Outside The Ropes: OtherSide Of Fear Part 17

He shook his head, looking away. "Thats her problem. She shouldnt have been running her mouth."

His dismissal took my breath away. I couldnt decide if he was that ignorant or that c.o.c.ky. "Its all of our problem if he chooses to do something about it, to do something to you. We know hes not above using me and-"

"He wont do anything, not to me and sure as h.e.l.l not to you. That wont happen, I wont let it."

I s.h.i.+vered against the chill that ran through me and wrapped my arms around myself. My thoughts werent in the moment though; they were stuck in the past.

Gages arms circled me, but couldnt take away the cold.

"Dont." I pushed him off. "Not now. Tell me what happened."

He hesitated, watching me. "Things were different then, Nikolai was in charge, and-my dad and Anatoli were on the same level. I was undefeated in the underground fight club they ran. I think Rusnak suspected, but he couldnt do anything about it except give me some s.h.i.+t jobs. Besides, he had his other girls distracting him. Hes never been faithful. The only reason they married was because of the connections her family offered. After she had the two kids, he stayed away, practically living with someone else."

I put my hand up, silencing him. "I dont care about their marriage right now. I want to hear what happened between you and her."

"It was stupid." He rubbed his hand over his hair, shutting his eyes with a groan. "She had been coming to the fights, always around even when Anatoli wasnt-he rarely was. She was always telling me different ways she could help me, different opportunities she could give me. Nick warned me to stay the h.e.l.l away, that she was crazy. And I tried to. I ignored her mostly, but after one fight she was waiting for me in my room, naked." He shrugged, glancing at me and then looking back at his hands. "f.u.c.k, I was nineteen, charged from my win, and she was willing and ready. I knew I shouldnt, but I didnt care. I told Aaron, my father, and he told me to keep my mouth shut and not let it happen again. He mustve warned her too because she stopped showing up after that."

"How old was she?"

He shrugged, "Late twenties, I think."

"And since then, now that shes back around, has there been anything else? Has she tried?"

He looked up at me, eyes shadowed, and nodded.

I curled deeper into myself, arms gripping tighter around my waist and stomach knotted with pain.

"Shes tried, but I made it clear that you were it for me." He ran his hand along the covers between us, tips of his fingers grazing my leg. "You are it for me. There will never be anyone else, you can trust that."

I held still as his light touch charged my skin, making my heart race. But I needed him to continue his story. "When?"

His hand froze. "Last month, one night when I slept at the club. She had come in at closing and wasnt leaving. She suggested she would stay with me or I could go with her." His eyes lifted to mine, capturing all my attention. "I kicked her out. Nothing happened."

My stomach churned with too much information and warring emotions.

"There was only one other time." His voice was quiet and the warning in it made me sick. "When I was in Florida, when you were...when they took you."

I closed my eyes against the avalanche of fear those few words caused. I couldnt think of that time without being buried by it, trapped in it.

"I had to go through with the s.h.i.+pment, and we used her familys boats. Once it came through and they told me where I could find you, I was going to leave. But Anatoli wanted me to stay and deliver it to Baltimore. She tried to stop me. She threw herself at me, and when that didnt work, she tried to trap me there. I snapped and pulled a gun on her to get her out of my way. Crazy thing is I think Anatoli told her to do that."

"Why would he do that?"

"His priority is business. He has no real care for anyone in his life. If he thought she could get me to stay, hed use it to his advantage. Thats why I dont think we have to worry about this. h.e.l.l need me when, or if, he gets out" His voice was level, but his jaw clenched and fists curled. His eyes cast to the floor, seeing something else. "And hes already gotten even for it."

"Oh." His words slammed into my thoughts, my time with Rusnak suddenly taking on new meaning.

He turned to look at me, anger melting from his features. "Im sorry. I didnt mean to go there, to bring that up." One large hand gripped my leg from above the covers, and when I stayed still, he released his breath. "I should have told you. Im sorry I didnt. Its not that I was keeping it from you, I would have told you if we ever brought up the past, but I know you dont like to talk about any of that." He grabbed my hand. "Babe, look at me. I love you. I will tell you anything you want to know. Please, do you still trust me? Where is your head at with this?"

I chewed on my lip and met his begging gaze. He looked so honest, like safety I could take shelter in. And I needed shelter, shadows hid in my thoughts.

"I hate it." I closed my eyes against the stinging visions of them together, like broken gla.s.s around my heart. "I hate that she knows that part of you, that youve touched her. I hate that she was the one to tell me." I took a deep breath, opening my eyes to look at him. "But I have no right to be so angry. It happened before me. Since weve met, Ive done worse to you." I placed my hand over his. "But you forgave me." I ran my fingers over his and then laced our hand together. "And youre right, I never wanted to talk about the past, but...I think we need to start."

He nodded and slid beside me on the bed so his back was to the headboard, his fingers still wrapped with mine. "Ill tell you anything."

