Kathleen Part 8

The Goblin was a canny man, and he had brought with him a wig and certain other properties. He hunted out a little tea shop, where he meditated over three cups of pekoe and hot b.u.t.tered toast.

Then he made his way to the Public Library, where he spent several hours over a cook-book. He was complimenting himself on having shaken the other Scorpions off his trail when Blair looked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of the stuffed-eggs recipe to which the Goblin was addressing himself for the fourth time.

The meeting was embarra.s.sing, but it could not be helped. After Blair had left him, the cook-to-be returned to his memoranda.

Mrs. Kent trusted many things to Ethel's judgment, and her instructions as jotted down on a slip of paper included three possibilities. "_Eggs, stuffed, devilled, or farci_," she had written, and the Goblin was endeavouring to decide which of these presented the least distressing responsibility. He was a student of mathematics, and had attempted to reduce the problem to a logical syllabus. He read over his memoranda:

THEOREM: STUFFED EGGS.

_Data_: six hard, boiled-eggs (20 minutes).

(a) Cut eggs in halves lengthwise.

(b) Remove yolks, and put whites aside in pairs.

(c) Mash yolks, and add (1) Half the amount of devilled ham.

(2) Enough melted b.u.t.ter to make of consistency to shape.

("Half _what_ amount of devilled ham?" thought the Goblin. "And where does the devilled ham come from? How does one devil a ham? What a pity Henry James never wrote a cook-book! It would have been lucid compared to this. _To make of consistency to shape_--what on earth does that mean?") (d) Clean and chop two chickens' livers, sprinkle with onion juice, and saute in b.u.t.ter--("No!" he cried, "that's _eggs farci_. Wrong theorem!")

(d) Make in b.a.l.l.s ("Make _what_ in b.a.l.l.s?") size of original yolks ("Note: remember to measure original yolks before cutting them lengthwise").

(e) Refill whites ("Let's see, what did I fill 'em with before?") (f) Form remainder of mixture into a nest. ("That's a nice little homely touch.") (g) Arrange eggs in the nest and (1) Pour over one cup White Sauce.

("Memo: See p. 266 for White Sauce.") (2) Sprinkle with b.u.t.tered crumbs.

("Allow plenty of time for b.u.t.tering those crumbs; that sounds rather ticklish work.") (3) Bake until crumbs are brown.

(h) Garnish with a border of toast points and a wreath of parsley.

Q. E. D.

"Integral calculus is a treat compared to this," he said to himself as he reviewed the problem. "I hope they have plenty of parsley in the house. That nest may need a little protecting foliage. I don't see how I can make any kind of proper asylum for those homeless, wandering eggs out of that mess." So saying, he left the library to call upon Ethel at her home and complete his disguise.

XI

Mrs. Kent was a deal puzzled by the bearing and accoutrements of her subst.i.tute cook. Eliza Thick appeared on the premises about seven o'clock, and with the aid of the housemaid breakfast went through fairly smoothly. It was Kathleen's query about the coffee that elicited the truth. Mary, with nervous gigglings, announced to her mistress that Ethel was ill and had sent a subst.i.tute. The coincidence that Josephine's nominee should turn out to be a friend of Ethel struck Mrs. Kent as strange, and presently she went down to interview the new kitcheneer.

Eliza Thick, a medium-sized but rather powerfully fas.h.i.+oned female, generously busted and well furnished with rich brown hair, was was.h.i.+ng the dishes. She curtseyed respectfully as Mrs.

Kent entered the kitchen.

"Good morning," said Mrs. Kent. "You are Eliza Thick?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You brought a note from Ethel?"

"Yes, ma'am;" and fumbling in an opulent bosom, Eliza drew forth a crumpled sc.r.a.p of paper.

"I had a telegram from my niece in Oxford recommending you. How did she know of you?"

"I worked at Lady Marg'ret 'All, ma'am, where the young lady is studyin'."

"Why did you leave your place there?"

"If you please, ma'am, my dishes was so tasty that it made the young ladies discontented when they got 'ome. Their parents complained that it gave 'em too 'igh ideas about wittles. The princ.i.p.al said I was pamperin' 'em too much, an' offered to release me."

Mary, who was listening, gave a loud snort of laughter, which she tried to conceal by rattling some plates.

"Well, Eliza," said Mrs. Kent, "that will do. You must get on with the work as best you can. Judging by the coffee this morning, I don't think your cooking will have the same effect on us that it did on the students at Lady Margaret Hall. We were expecting a guest for lunch but I will have to put him off until supper. I have written out the menu for the day. Mary will give you any help she can."

"If you please, ma'am?" said Eliza.

"Yes?"

"Cook gave me a message for Miss Kathleen, ma'am, which she asked me to deliver in person."

"A message for Miss Kathleen?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, you can tell me, I will tell Miss Kathleen."

"Cook said I was to give it to her personally," said the persistent Eliza.

"How very extraordinary," said Mrs. Kent. "What did you say was the matter with Ethel--is it anything contagious?"

"Oh, no, ma'am, I think it's just a touch of--of nervous debility, ma'am--too many white corpuscles, ma'am."

"Well, I don't think Miss Kathleen can come down now, Eliza; we have just had a very strange telegram which has rather upset us."

"Yes, ma'am."

The new cook sat down to peel potatoes and study the mechanics of Kitchencraft. She found much to baffle her in the array of pots and pans, and in the workings of the range. From a cupboard she took out mince-meat choppers, potato mashers, cream whippers, egg-beaters, and other utensils, gazing at them in total ignorance of their functions. Mrs. Kent had indicated jugged hare and mashed potatoes for lunch, and after some scrutiny of the problem Eliza found a hammer in the cabinet with which she began to belabour the vegetables. Mary, who might have suggested boiling the potatoes first, was then upstairs.

By and by Kathleen heard the thumping, and came into the kitchen to investigate.

"Good morning, Eliza."

"Good morning, Miss," said the delighted cook. "Oh, I _am_ so happy to see you, Miss!"

"Thank you, Eliza. Did you have a message for me from Ethel?"

"Yes, Miss. Er--Ethel said she hoped you'd give me all the help you can, Miss, because--er, you see, Miss, cooking for a private family is very different from working in a college where there are so many, Miss."

"I see. Well--what on earth are you doing to those potatoes, Eliza?"

"Mas.h.i.+ng 'em, Miss."

"What, with a _hammer_!"

"I washed the 'ammer, Miss."