The Ghost Breaker: A Melodramatic Farce in Four Acts Part 10

JARVIS. The colored man, the one you were talking about, the one who brought the bundle, that bundle there, carelessly broke the blade of that knife and cut his hand. That was it, wasn't it? You see the large blade is snapped off near the handle.

DETECTIVE. Where is this colored man now?

PRINCESS. He is in stateroom 729.

DETECTIVE. All right, I will just take a look at him. 729? Sorry to bother you. They was the Chief's orders. Good-bye. (_Exit._)

PRINCESS. But his hand isn't cut.

JARVIS. (_Cross to 'phone_) No, not yet--but it soon will be. h.e.l.lo, give me 729. (_Pause._) h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo, Rusty? d.a.m.n it all, answer me, do you hear me? (_Pause._) Yes, I know I did, but I am telling you to talk now. Do just what I tell you and do it quick. Take your knife and cut your left hand. What? No, no, you a--d.a.m.ned fool, don't cut it off, but just enough to make it bleed a little and then tie it up with a handkerchief. Never mind. Do it quick, and remember, don't answer questions. You're deaf and dumb again. (_Hangs up receiver and turns to_ PRINCESS.) By gee, you're game! You certainly buffaloed that Detective.

Then your cousin Carlos broke in at the psychological moment to scatter their gum-shoe wits. (_Laugh._)

PRINCESS. They believe he's crazy.

JARVIS. That's just it. Now they won't listen to him. Yes, he'll be crazy, all right. Do you think you can handle him?

PRINCESS. Yes, you have your hand dressed.

JARVIS. Then I'll hunt up the s.h.i.+p's surgeon--and be back directly. Gee, you're game! (_Cross to door_ R. DUKE _enters at door_ R. JARVIS _turns._) Crazy! That's funny! (JARVIS _exits, laughing._)

DUKE. (_Showing suppressed emotion, stands_ R.C. _glaring at_ PRINCESS) Well!

PRINCESS. Well!

DUKE. Well, I'm waiting!

PRINCESS. For what, Carlos?

DUKE. For some explanation. Who is this man Warren?

PRINCESS. He is a professional ghost breaker, as he explained.

DUKE. How did you find him?

PRINCESS. I met him quite by accident.

DUKE. What do you know about him?

PRINCESS. Why, he is as well known in America as you are in Spain.

DUKE. Indeed! (_Cross to center._) Well, he will be better known when I turn him over to the police.

PRINCESS. Why, Carlos, what do you mean?

DUKE. I think you know that which I mean, Maria. (DETECTIVE _sticks head in door._)

DETECTIVE. It's all right, Madame, but you might have told us that your n.i.g.g.e.r was a dummy.

DUKE. (_To_ PRINCESS) One moment, gentlemen, one moment. (DETECTIVES _enter._) If this person is famous, these gentlemen should know him. Do you know Warren, the Ghost Breaker?

DETECTIVE. The what?

DUKE. The Ghost Breaker!

DETECTIVE. (_Both grinning_) He's off again, Tom. (_Enter_ JARVIS.)

DUKE. Now we'll see. Is this man Warren, the Ghost Breaker? (_Warren winks at_ DETECTIVES.)

DETECTIVE. (_To_ SECOND DETECTIVE) He's hip, all right.

JARVIS. Agree with anything he says.

DUKE. (_Furiously_) Answer my question--is this man Warren, the Ghost Breaker?

DETECTIVE. Now, that's all right, Dook. Sure he's a Ghost Breaker, ain't he, Tom?

SECOND DETECTIVE. Surest thing you know.

DUKE. Sacristi, am I, Carlos Hernando D'Alva, to be mocked at by two grinning, bull-necked scullions? (_s.h.i.+p's officer appears in door._)

s.h.i.+P'S OFFICER. Hurry up, there, if you're going ash.o.r.e with the pilot!

DETECTIVES. (_As they go through door_) You're all right, Dook, old boy!

Ghost Breaker! Ha, ha! (_They exit._)

DUKE. (_Crossing toward door_) I'll see the Captain.

JARVIS. (_Back against door_) I think not just yet!

CURTAIN

ACT III

SCENE: _The main room of an Old Spanish tavern, Segura, Spain. Singing and mandolins heard from Wine Room._

AT RISE, MAXIMO, _an old discharged Spanish veteran, and_ GASPAR, _a villager, discovered playing cards at table down_ C. _This continues some time._ MAXIMO _slaps down cards exultantly, leans back in chair and laughs._ GASPAR _stares peevishly at cards._

DOLORES _discovered gazing out of window_, D.L. _Enter_ VARDOS, _old follower of_ PRINCE BASILLIO, C.L., _carrying basket, covered by lid or napkin. Seeing_ DOLORES. _Spaniard on steps._

_Lights full up, amber and white. Blue lights behind in windows_, R.

_and_ L.

VARDOS. Still watching for a signal, Senorita?

DOLORES. (_Turning to_ VARDOS) Yes, Vardos. Have you any news?