Zoe's Tale Part 3

I looked back through the binoculars again. General Rybicki-as I now knew him-had turned just a bit, and I could see his face a little more clearly. He was talking to Jane, but then turned a bit to say something to Dad. I lingered on Mom for a minute. Her face was locked up tight; whatever was going on, she wasn't very happy about it.

Mom turned her head a bit and suddenly she was looking directly at me, like she knew I was watching her.

"How does she do do that?" I said. When Jane was Special Forces, she had a body that was even more genetically modified than the ones regular soldiers got. But like Dad, when she left the service, she got put into a normal human body. She's not superhuman anymore. She's just scary observant. Which is close to the same thing. I didn't get away with much of that?" I said. When Jane was Special Forces, she had a body that was even more genetically modified than the ones regular soldiers got. But like Dad, when she left the service, she got put into a normal human body. She's not superhuman anymore. She's just scary observant. Which is close to the same thing. I didn't get away with much of anything anything growing up. growing up.

Her attention turned back to General Rybicki, who was addressing her again. I looked up at Hickory. "What I want to know is why they're talking in the sorghum field," I said.

"General Rybicki asked your parents if there was someplace they could speak in private," Hickory said. "He indicated in particular that he wanted to speak away from d.i.c.kory and me."

"Were you recording when you were with him?" I asked. Hickory and d.i.c.kory had recording devices in their collars that recorded sounds, images and emotional data. Those recordings were sent back to other Obin, so they could experience what it's like to have quality time with me. Odd? Yes. Intrusive? Sometimes, but not usually. Unless I start thinking thinking about it, and then I focus on the fact that, why yes, an entire alien race got to experience my p.u.b.erty through the eyes of Hickory and d.i.c.kory. There's nothing like sharing menarche with a billion hermaphrodites. I think it was about it, and then I focus on the fact that, why yes, an entire alien race got to experience my p.u.b.erty through the eyes of Hickory and d.i.c.kory. There's nothing like sharing menarche with a billion hermaphrodites. I think it was everyone's everyone's first time. first time.

"We were not recording with him," Hickory said.

"Okay, good," I said.

"I'm recording now," Hickory said.

"Oh. Well, I'm not sure you should be," I said, waving out toward my parents. "I don't want them them getting in trouble." getting in trouble."

"This is allowed under our treaty with your government," Hickory said. "We're allowed to record all you allow us to record, and to report everything that we experience. My government knew that General Rybicki had visited the moment d.i.c.kory and I sent our data query. If General Rybicki wanted his visit to remain secret, he should have met your parents elsewhere."

I chose not to dwell on the fact that significant portions of my life were subject to treaty negotiation. "I don't think he knew you were here," I said. "He seemed surprised when I sicced you on him."

"His ignorance of us or of the Obin treaty with the Colonial Union is not our problem," Hickory said.

"I guess not," I said, a little out of sorts.

"Would you like me to stop recording?" Hickory asked. I could hear the tremble on the edge of its voice. If I wasn't careful about how I showed my annoyance I could send Hickory into an emotional cascade. Then it'd have what amounted to a temporary nervous breakdown right there on the roof. That'd be no good. He could fall off and snap his snaky little neck.

"It's fine," I said, and I tried to sound more conciliatory than I really felt. "It's too late now anyway." Hickory visibly relaxed; I held in a sigh and gazed down at my shoes.

"They're coming back to the house," Hickory said, and motioned toward my parents. I followed its hand; my parents and General Rybicki were indeed heading back our way. I thought about going back into the house but then I saw Mom look directly at me, again. Yup, she'd seen me earlier. The chances were pretty good she knew we had been up there all that time.

Dad didn't look up the entire walk back. He was already lost in thought. When that happened it was like the world collapsing in around him; he didn't see anything else until he was done dealing with what he was dealing with. I suspected I wouldn't see much of him tonight.

