Harnessing Your Emotions Part 3

Paul is saying, "There is a physical world out there, and I am not denying that problems exist in it. But I am not being controlled by the physical realm. That is not what is dominating me. There is a spiritual me on the inside, and that's the part of me that contains the power of G.o.d. That's the part of me that is really alive. That's the part of me that I'm focusing on because it is eternal. It is not peris.h.i.+ng, but being renewed day by day."

If we are to overcome the emotions that a.s.sail us day after day, we must keep that distinction clearly in mind.

Our Light Afflictions For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

2 Corinthians 4:17 Paul didn't say this because he didn't have any problems. Paul had plenty! These were some of what he calls his "light afflictions."

I speak as concerning reproach, as though we had been weak. Howbeit whereinsoever any is bold, (I speak foolishly,) I am bold also.

Are they Hebrews? so am I. Are they Israelites? so am I? Are they the seed of Abraham? so am I.

Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more: in labours more abundant [I have worked harder than anyone else], [I have worked harder than anyone else], in stripes above measure in stripes above measure [I have been beaten with stripes so many times I can't even count them], [I have been beaten with stripes so many times I can't even count them], in prisons more frequent in prisons more frequent [I have been put in prison more than any other minister I know of], [I have been put in prison more than any other minister I know of], in deaths oft in deaths oft [I have been brought to the brink of death often, as in Acts 16 where I was stoned and left for dead]. [I have been brought to the brink of death often, as in Acts 16 where I was stoned and left for dead].

Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one [on five different occasions I have received thirty-nine stripes]. [on five different occasions I have received thirty-nine stripes].

Thrice was I beaten with rods [sticks large enough to break my bones], [sticks large enough to break my bones], once was I stoned, thrice I suffered s.h.i.+pwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; once was I stoned, thrice I suffered s.h.i.+pwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.

2 Corinthians 11:21-27 (author's inserts) Paul probably suffered more than most of us have ever thought about, yet he called it a "light affliction." That is awesome! How could he say that? It wasn't because he had fewer problems and hards.h.i.+ps than we do, because he had many, many more. He considered these to be light afflictions because of of his perception his perception of those problems and hards.h.i.+ps. of those problems and hards.h.i.+ps.

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

Romans 8:18 Paul was so excited about the revelation of the Lord he had on the inside of him that all of the things he suffered on the outside seemed like nothing in comparison. He didn't ignore the fact that he had problems in this life; he just didn't focus on them. His "light afflictions" weren't just a moment in the light of this physical life. He endured persecutions until the day he went to be with the Lord. But it was because of his att.i.tude, the way he thought, that he was able to keep things in perspective. He was able to look at his life in light of eternity, and in that light, his afflictions were just for a moment.

If we would learn to think that way, it would take a lot of the bite out of our problems.

A View of Eternity When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11 Children don't have the benefit of the adult perspective.

When we were little, everything in our lives seemed so dramatic. If something happened that we didn't like, we thought the world had come to an end. Now that we are adults, we have a different perspective. We see that those things we once thought were so huge were actually minute in comparison to what life is really all about.

All of us can remember something from our childhood that seemed so traumatic, we weren't sure we would ever get over it. Now we look back and laugh, wondering how we could have been so immature. That is what Paul is talking about in these scriptures. When we get the perspective of eternity on the problems in our lives, it shrinks those problems down to where they become totally manageable.

I believe in healing. I know G.o.d wants us all healthy, but if a person is sick and never sees healing manifested in their earthly body, they can still have a positive outlook. Even if they are facing a miserable, horrible death, they can still experience joy and peace if they will focus their mind on eternity and the fact that because they know the Lord they are soon going to be out of this body and with Him forever in glory - regardless of how traumatic that illness may seem at the moment. Probably every one of us can think of a scriptural example, or even an example from our own lives, of people who went out with a shout in the midst of terrible adversity because they had this view of eternity.

If you can't see anything physically uplifting around you, if there is nothing positive in your existence, if every time you look for the light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be an oncoming train, and if there is nothing you can look to for hope and encouragement in this life, just close your eyes and think about eternity. Think about what G.o.d has done for you in the past and about what is going to happen to you when this is all over, and it will cause you to rejoice in the Lord.

Commanded to Rejoice Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.

Philippians 4:4

As you begin to look at your present circ.u.mstances in the light of eternity, you'll quickly see there is no excuse for being discouraged, depressed, and despondent. There are reasons, but not excuses. G.o.d has given us so many great things that we can always rejoice.

