Mr. Punch in Bohemia - BestLightNovel.com
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p.a.w.nbrokers take such enormous interest in their little pledges, that if they were really pledges of affection, the interest taken could hardly be exceeded.
THE AUTHORS OF OUR OWN PLEASURES.--Next to the pleasure of having done a good action, there is nothing so sweet as the pleasure of having written a good article!
CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.--When the organ nuisance shall have been swept away from our streets, that fearful instrument of ear-piercing torture called the hurdy-gurdy will then (thank Parliament!) be known as the _un-heardy_-gurdy.
[Ill.u.s.tration: MY MOTHER BIDS ME BIND MY HAIR
SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
A FEW GOLDEN RULES TRANs.m.u.tED INTO BRa.s.s
THE GOLDEN RULE.
1. Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day.
2. Never trouble another for a trifle which you can do yourself.
3. Never spend your money before you have it, if you would make the most of your means.
4. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
THE BRAZEN RULE.
1. Put off till to-morrow the dun who won't be done to-day.
2. When another would trouble you for a trifle, never trouble yourself.
3. Spend your money before you have it; and when you have it, spend it again, for by so doing you enjoy your means twice, instead of only once.
4. You have only to do a creditor willingly, and he will never be troublesome.
A LITERARY PURSUIT.--Chasing a newspaper in a high wind.
[Ill.u.s.tration: THE TRUE TEST.--
_First Screever_ (_stopping before a pastel in a picture dealer's window_). "Ullo 'Erbert, look 'ere! Chalks!"
_Second Screever._ "Ah, very tricky, I dessay. But you set that chap on the pivement alongside o' you an' me, to dror 'arf a salmon an' a nempty 'at, an' where 'ud 'e be?"
_First Screever._ "Ah!"]
[_Exeunt ambo._
MUSICAL NEWS (NOOSE).--We perceive from a foreign paper that a criminal who has been imprisoned for a considerable period at Presburg has acquired a complete mastery over the violin. It has been announced that he will shortly make an appearance in public. Doubtless, his performance will be _a solo on one string_.
_Sporting Prophet_ (_playing billiards_). Marker, here's the tip off this cue as usual.
_Marker._ Yes, sir. Better give us one of your "tips," sir, as _they never come off_.
ART DOGMA.--An artist's wife never admires her husband's work so much as when he is drawing her a cheque.
THE UNITED EFFORT OF SIX ROYAL ACADEMICIANS.--What colour is it that contains several? An umber (_a number_).
MEM. AT BURLINGTON HOUSE.--A picture may be "capitally executed" without of necessity being "well hung." And _vice versa_.
A SCHISM TO BE APPROVED OF.--A witticism.
[Ill.u.s.tration: EXCELSIOR!--
_She._ "I didn't know you were a _musician_, Herr Muller."
_He._ "A musician? Ach, no--Gott vorpit! I am a _Wagnerian_!"]
AN AUTHOR'S CRY OF AGONY
(_Wrung from him by the repeated calls of the printer's boy_)
"Oh! that devils' visits were, like angels', 'few and far between!'"
