The Adventurous Simplicissimus being the description of the Life of a Strange vagabond named Melchior Sternfels von Fuchshaim Part 20

So we feasted like princes, and heartily did I enjoy the good forest-trout and the savoury crayfish. And when 'twas evening we took to the road again, loading our peasant with baked meats and other victual like a pack-horse: with all which we came the next day to a lonesome farm, where we were friendly welcomed and entertained, and by reason of ill weather stayed two days: thereafter through woods and by-ways we came to that very hut whither Oliver did take me when first he had me to his companion.

_Chap. xxii._: HOW OLIVER BIT THE DUST AND TOOK SIX GOOD MEN WITH HIM

So as we sat down to refresh our bodies and to rest, Oliver sent the peasant out to buy food and also powder and shot. He being gone, he takes off his coat and says he, "Brother, I can no longer carry this devils' money about with me alone": and with that unbound a pair of bags like sausages that he wore on his naked body, threw them on the table, and went on, "Of these thou must take care till I come to my holidays and we both have enough, for the accursed stuff hath worked sores upon my body, so that I can no longer carry it." I answered, "Brother, hadst thou as little as I, 'twould not gall thee." But he cut me short. "How," says he, "what is mine is also thine; and what we do further win shall be fairly-shared." So I took up the two sausages and found they were indeed mighty heavy, being gold pieces only. Then I told him 'twas all ill-packed, and an he would, I would so sew the money in that it should not vex him half so much in the carrying. And when he agreed to this he had me with him to a hollow tree wherein he had scissors, needles, and thread: and there I made for him and me a pair of knapsacks out of a pair of breeches, and many a fine red penny I sewed therein. So having put the same on under our s.h.i.+rts, 'twas as if we had golden armour behind and before, by means of which we were become, if not proof against bullets, yet against swords. Then did I wonder why he kept no silver coin: to which he answered he had more than a thousand thalers lying in a tree from which he allowed the peasant to buy victuals, and never asked for a reckoning, as not greatly valuing such trash.

This done and the money packed, away we went to our hut, and there cooked our food and warmed ourselves by the stove all night. And thither at one o'clock of the day, when we did least expect it, came six musqueteers with a corporal to our hut with their pieces ready and their matches burning, who burst in the door and cried to us to surrender. But Oliver (that, like me, had ever his loaded piece lying by him and his sharp sword also, and then sat behind the table, and I by the stove behind the door) answered them with a couple of musquet-b.a.l.l.s, wherewith he brought two to the ground, while I with a like shot slew one and wounded the fourth. Then Oliver whipped out his terrible sword (that could cut hairs asunder and might well be compared to Caliburn, the sword of King Arthur of England) and therewith he clove the fifth man from the shoulder to the belly, so that his bowels gushed out and he himself fell down beside them in gruesome fas.h.i.+on.

And meanwhile I knocked the sixth man on the head with the b.u.t.t-end of my piece, so that he fell lifeless: but Oliver got even such a blow from the seventh, and that with such force that his brains flew out, and I in turn dealt him that did that such a crack that he must needs join his comrades on the dead muster-roll. So when the one that I had shot at and wounded was ware of such cuffs and saw that I made for him with the b.u.t.t of my piece also, he threw away his gun and began to run as if the devil was at his heels. Yet all this fight lasted no longer than one could say a paternoster, in which brief s.p.a.ce seven brave soldiers did bite the dust.

Now when I thus found myself master of the field, I examined Oliver to see if he had a breath left in him, but finding him quite dead, methought 'twas folly to leave so much money on a corpse that could not need it, and so I stripped him of his golden fleece that I had made but yesterday and hung it round my neck with the other. And having broken mine own gun, I took Oliver's musquet and sharp battle-sword to myself, wherewith I provided me against all chances, and so away I went and that by the road by which I knew our peasant must return: and sitting down by the wayside I waited for him and further considered what I should now do.

_Chap. xxiii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS BECAME A RICH MAN AND HERZBRUDER FELL INTO GREAT MISERY

Now I sat but half an hour in thought when there comes to me our peasant puffing like a bear, and, running with all his might, was not ware of me till I had him fast: and "Why so fast?" says I, "what news?"

