The Four Epochs of Woman's Life Part 5

"How many men," says Balzac, "proceed with women as the monkey of Ca.s.san with the violin; they have broken the heart without knowing it, as they have tarnished and disdained the jewel whose secret they never understood. Almost all men are married in ignorance of women and of love. They have commenced by forcing open the doors of a strange house and have wished to be well received in its salon. But the most ordinary artist knows that there exists between him and his instrument-- his instrument which is made of wood or ivory-- a sort of indefinable friends.h.i.+p. He knows by experience that it has taken years to establish this mysterious rapport between an inert material and himself. He could not have divined at the first stroke all its resources and caprices, its faults and its virtues. His instrument only became a soul for him and a source of melody after long study; he only came to understand it as two friends after the most learned interrogation.

"So the world is full of young women who grow pale and feeble, sick and suffering. The ones are a prey to inflammations more or less severe; the others remain under the dominion of nervous attacks more or less violent. All these husbands have caused their own unhappiness and ruin. Never begin married life with a rape. To demand of a young girl whom one has seen forty times in fifteen days to love you because of the law, the king, and justice is an absurdity.

"Love is the union of necessity and of sentiment. Happiness in marriage is the result of perfect understanding between the spirits of husband and wife. From this it happens that in order to be happy, a man is obliged to bind himself to certain rules of delicacy and honor.

After taking advantage of the social laws which consecrate the necessity, it is necessary to obey the secret laws of nature, in order to make the sentiments flourish. If a man places his happiness on being loved, it is necessary that he should love sincerely; nothing resists a veritable pa.s.sion."

Shall Husband and Wife Occupy the Same Bed?-- Among civilized nations custom differs in this regard; in Germany, for instance, the husband and wife occupy separate beds in the same room; formerly in this country it was almost the universal custom for husband and wife to occupy the same bed. The current of opinion has changed in this respect, and it is now considered in the highest interests of both that they shall occupy not only separate beds, but separate rooms; these rooms communicating through a door which connects their respective dressing-rooms. This is unquestionably the best arrangement from the hygienic as well as from the ethical point of view. Health requires that one-third of the time shall be spent in sleep; the bed was made for sleep; and the most refres.h.i.+ng sleep can only be obtained by occupying the bed alone. If two persons occupy the same bed and one is restless, the sleep of the other is necessarily disturbed. Again, two persons occupying the same bed necessitates the same hour for rising and retiring, which is not always convenient or agreeable.

Balzac writes on this subject: "To put the system of separate bed-rooms into practice is to attain to the highest degree of intellectual power and of virility. By what syllogism man arrived at establis.h.i.+ng as a custom that of man and wife sleeping together, a practice so fatal to happiness, to health, to pleasure, and even to self-love, would be curious to seek out." If for financial reasons it is not possible to have separate bed-rooms, the German custom of having separate beds should be adopted.

The Consummation of Marriage.-- The consummation of marriage is often attended with difficulty owing to the rigidity of the hymen; this, if present, must usually be ruptured before connection takes place. Great gentleness and care must be exercised by the husband if it does not readily yield, the use of hot v.a.g.i.n.al injections should be kept up for several weeks before the trial is repeated. These usually relax the parts very considerably; but if coitus is still found impossible, it is better to consult a physician at once, when a simple operation will generally remove the trouble and the woman is spared much suffering.

In no case is any violence on the part of the husband allowable, as it might produce irreparable injuries.

There is always more or less suffering on the part of the wife at first, partly due to the rupture of the hymen, and partly to the forcible dilatation of the v.a.g.i.n.a and she should be allowed a sufficient time for nature to repair these injuries. By so doing, the const.i.tutional disturbances and the nervous disorders which are so very prevalent may be prevented. Too frequent indulgence at this period is a prolific source of inflammatory diseases, and often occasions sterility and ill-health.

The first nuptial relations should be fruitless, in order that any indisposition arising therefrom should have had time to disappear before the woman becomes pregnant.