When Paul says to rejoice, it is a command, not an option. It doesn't say to rejoice if we. feel we. feel like it, if we are in the mood, or if everything is going our way. I can tell you right now that most times you won't feel like it. Most times you won't be in the mood. And most times things won't be going your way. However, we are still commanded to rejoice in the Lord at all times. G.o.d would not give us a command we could not fulfill. We can rejoice if we choose to do so, and He is showing us how we can do it. like it, if we are in the mood, or if everything is going our way. I can tell you right now that most times you won't feel like it. Most times you won't be in the mood. And most times things won't be going your way. However, we are still commanded to rejoice in the Lord at all times. G.o.d would not give us a command we could not fulfill. We can rejoice if we choose to do so, and He is showing us how we can do it.

Many people say, "But our music minister just doesn't play the right music. They don't sing the songs I like." Well, this scripture doesn't come with exceptions or conditions. We are to rejoice at all times. That means we are to rejoice in church, whether they play the songs we like or not. We are to rejoice at home, whether our day is going great or not. We are to rejoice at work, whether we feel appreciated or not. We are to rejoice in the Lord at all times!

Look at It This Way We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18 Paul is saying, "I'm not dominated by what I see in the physical realm, because I'm looking at spiritual, eternal truth."

That's what we need to learn to do, because there are always two sides to every issue in life. Whatever our problem, there is a physical side to it and there is a spiritual side to it. How we deal with our problems depends upon which side we focus our attention.

I remember when interest rates went up to about twenty percent. Since I didn't own anything, it didn't affect me the way it did some. But many people were screaming about how bad the interest rates were. The media was reporting the failure of the economic system and how everything was falling apart.

I remember that in the midst of that situation a prophecy came forth. The Lord said, "Yes, things look bad in the natural, but here's what's really happening behind the scenes. All this you're hearing is simply the wealth of the sinner being laid up for the just. All of the money that the world has been dominating is coming to the Christians."

The Lord began to bless Christian ministries - funneling millions and millions of dollars into the Gospel. And the Lord began to tell us, "There is more money going into the Gospel than ever before. Where do you think it is coming from? It is coming from the unbelievers. The world system that has been dominated by unbelievers is falling apart, and the Christians are beginning to prosper."

That prophecy took us a step beyond the physical realm and let us see what was actually happening in the spiritual realm. It was exciting. People began to shout and praise G.o.d. They got their hope back and there was emotional peace, love, and joy. Why? Because they weren't looking at the things that are seen, they were looking at the things that are unseen. They were seeing that G.o.d was in control and He was working everything for their good.

There have always been two sides to everything. If you look at things in the physical realm, you can get depressed. If I were to stop today and look at the potential problems in my life, I could get as depressed as any person who is reading this book. I've had some really severe things come against me in the natural realm, but I can truthfully say that I have chosen not to be dominated by those things. I'm not ignoring them; I'm praying about them. I don't deny the fact that problems exist, but I refuse to focus on them. I refuse to be dominated by them. I am determined to rejoice in the G.o.d of my salvation. I don't care what the devil throws at me, he cannot come against me with anything greater than what G.o.d has already given me.

If the Lord never did another thing for me, and if I suffered tragedy the rest of my life, I could still rejoice in what G.o.d has given me. That is a true statement, one that all of us should be able to make.

Refuse to look at the things that are seen and look at the things that are not seen. Look at things that are eternal rather than temporal, and sooner or later you will see those things manifested in your life. Believe it and rejoice in it, because it's true!

Chapter 4

The Two-Fold Failure of of Psychology Psychology.

To a large degree, what I have said thus far in this book is borne out one hundred percent by psychology today. Psychology comes to the same general conclusions as Christianity in that it tries to change people's emotions and actions by changing the way they think. Basically, the diagnosis I have made based on the Scriptures is shared by psychology. But here is where I believe psychology and Christianity diverge.

I believe that while psychology may diagnose the situation properly, its solution is wanting at best, and at worst is potentially damaging. The reason I say that is because psychology actually leads people away from dependence upon G.o.d into self-dependence.

Being humanistic, psychology views man as his own resource. It a.s.sumes that man is able to handle things that we Christians believe G.o.d never created us to take care of on our own. G.o.d did not intend for man to operate independently of Him and His supernatural ability.

Generally, psychology has rightly identified the problem, which for most people lies in their perceptions, their thoughts, and their att.i.tudes. But there are two main areas in which I believe psychology fails to provide the proper solution to this problem.