"Quick," he answered, "away with ye! for here cometh a corporal with six musqueteers that are to seize you and Oliver and bring you to Liechteneck dead or alive: they took me and would have it I should lead them to you: yet am I luckily escaped and come hither to warn ye."

"O villain," thought I, "thou hast betrayed us to get Oliver's money that lieth in the tree." Yet of this I let him mark nothing (for I would have him to shew me the way), but told him both Oliver and they that should take him were dead: which when he would not believe, I was good enough to go with him that he might see the miserable sight of the seven bodies, and says I, "The seventh of them that should take us I let go: and would to G.o.d I could bring these to life again, for I would not fail to do it."

At that the peasant was amazed with fear and asked, "What plan have ye now?" "Why," quoth I, "the plan is already resolved on: for I give thee the choice of three things: either lead me by safe by-ways through the wood to Villingen, or shew me Oliver's money that lieth in the tree, or die here and keep these dead men company: an thou bringest me to Villingen thou hast Oliver's money for thyself alone: if thou wilt shew it me I will share it with thee: but if thou wilt do neither, I shoot thee dead and go my way."

Then would he fain have made off, but feared the musquet, and so fell on his knees and offered to guide me through the wood. So we started in haste and walked the whole of that day and the next night, which was by great good luck a very bright one, without food or drink or rest of any kind, till towards daybreak we saw the town of Villingen lie before us, and there I let my peasant go. And what supported us in this long journey was: for the peasant the fear of death and for me the desire to escape, myself and my money; yea, I do wellnigh believe that gold lendeth a man strength: for though I carried a heavy enough load of it yet I felt no especial weariness.

I held it for a lucky omen that even as I came to the gates of Villingen they were being opened, where the officer of the watch examined me; and hearing that I gave myself out to be a volunteer trooper of that regiment to which Herzbruder had appointed me when he released me from my musquet at Philippsburg, and also said that I had escaped from Weimar's camp before Breisach, by whose men I had been captured at Wittenweier and made to serve among them, and that I now desired to come to my regiment among the Bavarians, he gave me in charge to a musqueteer, who led me to the commandant. The same was yet asleep, for he had spent half the night awake about his affairs, so that I must wait a full hour and a half before his quarters, and because the folk just then came from early ma.s.s I had a crowd of citizens and soldiers around me that would all know how matters stood before Breisach: at which clamour the commandant awoke and without further delay had me brought to him.

Then began he to examine me, and I said even as I did at the gate.

Whereupon he asked me of certain particularities of the siege and so forth, and at that I confessed all; namely, how I had spent some few days with a fellow that had also escaped, and with him had attacked and plundered a coach, with intent to get so much booty from Weimar's people that we could get us horses, and so properly equipped could come to our regiments again; but yesterday we had been attacked unawares by a corporal and six other fellows that would have taken us, whereby my comrade had been left dead on the field with six of the enemy, while the seventh as well as I had escaped: but he to his own party. But of the rest, namely, how I would have come to my wife at Lippstadt, and how I had two such well-stuffed breast and back-plates, of that I said no word, and made no scruple to conceal it, for what did it concern him? Nor did he ask me of it at all, but much more was amazed and would hardly believe that Oliver and I had killed six men and put the seventh to flight, even though my comrade had paid with his life. So as we talked there was occasion to speak of Oliver's wonderful sword that I had by my side: which pleased him so well that if I would part civilly from him and get a pa.s.s I must hand it over to him in return for another that he gave me. And in truth it was a fine and beautiful blade, with a perpetual calendar engraved thereupon, nor shall any persuade me 'twas not forged by Vulcan _in hora Martis_, and altogether so prepared as is told of that sword in the Heldenbuch, by which all other swords are cleft asunder and the most courageous and lion-hearted foes are put to flight like fearful hares. So when he had dismissed me and commanded to give me a pa.s.s I went the nearest way to an inn, and knew not whether I should first eat or sleep: for I needed both. Yet would I sooner appease my belly, and so commanded meat and drink, and considered how I should lay my plans to come in safety to my wife at Lippstadt with my money; for I was as little minded to go to my regiment as to break my neck.

