Mr. Punch in Bohemia - BestLightNovel.com
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RIDDLES BY A WRETCH.--_Q._ What is the difference between a surgeon and a wizard?
_A._ The one is a cupper and the other is a sorcerer.
_Q._ Why is America like the act of reflection?
_A._ Because it is a roomy-nation.
_Q._ Why is your pretty cousin like an alabaster vase?
_A._ Because she is an _objet de looks_.
_Q._ How is it that a man born in Truro can never be an Irishman?
_A._ Because he always is a true-Roman.
_Q._ Why is my game c.o.c.k like a bishop?
_A._ Because he has his crows here (_crozier_).
COUPLET BY A CYNIC
(_After reading certain Press Comments on the Picture Show_)
Philistine art may stand all critic shocks Whilst it gives private views--of pretty frocks!
[Ill.u.s.tration: RETALIATION.--
_Comic Man_ (_to unappreciated tenor, whose song has just been received in stony silence_). "I say, you're not going to sing an encore, are you?"
_Unappreciated Tenor_ (_firmly_). "Yes, I am. _Serve them right!_"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: AN INDUCEMENT.--
_Swedish Exercise Instructress._ "Now, ladies, if you will only follow my directions carefully, it is quite possible that you may become even as I am!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: MORE SWEDISH INSTRUCTION.--
_Instructress_ (_to exhausted cla.s.s, who have been hopping round room for some time_). "Come! Come! That won't do at all. You _must_ look cheerful. Keep smiling--smiling all the time!"]
A BATCH OF PROOFS
The proof of a pudding is in the eating: The proof of a woman is in making a pudding; And the proof of a man is in being able to dine without one.
A REFLECTION ON LITERATURE.--It is a well-authenticated fact, that the name of a book has a great deal to do with its sale and its success. How strange that t.i.tles should go for so much in the republic of letters.
MOTTO FOR THE REJECTED AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY (_suggested by one of the Forty_).--"Hanging's too good for them!"
SUGGESTION FOR A MUSIC-HALL SONG (_to suit any Lionne Comique_).--"Wink at _me only_ with one eye," &c., &c.
AMPLE GROUNDS FOR COMPLAINT.--Finding the grounds of your coffee to consist of nothing but chicory.
A SMILING COUNTENANCE is "The happy mien."
[Ill.u.s.tration: _Publisher_ (_impatiently_). "Well, sir, what is it?"
_Poet_ (_timidly_). "O--er--are you Mr. Jobson?"
_Publisher_ (_irritably_). "Yes."
_Poet_ (_more timidly_). "Mr. _George_ Jobson?"
_Publisher_ (_excitably_). "Yes, sir, that's my name."
_Poet_ (_more timidly still_). "Of the firm of Messrs. Jobson and Doodle?"
_Publisher_ (_angrily_). "Yes. What do you want?"
_Poet_ "Oh--I want to see Mr. Doodle!"]
[Ill.u.s.tration: OUR ORCHESTRAL SOCIETY.--_The Rector._ "Oh, _piano_, Mr.
Brown! _Pi-an-o!_"
_Mr. Brown._ "_Piano_ be blowed! I've come here to enjoy myself!"]