I was numb, but I wanted to keep him talking, let his voice rea.s.sure me until I felt okay, even for a moment. "What was it like growing up in this, with your Dad?"

Gages eyes dropped to where my hand was pressed against my stomach. "It wasnt bad, but it wont be the same for our baby. This may be the life I lead, but he wont. h.e.l.l go to college and do something else."

I wanted to believe but didnt, and he must have seen the doubt.

"Viktor and Anatoli both have kids. They go to prestigious boarding schools, and Viktors daughter is at some college in England. It can be done."

My smile flickered, but I couldnt maintain it. "I dont want to send her or him away to boarding school."

"Me neither." He put his free hand over mine on my stomach. "But well send him to a good private school here in the city."

In the city. Thinking of this babys future made me sad, and I didnt want that. I wanted to be hopeful, like Gage, but didnt know how. He had grown up in this though, maybe he knew better than me. I wanted to believe that.

My eyes traveled from his hand, still pressed to my stomach, up his bare arm to the dark ink swirling over his skin. The entire top half of his arm was covered in a storm, small tattoos blended in with storm clouds, and the lightning bolts were the only bare skin seen. The details were beautiful. Moving my hand from under his, I traced his fathers name within one dark cloud.

"You loved your father? Even though he got you in all this? Started all of this?"

"Yes," he answered quick, and his hand fell away from my stomach, grabbing the tattoo I was just tracing. "He did the best he could. He got me involved but..." He shook his head. "He also saved me. If I didnt get in with them, I would have turned to some others on the street. I would have done whatever needed to be done to get away from my mom, and I had to get Dexter out too."

"When he was alive, it was family-Him and Nick and Silas. But when he died, it all fell apart. Nikolai went to prison and everything changed." He looked down, shaking off the sadness pulling on him. "If I blame anyone, it would be my mom. But I dont, not really."

"Your mom might know who my father is." My own voice surprised me; I hadnt planned on saying that.

Gage pulled me to look at him with hands on my hips. "What? When did she say that?"

I couldnt meet his eyes. "When I was in Vegas. She said she knew my-Angela. She worked with her, and before Angela was with Nikolai, she had some guy Jared around. But when she realized I didnt know any of this, she stopped talking and said she didnt know anything." I could feel the intensity of his gaze but couldnt bring myself to look at him. "Its stupid, its not like he was there for me. He hasnt contacted me. He doesnt care. I dont need to know who he is."

Gage gripped my chin with his fingers, lifting it so I met his eyes. "But you want to know? Its okay to want to know."

Looking at him, I couldnt lie, and he pulled a truth I hadnt even admitted to myself. "I want to know who he is, if he is."

His lips pressed to mine for a second before he pulled back. "Then you will. Ill help."

19: Surrounded.

GAGE LEANED OUT HIS OFFICE DOOR, CELLPHONE headset attached to his ear.

I had seen his boots and coat at the entryway, but hadnt expected him to be home at this time. His s.e.xy smile had me slowing my path to the bedroom. He wasnt planning on letting me pa.s.s by him anyways, I could tell by the glint in his eyes.

He reached towards me, and I walked into him, his hand sliding around my waist.

"Hm," he spoke into the phone while pulling me into the office with him, "Yeah, do that." He rolled his eyes to me with a teasing grin as he dropped back into his chair behind his desk. He gripped my hips and pulled me between his spread legs.

"The mechanic checked." His eyes dropped from mine as the person spoke in his ear, his focus pulled back into the conversation. "He says its running smooth. Im still driving careful."

I lifted myself to sit on the edge of his desk, and he rolled his chair close, hands running over my thighs with a sigh. He moved them up my body and grasped the zipper on my sweater. His eyes followed the path of his fingers as he unzipped me, and I leaned back, my hands braced behind me to make it easier.

He rose to his feet and pushed my jacket off my shoulders. "Your kid, she decide on a pet yet?"

I didnt try and make sense of his words, the codes they spoke changed too often for me to keep track of, and this conversation didnt seem too heavy. It couldnt be since he was giving me his focus as I removed my jacket the rest of the way.

"No, that puppys too much. You should get her the cat, the fancy one."

I raised my eyebrow, and he grinned, shaking his head. His fingers were already back at my s.h.i.+rt, undoing the b.u.t.tons.

"I said no, not that one. Get the mutt if they want a dog." He was quick, already down three b.u.t.tons. His fingers grazed over the top curve of my breast as he slid my s.h.i.+rt open.

The light trail of his fingertips on my skin ignited the heat he had already started, but the look in his eyes liquefied it, making it swirl low in my stomach. I couldnt sit still, my fingers moved to his s.h.i.+rt, but there were no b.u.t.tons. I dropped them down to his pants, pulling on the waistband to move him closer as I undid the top b.u.t.ton.

"Somethings come up. Well talk later." He pulled the phone from his ear, turning it off, grin spreading as he set it down.

His eyes dropped to his pants, hands covering my fingers there. "You shouldnt have done that."

