The Double Widowing Part 8

Bramble (forced to sit) The devil!

Mrs. MacPherson You wife has left us. It's sad. We must drink until she returns.

MacPherson If my wife dies, I will get drunk for her epitaph.

Bramble I'm getting nothing from these drunks. I'd better wait till Tuneless returns.

Mrs. MacPherson While we're waiting for Tuneless, we'll sing you a little song to chase your sorrows away.

Bramble Death.

Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to the funeral we'll go, heigh ho, heigh ho--

(Enter Tuneless and Arabella.)

Tuneless Silence. Get out. There Miss, come on in.

(Exit Mr. and Mrs. MacPherson.)

Arabella Here he is. I'm going to play my part wonderfully.

Bramble Ah--they're gone. Let's join Tuneless.

Arabella I come to ask your bounty, sir. I am desolate.

Bramble Console yourself, my dear child. I will prevent the Countess from marrying you.

Arabella She wants to marry me to a man with no money at all. That's what distresses me.

Tuneless No money at all. Sir, you know she has nothing. And, when one marries without money--it makes for a lot of sad children. The Countess said this fellow had a fortune.

Arabella I don't believe in fortunes, except when I see them already in existence.

Tuneless She said he is young.

Arabella Then, he will be unfaithful.

Tuneless The older a man is, the more likely you'll love him for the rest of his life.

Arabella I always wanted a husband with a settled disposition.

Tuneless Who has been previously married.

Arabella Who always indulges his wife in a thousand ways.

Tuneless Like you, for example.

Arabella Unfortunately, I will never be as happy as my aunt was.

Bramble I like the prudence, the wisdom, and the good taste of this tasty little person.

Arabella It's my natural taste, you know, sir. I am incapable of loving a young man. But, I am capable of a real affection for those who treat me right.

Bramble n.o.ble sentiments, n.o.ble sentiments. I am so charmed, so delighted, that I am going to see the Countess right now. Ah, there she is in the gallery. I am going to speak to her this moment.

(Exit Bramble.)

Arabella It's not going badly. But, if my aunt should come in--

Tuneless Fear nothing. These two departed will not meet so soon. For Desmond is keeping the widow in the garden, and we are keeping the husband here.

The Countess is in on the plot, and is going to keep him in his apartment, one way or another.

Arabella Hurry then, to do on our side as well as Desmond has done on his.

Tuneless You must make your contribution by making the old widower in love, while Desmond does the same with the widow.

(Enter Steward, Countess, Lucy.)

Countess Love doesn't hide itself, sir, and you have accosted me in a manner that convinces me you have a great deal for Arabella.

Bramble Not at all, Madame, but with respect--

Countess I have only one word to say to you about the matter. If you don't want me to marry off Arabella, and to keep her to console you in your grief, and then later marry her--then you must do something for your nephew. You know how highly I think of Desmond. I have spoken to you a hundred times for him--uselessly. And I am going to take this opportunity--the solicitor is downstairs--I am going to marry Arabella, before your very eyes, if you don't transfer some of your wealth to Desmond.

Bramble I am a reasonable man.

Countess We'll go see. But, come to my apartment to agree on the contract.

Follow us, Arabella. Your presence will facilitate this little accommodation.

(Exit Bramble, Countess, Arabella, and Tuneless. After a moment, enter Desmond and Lucy.)

Desmond Well, Lucy?

Lucy They are about to tax your uncle. What have you done to hasten the liberality of our widow?

Desmond I pressed her in a lively way. But she was pressing me in a lively way, also.

Lucy Her love presses.

Desmond I pretend not to understand her pa.s.sionate talk. But the less I seem to understand, the more she reveals. I can't hold her back. I had to leave her alone in the garden--where she stayed to hide her confusion.

She sighs, she excites herself--

Lucy A declaration is coming. It wants to come forth. She will unburden her heart. She is meditating some pa.s.sionate declaration which may be obscure--or plain enough.

Desmond All too plain, I fear. I see her coming. I am not going to wait to hear this.

(Exit Desmond.)

Widow (entering) Where did he go, Lucy?