Essays on the Stage Part 2

And the seeds are no less Since that we may guess, But have in all Ages bin growing apace; And Lying and Thieving, Craft, Pride and Deceiving, Rage, Murder and Roaring, Rape, Incest and Whoring, Branch out from Stock, the rank Vices in vogue, And make all Mankind one Gigantical Rogue.

And so on: Now tho I grant this might be look'd on as prophane in it self, without application, yet when spoken by one of his character, whom I design to expose, it is no more than natural Character, and has so little the quality of Prophaneness, that my impartial Reader will find a very good Moral in it, by the odious representation of such Atheistical impudence; yet our good natur'd Critick makes me the Prophaner. He, cramm'd full of wonderful Justice, makes me the _Vice_ my self, that only act the true duty of a Poet, and hold up the Gla.s.s for others to see their _Vices_ in, but his Malice will not be Authentick with every one, no more than his next Addle Criticism, upon my using the word _Redeemer_ will bear the Test; for he that will argue that that word may not be innocently spoken in Temporal Matters, because it is sometimes us'd as a _Divine Attribute_, will prove himself rather a c.o.xcomb than a Casuist: And yet for only this poor word the Cat with Nine Tails are up again, and the Inquisitor in a rage cries out, _these insolencies are too big for the Correction of a Pen_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 198.] Very fine, what horrible correction this deserves, is easily judg'd, and I believe 'twill be own'd too, that if Doctor Absolution (when the charitable Prelates good Nature and Purse got him out of his Stone Apartment yonder, into which _his bigotted obstinacy and not his tender Conscience_ had thrown him) did not think him his _Redeemer_, and thank him as his _Redeemer_, he does not only deserve Correction for his wicked ingrat.i.tude, (which _especially in one of his Coat, is an immoral Cheat upon Heaven_) but to have the same punishment that another of his Coat and Kidney lately had, for a Cheat upon the Government and People.

But to go on: In the next place he finds fault with my making sport with h.e.l.l, and recites six Lines, which are made of Dogril Stuff, on purpose by the Duke's Servants, who, for his diversion, Acting a kind of Farce are to fright _Sancho_ with Goblings and Furies--but to shew his own Wit in the first Onset here, he has notably made the two first Lines half nonsence.

Appear ye fat Fiends that in Limbo do groan, That were, when in flesh, the same Souls as his own.

Instead of-- _that wore when in flesh_, &c.

You that always in _Lucifer_'s Kitchin reside, 'Mongst Sea-coal and Kettles, and grease newly Try'd, That pamper'd each day with the Garbidge of Souls, Broil Rashers of Fools for a Break-fast on Coals.

[Footnote: Collier, p. 198.]

Words adapted only to _Sancho_'s Clowns.h.i.+p, course Breeding, and Kitchin Profession, and with no more intent of Impiety in them, than if one should put on a Devils Vizard to play with a Child, does he note again as horrible Prophaneness, and says he does me no wrong in't; now if he insists that h.e.l.l is too serious a thing to ridicule, why, perhaps, I think so too, in its Intense quality; but to act a Goblin, a Ghost, a Frog, or a Fury, and to sing to a Country Clown of such Bugbear matters, only to cause a little Diversion in a n.o.blemans House, has always been very customary, especially at Festivals, and far from being thought to ridicule the main matter. The _Absolver_, to turn back a little, affirms indeed, That _those that bring Devils upon the stage, can hardly believe them any where else_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 189.]; but I can give an instance, that our famous _Ben Johnson_, who I will believe had a Conscience as good as the Doctors, and who liv'd in as Pious an Age, in his Comedy call'd the _Devil's an a.s.s_ [Footnote: Vid. _Devil's an a.s.s_, p. 9.], makes his first Scene a Solemn h.e.l.l, where _Lucifer_ sits in State with all his Privy-Council about him: and when he makes an under Pug there beaten and fool'd by a Clod-pated Squire and his wanton Wife, the Audience took the Representation morally, and never keck'd at the matter. Nay, _Milton_, tho' upon his secred Subject, comes very near the same thing too; but we must not laugh at silly _Sancho_, nor put on a Devils face to fright him, but we must be disciplin'd; nay, more, Presented for it. Here, tho' I digress a little, I cannot forbear telling some, that were too busie in doing that Office, that 'tis more easie to accuse our Writings for Blasphemous, than to prove them to be so. To detect us indeed fairly, and prove it upon us, would deserve severe Chastis.e.m.e.nt; but if it be mistake, and our reputations are injur'd by Rashness and Injustice, or Ignorance, reflection upon it is at least reasonable, and just reproof I think not improper. But to go on; my next fault is the a.s.s that's brought upon the Stage in the Epilogue, with two lines alluding to _Balaam_'s.