But while I so speculated and mused of one and another cunning device, there limped into the room a fellow with a stick in his hand, his head bound up, one arm in a sling, and clothes so poor that I would have given him not a penny for them: and so soon as the drawer was ware of him he would have cast him forth, for he smelt vilely and was so full of lice that a man could have garrisoned the whole Swabian[34] heath with them. Yet he prayed he might but be allowed to warm himself, which yet was not granted. But I taking pity on him and interceding for him, with difficulty he was let to come to the stove: and there he looked upon me, as I thought, with a curious longing and a great attention to my drinking, and uttered many sighs. So when the drawer went to fetch me a dish of meat, he came to me at my table and held out an earthen penny-pot, so that I might well understand what he would have: so I took the can and filled up his little pot for him before he asked. But "O friend," says he, "for Herzbruder's sake give me somewhat to eat also." Which when he said it cut me to the heart; for well I saw it was Herzbruder himself. Then had I nearly swooned to see him in so evil a plight, yet I recovered myself and fell upon his neck and set him by me, where the tears did gush from our eyes: his for joy and mine for pity.

_Chap. xxiv._: OF THE MANNER IN WHICH HERZBRUDER FELL INTO SUCH EVIL PLIGHT

Now by reason of the suddenness of this our meeting we could neither eat nor drink, but only ask one of the other how it had fared with each since we had last met. Yet as the host and the drawer went ever in and out, we could have no private discourse: and the host marvelling that I could suffer so lousy a companion by me, I told him that in time of war such was the custom among good soldiers that were comrades: and when I understood further how Herzbruder had till now been in the Spital, and there had been supported by alms, and his wounds but sorrily bound up, I hired of the host a separate chamber, put Herzbruder to bed, and sent for the best surgeon I could find, besides a tailor and a sempstress to clothe him and to rid him of his lice: and having in my purse those same doubloons that Oliver had fetched out of the dead Jew's mouth, I cast them on the table, and says I to Herzbruder, in the host's hearing, "See, brother; there is my money: that will I spend on thee and consume with thee."

So with that the host entertained us n.o.bly: but to the surgeon I showed the ruby that had belonged to the said Jew, and was worth some 20 thalers, and told him that as I purposed to spend such small moneys as I had for our food and for the clothing of my comrade, therefore I would give him that ring if he would quickly and thoroughly cure my said comrade, with which he was content, and bestowed his best care upon that cure. And so I tended Herzbruder like my second self, and caused a modest suit of grey cloth to be made for him. But first I went to the commandant for my pa.s.s, and told him how I had met a comrade sorely wounded: for him I would wait till he was sound, for were I to leave him behind me I could not answer for it to my regiment: which intention the commandant approved and allowed me to stay as long as I listed, with the further offer that when my comrade could follow me he would provide us both with sufficient pa.s.ses.

Then, coming back to Herzbruder and sitting by his bed alone, I begged him he would freely tell me how he had come into so evil a plight: for I thought he might perchance have been driven from his former place for weighty reasons or for some fault, and so degraded and brought to his present evil case. But "Brother," said he, "thou knowest that I was the Count of Gotz his factotum and dearest intimate friend: on t'other hand thou knowest well how evil an end this last campaign hath come to under his generals.h.i.+p and command, wherein we not only lost the Battle of Wittenweier, but did also fail to raise the siege of Breisach. Seeing, then, that on this account all manner of rumours be afloat, and that most unfair ones, and in especial now that the said count is cited to Vienna to justify himself, therefore for fear and shame I do willingly live in this humble plight, and often do wish either to die in this misery or at least so long to lie concealed till the said Count shall have proved his innocence: for so far as I know he was at all times true to the Roman emperor: and that in this set year he hath had no good luck is, in my opinion, more to be ascribed to the Providence of G.o.d (who giveth victory to whom He will) than to the Count his neglectfulness.

