Social Life Part 38

If the German is to finish the evening, a separate, hot supper should be served at its close, and the all-night supper confined more exclusively to cold dishes, with the exception of hot drinks.

In case of a very s.p.a.cious mansion, the hostess may, if she prefer, keep the supper-room closed until half-past twelve, or one, when she will give the word. Her husband should lead the way to supper with some lady to be especially honored. The hostess should not go out herself until she sees that every lady has been properly escorted, save in cases where she is to accompany some very distinguished gentleman who is present. In this case she delegates her authority either to a grown son, some other relative, or to some gentleman especially appointed, who takes her place in seeing that there are no forgotten wall-flowers left to blush unseen.

No gentleman should presume to offer the hostess his escort to the supper-room, this being an honor she confers at pleasure.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE COQUETTE.]

A small tea-room on an upper floor is very desirable at a large gathering. Here guests, ladies especially, can, unattended, seek the refreshment of a cup of tea, coffee, cocoa, or bouillon before descending to the drawing-rooms. Gentlemen, too, may escort their wearied partners to this haven for a moment's light refection and rest after dancing. Iced lemonade should also be served here, and the room never left without an attendant.

Many who do not care for a heavy supper, are wont to resort to this room, where tiny sandwiches, maccaroons, etc., should also be in readiness.

A smoking-room is frequently provided at large entertainments where the gentlemen may retire. Cigars, effervescent waters, and lemonade are furnished here, and sometimes stronger drinks. This last, however, is a question which every hostess must settle according to her own convictions. If wines are furnished, champagne and claret punch are the usual choice, and a trusted attendant should be at hand to serve them. Those who patronize this room will, if they wish to lay any claim to the name of "gentlemen," carefully refrain from the slightest over-indulgence in these cooling, but deceptive drinks.

If there should be no smoking-room set aside, gentlemen must never smoke in their dressing-room. To do so is especially thoughtless and impolite.

Host and Hostess.

In giving a ball the hostess, upon whom the greatest strain will fall, must be sure of her own physical and mental strength. To stand for two consecutive hours in one spot and receive each comer with the same sweet courtesy is a severe strain upon both.

Daughters, young lady relatives or ladies invited to receive, are usually at hand to support her. The host, if there be one, does not stand beside his wife to receive, but is usually not far away and should a.s.sist in making the occasion an agreeable one.

Sons of the house do not seek their own pleasure at such a time, but quietly endeavor, aided by the daughters or receiving ladies, to provide dancing and supper partners for all present. Sometimes two or three young men are appointed beforehand to attend to this duty.

The hostess, while richly dressed, should never show any desire by the elaborateness of her costume to outs.h.i.+ne her guests.

Should an obtuse cabman, misled by some similarity of name or error in number (as may occur in large cities), permit a perplexed guest, perhaps a stranger, to drift across the wrong threshold, let it be a hospitable one. The hostess, though she may not be able to unravel the mystery, should be gracious and attentive.

Arrival and Departure.

The first move after leaving the dressing-rooms is for ladies to join their escorts and proceed to the drawing-rooms.

In going up or down stairs the gentleman always precedes the lady by several steps, unless they walk side by side. This rule holds good on every occasion. A lady, if she wishes the gentleman's a.s.sistance should take his right arm, thus leaving her right hand free to carry her train. Her bouquet or fan may be carried in the hand upon his arm.

Gentlemen and ladies never enter the room arm in arm, no matter what their relations.h.i.+p may be. A lady enters somewhat in advance of a gentleman accompanying her, but at the side of a maiden whom she chaperons. A mother precedes her daughter.

Do not offer to shake hands with the hostess as you bow, unless she makes the initiatory move, since where the number invited is large the process becomes somewhat wearisome. Many hostesses prefer to sweep a graceful courtesy as they receive their guests.

Do not remain chatting with the receiving party. A bow, and a simple exchange of kindly inquiries, is sufficient, when you should pa.s.s on immediately to leave room for others. A gentleman's next duty is to search out his host and exchange the courtesies of the evening with him. Any who may arrive late should at once search out both host and hostess to offer a belated greeting.

A stranger who has received an invitation through friends, should be introduced to both host and hostess and to any daughters of the house.

If a gentleman, he should be sure to invite the ladies to dance.