* The First Failure: Handling Guilt First, psychology fails because of the way it tries to deal with the guilt that comes with the recognition that people's problems are caused by themselves. Psychology acknowledges that it is the way people think - the mental image they have of themselves on the inside - that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy on the outside.

When a person comes to the point of recognizing they are responsible for their own problems, there is guilt a.s.sociated with that recognition. Psychologists will admit that guilt is the the dominant force behind most mental illness. It is one of the cardinal rules and practices of psychology to try to alleviate people of this sense of guilt. dominant force behind most mental illness. It is one of the cardinal rules and practices of psychology to try to alleviate people of this sense of guilt.

I once heard a person talking on this subject who said that over ninety-five percent of all emotional problems are guilt-driven, meaning that guilt is the motivation behind the problems. So when a person goes to a psychologist for help, one of the very first things the psychologist does is try to absolve the patient of guilt. And the way psychology does that is completely different from the way G.o.d's Word does it.

What most psychologists do - specifically non-Christian psychologists and mental health experts who have no spiritual foundation whatsoever - is attack Christianity. Many view the Bible as the source of guilt and condemnation. It is the standard for what's right and wrong, and it prescribes punishment when a person falls short of that standard. Therefore, people are guilt-ridden because of Christianity or Christian ideology. One of the very first things some psychologists will do with a new patient is take away their Bible and tell them Christianity is irrelevant, it's wrong, and its standards are not accurate because everything in life is relative, not absolute. How very wrong they are.

The Purpose of Guilt Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a G.o.dly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing.

For G.o.dly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation.

2 Corinthians 7:9,10

If a person is having emotional trauma because of h.o.m.os.e.xuality, many psychologists will say, "Who says h.o.m.os.e.xuality is wrong?" They will point to famous people who are h.o.m.os.e.xuals and try to show how well-adjusted and successful these people are. They will try to change the rules or the standards set forth in the Bible by saying, "h.o.m.os.e.xuality is not wrong." They will offer the patient excuses: "Don't you understand? This happened to you because you were abused as a child. You had a weak father figure, and that is what made you the way you are." Or they will resort to a noncondemning medical viewpoint: "You were born this way. It's in your genes. You can't help it." All of this is an attempt to remove the patient's guilt so their self-image will improve and any further damage caused by this guilt can be avoided.

I will agree that guilt is damaging. A person who lives under a prolonged sense of guilt is going to be miserable, because guilt leads to depression and all kinds of mental and emotional problems.

If we can't see ourselves in a positive light, if we can't feel good about ourselves, if we hate ourselves and feel guilty, condemned, and filthy because of the things that have happened to us, naturally those negative things are going to affect our emotions and our actions. But the way to get rid of that guilt is not to change the rules, not to blame everyone else, and not to make excuses such as, "It's not my fault. It's just who I am. I'm a h.o.m.os.e.xual by nature." No, that's not right. There should be guilt a.s.sociated with sin. It is true that over a prolonged period of time, guilt will kill. But for a brief period of time, it works for good.

Guilt is like the physical sensation of pain. If we touch something hot, it causes us to jerk back. In the same way, we should feel guilty when there is sin in our life. That is what Paul was referring to in 2 Corinthians 7 when he spoke of G.o.dly sorrow for sin. If we go to the Lord and do what the Word of G.o.d prescribes, we can be forgiven of our sin and relieved of that burden of G.o.dly sorrow. We can take our sin to G.o.d and say, "Thank You, Lord, that through Your Son Jesus Christ I am forgiven. I repent of my sin and receive Your forgiveness and cleansing." That's the proper way to deal with guilt. The good news is that once we repent and are forgiven from our sin, G.o.d never even remembers it. It's not something He is going to hold over our head the rest of our life. And the knowledge and acceptance of His divine forgiveness can set us free from guilt.

But psychologists as a whole do not bring G.o.d into the equation. Since many of them are humanists, they deal with things only from a human perspective. Therefore, they don't have the option of divine forgiveness. They don't have the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive and cleanse people, so they put the blame on someone else, telling the patient, "You aren't really responsible. You were s.e.xually abused when you were a child. Therefore, you have no choice. You are going to be affected by it as long as you live."

What About Environment?

Many people say, "Well, isn't it true? Doesn't our environment mold us and make us who we are?" The answer is yes and no. Environment does have an influence upon us. It presents us with an opportunity, a crossroads, a choice. But whatever our environment or experiences, we can choose to become bitter or better. The choice ultimately lies with us. lies with us.

