Three Hours after Marriage Part 23

A KEY TO THE NEW COMEDY;

CALL'D,

THREE HOURS AFTER MARRIAGE.

Written by a Person of Distinction in LONDON,

To his Friend in the County of _Cornwal_.

With a Letter, giving an Account of the Origin of the Quarrel between CIBBER, POPE, and GAY.

A

KEY

TO THE

NEW COMEDY, _&c._

To Sir H. M.

My Friend,

You have sent me a long letter to persuade me to an undertaking I cannot think myself capable of executing; therefore, I must call it worse to me than an Egyptian bondage! My frequenting the Theatre (you say) I make my favourite amus.e.m.e.nt--I confess it--I think it a rational, instructive, and most pleasurable one, of all those this great city affords: Where can a man pa.s.s three hours of his idle time better? however, I never enter the house as a critick, and therefore find myself unequal to the task you have imposed upon me; yet notwithstanding, I will venture. But as you make use of this old sentence in your letter,

_Ut clavis partam, sic pandit Epistolae pectum._

I shall divide (as parsons do their pulpit orations) my matter into three parts. First then I shall give you my own thoughts, which I believe concur with at least three parts of the audience. So I shall unlock (according to your motto) my breast, and tell you all I know or think concerning this affair.

2dly. I intend to let you know as much as I do; at least, all the persons that are satiriz'd in this merry drama.

3dly, And lastly, without the least favour, I shall discover according to my judgment, from whence they have borrowed, or bordered upon any likeness from any other dramatick piece within my knowledge.

Now as to the FIRST article. The expectation of all lovers of the drama, were rais'd to the highest pitch, from the great reputation of the authors, (the Triumvir, as they were call'd) Pope, Gay, and Arbuthnot. I went to the Theatre the first night, but could not find the least room; every door that was opened to me, diffus'd more heat than a baker's oven, or the mouth of a gla.s.s-house. The next morning, I stroll'd to several coffee-houses, where I knew the wits and criticks met like surgeons, to dissect the body of any new piece; but I found more opinions among them, than there are sectaries in the world: So I resolv'd to venture a sweating the next evening, and be my own judge.

When I came to the Theatre, I found it crowded as the night before, but fortunately got a seat in the boxes among some of my acquaintance.

Wilk's spoke the prologue with his usual vivacity and applause! but he had no sooner ended, and thrown the fool's cap on the stage,[D] but the storm began, and the criticks musick of cat-calls join'd in the chorus.--The play was acted like a s.h.i.+p tost in a tempest; yet notwithstanding, through those clouds of confusion and uproar, I, as one of the neutral powers, could discover a great many pa.s.sages that gave me much satisfaction; and while the inimitable Oldfield was speaking the epilogue, (who performed the character of Mrs. Townley, the doctor's wife) the storm subsided--And to speak poetically, my friend--

The billows seem'd to slumber on the sh.o.r.e.

[D] See the two last lines of the prologue.

But when the play was given out for the third night, (tho' the benefit of the author was not mention'd) the roar burst out again, like sudden thunder from two meeting clouds; but I with pleasure observ'd, the roar of applause overcame and triumph'd.

I went the third night to the pit, where I saw the comedy perform'd to a numerous and polite audience with general applause! as for my own particular part, I was extremely delighted. Thus have I unlock'd my own sentiments concerning this three hours after marriage, and expos'd them naked before you. And so ends the first promised article of my Key--Now I shall proceed to the

SECOND, _viz._ The persons that are struck at in this drama (which has opened so many mouths against it) and the cause which drew the satirical lash upon them.

Poets, that are inspir'd by Apollo are so quickly fir'd, that the least touch sets them in a blaze. The Triumvir had been inform'd, that Dr.

Fossile, or Dr. Woodward, which you please; (for Dr. Woodward they mean by Dr. Fossile) had very concisely affronted them all three in one speech, _viz._ Pope's essay on critiscism, was plundered from Vida--Gays pastoral lucubrations, were built upon Spencer, and Brown's Britania's-pastorals, published in the year 1613--and Arbuthnot could never be eminent in surgery, since he never study'd at Paris or Leyden; for in Scotland, he could learn nothing, but to cure the itch. So Fossile appears as the princ.i.p.al character in this ludicrous drama: He gain'd that t.i.tle tis said, by asking a man digging in a gravel-pit--if he ever met with any Fossils? the man mistaking the Word, reply'd--no, nor Spiggot's master; for I believe this gravel-pit was never an ale-cellar yet. Thus have I given you all the intelligence I can, why Dr Woodward is Dr. Fossile in this comedy.

The other two physicians next in the dramatis personae, do not, I believe, mean any particular persons, only to satirize pretenders, and you know we have too many that kill without license.

Sir Tremendous is meant for that snarling, ill-natur'd critick, Dennis, who fell so critically upon Addison, with his billingsgate remarks on Cato! a growler, who never yet lik'd any child of fancy but his own! and I must declare, all of his offspring that I have seen, are as ill-shap'd, and as hard-favour'd as the parent that begot 'em: He swells like an invenom'd reptile, at any thing that gives pleasure to the rest of the world, while he only torments himself; therefore he has truly gain'd the true name of Heautontimerumenos.