The Marital Relation.-- It is most important for the interest of both parties that there should be chast.i.ty in the marriage relation as well as out of it. Many young couples have had their lives ruined by excessive s.e.xual indulgence. The effect is usually most severe upon the husband, yet the wife becomes weak, nervous, and excitable. s.e.xual excess is also the grave of domestic affection. The general rule given is that coitus should never take place oftener than every seven or ten days. When coitus is succeeded by langour, depression, or malaise, it has been indulged in too frequently.

Among civilized people there are three widely diferent views as to the proper course to be pursued:

First, those who maintain that s.e.xual intercourse should not take place except for the propagation of the species.

Second, those who believe that the act is a love relation, mutually demanded and enjoyed by both s.e.xes, and serving other purposes besides that of procreation.

Third, those who hold that s.e.xual intercourse is a physical necessity for the man, but not for the woman.

The first theory, "that the s.e.xual relations should never be sustained save for the purpose of procreation," has many advocates. They teach that there are other uses for the procreative element than the generation of offspring, and far better uses than its waste in pleasures. They claim that a life of total chast.i.ty increases the physical and mental vigor; and there will result a procreation on the mental and spiritual planes, instead of on the physical ones.

They also claim that to woman belongs the creative power; that she must choose when a new life shall be evolved; and that only by adhering to this law can she be protected in the highest function of her being-- the function of maternity.

The adherents of the second theory, "that the act is a love relation, mutually demanded and enjoyed by both s.e.xes, and that it serves other purposes besides that of procreation," claim that the female s.e.xual life indicates that the healthy woman is neither indifferent nor pa.s.sive in the generative act. It has much the same effect as in man-- a powerful increase in her sensations, whole groups of muscles are set in motion, and the uterus as well as the entire nervous system are in an excited condition and activity. And that it is the province of the mother to decide when a new life should begin.

The third theory, "that s.e.xual intercourse is a physical necessity for the man, but not for the woman," is by far the most widely accepted.

We will consider, first, the practical results of this last theory; and, second, the scientific basis on which it rests.

It is generally acknowledged that this practice has done more to cause domestic misery, sickness, and death than that dreadful scourge of the human race, tuberculosis.

This man, accustomed all his life to gratify his s.e.xual pa.s.sions promisculously, marries a virtuous young girl. In her menstrual periods she has had to do only with the secondary phenomena; with the expulsion of the ova not at all. She has had no instruction in the corresponding physiologic life of the man, and is astonished at the male s.e.xual indications, and is led to believe in their physiologic necessities. The result is that she not only suffers physically, but feels outraged and disgraced. She is liable to the chance of maternity at any time; and such offspring will probably be sickly.

Pa.s.sion is presented to the young wife in so hideous a guise that it will take the utmost consideration of her husband afterward to enable her to completely overcome her repugnance. If she be worn and weary of excesses in the early days of her married life, the husband will have only himself to blame if he is bound all his life to an apathetic and irresponsive wife. Husbands place great strains upon the affections of their wives, and lower themselves almost past reinstatement in their respect and esteem.

Lastly, on what scientific basis does this "physilogic necessity" for s.e.xual gratification on the part of the male rest? a.n.a.logy with the lower animals does not bear it out. Among animals, except in rare instances under domestication, the female admits the male in s.e.xual embrace only for procreation. Among many savage tribes this same rule has but few exceptions. The a.n.a.logies between the male and the female s.e.xual organs; between seminal emissions and menstruation; between the s.e.xual life of the male and of the female, only go to accentuate the fact that this so-called physiologic necessity on the part of the male has arisen chiefly through the difference of education; so that it has come to be that the woman is chaste and the man is degraded; that the woman is too sentimental and the man too pa.s.sionate. From a purely medical standpoint, the most eminent physicians and physiologists of the day all unite in advocating a chaste and continent life, simply for the sake of the man's own health, independently of all other considerations.

