The Joy Of Living (Es Lebe Das Leben) Part 30

Beata (_looking at_ Richard).

He will give you his word of honour, and then he will go home and blow his brains out. Don't you see it in his face?

Kellinghausen.

What do you mean?

Richard.

Kellinghausen, ask your wife to leave the room, and I will----

Beata.

Richard, for fifteen years we have shared all our joys and sorrows. We must share this too.

Kellinghausen.

(_Half strangled, tearing his collar open, and then throwing himself on_ Richard.) You--you--you!

Richard (_seizing both his hands_).

Michael, take care! This must be between ourselves. Remember that.

Kellinghausen.

Yes--yes--yes; I pledged my word--I remember--I--oh, you--you---- (_He sinks down in a chair near the table, and hides his face with tearless sobs_.)

Beata (_approaching him after a pause_).

Dear Michael, Richard and I conquered our feelings long ago. That is why we are so calm now. What happened between us happened years ago, and we are ready to pay the cost, whatever it is.

Kellinghausen.

Oh, as far as he's concerned, it's simple enough. He and I can soon settle our account.

Richard.

Yes.

Kellinghausen.

But you--you--how can you justify yourself? How have you reconciled it to your conscience to live beside me half a lifetime with this thing between us? Why didn't you come and ask me to set you free?

Beata.

Yes--that was what _he_ wanted--he has such a sense of honour! And to this day he has never understood why I wouldn't. I loved him too well to ruin his life--that's all. Even if he could have got a divorce and married me, such a marriage would have been his ruin. I should simply have finished the work that Leonie had begun. But what I wanted was to save him. And so all these years I have lied for him----

Kellinghausen.

And what have you done for _me_? Or didn't I enter into your calculations?

Beata.

Michael, you must see that we can't discuss that now. It would be laughable if I were to try to explain to you----

Kellinghausen.

Ha! Ha! Lies and deception! Wife--friend--everything! Everything! (_To_ Richard.) Why do you stand there as if you were struck dumb? Why don't _you_ try and whitewash yourself too?

Richard.

You said just now that our account was easy to settle.

Beata.

He sees things differently. I speak for myself. He looks at things as you do.

Kellinghausen.

And yet----

Beata.

Wait, please! I have one word more to say, I have staked everything and lost--it's all over for us, all three of us. If I had spoken years ago, the same thing would have happened. You told me just now that I had made you happy. Well, that is what my lie has done. It has made you happy for fifteen years. Blame me for it--but don't forget it----

Kellinghausen.

And G.o.d--and retribution? Do you never think of such things? No repentance--no remorse? Nothing? Nothing?

Richard.

Spare her, Michael. Let me answer for her. (Kellinghausen _advances toward him with clenched fist_.)

Beata.

You have questioned _me_, Michael; let me question you. Must every natural instinct end in remorse and repentance? Sin? I am not conscious of sinning. I did the best that it was in me to do. I simply refused to be crushed by your social laws. I a.s.serted my right to live; my right to self-preservation. Perhaps it was another way of suicide--that's no matter. You know what my life has been--how I've had to buy it, hour by hour and drop by drop, at the nearest chemist's--well, wretched as it is, I've loved it too dearly to disown it now! Yes, I've loved it--I've loved everything--everything around me--you too, Michael--ah, don't laugh--yes, you too--even if I've--ah-- (_Her breath comes in long gasps and she reels and clutches a chair, closing her eyes as she leans against it. Then she opens them again_.) Which one of you will--help me to the door? (Richard _makes a movement, and then draws back_.)

Kellinghausen.

Beata, from now on there will be no one to help you.

Beata.

Thank you. (_With an intense effort, she walks out of the room_.)

Kellinghausen (_to_ Richard).

And now----?