Leonora Part 16

Letter lxix.

_Olivia to Mr L----._

You have spoken daggers to me! Come not to Richmond this evening! I cannot--will not see you! Not for the universe would I see you with my present feelings!

Write to me more letters like that which I have just received. Dip your pen in gall; find words more bitter than those which you have already used. Accuse me of want of candour, want of generosity, want of every amiable, every estimable quality. Upbraid me with the loss of all of which you have bereft me. Recollect every sacrifice that I have made, and, if you can, imagine every sacrifice that I would still make for you--peace of mind, friends, country, fortune, fame, virtue; name them all, and triumph--and disdain your triumph! Remind me how low I am fallen--sink me lower still--insult, debase, humble me to the dust.

Exalt my rival, unroll to my aching eyes the emblazoned catalogue of her merits, her claims to your esteem, your affection; number them over, dwell upon those that I have forfeited, those which can never be regained; tell me that such merits are above all price; a.s.sure me that beyond all her s.e.x you respect, you admire, you love your wife; say it with enthusiasm, with fire in your eyes, with all the energy of pa.s.sion in your voice; then bid me sympathize in your feelings--bid me banish jealousy--wonder at my alarm--call my sorrow anger--conjure me to restrain my sensibility! Restrain my sensibility! Unhappy Olivia! he is tired of your love. Let him then at once tell me the dreadful truth, and I will bear it. Any evil is better than uncertainty, than lingering hope. Drive all hope from my mind. Bid me despair and die--but do not stretch me on the rack of jealousy!--Yet if such be your cruel pleasure, enjoy it.--Determine how much I can endure and live. Stop just at the point when human nature sinks, that you may not lose your victim, that she may linger on from day to day, your sport and your derision.

Olivia.

Letter lxx.

_Mr L---- to General B----._

My dear General,

You will rejoice to hear that Olivia and I have been in a state of warfare for some days past, and you will be still more pleased when you learn the cause of our quarrel. On the day that I had been reading Leonora's letters I was rather later at Richmond than usual. Olivia, offended, insisted upon knowing by what I could possibly have been detained. Her anger knew no bounds when she heard the truth. She made use of some expressions, in speaking of my wife, which I could not, I hope, have borne at any time, but which shocked me beyond measure at that moment. I defended Leonora with warmth. Olivia, in a scornful tone, talked of my wife's coldness of disposition, and bid me compare Lady Leonora's love with hers. It was a comparison I had it more in my power to make than Olivia was aware of; it was the most disadvantageous moment for her in which that comparison could be made. She saw or suspected my feelings, and perceived that all she had said of my Leonora's _incapability of loving_ produced an effect directly contrary to her expectations. Transported by jealousy, she then threw out hints respecting the prince. I spoke as I felt, indignantly. I know not precisely what I said, but Olivia and I parted in anger. I have since received a pa.s.sionately fond note from her. But I feel unhappy. Dear general, when will you come to town?

Yours truly, F. L----.

Letter lxxi.

_Mrs C---- to the d.u.c.h.ess of ----._

My dear Madam,

Your grace's cautions and entreaties to Lady Leonora not to over-exert and fatigue herself were, alas! as ineffectual as mine. From the time she heard that Mr L---- had accepted this emba.s.sy to Petersburg, she was so eager to set out on her journey to town, and so impatient to see him, that neither her mind nor her body had one moment's tranquillity. She waited with indescribable anxiety for your grace's answer to her letter; and the instant she was secure of your approbation, her carriage was ordered to the door. I saw that she was ill; but she would not listen to my fears; she repeated with triumph, that her mother made no objection to her journey, and that she had no apprehensions for herself. However, she was obliged at last to yield. The carriage was actually at the door, when she was forced to submit to be carried to her bed. For several hours she was in such danger, that I never expected she could live till this day. Thank G.o.d! she is now safe. Her infant, to her great delight, is a boy: she was extremely anxious to have a son, because Mr L----formerly wished for one so much. She forbids me to write to Mr L----, lest I should communicate the account of her _sudden illness_ too abruptly.

She particularly requests that your grace will mention to him this _accident_ in the least alarming manner possible. I shall write again next post. Lady Leonora has now fallen asleep, and seems to sleep quietly. Who should sleep in peace if she cannot! I never saw her equal.

My dear madam, I am, With respect and attachment, Your grace's Sincerely affectionate, Helen C----.

It is with extreme concern I am forced to add, that since I wrote this Letter the child has been so ill that I have fears for his life.--His poor mother!

Letter lxxij.