And as 'tis said a Parlous a.s.s once spoke, When Crab-tree Cudgel did his rage provoke, &c.

Here he says, _I brought the a.s.s in only to laugh at the Miracle_: [Footnote: Collier, p. 199.] Not I, truly, I had no such intention upon my word; I brought the a.s.s in, and _Dogget_ upon him, only to make the Audience laugh at his figure at the end of the Play, as well as they had at the beginning; but I believe if I had put an _Absolver_ upon his back, giving him a Blessing, it would have been more divertive by half; but let him alone, the next horrible Crime is, I meddle with Churchmen, and there my _malice makes me_, he says, _lay about me like a Knight Errant_; [Footnote: Collier, p. 200.] but I believe I shall prove, for all the modesty he pretends to, that his malice is more in reference to Poets, than ever mine was to Churchmen. Well, my Second Part begins, he says, with _Devil's being brought upon the Stage_, who cries, _As he hopes to be sav'd; and _Sancho_ warrants him a good Christian._ Now this is a ridiculous mistake, for this Devil is only a Butler, and a Jest of his _Giants_, the witty Author of the History of _Don Quixot_, where one of the Duke's Servants acting a Devils Part to fright the Knight and Squire, blunders it out before he is aware, and _Sancho _hearing it, as foolishly replies. This would be humorously witty now with any one but our Critick; but he's resolv'd to see double, as he does presently again with my _deep-mouth'd swearing_ which he says is frequent, tho he has quoted none on't, and therefore the Reader is not oblig'd to believe him. But then I have made the _Curate _Perez_ a.s.sist at the ridiculous Ceremony of _Don Quixot_;_ I have so--what then?--but I have made him _have wit enough_, however, to know _Don Quixot_ for a Madman; but then _Sancho_, by way of Proverb, tells him, _Ah--Consider dear Sir, no Man is born wise_: to which briskly replies the Doctor, _What if he were born wise, he might be bred a Fool_. [Footnote: Collier, Ibid.] Faith, no Doctor: and to be free with ye, (_en Raillere_) as you have been with me, must beg leave to tell ye, If you had been born wise enough to be a Reformer, your Breeding could never have made ye Fool enough to be an Absolver; I mean in a Case like you know what; but let us proceed.

The next is a swinger, and his Lash cuts even to the blood: for here _Sancho_, full of innocent simplicity, says, _A Bishop is no more than another Man, without Grace and good Breeding_. To which he presently darts out, _I must needs say, if the Poet had any share of either of these Qualities, he would be less bold with his Superiors, and not give his Clowns the liberty to Droll thus heavily upon a solemn Character_.