"Now when we were to relieve Breisach and I saw that on our side all was done so sleepily, I armed mine own self and marched forth with the rest upon the bridge of boats as if I in person were to finish the business; which was neither my profession nor my duty: yet I did it for an example to others, because we had accomplished so little that summer then past. But luck or ill-luck would so have it that I, being among the first to sally forth, was also among the first to look the enemy in the face upon the bridge, where was a sharp encounter, and as I had been foremost in attack, so when we gave way before the furious charge of the French I was the last to retreat, and so fell into the enemy's hands: and there did I receive a bullet in the right arm and another in the leg, so that I could neither run nor hold a sword: and as the straitness of the place and the desperateness of the action allowed no talk of giving or taking of quarter, I got me a crack on the head which brought me to the ground, and there, being finely clad, I was by some stripped and in the confusion thrown into the Rhine for dead: in which sore strait I called to G.o.d for help and left myself to His good pleasure; and while I offered up my prayers I found His help at hand: for the Rhine did cast me up on land where I did staunch my wounds with moss: and though in so doing I was nigh frozen, yet I found in me a special strength to creep from thence (for G.o.d helped me) so that I, though miserably wounded, came to certain Merode-brothers[35] and soldiers' wives, that one and all had compa.s.sion on me though they knew me not: yet all already despaired of the relief of that fortress; and that did hurt me more than all my wounds: but they refreshed and clothed me by their fire, and before I could even bandage up my wounds I must behold how our people prepared for a shameful retreat and gave up our cause as lost: which caused me dreadful pain: and for that reason I resolved to make myself known to none, and so not to make myself a mark for mockery: wherefore I joined myself to certain wounded men of our army that had their own surgeon with them: to him I gave a golden cross that I still had about my neck, for which he bound up my wounds so as to last till now. And in such poor plight, my good Simplicissimus, have I made s.h.i.+ft so far, and am minded to reveal to no man who I am till I see how the Count of Gotz his affair will turn out.

And now that I see thy goodness and faith, it breedeth in me great comfort that the good G.o.d hath not forsaken me: for this very morning, when I came from early ma.s.s and saw thee stand before the commandant's quarters, I did fancy that G.o.d had sent thee to me in shape of an angel to help me in my need."

So I did comfort him as best I could, and secretly told him I had yet more money than those doubloons that he had seen; and that all was at his service. Therewith I also told him of Oliver's end, and how I had perforce avenged his death, which so enlivened his spirits that it also helped his body, in such wise that every day he grew better of his wounds.

BOOK V

_Chap. i._; HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS TURNED PALMER AND WENT ON A PILGRIMAGE WITH HERZBRUDER

Now Herzbruder being wholly restored and healed of his wounds, he told me in secret he had in his greatest need made a vow to go on a pilgrimage to Einsiedeln. And since in any case he was now so near to Switzerland, he would perform the same though he must beg his way thither. This was pleasant hearing for me: so I offered him my money and my company, yea, and would buy a couple of nags to do the journey upon, not indeed for the reason that religion urged me thereto, but rather to see the Confederates' country as the one land wherein sacred peace yet flourished. So I rejoiced much to have the opportunity to serve Herzbruder on such a journey, seeing that I loved him almost more than myself. Yet he refused both my help and my company with the excuse that his pilgrimage must be performed on foot and with peas in his shoes: and should I be in his company not only should I hinder him in his pious thoughts, but should also bring on myself great discomfort by reason of his slow going. All which he said to be rid of me, because he did scruple on so holy a journey to spend money that had been gained by robbery and murder: besides, he would not put me to too great expense, and said openly that I had already done more for him than I owed him or he could hope to repay: upon which we fell into a friendly dispute, which same was so pleasant a quarrel that I have never heard the like, for we talked of nothing but this, that each one said he had not yet done for his fellow so much as one friend should for another, nay, was yet far from making up for the benefits he had received. Yet all this would not move him to take me for a companion, till I perceived that he had a disgust both at Oliver's money and mine own G.o.dless life: therefore I made s.h.i.+ft with a lie and persuaded him that my intent to reform my life did move me to go to Einsiedeln: and should he hinder me from so good a work, and I thereupon should die, he should hardly answer for it: by which I persuaded him to suffer me to visit that holy place with him, especially since I (though 'twas all lies) made an appearance of great penitence for my wicked life, and moreover did persuade him I had laid on myself a penance to go to Einsiedeln on peas even as he. But this quarrel was scarce over ere we fell into another, for Herzbruder was too full of scruples: and hardly would he suffer me to use the commandant's pa.s.s, because 'twas made out for me to go to my regiment.

