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Unworthy as I am, I have found it by experience, that the more I see of the greatness and goodness of G.o.d, and the nearer union I hope I have had with Him through the Spirit of his love, the more humble and self-abased I have been.
"But every day I may say, 'Lord, how little I love thee, how far I live from thee, how little am I like thee in humility!' It is nevertheless my heart's desire to love and serve Him better. I find the way in which G.o.d does more particularly bless me, is when I attend on the public ordinances of religion. These are the channels through which He conveys the riches of his grace and precious love to my soul.
These I have often found to be indeed the time of refres.h.i.+ng and strengthening from the presence of the Lord. Then I can see my hope of an interest in the covenant of love, and praise Him for his mercy to the greatest of sinners.
"I earnestly wish to be more established in the ways, and to honour him in the path of duties whilst I enjoy the smiles of his favour. In the midst of all outward afflictions I pray that I may know Christ, and the power of his resurrection within my soul. If I were always thus, my summer would last all the year, my will would then be sweetly lost in G.o.d's will, and I should feel a resignation to every dispensation of his providence and his grace, saying, 'Good is the will of the Lord: infinite wisdom cannot err.' Then would patience have its perfect work.
"But, alas! sin and unbelief often, too often, interrupt these frames, and lay me low before G.o.d in tears of sorrow. I often think what a happiness it would be, if his love were so fixed in my heart, that I might willingly obey Him with alacrity and delight, and gradually mortify the power of self-will, pa.s.sion, and pride. This can only arise from a good hope, through grace, that we are washed in that precious blood which cleanses us from every sinful stain, and makes us new creatures in Christ. O that we may be the happy witnesses of the saving power and virtue of that healing stream which flows from the fountain of everlasting love!
"Sir, my faith is often exceedingly weak. Can you be so kind as to tell me what you have found to be the most effectual means of strengthening it? I often think how plainly the Lord declares--Believe only, and thou shalt be saved. Only have faith; all things are possible to him that has it. How I wish that we could remove all those mountains that hinder and obstruct the light of his grace; so that, having full access unto G.o.d through that ever-blessed Spirit, we might lovingly commune with Him as with the dearest of friends. What favour doth G.o.d bestow on worms! And yet we love to murmur and complain. He may well say, What should I have done more that I have not done? or wherein have I proved unfaithful or unkind to my faithless backsliding children?
"Sir, I pray that I may not grieve Him, as I have done, any more. I want your counsel and your prayers for me in this matter. How refres.h.i.+ng is the sight of one that truly loves G.o.d, that bears his image and likeness!
"But delightful as is conversation with true believers on earth, whose hearts are lifted up to things above, yet what is this to that happy day which will admit us into more bright realms, where we shall for ever behold a G.o.d of love in the smiling face of his Son, who is the express image of his Father, and the brightness of his glory! Then, if found in Him, we shall be received by the innumerable host of angels who wait around his throne.
"In the meantime, sir, may I take up my cross, and manfully fight under Him who, for the glory that was set before Him, endured the cross, despised the shame, and is now set down at his Father's right hand in majesty! I thank you for the kind liberty you have given to me of writing to you. I feel my health declining, and I find a relief during an hour of pain and weakness in communicating these thoughts to you.
"I hope, sir, you go on your way rejoicing; that you are enabled to thank Him who is the giver of every good gift, spiritual, temporal, and providential, for blessings to yourself and your ministry. I do not doubt but you often meet with circ.u.mstances which are not pleasing to nature; yet, by the blessing of G.o.d, they will be all profitable in the end. They are kindly designed by grace to make and keep us humble. The difficulties which you spoke of to me some time since, will, I trust, disappear.
"My dear father and mother are as well as usual in bodily health; and, I hope, grow in grace, and in the knowledge and love of Jesus Christ.
My chief desire to live is for their sakes. It now seems long since we have seen you. I am almost ashamed to request you to come to our little cottage, to visit those who are so far beneath your station in life. But if you cannot come, we shall be very glad if you will write a few lines. I ought to make an excuse for my letter, I spell so badly: this was a great neglect when I was young. I gave myself greatly to reading, but not to the other; and now I am too weak and feeble to learn much.