The two extraordinary lovers, Plotwell, and Underplot; there are so many of their resemblance in this great town, that we may call them knights of the s.h.i.+res, who represent them all.

The two players by their different manner of speaking, by those whoever convers'd with them, might be easily found to mean Wilk's and Booth.

Now we have open'd our lock, and set to view all our men display'd in our three hours after marriage, I shall proceed to the women, which are but two pointed at in the drama, whatever may occur in the body of the play, which I shall refer to the last article of my discourse. (_do not I my friend talk like your chaplain in the country! on the day between sat.u.r.day and monday_)?

Mrs. Townley, the heroine of our play, I am inform'd, does not suit the character of Fossile's real wife in the least; for tis said they cannot slander that poor woman with any other failing, than that thing so much out of fas.h.i.+on call'd virtue; which seems as ridiculous as if a woman of quality should come to court to a ball on a birth day, with a black-bever high-crown-hat on: But they say another eminent physician's wife sat for that picture; and the painters have done her justice in all but the catastrophe; for the poor man has her still, nor feels he yet any pain in the forehead; therefore shall be nameless, for I think it hard, a man's head should be laden, for the lightness of his wife's heels.

Phoebe Clinket; I am a little griev'd to say, reflects a little on a lady of your acquaintance, the Countess of W----sea, who is so much affected with that itch of versifying, that she has implements for writing, in every room in her house that she frequents. You and I know, Gay has many obligations to that lady, therefore, out of justice and good manners ought to have spar'd her. But poets provok'd, are as bad as hornets; they care not who they sting! and I think the motto to the thistle, (the arms of North-Britain) _Nemo me impune lacessit_, given by James V. of Scotland, is not an improper one for a poet--That unlucky lady was heard to say,--_Gays trivia show'd he was more proper to walk before a chair, than to ride in one_. This sarcasm was the cause, why the poor Countess is thrust among such a pack of motley figures on the stage. As Hamlet says by the players; "You had better have a poets good word, than a bad epitaph after your death." I must confess a poor revenge upon a woman; and a revenge of this kind on any of the soft s.e.x, is below the dignity of man. I am of the poets opinion, who says--

"Too n.o.ble for revenge! which still we find The weakest frailty of a feeble mind; Ungenerous pa.s.sion! and for man too base--

Thus my friend have I finish'd my 2d article, and proceed to the THIRD and last, which shall be to consider the play, and remark every pa.s.sage that borders on any other in the dramatic way, but not with the ill-natur'd design of a critick.

The very first scene of the play, puts me in mind of the first entrance of Morose, with his epicaene in Ben Johnson's silent woman; and several other scenes in this _Three Hours after Marriage_, convinces me the authors had that celebrated comedy often in view. But Fossile in his first speech where he says--

"_I now proclaim a solemn suspension of arms between medicine and diseases; Be this day sacred to my love._" Puts me strongly in mind of Jupiter's ending the first act of Dryden's amphytrion: and I doubt not, but the author had the same thought with me.

"Let human kind their sovereign's leisure wait, Love is this night my great affair of state: Let this one night on providence be void: All Jove for once, is on himself employ'd.

In the next page Mrs. Townley says--

_Marriage, is not to be undertaken wantonly like brute beasts._ Do you not think this following speech of Truwits to Morose upon his sudden marriage, was not the father of Mrs. Townley's speech.

"Wou'd you go to bed so soon? a man of your head and hair should owe more to the reverend ceremony, and not mount the marriage-bed like a town-bull, _&c._

The messages from his patients, I like the least of any thing in the whole play, tho' it is a just satire on those people of rank, that dare not be well without the advice of their physician: Yet I am angry at the countess of Hippokekoana, who is no other than the good dutchess of M--n--th, who generally took an emetick once a week. This lady had the misfortune to break her thigh-bone by a fall, but her modesty was so great, she would not allow the surgeons to apply any remedy; but by their advice, women took their office upon them, but performed it so ill, that the poor lady must go lame to her tomb. The annual day, on which her ill.u.s.trious husband lost his head, she fasts the four and twenty hours: a rare example of conjugal-love! But indeed something of this whole scene may be picked out of _Moliere_.

In the scene between Tremendous, Clinket and the Players; that critick talks in the usual stile of _Dennis_--But in this speech of--

_There is not in all this sodom of ignorance, ten righteous criticks_--The triumvir makes a little too free with the old testament.

Those letters that are given to the doctor in disguise of his footman, are something like several pa.s.sages in Molier's _Cecu imaginaire_. That sign'd _Wyburn_, I believe I need not inform you, is the most noted bawd in London. The character of Lubomirski, may be found (at least something like it) in _Lopez de Vega_; but his water of virginity, you may find something very like that in a play call'd the _Changeling_, written by Middleton and Rowley in conjunction, printed 1653.