As they cleared the sorghum field, General Rybicki stopped and shook Dad's hand; Mom kept herself out of handshaking distance. Then he headed back toward his floater. Babar, who had followed the three of them into the field, broke off toward the general to get in one last petting. He got it after the general got to the floater, then padded back to the house. The floater opened its door to let the general in.

The general stopped, looked directly at me, and waved. Before I could think what I was doing, I waved right back.

"That was smart," I said to myself. The floater, General Rybicki inside, winged off, taking him back where he came from. was smart," I said to myself. The floater, General Rybicki inside, winged off, taking him back where he came from.

What do you want with us, General? I thought, and surprised myself by thinking "us." But it only made sense. Whatever he wanted with my parents, I was part of it too. I thought, and surprised myself by thinking "us." But it only made sense. Whatever he wanted with my parents, I was part of it too.

THREE.

"How do you like it here?" Jane asked me, as we were was.h.i.+ng the dishes after dinner. "On Huckleberry, I mean."

"This is not the first time I've been asked that today," I said, taking the plate she handed me and drying it.

This got a slightly raised eyebrow from Mom. "General Rybicki asked you the question," she said.

"Yup," I said.

"And what did you tell him?" Jane asked.

"I told him I liked it just fine," I said. I put the dried plate into the cupboard and waited for the next one.

Jane was holding on to it. "But do you?" she asked.

I sighed, only slightly dramatically. "Okay, I give up," I said. "What's going on? Both you and Dad were like zombies at dinner tonight. I know you missed it, because you were wrapped up in your own heads, but I spent most of dinner trying to get either of you to talk more than a grunt. Babar was a better conversationalist than either of you."

"I'm sorry, Zoe," Jane said.

"You're forgiven," I said. "But I still want to know what's going on. on." I motioned to Jane's hand, to remind her I was still waiting on that plate.

She handed it over. "General Rybicki has asked your father and me to be the leaders of a new colony."

It was my turn to hold on to the plate. "A new colony."

"Yes," Jane said.

"As in, 'on another planet' new colony," I said.

"Yes," said Jane.

"Wow," I said.

"Yes," Jane said. She knew how to get mileage out of a single word.

"Why did he ask you?" I asked, and resumed drying. "No offense, Mom. But you're a constable in a tiny little village. And Dad's an ombudsman. It's kind of a leap."

"None taken," Jane said. "We had the same question. General Rybicki said that the military experience we had would cross over. John was a major and I was a lieutenant. And whatever other experience we need Rybicki believes we can pick up quickly, before we set foot on the new colony. As for why us, it's because this isn't a normal colony. The colonists aren't from Earth, they're from ten of the oldest planets in the Colonial Union. A colony of colonists. The first of its kind."

"And none of the planets contributing colonists want another planet to have a leaders.h.i.+p role," I ventured.

Jane smiled. "That's right," she said. "We're the compromise candidates. The least objectionable solution."

"Got it," I said. "It's nice to be sort of wanted." We continued was.h.i.+ng dishes in silence for a few minutes.

"You didn't answer my question," Jane said, eventually. "Do you like it here? Do you want to stay on Huckleberry?"

"I get a vote?" I asked.

"Of course you do," Jane said. "If we take this, it would mean leaving Huckleberry for at least a few standard years while we got the colony up and running. But realistically it would mean leaving here for good. It would mean all all of us leaving here for good." of us leaving here for good."

"If," I said, a little surprised. "You didn't say yes."

"It's not the sort of decision you make in the middle of a sorghum field," Jane said, and looked at me directly. "It's not something we can just say yes to. It's a complicated decision. We've been looking over the information all afternoon, seeing what the Colonial Union's plans are for the colony. And then we have to think about our lives here. Mine, John's and yours."

I grinned. "I have a life here?" I asked. This was meant as a joke.

Jane squashed it. "Be serious, Zoe," she said. The grin left my face. "We've been here for half of your life now. You have friends. You know this place. You have a future here, if you want it. You can can have a life here. It's not something to be lightly tossed aside." She plunged her hands into the sink, searching under the soap suds for another dish. have a life here. It's not something to be lightly tossed aside." She plunged her hands into the sink, searching under the soap suds for another dish.