"How now!" said he, "is it not our intent to better our lives and to go to Einsiedeln? And now see, in heaven's name wilt thou make a beginning with deceit and blind men's eyes with falsehood? 'He that denieth Me before the world him will I deny before My heavenly Father,' saith Christ. What faint-hearted cowards be we! If all Christ's martyrs and confessors had done the same there would be few saints in heaven. Let us go in G.o.d's name and under His protection whither our holy intent and desires lead us, and let G.o.d contrive for us the rest: for so will He bring us in safety where our souls shall find peace." But when I set before him how man should not tempt G.o.d, but suit himself to the times, and use such means as could not be done without, and specially because to go on pilgrimage was an unwonted thing for the Soldatesca, so that if we revealed our purpose we should be accounted rather deserters than pilgrims, which might bring us great trouble and danger: and chiefly how the holy apostle St. Paul, to whom we could not compare ourselves, had wonderfully suited himself to the times and needs of this world, at the last he consented that I should get a pa.s.s to go to my regiment.

With this we pa.s.sed out of the town at the shutting of the gates, with a trusty guide, as we would go to Rotweil; but turned off short by a by-way and came the same night over the Switzers' boundary and next morning to a village, where we equipped ourselves with long black cloaks, pilgrims' staves, and rosaries, and sent our guide home with a good wage.

And here in comparison with other German lands the country seemed to me as strange as if I had been in Brazil or China. I saw how the people did trade and traffic in peace, how the stalls were full of cattle and the farmyards crowded with fowls, geese, and ducks, the roads were used in safety by travellers, and the inns were full of people making merry.

There was no fear of an enemy, no dread of plundering, and no terror of losing goods and life and limb; each man lived under his own vine and fig-tree, and that moreover (in comparison with other German lands) in joy and delight, so that I held this land for an earthly Paradise, though by nature it seemed rough as might be. So it came about that all along the road I did but gape at this and that, whereas Herzbruder was praying on his rosary, for which I earned many a reproof from him; for he would have it I should pray without ceasing, to which I could not accustom myself.

But at Zurich he found me out and told me the truth as tartly as might be. For having rested the night at Schaffhausen, where the peas did mightily gall my feet, and I fearing to walk upon them next day, I had them boiled and put into my shoes again, and so came happily to Zurich, while he found himself in sorry plight, and said to me, "Brother, thou hast great favour of G.o.d, that notwithstanding the peas in thy shoes thou canst walk so well." "Yea," said I, "dear Herzbruder: but I did boil them, or I had not been able so far to walk upon them."

"G.o.d-a-mercy!" says he, "what hast done? Thou hadst better have put them out of thy shoes if thou didst but act a mockery with them. I fear me lest G.o.d punish thee and me alike. Take it not evil of me, brother, if I of brotherly love do tell thee in plain German what I have at heart, namely this, that I fear, unless thou dealest otherwise with G.o.d, thine eternal salvation standeth in jeopardy: I do a.s.sure thee, I love no man more than thee, yet I deny not that if thou betterest not thyself I must scruple to bear such love to thee further." At which I was struck so dumb with fear that I could not at all recover myself, but freely confessed to him I had put the peas in my shoes not for piety but to please him, that he might take me with him on his journey.

"Ah, brother," quoth he, "I see thou art far from the way of salvation, peas or no peas: G.o.d give thee a better mind; for without such cannot our friends.h.i.+p endure."

From that time forward I followed him sorrowfully as one going to the gallows; for my conscience began to smite me; and as I reflected on all manner of things, all the tricks I had played in my life did pa.s.s before mine eyes: and first I lamented that my lost innocence, that I had brought out from the forest and in the world had in so many ways forfeited; and what increased my trouble was this, that Herzbruder spake now but little with me, and looked not upon me save with sighs, so that it seemed to me as he were certain of my d.a.m.nation and lamented it.

