lifting her into Miss Susan Parkinsons caryall to drive her home. sum feller had throwed a teeny little bull toad in her lap. huh i shood think that was a prety thing to have a spell for. i never see ennyone have a spell. i wish i had got there in time to see it. Beany sed it was grate fun and elvrybody injoyed it.

Mr. E. O. Luvrin had been stang by a hornit on his underlip and evrybody had a good time looking at him. i don't beleeve there was ever a beter picknic.

the tables had been set and looked fine. our table with the reaths was the pretyest. well we all set down and evrybody sed hush, hush and the minister sed a long prair. peraps it seamed longer becaus i was most starved to deth. i had been wirking so hard and it was a long time since i had my breckfast.

well after the minister got through, we pitched in and et. i never had so good a dinner in my life.

we had ham sanwiches and cornbeef sanwiches and tung sanwiches and pickles and milk and pickle limes and creem cakes and blewberry pie and chese and rasbery tirnovers and astrackan apples and balled egs and blackberrys and tee and coffy and sardeens on crackers and custerd pyes and squash pyes and apple pyes and gelly roles and tarts and coconut cakes and all the ice creem we cood eat, pink ice creem and white ice creem and yeller ice creem.

i et sum of everything they had. you see it was a long time since i had my breckfast and i had been wirking hard and mother had always told me to eat evrything in my plait and i wanted to ennyway.

so i et until i coodent eat ennymore and most everybody done so two.

after dinner i helped clear away the things and then sum peeple went wauling in the wood sum slep in the hammucks and sum set down in cerkles and played gaims and told storys. they was one big cerkle whitch had the minister and most of the decons and their wifes and all the old wimmen and they was playing childrens gaims and hollering and laffing jest like children. old E. O. Luverin the feller whitch had been stang by a hornit on the underlip had told me to bate a hook and set my pole for a big hornpout or an eal. so i done that before dinner.

i put a big steal hook on the line and bated it with the bigest grashoper i cood find, an old lunker, one of them kind that maiks a noise lika a nutmeg graiter and when it flise ratles its wings. then i unwound al my line and threw the bate out as fur as i cood and set the pole with a croched stick rite down in the sand by the boats. i was lissening to the peeple playing gaims when sum feller hollered Plupy you got a bite and i looked and saw that my line was t.i.te and my pole bending. so i hipered down the bank and grabed the pole and pulled in.

i had a big one on the hook and he pulled terrible, but i yanked him out and i pulled so hard that he went way over my head and rite in the middle of the cerkle of peeple.

it was an old lunker of an eal and when it lit on the ground it twisted and squirmed and thrashed round like a snaik and of al the screaching and tirning of back summersets by the wimmen whitch were fat and coodent get up quick, and of all the holding up of skerts and hipering for the woods by the thin wimmen you never saw in all your life.

and the men hollored and got out of the way of that eal as quick as the wimmen and one decon hollered what in hel and d.a.m.nation are you trying to do you cussid fool, and sum of the others sed things i gess they wished they hadent. me and Beany was triing to get that eal of the hook. i got my foot on his neck and he squermed round my leg and got my britches leg all covered with slime. bimeby i got him off and into my boat, and when i went back old Mrs. Sofire Peezley was having a spell. i never seen ennyone have a spell before and it was very interesting.

she screached and cried and then threw her head back and laffed and claped her hands together and roled her eys and gulped and swallered, and the wimmen were patting her on the back and making her smell of amonia botles and calling her dear and blesid lamn, and poar darling and talking to her as if she was a baby, and wimmen were coming back from the woods and saying it was a burning shaim and looking at me mad and saying i had aught to be in jale. and old E. O. Luvrin jawed me but it dident do no good becaus his lip was so swole that n.o.body cood understand what he sed. but i sed i aint done nothing what are you pichin into me for?