I looked at Jane; there was something in her voice. This wasn't just about me. "You have a life here," I said. have a life here," I said.

"I do," Jane said. "I like it here. I like our neighbors and our friends. I like being the constable. Our life here suits me." She handed me the ca.s.serole dish she'd just cleaned. "Before we came here I spent all my life in the Special Forces. On s.h.i.+ps. This is the first world I've actually lived on. on. It's important to me." It's important to me."

"Then why is this a question?" I said. "If you don't want to go, then we shouldn't do it."

"I didn't say I wouldn't wouldn't go," Jane said. "I said I have a life here. It's not the same thing. There are good reasons to do it. And it's not just my decision to make." go," Jane said. "I said I have a life here. It's not the same thing. There are good reasons to do it. And it's not just my decision to make."

I dried and put away the ca.s.serole dish. "What does Dad want?" I asked.

"He hasn't told me yet," Mom said.

"You know what that that means," I said. "Dad's not subtle when there's something he doesn't want to do. If he's taking his time to think about it, he probably wants to do it." means," I said. "Dad's not subtle when there's something he doesn't want to do. If he's taking his time to think about it, he probably wants to do it."

"I know," Mom said. She was rinsing off the flatware. "He's trying to find a way to tell me what he wants. It might help him if he knew what we we wanted first." wanted first."

"Okay," I said.

"This is why I asked you if you liked it here," Jane said, again.

I thought about it as I dried the kitchen counter. "I like it here," I said, finally. "But I don't know if I want to have a life life here." here."

"Why not?" Jane asked.

"There's not much here here here, is there?" I said. I waved toward the general direction of New Goa. "The selection of life choices here is limited. There's farmer, farmer, store owner, and farmer. Maybe a government position like you and Dad." here, is there?" I said. I waved toward the general direction of New Goa. "The selection of life choices here is limited. There's farmer, farmer, store owner, and farmer. Maybe a government position like you and Dad."

"If we go to this new colony your choices are going to be the same," Jane said. "First wave colonist life isn't very romantic, Zoe. The focus is on survival, and preparing the new colony for the second wave of colonists. That means farmers and laborers. Outside of a few specialized roles that will already be filled, there's not much call for anything else."

"Yes, but at least it would be somewhere new, new," I said. "There we'd be building a new world. Here we're just maintaining an old one. Be honest, Mom. It's kind of slow around these parts. A big day for you is when someone gets into a fistfight. The highlight of Dad's day is settling a dispute over a goat."

"There are worse things," Jane said.

"I'm not asking for open warfare," I said. Another joke.

And once again, another stomping from Mom. "It'll be a brand-new colony world," she said. "They're the ones most at risk for attack, because they have the fewest people and the least amount of defense from the CDF. You know that as well as anyone."

I blinked, actually surprised. I did did know it as well as anyone. When I was very young-before I was adopted by Jane and John-the planet I lived on (or above, since I was on a s.p.a.ce station) was attacked. Omagh. Jane almost never brought it up, because she knew what it did to me to think about it. "You think that's what's going to happen here?" I asked. know it as well as anyone. When I was very young-before I was adopted by Jane and John-the planet I lived on (or above, since I was on a s.p.a.ce station) was attacked. Omagh. Jane almost never brought it up, because she knew what it did to me to think about it. "You think that's what's going to happen here?" I asked.

Jane must have sensed what was going on in my head. "No, I don't," she said. "This is an unusual colony. It's a test colony in some ways. There will be political pressure for this colony to succeed. That means more and better defenses, among other things. I think we'll be better defended than most colonies starting out."

"That's good to know," I said.