"I hear sometimes of persons growing serious in your congregation. It gives me joy; and, if true, I am sure it does so to yourself. I long for the pure Gospel of Christ to be preached in every church in the world, and for the time when all shall know, love, and fear the Lord, and the uniting Spirit of G.o.d shall make them of one heart and mind in Christ our great Head. Your greatest joy, I know, will be in labouring much for the glory of G.o.d in the salvation of men's souls.
You serve a good Master. You have a sure reward. I pray G.o.d to give you strength according to your day.
"Pray, sir, do not be offended at the freedom and manner of my writing. My parents' duty and love to you are sent with these lines from
"Your humble servant in Christ,
"E--- W---."
Epistolary communications, when written in sincerity of heart, afford genuine portraits of the mind. May the foregoing be viewed with Christian candour, and consecrated to affectionate memory!
CHAPTER VI.
Travellers, as they pa.s.s through the country, usually stop to inquire whose are the splendid mansions which they discover among the woods and plains around them. The families, t.i.tles, fortune, or character of the respective owners engage much attention. Perhaps their houses are exhibited to the admiring stranger. The elegant rooms, costly furniture, valuable paintings, beautiful gardens and shrubberies, are universally approved; while the rank, fas.h.i.+on, taste, and riches of the possessor, afford ample materials for entertaining discussion. In the meantime, the lowly cottage of the poor husbandman is pa.s.sed by as scarcely deserving of notice. Yet perchance such a cottage may often contain a treasure of infinitely more value than the sumptuous palace of the rich man; even "the pearl of great price." If this be set in the heart of the poor cottager, it proves a gem of unspeakable worth, and will s.h.i.+ne among the brightest ornaments of the Redeemer's crown, in that day when He maketh up his "jewels."
Hence the Christian traveller, while in common with others he bestows his due share of applause on the decorations of the rich, and is not insensible to the beauties and magnificence which are the lawfully-allowed appendages of rank and fortune, cannot overlook the humbler dwelling of the poor. And if he should find that true piety and grace beneath the thatched roof which he has in vain looked for amidst the worldly grandeur of the rich, he remembers the declarations in the Word of G.o.d. He sees with admiration, that the high and lofty One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy, who dwelleth in the high and holy place, dwelleth with _him also_ that is of a contrite and humble spirit; and although heaven is his throne, and the earth his footstool, yet, when a house is to be built, and a place of rest to be sought for himself, He says, To this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word. (_See_ Isa. lvii. 15; lxvi. 1, 2.)
When a house is thus tenanted, faith beholds this inscription written on the walls, _The Lord lives here_. Faith, therefore, cannot pa.s.s by it unnoticed, but loves to lift up the latch of the door, and to sit down and converse with the poor, although perhaps despised, inhabitant. Many a sweet interview does Faith obtain, when she thus takes her walks abroad. Many such a sweet interview have I myself enjoyed beneath the roof where dwelt the Dairyman and his little family.
I soon perceived that his daughter's health was rapidly on the decline.
The pale, wasting consumption, which is the Lord's instrument for removing so many thousands every year from the land of the living, made hasty strides on her const.i.tution. The hollow eye, the distressing cough, and the often too-flattering red on the cheek, foretold the approach of death.
What a field for usefulness and affectionate attention on the part of ministers and Christian friends is opened by the frequent attacks, and lingering progress, of _consumptive_ illness! How many such precious opportunities are daily lost, where Providence seems in so marked a way to afford time and s.p.a.ce for serious and G.o.dly instruction! Of how many may it be said, "The way of peace have they not known;" for not one friend ever came nigh to warn them to "flee from the wrath to come."
But the Dairyman's daughter was happily made acquainted with the things which belonged to her everlasting peace before the present disease had taken root in her const.i.tution. In my visits to her, I went rather to receive information than to impart it. Her mind was abundantly stored with Divine truths, and her conversation was truly edifying. The recollection of it must ever produce a thankful sensation in my heart.
