Quality Street Part 22

VALENTINE. Why has this deception been kept up so long?

PATTY. Because you would not see through it. Oh, the wicked denseness. She thought you were infatuate with Miss Livvy because she was young and silly.

VALENTINE. It is infamous.

PATTY. I will not have you call her names. 'Twas all playful innocence at first, and now she is so feared of you she is weeping her soul to death, and all I do I cannot rouse her. 'I ha' a follower in the kitchen, ma'am,' says I, to infuriate her. 'Give him a gla.s.s of cowslip wine,' says she, like a gentle lamb. And ill she can afford it, you having lost their money for them.

VALENTINE. What is that? On the contrary, all the money they have, Patty, they owe to my having invested it for them.

PATTY. That is the money they lost.

VALENTINE. You are sure of that?

PATTY. I can swear to it.

VALENTINE. Deceived me about that also. Good G.o.d; but why?

PATTY. I think she was feared you would offer to her out of pity. She said something to Miss Susan about keeping a flag flying. What she meant I know not. (_But he knows, and he turns away his face._) Are you laughing, sir?

VALENTINE. No, Patty, I am not laughing. Why do they not say Miss Livvy has gone home? It would save them a world of trouble.

PATTY. The Misses Willoughby and Miss Henrietta--they watch the house all day. They would say she cannot be gone, for we did not see her go.

VALENTINE (_enlightened at last_). I see!

PATTY. And Miss Phoebe and Miss Susan wring their hands, for they are feared Miss Livvy is bedridden here for all time. (_Now his sense of humour a.s.serts itself_). Thank the Lord, you 're laughing!

(_At this he laughs the more, and it is a gay_ CAPTAIN BROWN _on whom_ MISS SUSAN _opens the bedroom door. This desperate woman is too full of plot to note the change in him._)

MISS SUSAN. I am happy to inform you, sir, that Livvy finds herself much improved.

VALENTINE (_bolting_). It is joy to me to hear it.

MISS SUSAN. She is coming in to see you.

PATTY (_aghast_). Oh, ma'am!

VALENTINE (_frowning on_ PATTY). I shall be happy to see the poor invalid.

PATTY. Ma'am----!

(_But_ MISS SUSAN, _believing that so far all is well, has returned to the bedchamber_. CAPTAIN BROWN _bestows a quizzical glance upon the maid._)

VALENTINE. Go away, Patty. Anon I may claim a service of you, but for the present, go.

PATTY. But--but----

VALENTINE. Retire, woman.

(_She has to go, and he prepares his face for the reception of the invalid_. PHOEBE _comes in without her cap, the ringlets showing again. She wears a dressing jacket and is supported by_ MISS SUSAN.)

VALENTINE (_gravely_). Your servant, Miss Livvy.

PHOEBE (_weakly_). How do you do?

VALENTINE. Allow me, Miss Susan.

(_He takes_ MISS SUSAN'S _place; but after an exquisite moment_ MISS PHOEBE _breaks away from him, feeling that she is not worthy of such bliss._)

PHOEBE. No, no, I--I can walk alone--see.

(_She reclines upon the couch._)

MISS SUSAN. How do you think she is looking?

(_He makes a professional examination of the patient, and they are very ashamed to deceive him, but not so ashamed that they must confess._)

What do you think?

VALENTINE (_solemnly_). She will recover. May I say, ma'am, it surprises me that any one should see much resemblance between you and your Aunt Phoebe. Miss Phoebe is decidedly shorter and more thick-set.

PHOEBE (_sitting up_). No, I am not.

VALENTINE. I said Miss Phoebe, ma'am. (_She reclines._) But tell me, is not Miss Phoebe to join us?

PHOEBE. She hopes you will excuse her, sir.

MISS SUSAN (_vaguely_). Taking the opportunity of airing the room.

VALENTINE. Ah, of course.

MISS SUSAN (_opening bedroom door and catting mendaciously_). Captain Brown will excuse you, Phoebe.

VALENTINE. Certainly, Miss Susan. Well, ma'am, I think I could cure Miss Livvy if she is put unreservedly into my hands.

MISS SUSAN (_with a sigh_). I am sure you could.

VALENTINE. Then you are my patient, Miss Livvy.

PHOEBE (_nervously_). 'Twas but a pa.s.sing indisposition, I am almost quite recovered.

VALENTINE. Nay, you still require attention. Do you propose making a long stay in Quality Street, ma'am?

PHOEBE. I--I--I hope not. It--it depends.

MISS SUSAN (_forgetting herself_). Mary is the worst.

VALENTINE. I ask your pardon?