[Footnote: Ibid.] Why, faith, now this is very hard, I have known a Country Wench name a _Bishop_ in the Burning-too of a Hasty-Pudding, and never heard that any of the Reverend took it ill, because it was a Common Saying, and below their notice. But poor _Sancbo_, or rather indeed _Sancho_'s Poet, my self, must be corrected for it, tho the Phrase be Moral, and no more than an honest truth: But come, since it must be so, let me ask the doctor why he does not shew me an example for this himself, and Practice better before he Accuses; for let the Reader look into his _Desertion Discuss'd_ (for he shall find that I have trac'd him through all his Writings), and page the 3d you will find him, I think, somewhat more guilty of this fault than I have been, for there you'll see he insolently affirms, _That the Succession cannot be interrupted by an Act of Parliament, especially when the Royal a.s.sent is given by a King _de Facto_, and not _de Jure_. [Footnote: _Desertion Discuss'd_, Anno 1688.] And again; tho this next is hinted covertly, with the meaning disguis'd, yet Sir _William Temple_ in his Memoirs, page 295, and the aforesaid Vindicater of the Stage, as well as my self, have observed, that the _Absolver_ in the first Volume of his Essays, page 120, in his Chapter of the _A..._ tells us, _Whether the honesty or dishonesty are discernable in the face, is a question which admits of dispute; King _Charles_ the Second thought he could depend upon these Observations, but with submission, I believe an instance might be given, in which his Rules of Physiognomy fail'd_ [Footnote: _Essays_, p.120.]. Now I'm sure the first is insolently plain, and the next shews enough to let us into his meaning; which granted, I think I may say, he ought to be less bold with his Superiors too, and not give himself the liberty to treat at this rate, not only a Solemn, but a _Royal Character_. Well, the next is, I, (naming me) take care to tell ye, that _Sancho_ is _a dry shrewd Countryfellow_ in his Character, _because he blunders out Proverbs upon all occasions, tho never so far from the purpose_--and merrily drolls upon me for making blundering and talking nothing to the purpose, an argument of shrewdness--Why truly, I must confess to the Doctor, there is no great matter in that Argument, and not much whither there be or no--But, as unperforming as I am, I fancy I shall find as great a Blunder in his performance presently-- _We ought to be just in our Looks, as well as in our Actions_, says he in his Essays, _for the mind may be declar'd one way no less than the other: A man might as good break his Word as his Face, especially upon some Critical occasions_ [Footnote: Essays p. 118.]. Now what he means by a mans breaking his Face there, unless he is to run his Nose against a Post, I can't imagine; and therefore will set it down for a Blunder--And so there's t.i.t for Tat, and the Dice in my hand still. But poor _Sancho_ is horribly unfortunate agen, for by and by he catches him answering the Curate, who threatens him for calling him Finisher of Fornication, and Conjunction Copulative, with Excommunication, _I care not if you do, says Sancho, I shall lose nothing by it but my Nap in an afternoon_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 201.]. Why truly this might be thought a little sawcy from one in Trowsers, to one in a Ca.s.sock, especially as the Reformer would have him reverenc'd. But perhaps this Pragmatical Curate _Perez_ was some _Non-Juror_, and poor _Sancho_ did not think he should profit by his Doctrine; and then the honest fellow was much in the right. This puts me in mind of a pa.s.sage in one of Mr _Crown_'s Comedies, where a surly Joyner is rallying with a Doctor of no very good Reputation too; _Sirrah, Sirrah, says the Doctor, I shall have your Ears--No, No, says _Chizzel_, never when you preach, Doctor_.

Our Absolver may apply this now as he pleases.

And here are a bundle of faults together--_Jodolet_, another Priest, is call'd holy Cormorant [Footnote: Ibid.], only because he eats a Turkey, and drinks a Bottle or two of Malaga for his Breakfast; and the Poet is jerk'd because a gormandizing _Romish_ Priest is call'd a Pimp agen; and the Duke's Steward, _Manuel_, is no _witty pleasant fellow_, because he calls the Chaplain, whom I mentioned in the beginning of my Preface, and who is, no doubt, the sole occasion of this Gentleman's Pique to me--Mr _Cuff-cus.h.i.+on_; and because having an insight into his Character, he tells him, _a Wh.o.r.e is a Pulpit be loves_ [Footnote: Ibid.]; but my hope is, that my Reader will think him no fool for this, tho the Carper does, who then tells the Chaplain _Saygrace_, _and he supposes prays to G.o.d to bless the entertainment of the Devil_, tho there is not a word of a Grace spoke at all; and after, when he grows hot, positive, and impertinent, which the Duke his patron being at Table, only bears with, to divert himself, he insolently calls _Don Quixot_, Don c.o.xcomb, who justly enrag'd, returns him in this Language:

Oh thou vile black Fox, with a Firebrand in thy Tail, thou very priest, thou kindler of all Mischiefs in all Nations, de'e hear, Homily, did not the reverence I bear these n.o.bles--I would so thrum your Ca.s.sock, you Church Vermin-- [Footnote: Collier, p. 202.]

