Kate's Ordeal Part 10

"And yourself too," said Mrs. Haydon.

"How could I do that, mother? I knew all the time that I was doing wrong."

"Of course you did, my dear, but you had begun to deceive yourself long before you came to London, and that was when the mischief began. I think I have been to blame, too, perhaps, for I was proud of my truthful, upright girl, and may have let you hear me say more than was good for you to hear and you grew proud and self-righteous as a Pharisee."

"And now, now I am the worst girl living," sobbed Kate. "Oh, mother, I've thought of it all the while I was in prison. I, a Sunday scholar, in prison," she repeated with a shudder. "I have been a shame and disgrace to my cla.s.s and teacher as well as you, mother, but I've sinned against G.o.d worst of all. Oh, mother, will He ever forgive me do you think?"

"Yes, Kate; He will forgive anything you have done or can do, for the sake of His dear Son, and if you are spared--as I hope and trust you may be--you must live a very different life in future. You thought you were strong enough and good enough before and did not need His grace.

You never felt that you were a sinner needing the blood of Christ to cleanse and pardon you, but now----"

"Oh, mother, mother, my sins are too great," broke in Kate. "How could the Lord Jesus forgive such a wicked girl as I am?"

"Because He loved you--loved you so much as to die for you, Kate. My dear, you have thought so much of your own goodness that it is hard for you to believe now that G.o.d can forgive you without your deserving it; but was it as hard for you to believe that I would forgive you?"

Kate shook her head. "I knew you would forgive though I never could deserve it, because you always loved me so much," she said slowly.

"My dear, G.o.d loves you more than I do, with a wiser, purer, better love than even mine, and He wants you to believe it now, Kate, and hope in Him. I know you have been so weak and foolish that you cannot have any hope of yourself; but hope in G.o.d, my darling, confess all your sins to Him, tell Him the weakness and folly you have been guilty of, and ask His pardon for the past and strength and grace to live a new life in Christ for the future."

"I have prayed that He would pardon me, but oh, mother, how can I hope, how can I believe? He is so great, so holy."

"By taking Him at His word. If I told you anything, Kate, do you think it would be honouring me to say, 'You are so good, mother, I can't believe half you say?' Yet this is the way you are speaking of G.o.d; He says, 'Him that cometh unto Me I will in no wise cast out,' and 'Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners.' Mind, Kate, it was Jesus Christ, not the sinner's repentance, the tears he shed, the grief he felt, but Jesus Christ, who died 'the Just for the unjust.'"

After this talk with her mother Kate grew more calm and less unhappy.

The prospect of going home, however, so different from what Kate had antic.i.p.ated that return would be, was anything but pleasant now.

"Oh, mother, how can I meet Miss Eldon again?' she whispered one day.

"It will be hard for you, I know, but you must bear it, Kate, as part, at least, of the punishment of your sins. Sorrow and shame must follow sin, and though G.o.d forgives us He does not--cannot take away the consequences of them. They are bitter enough to you and poor Marion, too, for situations and character are both lost, and it is not easy work to regain a good character when once it has been lost."

Kate's future was, of course, a great anxiety to her mother, especially after they got home and Kate grew stronger. News of her disgrace had somehow got wind in the village and many of her former schoolfellows shunned her, especially Esther, who said she had her own character to take care of.

Gentle, brave, Mary Green, now the trusted servant of Lady Hazeldean, however, contrived to see her old schoolfellow as often as she could; and Miss Eldon, convinced of her repentance, offered at last to receive her as kitchenmaid in her own house--a situation Kate would have despised before, but which she was very grateful to get now. She also asked the lady to help her cousin if she could, and at her request a friend took Marion into her service, where for the first time she had the opportunity of learning those truths Kate had been taught before she went to London. Marion profited by what she was taught, and she and Kate both became useful and honoured women, loved and respected by all who knew them, and few remembered now that they had once been in prison or pa.s.sed through such a shameful and bitter experience as "KATE'S ORDEAL."