John Woolman's Journal Part 20

_LONDON_: Printed by MARY HINDE.

SOME EXPRESSIONS, &c.

Being in the Course of his religious Visit at _York_, and having attended most of the Sittings of the Quarterly-Meeting there, held in the Ninth Month, 1772, he was taken ill of the _Small Pox_, in which Disorder he continued about two Weeks, at Times under great Affliction of Body, and then departed in full a.s.surance of a happy Eternity, as the following Expressions, amongst others, taken from his own Mouth, do plainly evidence.

One Day being asked how he felt himself, he meekly answered, "I don't know that I have slept this Night: I feel the Disorder making its Progress, but my Mind is mercifully preserved in Stillness and Peace."

Some Time after he said, "He was sensible the Pains of Death must be hard to bear, but if he escaped them now, he must some Time pa.s.s through them, and did not know he could be better prepared, but had no Will in it." Said, "He had settled his outward Affairs to his Mind; had taken Leave of his Wife and Family, as never to return, leaving them to the Divine Protection:" Adding, "And though I feel them near to me at this Time, yet I freely give them up, having an Hope they will be provided for." And a little after said, "This Trial is made easier than I could have thought, by my Will being wholly taken away; for if I was anxious as to the Event, it would be harder, but I am not, and my Mind enjoys a perfect Calm."

In the Night a young Woman having given him something to drink, he said, "My Child, thou seemest very kind to me, a poor Creature, the Lord will reward thee for it." A while after he cried out with great Earnestness of Spirit, "Oh! my Father, my Father, how comfortable art thou to my Soul in this trying Season." Being asked if he could take a little Nourishment, after some Pause he replied, "My Child, I cannot tell what to say to it: I seem nearly arrived where my Soul shall have Rest from all its Troubles." After giving in something to be put into his Journal, he said, "I believe the Lord will now excuse me from Exercises of this Kind, and I see no Work but one, which is to be the last wrought by me in this World; the Messenger will come that will release me from all these Troubles, but it must be in the Lord's Time, which I am waiting for." He said, "He had laboured to do whatever was required, according to the Ability received, in the Remembrance of which he had Peace: And though the Disorder was strong at Times, and would come over his Mind like a Whirlwind, yet it had hitherto been kept steady, and center'd in everlasting Love." Adding, "And if that's mercifully continued, I ask nor desire no more."

At another Time he said, "He had long had a View of visiting this Nation; and some Time before he came, he had a Dream, in which he saw himself in the Northern Parts of it; and that the Spring of the Gospel was opened in him, much as in the Beginning of Friends, such as _George Fox_ and _William Dewsbury_; and he saw the different States of People as clear as ever he had seen Flowers in a Garden; but in his going on he was suddenly stopt, though he could not see for what End, but looked towards Home, and in that fell into a Flood of Tears, which waked him."

At another Time he said, "My Draught seem'd strongest to the North, and I mentioned in my own Monthly-Meeting, that attending the Quarterly-Meeting at _York_, and being there, looked like Home to me."

Having repeatedly consented to take a Medicine with a View to settle his Stomach, but without Effect, the Friend then waiting on him, said, through Distress, "What shall I do now?" He answered with great Composure, "Rejoice evermore, and in every Thing give Thanks." But added a little after, "This is sometimes hard to come at."

One Morning early he brake forth in Supplication on this wise; "Oh Lord!

it was thy Power that enabled me to forsake Sin in my Youth, and I have felt thy Bruises since for Disobedience, but as I bowed under them thou healedst me; and though I have gone through many Trials and sore Afflictions, thou hast been with me, continuing a Father and a Friend. I feel thy Power now, and beg that in the approaching trying Moments, thou wilt keep my Heart steadfast unto thee." Upon his giving the same Friend Directions concerning some little Matters, she said, "I will take Care, but hope thou mayst live to order them thyself;" he replied, "My Hope is in Christ; and though I may now seem a little better, a Change in the Disorder may soon happen, and my little Strength be dissolved, and if it so happen, I shall be gather'd to my everlasting Rest." On her saying, "She did not doubt that, but could not help mourning to see so many faithful Servants removed at so low a Time," he said, "All Goodness cometh from the Lord, whose Power is the same, and he can work as he sees best." The same Day, after giving her Directions about wrapping his Corpse, and perceiving her to weep, he said, "I had rather thou wouldst guard against Weeping or Sorrowing for me, my Sister; I sorrow not, though I have had some painful Conflicts; but now they seem over, and Matters all settled, and I look at the Face of my dear Redeemer, for sweet is his Voice, and his Countenance comely."

Being very weak, and in general difficult to be understood, he uttered a few Words in Commemoration of the Lord's Goodness to him; and added, "How tenderly have I been waited upon in this Time of Affliction, in which I may say in _Job's_ Words, _Tedious Days and wearisome Nights are appointed unto me_; and how many are spending their Time and Money in Vanity and Superfluities, while Thousands and Tens of Thousands want the Necessaries of Life, who might be relieved by them, and their Distresses at such a Time as this, in some degree softened by the administring of suitable Things."

An Apothecary who attended him of his own Accord (he being unwilling to have any sent for) appeared very anxious to a.s.sist him, with whom conversing, he queried about the Probability of such a Load of Matter being thrown off his weak Body, and the Apothecary making some Remarks, implying he thought it might, he spoke with an audible Voice on this wise: "My Dependance is in the Lord Jesus Christ, who I trust will forgive my Sins, which is all I hope for; and if it be his Will to raise up this Body again, I am content, and if to die I am resigned: And if thou canst not be easy without trying to a.s.sist Nature, in order to lengthen out my Life, I submit." After this, his Throat was so much affected, that it was very difficult for him to speak so as to be understood, and he frequently wrote when he wanted any Thing. About the second Hour on Fourth-day Morning, being the 7th of the Tenth Month, 1772, he asked for Pen and Ink, and at several Times, with much Difficulty, wrote thus: "I believe my being here is in the Wisdom of Christ; I know not as to Life or Death." About a Quarter before Six the same Morning, he seemed to fall into an easy Sleep, which continued about half an Hour, when seeming to awake, he breathed a few Times with more Difficulty, and so expired without Sigh, Groan, or Struggle.

_Note_, He often said, "It was hid from him, whether he might recover, or not, and he was not desirous to know it; but from his own Feeling of the Disorder, and his feeble Const.i.tution, thought he should not."

FINISH