"But an attack could still happen," Jane said. "John and I fought together at Coral. It was one of the first planets humans settled, and it was still still attacked. No colony is totally safe. There are other dangers, too. Colonies can get wiped out by local viruses or predators. Bad weather can kill crops. The colonists themselves could be unprepared. Colonizing- attacked. No colony is totally safe. There are other dangers, too. Colonies can get wiped out by local viruses or predators. Bad weather can kill crops. The colonists themselves could be unprepared. Colonizing-real colonizing, not what we're doing here on Huckleberry-is hard, constant work. Some of the colonists could fail at it and take the rest of the colony with them. There could be bad leaders making bad decisions." colonizing, not what we're doing here on Huckleberry-is hard, constant work. Some of the colonists could fail at it and take the rest of the colony with them. There could be bad leaders making bad decisions."

"I don't think we'd have to worry about that last one," I said. I was trying to lighten the mood.

Jane didn't take the bait. "I'm telling you this isn't without risk," she said. "It's there. A lot of it. And if we do this, we go in with our eyes open to that risk."

This was Mom all over. Her sense of humor wasn't as deprived as Hickory's and d.i.c.kory's-I can can actually make her laugh. But it doesn't stop her from being one of the most serious people I've ever met in my life. When she wants to get your attention about something she thinks is important, she's going to get it. actually make her laugh. But it doesn't stop her from being one of the most serious people I've ever met in my life. When she wants to get your attention about something she thinks is important, she's going to get it.

It's a good quality to have, but right at the moment it was making me seriously uncomfortable. That was her plan, no doubt.

"Mom, I know," I said. "I know it has risks. I know that a lot of things could go wrong. I know it wouldn't be easy." I waited.

"But," Jane said, giving me the prompt she knew I was waiting for.

"But if you and Dad were leading it, I think it'd be worth the risk," I said. "Because I trust you. You wouldn't take the job if you didn't think you could handle it. And I know you wouldn't put me at risk unnecessarily. If you two decided to do it, I would want to go. I would definitely want to go."

I was suddenly aware that while I was speaking, my hand had drifted to my chest, and was lightly touching the small pendant there: a jade elephant, given to me by Jane. I moved my hand from it, a little embarra.s.sed.

"And no matter what, starting a new colony wouldn't be boring, boring," I said, to finish up, a little lamely.

Mom smiled, unplugged the sink and dried her hands. Then she took a step over to me and kissed the top of my head; I was short enough, and she was tall enough, that it was a natural thing for her. "I'll let your dad stew on it for a few more hours," she said. "And then I'll let him know where we stand."

"Thanks, Mom," I said.

"And sorry about dinner," she said. "Your dad gets wrapped up in himself sometimes, and I get wrapped up in noticing he's wrapped up in himself."

"I know," I said. "You should just smack him and tell him to snap out of it."

"I'll put that on the list for future reference," Jane said. She gave me another quick peck and then stepped away. "Now go do your homework. We haven't left the planet yet." She walked out of the kitchen.

FOUR.

Let me tell you about that jade elephant.

My mother's name-my biological mother's name-was Cheryl Boutin. She died when I was five; she was hiking with a friend and she fell. My memories of her are what you'd expect them to be: hazy fragments from a five-year-old mind, supported by a precious few pictures and videos. They weren't that much better when I was younger. Five is a bad age to lose a mother, and to hope to remember her for who she was.

One thing I had from her was a stuffed version of Babar the elephant that my mother gave to me on my fourth birthday. I was sick that day, and had to stay in bed all day long. This did not make me happy, and I let everyone know it, because that was the kind of four-year-old I was. My mother surprised me with the Babar doll, and then we cuddled up together and she read Babar's stories to me until I fell asleep, lying across her. It's my strongest memory of her, even now; not so much how she looked, but the low and warm sound of her voice, and the softness of her belly as I lay against her and drifted off, her stroking my head. The sensation of my mother, and the feeling of love and comfort from her.

I miss her. Still do. Even now. Even right now.

After my mother died I couldn't go anywhere without Babar. He was my connection to her, my connection to that love and comfort I didn't have anymore. Being away from Babar meant being away from what I had left of her. I was five years old. This was my way of handling my loss. It kept me from falling into myself, I think. Five is a bad age to lose your mother, like I said; I think it could be a good age to lose yourself, if you're not careful.