Gammer Gurton's Needle Part 9

_Chat._ Com'st behind me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foot!

Thou'se pay for all, thou old tar-leather! I'll teach thee what longs to 't!

Take thee this to make up thy mouth, till time thou come by more!

_Hodge._ Up, gammer, stand on your feet; where is the old wh.o.r.e?

Faith, would chad her by the face, chould crack her callet crown!

_Gammer._ Ah, Hodge, Hodge, where was thy help, when vixen had me down?

_Hodge._ By the ma.s.s, gammer, but for my staff Chat had gone nigh to spill you!

Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not come, to kill you.

But shall we lose our nee'le thus?

_Gammer._ No, Hodge, chwere loth to do so.

Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodge, ich tell thee no.

_Hodge._ Chould yet this fray were well take up, and our nee'le at home, 'Twill be my chance else some to kill, wherever it be or whom!

_Gammer._ We have a parson, Hodge, thou knows, a man esteemed wise, Mast Doctor Rat; chill for him send, and let me hear his advice.

He will her shrive for all this gear, and give her penance straight; Wese have our nee'le, else dame Chat comes ne'er within heaven-gate.

_Hodge._ Yea, marry, gammer, that ich think best: will you now for him send?

The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the sooner wese ha' an end.

And here, gammer! Diccon's devil, as ich remember well, Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felonious tale did tell.

Chold you forty pound, that is the way your nee'le to get again.

_Gammer._ Chill ha' him straight! Call out the boy, wese make him take the pain.

_Hodge._ What, c.o.c.k, I say! come out! What devil! can'st not hear?

_c.o.c.k._ How now, Hodge? how does gammer, is yet the weather clear?

What would chave me to do?

_Gammer._ Come hither, c.o.c.k, anon!

Hence swith to Doctor Rat, hie thee that thou were gone, And pray him come speak with me, cham not well at ease.

Shalt have him at his chamber, or else at Mother Bee's; Else seek him at Hob Filcher's shop, for as cheard it reported, There is the best ale in all the town, and now is most resorted.

_c.o.c.k._ And shall ich bring him with me, gammer?

_Gammer._ Yea, by and by, good c.o.c.k.

_c.o.c.k._ Shalt see that shall be here anon, else let me have on the dock.

_Hodge._ Now, gammer, shall we two go in, and tarry for his coming?

What devil, woman! pluck up your heart, and leave off all this glooming.

Though she were stronger at the first, as ich think ye did find her, Yet there ye dress'd the drunken sow, what time ye came behind her.

_Gammer._ Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set th'end to the beginning, And ich doubt not but she will make small boast of her winning.

THE THIRD ACT. THE FOURTH SCENE.

TIB, HODGE, GAMMER, c.o.c.k.

_Tib._ See, gammer, gammer, Gib, our cat, cham afraid what she aileth; She stands me gasping behind the door, as though her wind her faileth: Now let ich doubt what Gib should mean, that now she doth so doat.

_Hodge._ Hold hither! I chould twenty pound, your nee'le is in her throat.

Grope her, ich say, methinks ich feel it; does not p.r.i.c.k your hand?

_Gammer._ Ich can feel nothing.

_Hodge._ No! ich know there's not within this land A murrainer cat than Gib is, betwixt the Thames and Tyne; Sh'ase as much wit in her head almost as ch'ave in mine.

_Tib._ Faith, sh'ase eaten something, that will not easily down; Whether she gat it at home, or abroad in the town Ich cannot tell.

_Gammer._ Alas, ich fear it be some crooked pin!

And then farewell Gib! she is undone, and lost all save the skin!

_Hodge._ 'Tis your nee'le, woman, I say! Gog's soul! give me a knife, And chill have it out of her maw, or else chall lose my life!

_Gammer._ What! nay, Hodge, fie! Kill not our cat, 'tis all the cats we ha' now.

_Hodge._ By the ma.s.s, dame Chat hase me so moved, ich care not what I kill, ma' G.o.d a vow!

Go to, then, Tib, to this gear! hold up her tail and take her!

Chill see what devil is in her guts! chill take the pains to rake her!

_Gammer._ Rake a cat, Hodge! what wouldest thou do?

_Hodge._ What, think'st that cham not able?

Did not Tom Tankard rake his curtal t'o'er day standing in the stable?

_Gammer._ Soft! be content, let's hear what news c.o.c.k bringeth from Mast Rat.

_c.o.c.k._ Gammer, chave been there as you bad, you wot well about what.

'Twill not be long before he come, ich durst swear off a book, He bids you see ye be at home, and there for him to look.

_Gammer._ Where didst thou find him, boy? was he not where I told thee?

_c.o.c.k._ Yes, yes, even at Hob Filcher's house, by him that bought and sold me!

A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fire; Chad much ado to go and come, all was so full of mire.

And, gammer, one thing I can tell: Hob Filcher's nawl was lost, And Doctor Rat found it again, hard beside the door-post.

I chold a penny can say something, your nee'le again to set.

_Gammer._ Cham glad to hear so much, c.o.c.k, then trust he will not let To help us herein best he can; therefore, till time he come Let us go in; if there be ought to get thou shalt have some.

THE FOURTH ACT. THE FIRST SCENE.