Here now, to shew his Justice he slily stops and gives a dash, so makes it Nonsense, but I shall make bold to piece it out again. _Did not the reverence I bear these n.o.bles, tye up my hands from doing myself Justice, I would so thrum your Ca.s.sock you Church Vermin_--Now, because my Reader shall find that I have naturally pursu'd the character of this Chaplain, as _Don Quixot_'s Historian has presented him to me, you shall hear what account he gives of him. Here is, says he,

a good Character of a poor Pedant; one of them that govern great men's Houses, one of those, that as they are not born n.o.ble, so they know not how to instruct those that are; one of those, that would have great men's Liberality measur'd by the streightness of their own Minds; one of those, that teaching those they govern to be frugal, would make 'em miserable. [Footnote: Shelton's _Translation of the History of _D. Quix._ Chap._ 31. p. 152.]

Now this considerable person as you find him here, who was indeed for his senseless humour of designing to govern--us'd no otherwise than as the Buffoon of the Family--takes upon him to call _Don Quixot_ (whom the Authour imbellishes, with all manner of learning and good sense, bating his whimsical Chimaera of Knight Errantry,) _Goodman Dulpate_ and _Don c.o.xcomb_. Well, however the _Switcher_ here has escap'd for his usage of a Gentleman in or near this manner, I believe my Judges will agree, that my Knight was so far from injuring the sawcy Trencherfly, by the reply he give him, that if he had not known and practic'd good breeding, better than the other, he would have broke his head into the bargain. As for his bidding him adieu in Language too prophane and scandalous for our Reformer to relate, is impossible, for he has prov'd often enough the contrary of that in his Book already. But for the Song in the Fourth Act, where the Country Fellow says, _Folks never mind now what those black Cattle say_ [Footnote: Ibid.]: He is only suppos'd for another b.u.mpkin, that amongst the rest of the Paris.h.i.+oners, had found out the Parsons blind side, and so behind his back took occasion to put a joke upon him, as well as the rest in that Satyr mention'd.

And now his third place is to prove my want of Modesty, and regard to the Audience--And here he's chewing his savoury word _s.m.u.tt_ agen, and says _Sancho_ and _Teresa_ talk it broad [Footnote: Collier, p. 203.]; but since his Modesty has not quoted it, I hope my Reader will believe so well of mine, to think I have not written it; I a.s.sure him I don't know of any. And I have prov'd our Reformer can mistake, as he does of _Marcellas_ Epilogue, who Raves, he says, with Raptures of Indecency, when the poor Creature is so cold, after her hot fit, that she rather wants a dram of the Bottle--But now, Bounce, for a full charge of Small Shot; here he has gather'd up a heap of Epithets together, without any words between, or connexion to make 'em sense; and this he says I divert the Ladies with--_Snotty nose, filthy vermin in the Beard, Nitty Jerkin, and Louse snapper, with the Letter in the Chamber-pot, and natural evacuation_. Why truly this is pretty stuff indeed, as his Ingenuity has put it together--but I hope every one will own, that each of these singly, when they are tagg'd to their sensible phrases, may be proper enough in Farce or Low Comedy; but as he has modell'd 'em, 'tis true they are very frightful--And if I had nothing to sing or say to divert Ladies better than this, I should think my self so despicable, that I would e'en get into the next Plot, amongst his Brother Grumblers--then despairing, do some doughty thing to deserve hanging, and depend upon no other comfort but his Absolution.