I can prove this point to you. Take two women who have suffered have suffered identical traumas in their life. Both of them have been s.e.xually abused - both were v identical traumas in their life. Both of them have been s.e.xually abused - both were victims of incest when they were children. One woman allows that experience to literally destroy her life. It makes her hate and distrust men to the extent that it ruins her present marriage. of incest when they were children. One woman allows that experience to literally destroy her life. It makes her hate and distrust men to the extent that it ruins her present marriage.

The other woman was abused just as much or even more; yet she chooses to turn to the Lord for forgiveness and cleansing, and she comes out of that experience a better person because of it. She has a compa.s.sion that allows her to minister to other people. There is literally no scar tissue and no negative effects in her life because of that experience. Through the blood of Jesus, only positive results come from the evil occurrences in her past.

In this example, both women came out of the exact same situation, and yet they got totally different results. Why? Because they made two different choices in the matter.

For another example, take two people who come from what psychology calls a dysfunctional family - one controlled by alcoholism and abuse. It's not uncommon to find that one of those family members becomes an alcoholic, while the other becomes a teetotaler - two exactly opposite reactions to the same negative situation.

I had an uncle who used to smoke. He finally saw the damage smoking did to other people, so he changed and went the exact opposite direction. He hated smoking to such a degree that if anyone smoked around him in a confined area, he would get sick and throw up. He was that way until the day he died, yet his brothers continued to smoke. They had totally different reactions to the same information, because of the way they thought on the inside.

I believe our environment exerts a pressure upon us. It influences us a great deal. But ultimately, we have the choice over what we are going to do about it. Generally, psychology does not agree with that truth. It preaches that environment molds us one hundred percent. Psychology often gives people excuses to stay as they are, because they are told it's not their fault. They think that is freedom, but it's not - it's bondage.

If circ.u.mstances rule our lives, then we really don't have much control in the matter. We are just helpless victims of our circ.u.mstances and people who believe that live the rest of their lives as victims, not as victors. How can that possibly be freedom?

Old Victim or New Creation?

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are pa.s.sed away; behold, all things are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17 In Charlotte, North Carolina, where I was ministering along these lines, a woman came up to me and told me that she had been an alcoholic. Through Alcoholics Anonymous she had been dry for about two years. She wasn't on alcohol anymore, but she still had an alcoholic mentality. She was still a victim. She still felt the craving and the struggle on the inside of her every day of her life. She was not committing the physical action, but she was tormented in her emotions. She still saw herself as an alcoholic. She saw herself as a victim.

Programs like Alcoholics Anonymous reinforce this victim mentality. Every time these people go to a meeting, they stand up and say, "Hi, my name is So-and-So. I've been an alcoholic for X number of years, and I've been dry for X number of years."

They may be successfully resisting their craving for alcohol, but they still call themselves alcoholics. They still see themselves as victims who are simply coping, as contrasted with victors who have totally overcome. Through Christ, an alcoholic becomes a new person, a new creature, rather t.i.tan merely an old victim just barely coping.

After I had talked about these very things, this woman came to me and said, "Through what you have been saying, I realize that in Christ I am a new person and I am not going to be victimized the rest of my life. Now I'm not only free from the action, I'm also free from the torment." That realization set her totally free. She had been blaming everyone else for her condition, thinking that because of her background she had to adjust to her situation and live with those terrible emotions the rest of her life. That's just not so.

Another area where modern medicine and psychology put people in bondage is what they call mid-life crises. It is wrong to think that at age forty, because of a chemical response, it's time to have negative emotions. It's wrong to believe that you have to go through a mid-life crisis.

Because psychology has become so prominent in our society today, people are actually looking forward to that time of their life. They don't do it consciously, but nonetheless, they make plans for failure. They expect certain problems to arise. They hear so much about the negative changes everyone is supposed to go through in life, that when they experience some kind of physical or emotional reaction, they think, Well, this is my mid-life crisis. Well, this is my mid-life crisis. They start giving in to it, letting themselves run the full gamut of emotions. They start giving in to it, letting themselves run the full gamut of emotions.

Twenty-five years ago, people were missing mid-life crises because they didn't know they were supposed to have one. Today, people are experiencing them, not because there's something physical that makes them have them, but because they have never learned to harness or control their emotions.

Psychologists have put fancy names on this phenomenon and have come up with all kinds of theories in an attempt to take away people's guilt and make them feel better. Today, emotional complexes have become so popular that many people almost feel out-of-step with society if they haven't been through some kind of psychoa.n.a.lysis and therapy.