I wrapped my legs around his waist and arms around his neck, pulling him on to me, my lips finding his, both of us moving to fit together. The familiarity with each other only made it that much easier, that much faster, to turn each other on, to touch where we knew the other couldnt resist. That tight skin low on his stomach that made his skin goose b.u.mp when I glided my palm over him. His fingers down my spine and teeth on my lips, pulling a moan from me.

He had my s.h.i.+rt undone completely, hands sliding into the back of my leggings.

"What are you doing wearing these to school?" He groaned into my ear, lifting me so his hands could cup my a.s.s.

"I didnt. I just left the gym." I pulled back, remembering. "I need a shower."

"Hmm, that sounds good. After." His head dipped to my neck, lips nipping at the skin there, down to my shoulder. His hands froze on my ribs, stopping their path of pus.h.i.+ng my s.h.i.+rt back, voice suddenly serious. "Are you supposed to go to the gym?"

"Yeah, as long as my bodys all right with it. I can keep doing what Im doing." The gym was my sanity, I wouldnt stop.

I pulled the bottom of his s.h.i.+rt up. My legs pulsed with the need to get us back to what we were doing. I needed this, to feel desired by him.

He took his s.h.i.+rt from my hands and pulled it over his head in one quick motion, tossing it to the ground. I dont know how the sight of his muscles still surprised me, making me breathless. The reality of him was always so much more than I imagined, perfect and mine to touch.

He braced his hands on either side of me, gripping the edge of the desk as he leaned in close. "I would have went to the gym with you, if you told me."

"I didnt even know you would be home this early." I rolled my head back as he brought his lips back to my skin there, burning and building that aching in my core.

His fingers unclasped my bra and then slid it off my shoulders. I took my s.h.i.+rt off along with it. His tongue curled around one nipple, sucking as his hand slipped into the front of my pants. I was already slick, and his fingers slid into me, stroking and hitting the right spots, making my leg quiver.

"Regan," my name came off those lips in a groan that vibrated his chest and made me clench around him with excitement. He was panting in my ear. "I came home for you..." he gasped as I took him in my hand, taking a couple of breaths to finish explaining, "...to tell you something."

I stilled, stopping the rhythm of my strokes. "What were you going to tell me?"

He closed his eyes, his hand covering mine to get me moving again. "It can wait. This cant."

When he brought his lips to mine, I was all too willing to silence my reply. To silence anymore talking and focus on the man in front of me. I wanted to make him moan my name with that s.e.xy rumble again, burn it into his brain like it was the only name he knew.

He wrapped a large towel around my shoulders, moving his hand over the fabric to help dry me off.

My eyes dropped down his body, beads of water from the shower sliding down his muscles until the towel at his waist absorbed them.

He growled in warning. "d.a.m.n babe, stop looking at me like that." He pulled me to him, arms wrapping around me. "Or we may never get dinner, and we need to, Im starving."

"I wasnt doing anything but looking." I couldnt. He exhausted me; my muscles were drained in the best way.

"Good. Go get dressed so we can eat."

I walked out to the bedroom and grabbed sweats and a t-s.h.i.+rt to change into, glancing at him as he covered his body. There was beauty in the way he moved, just pulling on a s.h.i.+rt. My hormones had to be acting up because I couldnt look away.

"So I found out some things today." His back was to me as he slid sweatpants over his boxers.

"What is it you found out?" My voice came out small, quieter than I wanted to be.

He crossed the room and his hands gripped my shoulder. "I finally got my mom to talk to me. She didnt have much to say about Angela, but it might be something." He shrugged. "She told me why she ended the conversation with you so quickly."

"Why?"

"She was scared of talking about that time and those people. She was never initiated into things, but she knows all about staying silent, and she wasnt sure how much she could say to you."

Initiated. The word stuck with me, questions surrounding it. Was that some sort of formal thing? I pushed it aside to ask later. "But she knows she can tell you more?"

He nodded, c.o.c.king his head slightly. "But she didnt have that much more to add, I dont think. Itd be better to talk to her in person, I could read her better, and I will when we go there at the end of the month. But we might be able to figure this out before then." His eyes dropped over me. "Do you want to eat first?"

"No, just tell me." My stomach was already swirling, killing my appet.i.te.

He shrugged one shoulder, hand moving behind his head. "Shes not sure who Jared is, she only met him a few times. But when Nikolai started pursuing your mother, she fell for him hard and stopped seeing Jared."

"And he just left?" My stomach sunk, disappointed that this information didnt seem to lead anywhere. "So maybe hes not my father then. Maybe he was just a boyfriend."

"I dont know yet, but he didnt just leave. Mom said that your mo-Angela and Nikolai got into a fight one night, a couple months after they met. They were arguing about Jared, and Angela was upset about whatever was going on." He was watching me, but I had no reaction, unsure what it meant. "She doesnt know what was said, but she just remembers it was heated and things were thrown. She thinks Nikolai smacked Angela, but that was her last night at the restaurant, after that she went to work for Nikolai at the club."