At a large ball any formal leave-taking is unnecessary. To

"Fold your tents like the Arabs, And as silently steal away,"

is quite the thing. Do not make such a stir by your going as to call attention to your departure, apparently wis.h.i.+ng others to take notice of it.

The Escort.

The escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others he may meet in the ball-room. He should a.s.sist her from the carriage, accompany her to the dressing-room door, and after due time return to escort her to the reception-room. He must be her partner in the opening dance and should also put his name down for the one immediately preceding supper, since it is expected that the gentleman dancing with a lady then will take her out to supper, and there see that all her wants are antic.i.p.ated. If, for any reason, he cannot do this, he must see that she is suitably attended; a gentleman taking a lady into the supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room and leave her wherever she may desire.

If there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is provided with partners for as many dances as she may desire; never dancing himself unless she, too, is on the floor, or, if she prefer, sitting out the dance with some pleasant companion. He may introduce other gentlemen to her, after asking her permission.

It is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion, and he first asks what the lady's costume is to be, in order to harmonize the color of the flowers with the shade of the dress, since it would be most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown.

It is the lady's privilege to suggest the hour of departure. After seeing her safely within her own door he should leave; even if she asks him to enter he should politely refuse, remembering, however, to call upon her within two days.

[Ill.u.s.tration: CONFIDENCES.]

Receiving Ladies.

Ladies called upon to a.s.sist in receiving are not to consider their duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the trying hours of standing to greet her guests, but are supposed (though they too often fail in this) to mingle with the company, seeing that strangers and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to remain wall-flowers for any length of time. Bashful men, too, must not be left without partners, and all should be provided with escorts to supper.

These things are a part of the hostess' duty, but in a large entertainment it is quite beyond her power to attend to all the claims upon her time.

The sons of the house, and sometimes a few other especially deputized young men, must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give pleasure to others. If the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen, these aids frequently take two out to supper.

Daughters of the house, together with receiving ladies and the hostess, do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied with partners. However, should the hostess be expected to accompany some distinguished gentleman to the table, she will delegate her duties to another.

General Rules for Observance.

Gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of their own family or to friends, first asking their permission or the permission of their chaperons. In case of a chaperon, the introduction is made first to her and then to the young lady, and the gentleman at close of the dance returns his partner to her chaperon.

Where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady, a short promenade is often indulged in; but if the gentleman be a stranger to her, she should not expect this, for he may have another engagement, and will return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some lady friend she may designate. In Europe this promenading is not allowed, the young lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon after dancing.

Supper being announced, a gentleman, having no other engagement, offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing and escorts her out, unless some previous partner arrives to claim her before his invitation is given. Once given, a lady is not free (unusual circ.u.mstances excepted) to decline it, even though she may have expected another to offer her the same attention. If she be accompanied by a chaperon, the elder lady is invited at the same time, and it is to her that his arm is offered, the younger lady walking by her side. For two ladies to each take an arm is not good form.

A gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance, should never ask if she is engaged for it. He may request the pleasure or honor of her company for the next dance, and he will learn from her answer whether she be free, without compelling her to acknowledge at the last moment that she has been hitherto unsought.

Formality of Introductions.

The request for a dance should be accompanied by a bow on the part of the gentlemen. At its close he should thank her for the pleasure, and she should return this courtesy with a smile and bow, and a murmured "Thank you."

An introduction to a lady in the ball-room presupposes that the gentleman will dance with her or walk with her through one dance.

In England, where introductions are rarely given to those invited to an entertainment, a gentleman may ask any lady for a dance. She will probably accept, but he must not take this as the prelude to an after acquaintance. In America, however, it is necessary to ask some mutual friend to first request the favor of the lady, and then, if granted, give the introduction.

However, in case of any little accident, or sudden faintness, gentlemen should be quick to a.s.sist, bringing an iced drink, aiding to the dressing-room, or calling a carriage, as the case may be, without the formality of an introduction. A gentleman may also ask an older lady who seems left unattended at supper-time, if he may bring her some refreshments, and this without an introduction.

It is very bad form for gentlemen to stand about the ball-room, especially if there be a scarcity of dancing men present. Even if there is no one in the room for whom they particularly care, they should be unselfish enough to remember that dancing is almost the only active form of amus.e.m.e.nt in which the majority of ladies may partic.i.p.ate.