_Chap. ii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS, BEING TERRIFIED OF THE DEVIL, WAS CONVERTED

In such fas.h.i.+on we came even to Einsiedeln, and so into the church even as the priest was casting out an evil spirit: which was to me a new and strange sight, wherefore I left Herzbruder to kneel and pray as much as he listed and went off from curiosity to see such a spectacle. But hardly had I drawn nigh when the evil spirit cried out of the poor man, "Oho! rascal, doth ill-luck send thee hither? I did think to find thee with Oliver in our h.e.l.lish abode when I should return, and now I see thou art to be found here. Thou adulterous, murderous wh.o.r.emonger, canst thou think to escape us? O ye priests, have naught to do with him: he is a worse hypocrite and liar than I: he doth but mock and make a jest of G.o.d and religion." Thereupon the exorcist commanded the spirit to be silent, for none would believe him as being an arch-liar.

"Yes, yes," he answered, "ask this runagate monk's companion and he can well tell you that this atheist is not afraid to boil the peas upon which he vowed to travel hither." Upon which I knew not whether I stood on my head or my heels, hearing all this and all men staring upon me: but the priest rebuked the spirit and bade him be silent: yet would not that day cast him out. In the meanwhile came Herzbruder, even as I looked for very terror more like a dead than a live man, and between hope and fear knew not what to be at. So he comforted me as best he could, a.s.suring the bystanders, and especially the good fathers, that in my life I had never been a monk, but certainly a soldier that perhaps might have done more evil than good: and added, the devil was a liar and had made the story of the peas much worse than it really was.

Yet was I so confounded in spirit that 'twas with me even as if I already felt the pains of h.e.l.l, so that the priests had much ado to comfort me: yea, they bade me go to confession and communion, but the spirit cried again out of the man possessed, "Yes, yes: he will make a fine confession, that knoweth not even what confession is: and indeed what would ye have of him? for he is of a heretic mind and belongeth to us: yea, his parents were more of Anabaptists than Calvinists...." But at that the exorcist again commanded the spirit to hold his peace and said to him, "So will it grieve thee the more if this poor lost sheep be s.n.a.t.c.hed out of thy jaws and gathered into the fold of Christ": at which the spirit began to roar so fearfully that 'twas terrible to hear: yet in that grisly song I found my greatest comfort; for I thought if I could not again enjoy G.o.d's favour the devil would not take it so ill.

Now although I was then in no wise prepared for confession, and though in my lifetime it had never come into my thoughts, but I had always for mere shame feared it as the devil fears holy water, yet at that moment I felt in me such repentance for my sins and such a desire to do penance and to lead a better life that forthwith I asked for a confessor; at which sudden conversion and amendment of life Herzbruder rejoiced greatly; for he had perceived and well knew that so far I had belonged to no religion. Thereafter I openly professed myself of the Catholic Church, went to confession and to ma.s.s after absolution received, with all which I felt so light and easy at my heart that 'tis not to be expressed: and what is most marvellous is this, that the devil in the possessed man henceforward left me in peace, whereas before my confession and absolution he cast up against me certain knaveries I had committed, with such particularities as he had been ordained for naught else but to point out my sins: yet the hearers believed him not, as being a liar, especially since my honourable pilgrim's dress shewed me in another light.

In this gracious place we abode fourteen days, and there I thanked G.o.d for my conversion, and marked the miracles that were there done: all which did incite me to some shew of piety and G.o.dliness. Yet did the same last but as long as it might: for even as my conversion took its beginning, not from love of G.o.d but from dread and fear of d.a.m.nation, so did I by degrees become lukewarm and slothful, because I little by little forgot the terror that the Evil One had struck into me. So when we had sufficiently viewed the relics of the saints, the vestments, and other remarkable things of the abbey, we betook ourselves to Baden, there to spend the winter.

_Chap. iii._: HOW THE TWO FRIENDS SPENT THE WINTER