Quips and Quiddities Part 45

Come, darling! Tell me all. "_Boo--boo-- I can't eat any more!_"

H. CHOLMONDELEY PENNELL, _Puck on Pegasus_.

Never take a sheet-bath--never. Next to meeting a lady acquaintance who, for reasons best known to herself, don't see you when she looks at you, and don't know you when she sees you, it is about the most uncomfortable thing in the world.

MARK TWAIN, _Choice Works_.

The critic's lot is pa.s.sing hard-- Between ourselves, I think reviewers, When call'd to truss a crowing bard, Should not be sparing of the skewers.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.

To-morrow the critics will commence. You know who the critics are? The men who have failed in literature and art.

_Phoebus_, in LORD BEACONSFIELD's _Lothair_.

That climax of all human ills-- The inflammation of his weekly bills.

LORD BYRON, _Don Juan_.

On n'a guere de defauts qui ne soient plus pardonnables que les moyens dont on se sert pour les cacher.

LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, _Reflexions_.

Meeting a friend one day, when the weather had taken a most sudden and unaccountable turn from cold to warmth, the subject was mooted as usual, and characterized by the gentleman as being "most extraordinary." "Yes," replied [Compton], "it is a most unheard of thing; we've jumped from winter into summer without a spring."

_Memoir of Henry Compton._

"Pray what is this Permissive Bill, That some folks rave about?

I can't with all my pains and skill, Its meaning quite make out?"

O! it's a little simple Bill, That seeks to pa.s.s _incog._, To _permit_ ME--to _prevent_ YOU-- From having a gla.s.s of grog.

LORD NEAVES, _Songs and Verses_.

Quelque mal qu'un homme puisse penser des femmes, il n'y a pas de femme qui n'en pense encore plus mal que lui.

CHAMFORT, _Maximes_.

With thy fogs, all so thick and so yellow, The most approved tint for _ennui_, Oh, when shall a man see thy fellow, November, for _felo-de-se_?

J. R. PLANCHe, _Songs and Poems_.

"Life," continued Mr. Rose, "is a series of moments and emotions."

"And a series of absurdities, too, very often," said Dr. Jenkinson.

"Life is a solemn mystery," said Mr. Stocks, severely.

"Life is a d.a.m.ned nuisance," muttered Leslie to himself.

W. H. MALLOCK, _The New Republic_.

The world's an ugly world. Offend Good people, how they wrangle!

Their manners that they never mend,-- The characters they mangle!

They eat, and drink, and scheme, and plod,-- They go to church on Sunday; And many are afraid of G.o.d-- And more of _Mrs. Grundy_.

FREDERICK LOCKER, _London Lyrics_.

I went away the first, in order to give the men an opportunity of abusing me; for whenever the men abuse, the women, to support alike their coquetry and the conversation, think themselves called upon to defend.

_Pelham_, in LORD LYTTON's novel.

There's one John Bright, a Manchester man, Who taught the Tories to rule, By setting their stamp on his patent plan For renewing the youth of John Bull; But I say that it won't do at all.

To seek for salvation By mere numeration Of polls would surprise, If they were to rise, Not a little both Plato and Paul.

J. S. BLACKIE, _Musa Burschicosa_.

Une femme vertueuse a dans le coeur une fibre du moins ou de plus que les autres femmes; elle est stupide ou sublime.

BALZAC, _Physiologie du Mariage_.

_ON SCOTCH WEATHER._

Scotland! thy weather's like a modish wife; Thy winds and rains for ever are at strife; Like thee the termagants their bl.u.s.tering try, And, when they can no longer scold, they cry.

AARON HILL (1685-1750).

Went with Lamb to Richman's. Richman produced one of Chatterton's forgeries. In one ma.n.u.script there were seventeen different kinds of e's. "Oh," said Lamb, "that must have been written by one of the-- 'Mob of gentlemen who write with _ease_.'"

CRABB ROBINSON, _Diary_.

_SCIRE TUUM NIHIL FIT._

To have a thing is little, if you're not allowed to show it, And to know a thing is nothing, unless others know you know it.

LORD NEAVES.