Times when Marital Relations Should be Suspended.-- The marital relations should always be suspended during the menstrual period.

During pregnancy intercourse should never, or at least very rarely, be indulged in. At this time the mother needs to conserve all her strength and energies for herself and child; and any s.e.xual relations during this time increase the sufferings of the mother and impair the vitality of the child. It has been even suggested that much of the pain during parturition would be avoided by entire continence during pregnancy. Intercourse during the early months of pregnancy is a frequent cause of abortion. Women who have supposed that they have never been pregnant have in reality been having abortions every second or third month.

A woman should never be subjected to coitus until three months after delivery. During lactation intercourse should never, or at least very rarely, be indulged in; as the function of lactation makes a heavy drain on the strength of the mother, and anything which would further weaken her would tend to impoverish the quality of the milk and thus the child would suffer.

CHAPTER VIII.

s.e.xUAL INSINCT IN WOMEN.

s.e.xual Instinct in Women; Excessive Coitus; Causes of s.e.xual Excitability.

"Virtue, the strength and beauty of the soul, Is the best gift of heaven."

-- ARMSTRONG.

s.e.xual Instinct in Women.-- After careful observation of the s.e.xes in the married state, it is found that the s.e.xual appetence is less in women than it is in men. Much of this difference in s.e.xual appetence is doubtless due to the chast.i.ty of their lives, coupled with and resulting from the difference of education. The girl is taught repression, and the boy expression; that girls must be chaste; that chast.i.ty for boys is impossible.

According to the intensity of the s.e.xual instinct women have been divided into three cla.s.ses: A larger number than is supposed have little or no s.e.xual feeling. Second, those who are subject to strong pa.s.sion; this cla.s.s is larger than the first, but small as compared with the whole of their s.e.x. Third, those in whom the s.e.xual appet.i.te is moderate; this cla.s.s comprises the vast majority of women.

And, even granting to woman more pleasure in s.e.xual indulgence than usually comes to her by largest allowance, it is safe to say that in nine cases out of ten maternity, with its early pains and later cares, greatly lessens her power of enjoyment; and that for the larger part of her married life she is either positively distressed by the apparently necessary demands of her husband upon her, and irresponsive to them, or kept to a cheerful response by a self-abnegation and regard for his comfort, not to say fear of his moral aberration, which is a positive drain upon her health and strength.

Excessive Coitus.-- Those who are most frequently found to suffer from venereal excesses are the newly married; especially if they have weak const.i.tutions and excitable temperaments. A great deal of mischief is done by two persons of unequal const.i.tutions being matched together; the husband may exhaust the wife or vice versa, the weaker party being constantly tempted to exceed their strength. In all s.e.xual matters there must be a consideration for others. It is not so much from selfishness as from ignorance that such a mistake is made. The ignorance comes from a lamentable morbid delicacy which prevails on all s.e.xual matters, and which prevents all open and rational conversation on them, even between those who have the most intimate knowledge of each other.

When the conjugal act is repeated too often, the man will become gradually conscious of diminished strength, diminished nerve force, and diminished mental powers. Excess weakens a man's energies, and enervates and effeminates him. Moreover, it renders him liable to an infinity of diseases and a readier victim to death.

Not only is the strength of the const.i.tution lowered by the excessive expenditure of force and matter requisite for the perpetuation of the species, but this lowered standard of vitality is transmitted to children. There can be but little doubt that this is one of the reasons why so many healthy parents beget sickly children, who die early. They have exhausted themselves of the material from which a new life is created, and so it is not properly started at the beginning and never reaches its highest development. To the truth of this statement attests the mental imbecility, the pallid and attenuated forms, of the children who are the earlier products of marriage. The effect of excessive coitus in women is seen by the confirmed ill health of so many women after marriage and repeated child-bearing. A large number of these cases are dependent upon alteration and diseases of the genitalia; but a considerable number are unconnected with local disease, and in many other cases the health is never regained after all local phenomena have disappeared.

s.e.xual excitement in the woman causes certain congestion of the genital organs; and at the time of the o.r.g.a.s.m there is a reflex movement which corresponds to erection, and which consists of a peristaltic movement of the tubes and uterus; to the uterus also is ascribed an act of suction by which the spermatozoa are drawn up into its interior. Even when pregnancy does not follow, the too frequent excitation and activity of the uterus in weak const.i.tutions causes illness, first of the genital organs and then of the nervous system.