I one day received a short note to the following effect:--
"Dear Sir,
"I should be very glad, if your convenience will allow, that you would come and see a poor unworthy sinner. My hour-gla.s.s is nearly run out; but I hope I can see Christ to be precious to my soul. Your conversation has often been blessed to me, and I now feel the need of it more than ever. My father and my mother send their duty to you.
"From your obedient
"And unworthy servant,
"E--- W---."
I obeyed the summons that same afternoon. On my arrival at the Dairyman's cottage his wife opened the door. The tears streamed down her cheek as she silently shook her head. Her heart was full. She tried to speak, but could not. I took her by the hand, and said:
"My good friend, all is right, and as the Lord of wisdom and mercy directs."
"Oh! my Betsy, my dear girl, is so bad, sir. What shall I do without her? I thought I should have gone first to the grave, but--"
"But the Lord sees good that, before you die yourself, you should behold your child safe home to glory. Is there no mercy in this?"
"O, dear sir! I am very old and very weak, and she is a dear child, the staff and prop of such a poor old creature as I am."
As I advanced, I saw Elizabeth sitting by the fireside, supported in an arm-chair by pillows, with every mark of rapid decline and approaching death. A sweet smile of friendly complacency enlightened her pale countenance as she said:
"This is very kind indeed, sir, to come so soon after I sent to you. You find me daily wasting away, and I cannot have long to continue here. My flesh and my heart fail; but G.o.d is the strength of my weak heart, and, I trust, will be my portion for ever."
The conversation was occasionally interrupted by her cough and want of breath. Her tone of voice was clear, though feeble; her manner solemn and collected; and her eye, though more dim than formerly, by no means wanting in liveliness as she spoke. I had frequently admired the superior language in which she expressed her ideas, as well as the scriptural consistency with which she communicated her thoughts. She had a good natural understanding; and grace, as is generally the case, much improved it. On the present occasion I could not help thinking she was peculiarly favoured. The whole strength of gracious and natural attainments seemed to be in full exercise.
After taking my seat between the daughter and the mother (the latter fixing her fond eyes upon her child with great anxiety, while we were conversing), I said to Elizabeth:
"I hope you enjoy a sense of the Divine presence, and can rest all upon Him who has 'been with thee,' and has kept 'thee in all places whither thou hast gone,' and will bring thee into 'the land of pure delights, where saints immortal reign.'"
"Sir, I think I can. My mind has lately been sometimes clouded, but I believe it has been partly owing to the great weakness and suffering of my bodily frame, and partly to the envy of my spiritual enemy, who wants to persuade me that Christ has no love for me, and that I have been a self-deceiver."
"And do you give way to his suggestions? Can you doubt amidst such numerous tokens of past and present mercy?"
"No, sir; I mostly am enabled to preserve a clear evidence of his love. I do not wish to add to my other sins that of denying his manifest goodness to my soul. I would acknowledge it to his praise and glory."
"What is your present view of the state in which you were before you felt seriously concerned about the salvation of your soul?"
"Sir, I was a proud, thoughtless girl, fond of dress and finery; I loved the world, and the things that are in the world; I lived in service among worldly people, and never had the happiness of being in a family where wors.h.i.+p was regarded, and the souls of the servants cared for either by master or mistress. I went once on a Sunday to church, more to see and be seen than to pray or hear the word of G.o.d. I thought I was quite good enough to be saved, and disliked and often laughed at religious people. I was in great darkness; I knew nothing of the way of salvation; I never prayed, nor was sensible of the awful danger of a prayerless state. I wished to maintain the character of a good servant, and was much lifted up whenever I met with applause. I was tolerably moral and decent in my conduct, from motives of carnal and worldly policy; but I was a stranger to G.o.d and Christ; I neglected my soul; and had I died in such a state, h.e.l.l must, and would justly, have been my portion."
"How long is it since you heard the sermon which you hope, through G.o.d's blessing, effected your conversion?"
"About five years ago."
"How was it brought about?"