Pirates Part 2

MRS. WARREN. Do sit down, Mrs. Romney.

MRS. ROMNEY. Did I hear you speaking of London as I came in, Mrs.

Warren?

MRS. WARREN. London? Speaking of London? Were we speaking of London, Betty? Yes, I believe I did say----

MRS. ROMNEY. Dear old London ... how I long for it!

MRS. WARREN. But my dear Mrs. Romney, London surely hasn't the ... the refinement of Northampton.

MRS. ROMNEY. Northampton! Ah! Why, this place is as far from the world as ... as the South Sea Islands!

MRS. WARREN. Mrs. Romney, how--how can you even think such a thing? Why, in the South Sea Islands, I am told, the people wear nothing but straw skirts ... and pirates, pirates take things--unmentionable things from innocent travelers. One could not accuse the people of Northampton of such things. Even our shop-keepers are gentlemen compared to those dreadful people who live in the South Seas.

MRS. ROMNEY. The people of the South Sea Islands are at least--interesting.

MRS. WARREN. Perfect savages!

MRS. ROMNEY. But, my dear, _all_ our forefathers were savages, you know ... hitting each other over the head with clubs, hanging from palm trees by their tails, and all that sort of thing.

MRS. WARREN. Oh, dear!

MRS. ROMNEY. And the longer I live in Northampton, my dear, the more I'm convinced that it wasn't so very many generations ago, either.

MRS. WARREN. Oh ... oh ... oh! Betty, you may go! You will excuse the dear child, I am sure. She has duties to perform which----

MRS. ROMNEY. Oh, yes, certainly.

BETTY. (_She rises and collects her flowers_) Good afternoon, Mrs.

Romney. Shall I see you at Mrs. Hunter's tea Thursday?

MRS. ROMNEY. Yes, dear, charmed.

BETTY. Good-bye.

(_MRS. ROMNEY bows. BETTY goes out left. CLARA enters with the tea things._)

MRS. WARREN. You will have a cup of tea, Mrs. Romney?

MRS. ROMNEY. Yes, thank you so much. So refres.h.i.+ng, nothing like tea for nerves, is there, really? Half a cup ... I have just come from Mrs.

Hunter's. Both cream and sugar, yes, thank you so much. Such a charming lady, Mrs. Hunter ... perfectly charming, my dear, perfectly charming.

So witty, so clever, so vivacious ... but dreadfully jealous.

MRS. WARREN. Jealous? Jealous of whom?

MRS. ROMNEY. She is very fond of her husband.

MRS. WARREN. (_Nervously_) Of whom ... of whom is she jealous?

MRS. ROMNEY. No one in particular, at present, I think.

MRS. WARREN. (_With a sigh of relief_) Oh----

MRS. ROMNEY. That is ... oh, is there any cause for her being jealous of any particular person, Mrs. Warren?

MRS. WARREN. (_Choking on her tea_) Eh? No ... no ... not that I know of.

MRS. ROMNEY. How uninteresting. The doctor is such a charming gentleman.

Dear me, I do hope I will have another attack of indigestion, or something of that sort soon. I am sure Doctor Hunter would be such a splendid physician ... he is so good looking. (_She puts down her teacup._) Dear me, I must be going. I am on my way to the meeting of the "Helping Hand Society" and----

MRS. WARREN. Yes, Mrs. Lawty has just gone. She dropped in to see me for a moment.

MRS. ROMNEY. Mrs. Lawty ... that one? I'm not speaking to her.

MRS. WARREN. Oh, dear, you ... you don't really mean you have quarrelled? So unladylike.

MRS. ROMNEY. Ladylike ... ladylike? Ladylike be d.a.m.ned!

MRS. WARREN. (_Almost jumping out of her chair_) Mrs. Romney!

MRS. ROMNEY. Mrs. Warren, I beg your pardon. I forgot, for a moment, to whom I was speaking.

MRS. WARREN. That was quite evident.

MRS. ROMNEY. Quite. But you see, Mrs. Lawty told Mrs. Pickering, who told Mrs. Lawer, who told Lady Blos.h.i.+re, whose maid told my maid, that Mrs. Lawty said that I dyed my hair ... dyed my hair!

MRS. WARREN. Really?

MRS. ROMNEY. I've never dyed my hair. The impertinent gossip. The----

MRS. WARREN. (_Quickly_) Do have another cup of tea, Mrs. Romney. It is so soothing.

MRS. ROMNEY. Oh, thank you. Just a little sugar, please, and no cream.

MRS. WARREN. (_Giving her the tea_) There, my dear.

MRS. ROMNEY. Lovely color, isn't it?

MRS. WARREN. Yes, isn't it? Mr. Warren, dear man, once told me that the natives of India use tea for dyeing.

MRS. ROMNEY. Hair?

MRS. WARREN. No ... no ... cloth, I believe, cloth.

MRS. ROMNEY. Oh, how interesting!

MRS. WARREN. I believe they use the henna berry for dyeing hair in the East. I am told it gives a beautiful soft auburn shade.

MRS. ROMNEY. How interesting. Does one procure it from one's pharmacist?