Local diseases caused in women by excessive coitus are: v.a.g.i.n.al catarrh, acute catarrh of the v.u.l.v.a, acute inflammation of the lining membrane of the uterus as well as of the uterus itself, inflammation of the ovaries, and even peritonitis. It is also known to be an important factor in the origin of blood-tumors and of cancer of the uterus. Especially is coitus at a time of great physical fatigue liable to be provocative of uterine inflammations. Aside from ethical considerations, coitus during the menstrual period may be the cause of rupture of the impaired blood-vessels, thus causing blood-tumors.

Excessive coitus is a well-known cause of chronic inflammation of the uterus; that is, a habitual congestion of the uterus is induced by excessive s.e.xual intercourse. This has been frequently mentioned by authors as leading to enlargement of the uterus in the non-pregnant condition; and it is a still more potent factor in the recently impregnated organ, whose tissues are succulent and the vessels enlarged, a condition inviting congestion and enhancing the susceptibility to engorgement.

The general manifestations of impaired health in women due to excessive coitus are: chronic anemia, with malnutrition; impaired and altered functions in all the organs, especially those of the nervous system. Menorrhagia is apt to be induced by overstimulation of the ovaries, together with exhaustion and s.e.xual apathy.

The source of so much misery is the increasing physical weakness of the female and the increasing nervous weakness of the male, with an increasing s.e.xual excitability, two factors of tragic effect for the wife. Here is seen the unfortunate result of teaching two kinds of morals, one for men and another for women.

Causes of s.e.xual Excitability.-- Too frequent genital irritation, onanism, too frequent intercourse, alcohol, too rich and too highly seasoned foods, lack of exercise.

Treatment of s.e.xual Excitability.-- Avoid alcohol and precocious p.u.b.erty. Strictest attention must be paid to the diet; everything is to be avoided which is difficult of digestion or which r.e.t.a.r.ds it. The following articles of diet must all be avoided: cheese, foods seasoned with pepper and curry, highly salted and acid foods, and all rich foods; and meat must be eaten only in moderate quant.i.ties.

Constipation irritates the genitalia directly and increases the inflammation. The close relation of Venus and Bacchus is known not only in mythology. Carbonated waters are to be especially avoided, such as soda, seltzers, Preblauer, Geisshubler, and acid waters; also champagne and beer, heavy Italian, Spanish, and English wines. All alcoholic drinks must be forbidden.

As heavy gymnastics as the strength of the individual will admit, and plenty of exercise out-of-doors must be taken. There must also be constant mental and physical employment. In women s.e.xual excitability is often caused by local diseases, and pa.s.ses off with their cure; if not, she must use her will-power, and take the various forms of cold baths. s.e.xual intercourse not oftener than once in two or three weeks, and avoid all intimate approaches; if this is not sufficient, she will have to leave her husband for a few months.

CHAPTER IX.

STERILITY.

Sterility; the Prevention of Conception and the Limitation of Offspring; the Crime of Abortion; Infidelity in Women.

"Never let yourselves do evil that good may come. If you do, you hinder the coming of the real, the perfect good in its due time."

-- PHILLIPS BROOKS.

Sterility.-- Conception is least apt to take place from the tenth day after one period until the third day before the next; but there is practically no time during a woman's s.e.xual life when she may not be impregnated; in this connection it must be remembered that the spermatozoa stay alive in her for more than a week.

During lactation women are generally sterile, especially in the first months which follow the accouchement, because the vital forces are then concentrated on the secretion of milk.