The Follies of Love Part 2

Scratch (aside) I don't know what to say to him.

Albert You seem to me to have the air of one of those rogues who prowl around to rob houses at night.

Scratch You don't know me, sir. I have other things on my mind. While Fortune prevents me from having wealth, it has given me marvelous secrets for curing ills. I amuse myself by seeking medicinal herbs around here.

Albert (surprised) Medicinal herbs?

Scratch Yes, sir. All my life, I've made a profession of chemistry. As sure as you see me, there are no diseases I cannot cure--stone, coughs, vertigo, hysteria, heart disease, cancer. I've even been accused of using magic. The only thing I lack is a degree to make me the happiest physician living.

Albert Your clothes are not those of a physician.

Scratch Clothes don't make the science. And if I were not reduced to be a valet, and if I had not had a fight with the squire of my parish-- (mysteriously) But, one day you will see innocence triumph.

Albert You say you have--?

Scratch See the slander! One day, finding myself on a long journey, traveling third cla.s.s, and twilight falling--I saw a certain coach stuck in the mud in a ditch, and a man in need of help. So I approached. And, to ease the weight which oppressed him (the coach was on top of him), I removed the packages he was carrying. The chief of police got mixed up in it, and held me responsible for the lost packages--for an act of charity! That's why my friends advised me to leave the country.

Albert Always prudent, in cases like that.

Scratch I went to the wars, where I accomplished miracles. The Ardennes saw me withstand enemy fire. And, battling one day against the enemy, one day all by myself--at Milan--I almost paid with my life. Do you know, sir, I was in Cremona?

Albert I believe you. But, after all your famous exploits, what do you want from me?

Scratch What do I want?

Albert (peremptorily) Yes.

Scratch Nothing. I believe one doesn't have to have any special reason to take a walk, and doing so offends n.o.body.

Albert Yes, but don't stay too long. Your servant, sir.

Scratch Servant! Before leaving, tell me, if you please, sire, to whom does this country house belong?

Albert It belongs to its owner.

Scratch Oh, to be sure. You answer so cleverly, that one cannot abandon your conversation easily. We ought to go to the village together to find a place to stay. We'll be there soon.

Albert If you hurry.

Scratch (aside) This chap doesn't like conversation and answers my questions with a single word. (aloud) I will leave after asking the time.

Albert Your question is funny. You think I'm here like the dial on a clock to display the time to pa.s.sersby. Go learn it elsewhere. Don't weigh down my ear any longer. Your appearance tires me as much as your conversation. Goodbye. Good day!

(Exit Albert.)

Scratch (alone) This fellow has quite the aspect of a bear. My word, this beginning bewilders me. The old man appears to me to be a bit subject to anger.

To bring everything to fruition we may have to fight. So much the better--that's where I s.h.i.+ne, and I love to fence. But, I see my master, Mr. Worthy.

(Enter Worthy.)

Worthy Well, Scratch, what news? Dear Scratch, did you see the beauty in these parts? Have you seen the tutor and do you see some ray of hope for my love someday?

Scratch To tell you the truth, it wasn't worth the trouble to race here breathlessly from Milan. You could have spared me the trouble of coming. Oh, that battle on Mount Cenis was no joke. Do you remember how maliciously my cursed mule threw me in a ravine, and I was almost a quarter of an hour rolling to the bottom?

Worthy Don't jest. Speak in a different way.

Scratch As you wish, a clearer phrase. I will tell you, sir, that I have seen the jealous one--who received me in a manner that makes a cold wind seem mild. We'll need a cannon to take the place.

Worthy We'll come in the end to what he said and what he did. I won't leave these parts until I am in possession of the object of my vows. Love will vanquish the resistance of this brute.

Scratch If we had some money for expenses, I'd have hope enough for success.

Money is the sinew of love as well as war.

Worthy Don't worry. Arabella has thirty thousand crowns when she marries. If she had nothing, I would still love her a hundred times better than a rich girl with money enough to turn your head. From her earliest years, raised by my mother, her image has been graven in my heart and nothing can efface it. Our two hearts, which seem made for each other, first tasted this happy news just before my mother died. Because of this disaster, Albert, this old jealous fool that h.e.l.l should confound--separated her from me, with the consent of Arabella's relatives. I didn't know him, and she, I believe, like me, had never heard of his name. People told me that he was a very troubled spirit-- defiant, hard, brutal.

Scratch They told you right. We must learn, first off, if we can introduce ourselves into this fortress by cleverness or must use force--whether it is better to make an open siege or form plans for a blockade.

Worthy You always employ military terms. You've been to the wars.

Scratch In all affairs, the mind must always be used before resorting to brute force. Today's not the first time I've seen combat. I deserted twice from the militia. When one intends, you see, for a siege to succeed, one must prevent anything from entering, know the surroundings, learn its weaknesses and its strengths. When one is well informed about what's happening, one digs a trench, bombards the place, overthrows a rampart--makes a breach--advances in good order--and gives the a.s.sault. One strangles, ma.s.sacres, kills, steals, and pillages. It's almost the same when one takes a young woman. Right, sir?

Worthy In this matter, Jenny, the maid, is in our interests.

Scratch So much the better. The more intelligence one has of the city, the more hope one has of success. One must take it noiselessly--without drums. All night help comes. Make her signals, so she'll understand.

Worthy Come, let's discover ways to take it. And, so as not to arouse suspicions, let's avoid remaining around here too long.

Scratch As chief engineer and master of artillery, I am going to see where I ought to place my batteries--to punch a hole in Albert and oblige him to surrender the place quickly or withstand our a.s.sault.

CURTAIN

ACT II.

Scene: Same as Act I, later that day.

Albert (alone) A secret confided--said an excellent man who's name and country, I am ignorant of--is the thing which ought to be most carefully watched-- and in these times, the most difficult to protect. Now, while I don't wish to argue with this facile philosopher, guarding a young girl is much more difficult. I made the locksmith enter through the garden--he must be promptly employed in my plan. I intend to make Arabella and Jenny go out--from fear this would move their hearts and overwhelm them. I've got to call them, so that the workman can act at leisure.

When I've satisfied my prudence in this matter--they will have to resolve to be patient. Hola! Someone! Come under these thick trees and take the air with me for several minutes.

(Enter Jenny and Arabella.)

Jenny Here's unseasonable fruit. What favorable demon causes you to greet her so softly and your humor to be so tractable? By your astonis.h.i.+ng command, we can go out today for the first time in six months.

Albert We have to change places sometimes. Sometimes, in life, the most charming resort bores us.