_Mr L---- to General B----._

My dear General,

All is upon velvet again. Poor Olivia was excessively hurt by my letter: she was ill for two days--seriously ill. Yesterday I at length obtained admittance. Olivia was all softness, all candour: she acknowledged that she had been wrong, and in so sweet a voice! She blamed herself till I could no longer think her blameable. She seemed so much humbled and depressed, such a tender melancholy appeared in her bewitching eyes, that I could not resist the fascination. I certainly gave her some cause for displeasure that unfortunate evening; for as Olivia has strong pa.s.sions and exquisite sensibility, I should not have been so abrupt. A fit of jealousy may seize the best and most generous mind, and may prompt to what it would be incapable of saying or thinking in dispa.s.sionate moments. I am sure that Olivia has, upon reflection, felt more pain from this affair than I have. My Russian emba.s.sy is still in _abeyance_. Ministers seem to know their own minds as little as I know mine. Ambition has its quarrels and follies as well as love. At all events, I shall not leave England till next month; and I shall not go down to L---- Castle till I have received my last instructions from our court, and till the day for my sailing is fixed. The parting with Leonora will be a dreadful difficulty. I cannot think of it steadily.

But as she herself says, "Is it not better that she should lose a year of my affections than a life?" The d.u.c.h.ess is mistaken in imagining it possible that any woman, let her influence be ever so great over my heart, could prejudice me against my amiable, my admirable wife. What has just pa.s.sed between Olivia and me convinces me that it is impossible. She has too much knowledge of my character to hazard in future a similar attempt. No, my dear friend, be a.s.sured I would not suffer it. I have not yet lost all t.i.tle to your esteem or to my own.

This enchantress may intoxicate me with her cup, but shall never degrade me; and I should feel myself less degraded even by losing the human form than by forfeiting that principle of honour and virtue, which more n.o.bly distinguishes man from brute.

Yours most sincerely, F. L----.

Letter lxxiij.

_General B---- to Mr L----._

My dear Friend,

It is well that I did not answer your letter of Sat.u.r.day before I received that of Monday. My congratulations upon your quarrel with your fair one might have come just as you were kissing hands upon a reconciliation.

I have often found a great convenience in writing a bad hand; my letters are so little like what they are intended for, and have among them such equality of unintelligibility, that each seems either; and with the slightest alteration, each will stand and serve for the other. My _m_, _n_, and _u_, are convertible letters; so are the terms and propositions of your present mode of reasoning, my dear L----, and I perceive that you find your account in it. Upon this I congratulate you; and I congratulate Lady Leonora upon your being detained some weeks longer in England. Those who have a just cause need never pray for victory; they need only ask the G.o.ds for time. Time always brings victory to truth, and shame to falsehood. But you are not worthy of such fine apophthegms.

At present "you are not fit to hear yourself convinced." I will wait for a better opportunity, and have patience with you, if I can.

You seem to plume yourself mightily upon your resolve to do justice to the merits of your wife, and upon the courage you have shown in stuffing cotton into your ears to prevent your listening to the voice of the siren: but pray take the cotton out, and hear all she can say or sing.

Lady Leonora cannot be hurt by anything Olivia can say, but her own malice may destroy herself.

In the meantime, as you tell me that you are upon velvet again, I am to presume that you are perfectly at ease; and I should be obliged to you, if, as often as you can find leisure, you would send me bulletins of your happiness. I have never yet been in love with one of these high-flown heroines, and I am really curious to know what degree of felicity they can bestow upon a man of common sense. I should be glad to profit by the experience of a friend.

Yours truly, J. B.

Letter lxxiv.

_Olivia to Madame de P----._

Richmond.

Accept my sincere thanks, inimitable Gabrielle! for having taken off my hands a lover, who really has half-wearied me to death. If you had dealt more frankly with me, I could, however, have saved you much superfluous trouble and artifice. I now perfectly comprehend the cause of poor R***'s strange silence some months ago; he was then under the influence of your charms, and it was your pleasure to deceive me even when there was no necessity for dissimulation. You knew the secret of my growing attachment to L----, and must have foreseen that R*** would be burthensome to me. You needed therefore only to have treated me with candour, and you would have gained a lover without losing a friend: but Mad. de P---- is too accomplished a politician to go the simple straight road to her object. I now perfectly comprehend why she took such pains to persuade me that an imperial lover was alone worthy of my charms. She was alarmed by an imaginary danger. Believe me, I am incapable of disputing with any one _les restes d'un coeur_.

Permit me to a.s.sure you, madam, that your incomparable talents for explanation will be utterly thrown away on me in future. I am in possession of the whole truth, from a person whose information I cannot doubt: I know the precise date of the commencement of your connexion with R***, so that you must perceive it will be impracticable to make me believe that you have not betrayed my easy confidence.

I cannot, however, without those pangs of sentiment which your heart will never experience, reflect upon the treachery, the perfidy of one who has been my bosom friend.--Return my letters, Gabrielle.--With this you will receive certain _souvenirs_, at which I could never henceforward look without sighing. I return you that ring I have so long worn with delight, the picture of that treacherous eye,[2] which you know so well how to use. Adieu, Gabrielle.--The illusion is over.--How many of the illusions of my fond heart have been dispelled by time and treachery!