I remember, being lately at St. _James_'s, this very part of the Doctors Book was read or rather spelt out to me, with tickling satisfaction, by one whose Wit and good Manners are known to be just of the same weight, who, since he can be merry so easily, he shall laugh at some of the Reformers Hotch-potch too, as I have mingled it for him. _Jewish Tetragramaton, Stigian Frogs, reeking Pandaemoniums, Debauch'd Protagonists, Nauseous Ribaldry, Ranting s.m.u.tt, Abominable Stench_, Venus _and St _George_, _Juliana_, the Witch and the Parson of _Wrotham_ [Footnote: Collier's Epithetes.], with the admirable Popish story of the Woman that went to the Play-House and brought home the Devil with her_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 257.]--And the Devil's in't indeed, if this charming Rhetorick of his, (since he calls mine so) especially joyn'd with that fine story from _Tertullian_, don't divert the Ladies as well as t'other; for 'tis very like a Catholick miracle you must know, and the top wit of it is, that when the Parson is Conjuring, _he asks the Devil how he durst attack a Christian?_ who, like an admirable Joker as he was, answers, _I have done nothing but what I can justify, for I seiz'd her upon my own ground_. Now let the Devil be as witty as he can, I am sure the story, maugre _Tertullian_'s Authority, or the Doctor's either, is confounded silly, and downright nonsense, what credit soever it has with him for its likeness to Jesuiticism. And now I think I have prov'd too, that _a Clergy man can speak nonsense, pa.s.s it for humour too, and gratify his ease and his malice at once, without a Poet's putting his into his Mouth_. And since we have been speaking of quibbling, I shall digress a little to entertain the Reader on that subject. Our Critick rallies Mr _Dryden_'s _Sancho_ in _Love Triumphant_, for saying, _dont provoke me, I'm mischievously bent_, to which _Carlos_ a man of sense replys, _nay you are bent enough in conscience, but I have a bent Fist for Boxing; Here_ says he (smartly) _you have a brace of quibbles started in a line and a half [Footnote: Collier, p. 170.]_--Very true, you have so--But suppose quibbling or punning--but I think this is call'd punning--Is this Gentlemans humour--if so, being a Soldier, I don't see it calls his sense in question at all--but now pray let's see, how our Critick manages a quibble, with a blunder tack'd to the Tail on't, in the page before, there, in the aforesaid Play, _Celidea_ in a pa.s.sion cries,

Great Nature break thy Chain that links together The Fabrick of this Globe, and make a Chaos, Like that within my Soul--

[Footnote: Collier, p. 68.]

_Now_, says the Doctor, keen as a Razor, _if she had call'd for a Chair, instead of a Chaos, tripp'd off, and kept her folly to herself, the woman had been wiser._ Calling for a Chair instead of a Chaos is an extreme pretty Quibble truly--but if the Critick had let the Chair-men have tripp'd off with her, instead of doing it herself as she sat in a Chair, I'm sure the blunder had been sav'd, and I think he had exprest himself a little wiser than he has--And come, now my hand's in, let's parallel Mr _Dryden_ with our Reformer a little longer--_Church-men_ (says _Benducar_ in _Don Sebastian_,

Tho they Itch to govern all, Are silly, woful awkward Politicians, They make lame mischiefs, tho they meant it well.

[Footnote: Collier, p.104.]

So much the better_, says he, _for tis a sign they are not beaten to the trade_--Oh, that's a mistake, Doctor, they may be beaten to the Trade, and yet be bunglers--And proceeding:

_Their Interest is not finely drawn, and hid,_ _But Seams are coursely bungled up, and seen.

[Footnote: Ibid.]

_These Lines_, says he, _are an Ill.u.s.tration taken from a Taylor._ They are so, but what Justice is it in him to lessen 'em, whose own flights are ten times more ridiculous: For example, talking just before of tumbling the Elements together, he says, _and since we have shewn our skill of Vaulting on the High Ropes, a little Tumbling on the Stage may not do amiss for variety_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 158.]. And now I will refer my self to the severest Critick of his party, whether an Ill.u.s.tration taken from a Taylor is not better than one taken from a Vagabond Rope-dancer, or Tumbler, forty times over; but his sense and way of Writing he thinks will infallibly overcome censure; not with me I a.s.sure him, to confirm it I must remark him once more, and then my digression shall end. He tells ye _Cleora_, in the Tragedy of _Cleomenes_, _is not very charming, her part is to tell you_, her Child suck'd to no purpose.

