English as She is Wrote Part 3

At Waterloo."

One John Round was lost at sea, and in the grave-yard of his native place a stone was erected with the following couplet inscribed thereon:

"Under this bed lies John Round Who was lost at sea and never found."

In an old church-yard in Ireland:

"Here lies John Highley whose father and mother were drownded on their pa.s.sage to America. Had they lived they would have been buried here."

In a church-yard in Ohio:

"Under this sod And under these trees Lieth the Bod Y of Solomon Pease.

He's not in this hole But only his pod.

He sh.e.l.led out his soul And went up to his G.o.d."

From a tombstone in Cornwall, England:

"Father and mother and I Lie buried here asunder; Father and mother lie buried here, And I lie buried yonder."

On Eliza Newman:

"Like a tender Rose Tree was my Spouse to me; Her offspring Pluckt too long deprived of life was she.

_Three went before._ Her Life went with the Six I stay with 3 Our sorrows for to mix Till Christ our only hope, Our Joys doth fix."

On a drummer, in an English church-yard:

"Tom Clark was a drummer, who went to the war, And was killed by a bullet, and his soul sent for; There were no friends to mourn him, for his virtues were rare, He died like a man, and like a Christian bear."

On a stone near Appomattox Court-house, Virginia:

"Robert C Wright was born June 26th 1772 Died July 2. 1815 by the blood thrusty hand of John Sweeny Sr Who was ma.s.sacred with the Nife then a London Gun discharge a ball penetrate the Heart that give the immortal wound."

At Middletown, Connecticut, is the following:

"This lovely, pleasant child-- He was our only one, Altho' we've buried three before-- Two daughters and a son."

The controlling power of rhyme is well ill.u.s.trated in the subjoined, from a tombstone in Manchester:

"Here lies alas! more's the pity, All that remains of Nicholas Newcity.

"N. B.--His name was Newtown."

Another instance of how rhyming difficulties may be overcome is as follows:

"Here lies the remains of Thomas Woodhen, The most amiable of husbands and excellent of men.

"N. B.--His real name was Woodc.o.c.k, but it wouldn't come in rhyme. _His Widow._"

The subjoined contains a solemn warning:

"My wife has left me, she's gone up on high, She was thoughtful while dying, and said 'Tom, don't cry.'

She was a great beauty, so every one knows, With Hebe like features and a fine Roman nose; She played the piany, and was learning a ballad, When she sickened and die-did from eating veal salad."

Upon a tombstone in Pennsylvania:

"Battle of s.h.i.+loh.

April 6 1862

John D L was born March 26 1839 in the town of West Dresden State of New York where the wicked cease from troubling and the weary are at rest."

A tombstone in Pittsfield, Ma.s.sachusetts, has these lines:

"When you my friends are pa.s.sing by, And this inform you where I lie, Remember you ere long must have, Like me, a mansion in the grave, Also 3 infants, 2 sons and a daughter."

IV.

By Correspondents.

From a butcher at Berhampoor, India, to a customer:

"To his Highness--Kid Esquire

"The humble butcher, Nows Rouny, Restpectfully sheweth that for your honor has sent a good beef, 1 rump and pleased to take it and pay day labor of bearer coolly. As your obedient butcher shall ever pray."

From a scholar in India to his master:

"My dear Sir: I humbly beg to inform you pleas to give me leaf for one week because I cannot walk with my feet, I am very uncomfortable. Give my compliments to My Master. I pray to G.o.d for Everlasting life. I am your humble Servant Shebart Lall."

From an Indian school-boy:

"Benevolent Sir: The wolf of sickness has laid hold on the flock of my health."

From an Indian clerk:

"Sir. Being afflicted to the stomach and vomiteng I am sorry I cannot attend to office today."

From a Canadian lady to eligible gentleman:

"Dear Mr. B. I, Mrs. Wigston wish you would call on my daughter Amelia.

She is very amusing and is a regular young flirt. She can sing like a hunny bee and her papa can play on the fiddle nicely and we might have a rare ho-down. Amelia is highely educated, she can dance like a gra.s.shopper looking for grub and she can meke beautiful bread, it tastes just like hunny bees' bread and for pumpkin pies she can't be beat. In fact she's ahead of all F girls and will make a good wife for any man.

"Yours truly "Mrs. Wigston.

"Bring your brother."