The Pot Boiler: A Comedy in Four Acts Part 14

_Peggy_. If my husband can't sell his work, I'm going back on the stage. I was an actress before I married.

_Schmidt_. All right, lady, I trust you. Good-bye, liddle boy.

_Bill, Will, and Peggy_. Good-bye, Mr. Schmidt! (_Schmidt exit._)

_Peggy_ (_turning to Will_). There now--off in your local color!

_Will_. How?

_Peggy_. Have you forgotten what you made Jack say about Mr.

Schmidt: a great hulking brute of a Dutchman, who has no thought of anything in the world but his cash-drawer!

_Will_. Well--I have to have a story!

_Peggy._ But you don't have to have such a melancholy story!

_Will._ Yes I do!

_Peggy._ But why?

_Will._ Because that's the sort of story I'm writing! Come along now. (_turns to papers. Bell rings again._) Oh, Lord!

_Peggy (opens door Left)._ What's this?

_The Policeman._ Good-day, mum.

_Peggy and Will._ Why--good-day.

_Policeman._ I come to see yez, mum. Yez have a mattress on yer fire-escape, mum.

_Peggy._ Why--yes.

_Policeman._ It's agin the law mum, and yez could be got into trooble. I got strict orders, mum--yez must have it in.

_Peggy._ Oh, very well. I didn't know.

_Policeman_ Yez kin see how 'tis, mum. If there'd be a fire--

_Peggy._ Oh, certainly, certainly. But you see, it's the only place we have to put the little boy while we're writing.

_Policeman._ Oh, is that so? Well, now, that's too bad! Sure, mum----well, 'tis on the back fire-escape the mattress is, an' I'd no business to be seein' it, had I? I'll fergit that I seen it.

_Peggy._ Oh! Thank you.

_Policeman._ And how is the little b'y, mum?

_Peggy._ He's pretty well, thank you.

_Policeman._ He's a bit pale in the cheeks, I'm thinkin'. Yez should have him over to the park a bit more. Well, good-day to yez, mum.

_Peggy, Bill and Will._ Good-day.

_Peggy._ There, Will! Off in your local color again. I'll bet you the Policeman would have paid Jack's bill himself!

_Will (irritably)._ Well, for G.o.d's sake, Peggy, what sort of a story would you leave me? Have I got to write cheap cheer-up stuff?

_Peggy._ Now don't be cross, dear.

_Will._ Well, I know--but----

_Peggy (embraces him)._ Poor dear! He's working so hard and he does get cross with his critics. Hurry up, Bill, and get outside, or he'll snap your head off! Quick! Fly!

_Bill (exit to fire-escape)._ Gee! I'm glad I ain't writing a play!

_Peggy._ Now, come on. I'm interested in this. Where were we?

_Will._ The scene is in the restaurant. Schmidt is on----

_Peggy._ I thought he went off!

_Will._ Well, there's no law to prevent his coming back, is there?

(_The Play-play begins to appear._) He's grumbling because he thinks Jack will eat too much. (_Full light on Play-play. Peggy and Will make secret exit._)

_Schmidt._ I send him by Schnitzelman on der next block! I send him so soon as I find him eating double orders! He haf noddings to eat for two days und he comes by me to make it up! (_Sits at desk, and takes newspaper._)

_Bill (enters Center, hesitating)._ Say!

_Schmidt._ Vot?

_Bill._ Kin I git something to eat here?

_Schmidt._ You got any money?

_Bill._ Sure I got money.

_Schmidt._ Let me see it.

_Bill._ Hully gee! Before I eat?

_Schmidt._ You get noddings in my place till I see your money!

_Bill._ Gee! Since when is this? Here! _(Shows money.)_

_Schmidt._ A nickel? You don't get much fer a nickel! _(Calls.)_ Hey, you! Vaiter! Vy, you don't come for my customers?

_Jack (rushes in Left)._ Here! _(Sees Bill.)_ Oh, h.e.l.lo! It's the kid!

_Bill._ Whatcher doin' here?