It pull'd and pull'd but now, but nothing came; At last it drew so hard that the Blood follow'd, And that red Milk I found upon its Lips, Which made me swoon for fear.

[Footnote: Cleomenes.]

There, says he, is a description of sucking for ye: And then like another Devil of a Joker runs on, truly _one would think the Muse on't were scarcely wean'd_--Very likely; and here I warrant he thinks his Witty Criticism, as safely hous'd now as a Thief in a Mill, as the old Saw has it, did not his plaguee want of Memory now and then contrive to disgrace him; or if you turn to the thirty fourth page of his Lampoon, as Mr _Vanbrooke_ calls it, after he has been comparing a fine young Lady to a _Setting-b.i.t.c.h-teacher.

Lower yet--down, down_, and after he has been bringing forth a Litter of Mr. _Congreeves_ Epithetes, as he calls them, _soothing softness, sinking Ease, wafting Air, thrilling Fears, and incessant scalding Rain_ [Footnote: Collier, p. 34.], all Crude, just as he did mine before, without any connexion of sense to 'em: He tells ye more plain in troth than wittily, that _they make the Poem look like a b.i.t.c.h overstock'd with Puppies, and suck the sense almost to Skin and Bone_. [Footnote: Ibid, --.] For a Child to suck the Mother till the Blood follows, I think is not unreasonable, but for a Litter of Epithetes to suck the sense of a Poem to the Skin and Bone, is such Fustian stuff that nothing but a Creature, only fit for a Sucking-bottle, could be Author of--And now I think if he has given me any _Crocus Metallorum_, I am even with him with a Dose of _Jollop_, and can whisk too from one Play to another indifferently well, tho not so fast as he; for when I perus'd him first, I could compare him to nothing but an Humble Bee in a Meadow, Buz upon this Daizy, Hum upon that Clover, then upon that b.u.t.ter-flower--sucking of Honey, as he is of Sense--or as if upon the hunt for knowledge, he could fly from hence to the Colledge at _Downy_, then to St. _Peter_'s at _Rome_, then to _Mahomet_ at _Mecha_, then to the Inquisition at _Goa_--And then buz home again to his own dormitory in _Shooe-lane_: And so much for his injustice, now to his errour in Criticism again, and to proceed in defence of _Don Quixot_.

_Mary_ the Buxom, he says now swears faster 'tis false, and I deny it, she is so far from swearing fast, that she does not (rude as her character is) swear at all, unless the poor interjection I'cod--by his Authority can be made an Oath; and then if you'll peruse him on, here is a whole page and half upon this hint, That the Ladies must have left their Wits and Modesties behind them that came, and lik'd her Words or Actions; and that her Nastiness, and dirty Conversation, is a Midnight Cart, or a Dunghil, instead of an Ornamental Scene. [Footnote: Collier, p. 204.] Now you don't find out our Gentlemans malicious meaning by this, but I shall inform ye. He says, I'm sorry the Ladies brought their Wits and Modesties with them, that came to see this Character; and yet all the whole Town can witness, that as many of the Ladies as could get into the Play-House came thither, to wait upon Her late _Majesty of Sacred Memory_, who did me that honour only for my benefit; and who was of so nice a Temper, relating to Modesty, that if so much as a hint had been given her by those had seen it before, of such a thing as Immodesty, she had never came, much less had been diverted, as she was, when she did come; but this I take as striking at _her_ through my sides; and I think, to use his own words, _is above the Correction of the Pen_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 206.] The next is such senseless malice, or ignorance, that it deserves a hoot; he finds _Manuel_ in _Don Quixot_ (playing in his Farce for the Dukes diversion) addressing to the Dutchess in this manner, in a Jargon of Phrase made ridiculous on purpose: _Ill.u.s.trious beauty, I must desire to know whether the most purifidiferous _Don Quixot_ of the _Manchissima_, and the Squireiferous _Pancha_, be in this Company or no_. To whom _Sancho_ replies, imitating, as he thinks this fine stile, _Why lookee, forsooth, without any more flourishes, the Governor _Pancha_ is here, and _Don Quixotissimo_ too, therefore, most Afflictedissimous Matronissima, speak what you Willissimus, for we are all ready to be your Servitorissimus_.

