Poise: How to Attain It Part 18

The superficial man only sees things, and only _wants_ to see them, from the viewpoint of his own desires.

To the morose man all their contours appear distorted.

The optimist, on the contrary, carefully changes their outlines.

Only to the man who makes a practise of rational thinking comes a true vision of both the good and the bad that exist in everything.

This science of reasoning is the base of all deductive processes, that, in strengthening the judgment, aid in the formation of poise.

Without reason the scaffolding of the most splendid resolves falls to the ground.

Without reason we wander aimlessly in bypaths instead of following the broad highway.

Without reason, in short, we become guilty of injustice, not only toward others, but still more toward ourselves, since we can not form a correct estimate of our own characters.

It is reason which enables us to choose the happy mean that leaves the country of fear to reach the goal of reserve, and follows it to the extreme limit of poise without ever encroaching upon the territory of effrontery.

It is poise alone that enables us to communicate to others the qualities which we possess.

This has ever been the gift of men of genius, of those who could enforce their doctrines and impose them upon others by the sheer strength of their att.i.tude and the way in which they a.n.a.lyzed and reasoned out all their principles.

What conviction can he hope to carry to his hearers who is not himself persuaded of the truth of the theories he is presenting?

This is the condition of those timid people who give their advice in the same tone they would use to ask it.

For this reason they never become expert. They rarely ever taste of success and usually sink into a state of discontent and envy.

This last fault is nearly always indulged in by the timid, whom it soothes, not simply because of its maliciousness, but because envy seems to them to condone their own inertia by giving them an excuse for their lack of action.

For people of mediocre mentality to deny the intelligence of others is to bring them down into their own plane and saves them the effort of climbing to that of their superiors.

And since lack of sincerity toward themselves is always one of the faults of those who are wanting in poise, they can not help feeling a sentiment of jealousy toward those who have succeeded where they themselves have failed.

Instead of doing justice without bitterness to the superiority of others by a determination to imitate it, they take the simpler course of envying the good fortune of their neighbors and attribute it all to luck.

Whenever you hear any one expatiating upon what he calls the luck of some one else, you may be sure that he is a person entirely deficient in those qualities which could attract what he calls luck, but what is really, in the majority of cases, merely the result of hard work based upon a reasoned poise.

Here we may add that this quality is often the key to good fortune, since it permits the head of a family, who is possest of it to establish about him sympathetic currents, based upon the confidence that he inspires.

It is a matter of common knowledge how courage communicates itself from one to another.

The man who dreads the idea of doing something will attempt it without hesitation if he finds himself supported by some one who seems to have no doubt as to the happy outcome of the enterprise.

It is, therefore, most essential, in order to exercise a beneficent influence upon his household, that the head of a family should be possest of poise, which will awaken in them a sense of protection, while at the same time making them aware of a kindly authority.

It must not be inferred from this that every head of a family should pose as being infallible.

This would be a most foolish proceeding on his part. It would often happen that circ.u.mstances, by proving his predictions untrue, would destroy the faith in him that those in his household must possess.

It is only the presumptuous and the egotistical who pride themselves on their infallibility, as we have pointed out at length in preceding chapters.

The man of real poise will be more than careful not to pose as a prophet, still less as an autocrat.

He will study to establish about him an atmosphere of confidence suited to the development and the strengthening of the bonds which unite him to those of his household.

Nothing is more touching than the blind faith shown by some children toward their parents.

People of timidity will never arouse a feeling of this sort.

However real the affection of children may be for such parents, there will always be mingled with it a modic.u.m of indulgent pity, caused by their distrust, if the parents happen to be people of timidity, of what seem to them mediocre abilities.

They will feel themselves more willingly attracted toward a stranger, if his att.i.tude toward life appears to be one that may support and a.s.sist their weakness. Their affection for their parents will be in no way diminished, but they will cease to regard them as being vitally necessary to the harmony of their existence.

This lack of trust that timidity occasions can result in very serious misfortunes.

In driving a child who seeks for some firm guidance to appeal to others than his natural protectors, there is always the risk of his following a method of education that is basically opposed to all the traditions of the family.

How many children are thrown in this way upon the tender mercies of a teacher whose views of life, albeit perfectly honorable, are quite opposed to the plans of the parents.

Such people, instead of complaining of the conduct of the teacher and crying out about the leading astray of their child, would do better to question themselves and to ask their own hearts whether their children have ever found in them the protection that is being given them by others.

We do not want to overwork the old fable of the oak and the ivy.

Nevertheless, it is to the point to remark that this plant attaches itself to none but the most solid trunks, disdaining the Weaker saplings that will bend beneath its weight and will, after a little while, force it to return to the ground instead of helping it to climb into the air.

The man endowed with poise plays in his own family the role of the oak which lends the strength of its trunk as an aid to weakness, covering with the shadow of its branches the feeble efforts that too hot a sun or too violent a storm might easily bring to nothing.

And if the storm should break it is the crest that it presents with pride to the fury of the elements that will keep it from being itself destroyed.

It must also be remembered that the instinct of the Ego flourishes in every one of us, often quite unconsciously, but always with sufficient force to make it certain that this ego will be developed in the direction in which it sees chances of support.

We are not speaking here of mere egoism, which is a species of acknowledgment of weakness that very young children are incapable of making to themselves, but which those who are older will try to avoid.

But there is no one, even among the most strong, who has not felt at some time in his life the joy of finding counsel, moral support, or protection, if only in the form of a hearty and energetic agreement with his ideas.

One can not wonder, therefore, that people of poise are able to draw to themselves sympathies and devotion of which the timid are entirely ignorant.

We should add that poise, in giving one ease, imparts to the slightest gesture a fittingness that const.i.tutes a special grace, that one can not always define, but where appearance can never be mistaken.

It might be termed distinction.

People of poise, whether they be homely or handsome, insignificant or imposing, sickly or radiating health, all possess this enviable gift in a marked degree.

Distinction is the parent of victory.

It conquers, for those who possess it, the greater part of their adversaries, who lay down their arms without dreaming of offering battle.

Distinction impresses every one, both those who are deprived of it and those who are possest of it.

It is the most direct means of influencing others in the direction one wishes them to take.