For the believer, who is a new creation in Christ, their ident.i.ty and security is found in Him. Instead of coping with alcoholism or a midlife crisis, they are set free.

s.h.i.+fting the Blame

It really bothers me how psychology has s.h.i.+fted the blame for people's negative self-images. Today, if you don't blame your situation on the government, your race, or your social standing, you can always contribute it to your upbringing. Your family was dysfunctional; therefore, if you show any sign of emotional immaturity or insecurity, it's not your fault. You are just a victim of your environment. You were made the way you are.

I don't buy that.

I was raised in a loving family, but my dad died when I was twelve years old, so I grew up without a father. Psychologists today would say that there's no way I could be normal. Surely I had to have experienced terrible trauma, rebellion, hurt, and all kinds of negative things. But that's not so. I never went through any trauma. I can honestly say that I never intentionally rebelled against my mother. I loved my mother to the degree that I never wanted to do anything to displease her.

"You know what's right and wrong," she would say. "You just do what you think you should." She never put a curfew on me, but the latest I ever stayed out at night was ten-thirty because I didn't want to worry her. I can think of only one exception when I came out of a show and found that I had accidentally locked my keys in the car. I had to ask the police to come open it up, but I called my mother and told her I was going to be late. I never lied to my mother. I never intentionally hurt her. I never went through the so-called "teenage rebellion."

Now I did wrong sometimes, because like most kids I was thoughtless and forgetful. There were times when my mother had to correct me. But even when I did wrong it was not because of an att.i.tude of rebellion.

However, according to current psychological thinking, because I grew up in a single-parent home, there is no way I could be normal. Maybe I'm not normal by today's standards, but I grew up without a lot of the problems I see people having today.

The point I am making is, if something negative happens in your life, you don't have to have a negative reaction. It is not predetermined. There is nothing physical that makes it that way. You can choose choose how you want to be. how you want to be.

Friends of mine have a daughter who just flipped out and went weird for awhile. She got into drugs and other things and left home. It broke her parents' hearts. I talked to them about it often. Finally, the girl came back home. Her parents submitted her to Christian counseling that was more psychological than it was biblical.

The counselors began by telling her, "The reason this happened was probably because your parents didn't love you. They were too strict on you. They didn't allow you your own individuality. They were restrictive." They placed the blame for her actions on her parents.

Her parents are friends of mine and I know they aren't perfect, because no one is perfect. We are human and we all fail. I am not saying these parents didn't do anything wrong, but they did give their daughter more than what 99.9 percent of other kids her age ever experienced. They loved her and did their best for her. Maybe they did something wrong that someone can point a finger at, but there are literally millions of other kids who had it worse than this girl and didn't rebel. It irritates me that psychology put the blame on the parents, rather than on the daughter, who was responsible.

What would have set this girl free? Taking responsibility for her life by being accountable to G.o.d and honoring her parents.

The Blessing of Personal Responsibility.

No doubt, there is plenty wrong in our lives! None of us are treated perfectly all the time, but that is no justification for us to act weird and then blame our behavior on our environment or upbringing. The truth is, we are responsible for our actions and our emotions.

You may be thinking, But that puts people under guilt, because it makes them feel personally responsible for their lives. But that puts people under guilt, because it makes them feel personally responsible for their lives. It's a blessing to face and accept personal responsibility. If everyone else is responsible for my feelings, then I'm in a world of trouble because I can't control everyone else. It's just a matter of time until someone comes across my path and ticks me off. It's a blessing, a release, and a step towards victory to find out that my problem is not what other people do to me, it's the way I respond because of my att.i.tude. It's a blessing to face and accept personal responsibility. If everyone else is responsible for my feelings, then I'm in a world of trouble because I can't control everyone else. It's just a matter of time until someone comes across my path and ticks me off. It's a blessing, a release, and a step towards victory to find out that my problem is not what other people do to me, it's the way I respond because of my att.i.tude.

A sense of personal responsibility causes us to ask, "Why am I responding like this to this person or situation?" Once we figure that out, we can begin to change.

We can't change everyone else, but we can change ourselves. We can change our thinking, which will change our emotions and our actions. Yes, responsibility may cause a bit of guilt and condemnation, but we can take that guilt and condemnation to the Lord. We can receive forgiveness and be released from it. That is the only real answer to this problem.

It is denial to blame everyone else and say, "It's my dysfunctional family that made me the way I am." No, they may have given us some real opportunities to mess up and they may have put pressure on us, but ultimately we are the ones who chose. Maybe it's because we didn't know the options. Maybe we hadn't really heard the Gospel. But we chose how we were going to act and feel.