[Footnote: Vid. Shelton's _Translation of _Don Quixot_, p._ 205.] And this now he inserts as my own Invention and manner of Stile, which is taken _verbatim_ from the History of _Don Quixot_, and is by all those that can judge of humour, very pleasant and fit for that purpose. Now if he has never read that History, his ignorance has abus'd me; and if he has, his impudence has, of which us perceiv'd he has Stock enough, for presently he worries me for saying, in my Epistle Dedicatory to the d.u.c.h.ess of _Ormond_, That _I date my good fortune from her prosperous influence_, and says 'tis _Astrological_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 207.] I don't know whether it has that sort of Learning in't or no, but 'tis as good sense as when he says, like a Wag as he is, that the Ladies fancy is just _slip-stocking high, and she seems to want sense more than her Break-fast_. [Footnote: Collier, p. 92.] Fancy slip-stocking high? no, no, the merry Grig must mean her pretty Leg was seen so high, for the Master of Art, I beg pardon of the rest that their t.i.tle is scandaliz'd, could never mean such Nonsence as t'other sure.

And now drawing near to an end, his malice grows more plainly to a head, by endeavouring to lessen my Credit with my Patron Mr. _Montague_, whose generous Candor and good Nature to me, and indeed to us all, he perhaps has heard of, for here our modest and moral Critick, has either mistaken the words, or found out a slip of the Press, which because it happens to be Nonsence, he has very gladly exposed for mine; 'tis in my Epistle to my aforesaid Patron, thus:

Had your Eyes shot the haughty Austerity upon me of a right Courtier, your valued minutes had never been disturbed with dilatory Trifles of this nature; but my heart, on dull Consideration of your Merit, had supinely wish'd you Prosperity at a distance_.

[Footnote: Collier, p. 207.]

Mine in my Copy was written [_due Consideration_] but Doctor Crambo will have you believe, I consider'd so little to write the t'other; but now I will hold twenty Stubble Geese to the same number of t.i.the Pigs, whenever he is preferr'd to be a Curate again, that I make my Patron smile more at my Entertainment of him at his own Cost, than ever he did at his quoting my _dull Consideration_, which no body but the _dull Absolver_ could imagine a Man with any Brains could write. And to prove I have yet a few, I will try to Paraphrase upon his Farewel to me, the Translation in Verse, but the Reader shall have his first.

I like an Author that Reforms the Age, And keeps the right Decorum of the Stage; That always pleases by Just Reason's Rule; But for a tedious Droll, a quibbling Fool, Who with low nauseous Bawdry fills his Plays, Let him be gone, and on two Tressels raise Some _Smithfield_ Stage, where he may act his Pranks, And make _Jack Puddings_ speak to Mountebanks.

[Footnote: Collier,]

Your humble Servant good Doctor--Well, now for me.

I like a Parson, that no Souls does Lurch, And keeps the true Decorum of the Church; That always preaches by Just Reason's Rule; But for a Hypocrite, a Canting Fool, Who, cramm'd with Malice, takes the Rebels side, _And would, for Conscience, palm on us his Pride,_ Let him, for Stipend, to the _Gubbins*_ sail, And there Hold-forth for Crusts and Juggs of Ale.

[*: A Savage kind of People in the West of _England_.]

And so much by way of Prose, I shall only now give the Reformer a little further Advice, in return of his, in my Lyrical way, which is in a Fable of _A Dog and an Otter_; and to turn his own words upon him, the Citation may possibly be of some service to him, for if not concern'd in the Application, he may at least be precaution'd by the Moral. I find he knows I can sing to other Peoples sense, I'll try now if I can make him sing to mine: And when he Diverts, or is Diverted with _Vox_, then, _Preterea nihil_.

_Maxims_ and _Reflections_

upon

PLAYS.

(_In Answer to a Discourse, Of the Lawfullness and Unlawfullness of PLAYS. Printed Before a late PLAY Ent.i.tuled, BEAUTY in DISTRESS_.)

Written in FRENCH by the Bp. of MEAVX.