The Man of the World (1792) Part 10

_Eger_. If that condition be in my power, madam----

_Lady Rod_. [_Snaps him up_.] Sir, it is in your power.

_Eger_. Then, madam, you may command me.

_Lady Rod_. [_With a firm peremptory command_]. Why then, sir, the condition is this;--you must here give me your honour,--that nai importunity,--command,--or menace of your father,--in fine, that nai consideration whatever,--shall induce you to take me, Rodolpha Lumbercourt, to be your wedded wife.

_Eger_. Madam, I most solemnly promise, I never will.

_Lady Rod_. And I, sir, most solemnly, and sincerely [_Curtsies._] thank you--for [_Curtsies._] your resolution, and your agreeable aversion--ha, ha, ha! for you have made me as happy as a poor wretch, reprieved in the vary instant of intended execution.

_Eger_. Pray, madam, how am I to understand all this?

_Lady Rod._[_With frankness, and, a reverse of manners_.] Why, sir, your frankness and sincerity demand the same behaviour on my side;--therefore, without farther disguise or ambiguity, know, sir, that I myself [_With a deep sigh_.] am as deeply smitten with a certain swain, as I understand you are with your Constantia.

_Eger_. Indeed, madam!

_Lady Rod_. [_With an amiable, soft, tender sincerity_.] O! sir, notwithstanding aw my shew of courage and mirth,--here I stand--as errant a trembling Thisbe, as ever sighed or mourned for her Pyramus,--and, sir, aw my extravagant levity and ridiculous behaviour in your presence now, and ever since _your_ father prevailed upon _mine_ to consent till this match, has been a premeditated scheme to provoke your gravity and guid sense intill a cordial disgust, and a positive refusal.

_Eger_. Madam, you have contrived and executed your scheme most happily.

_Lady Rod_. Then, since Cupid has thus luckily disposed of you till your Constantia, and me till my swain, we have nothing to think of now, sir, but to contrive how to reduce the inordinate pa.s.sions of our parents intill a temper of prudence and humanity.

_Eger_. Most willingly I consent to your proposal.----But, with your leave, madam, if I may presume so far;--'pray, who is your lover?

_Lady Rod_. Why, in that too I shall surprise you perhaps more than ever.--In the first place--he is a beggar--and in disgrace with an unforgiving father;--and in the next place,--he is [_Curtsies._] your ain brother.

_Eger_. Is it possible?

_Lady Rod_. A most amorous truth, sir;--that is, as far as a woman can answer for her ain heart. [_in a laughing gaiety_.] So you see, cousin Charles, thof I you'd nai mingle affections with _you_--I have nai ganged out of the family.

_Eger_. [_A polite rapture, frank_.] Madam, give me leave to congratulate myself upon your affection,--you cou'd not have placed it on a worthier object; and, whatever is to be our chance in this lottery of our parents, be a.s.sured that my fortune shall be devoted to your happiness and his.

_Lady Rod_. Generous, indeed, cousin--but not a whit n.o.bler, I a.s.sure you, than your brother Sandy believes of you.--And, be a.s.sured, sir, that we shall both remember it, while the heart feels, or the memory retains a sense of grat.i.tude.--But now, sir, let me ask one question:--Pray, how is your mother affected in this business?

_Eger_. She knows of my pa.s.sion, and will, I am sure, be a friend to the common cause.

_Lady Rod_. Ah! that's lucky. Our first step then must be to take her advice upon our conduct, so as to keep our fathers in the dark till we can hit off some measure that will wind them about till our ain purpose, and the common interest of our ain pa.s.sion.

_Eger_. You are very right, madam, for, should my father suspect my brother's affection for your ladys.h.i.+p, or mine for Constantia, there is no guessing what wou'd be the consequence.--His whole happiness depends upon this bargain with my lord; for it gives him the possession of three boroughs, and those, madam, are much dearer to him than the happiness of his children. I am sorry to say it, but, to gratify his political rage, he wou'd sacrifice every social tie, that is dear to friend or family.

[_Exeunt._

END OF THE THIRD ACT.

_ACT IV. SCENE I_.

_Enter Sir_ PERTINAX, _and Counsellor_ PLAUSIBLE.

_Sir Per_. No, no.--Come away, Counsellor Plausible;--come away, I say;--let them chew upon it.--Why, counsellor, did you ever see so impertinent, so meddling, and so obstinate a blockhead, as that Serjeant Eitherside? Confound the fellow--he has put me out of aw temper.

_Plaus_. He is very positive, indeed, Sir Pertinax,--and no doubt was intemperate and rude. But, Sir Pertinax, I wou'd not break off the match notwithstanding; for certainly, even without the boroughs, it is an advantageous bargain both to you and your son.

_Sir Per_. But, zounds! Plausible, do you think I will give up the nomination till three boroughs?--Why I wou'd rather give him twenty, nay thirty thousand pounds in any other part of the bargain:--especially at this juncture, when votes are likely to become so valuable.--Why, man, if a certain affair comes on, they will rise above five hundred per cent.

_Plaus_. You judge very rightly, Sir Pertinax;--but what shall we do in this case? for Mr. Serjeant insists that you positively agreed to my lord's having the nomination to the three boroughs during his own life.

_Sir Per_. Why yes,--in the first sketch of the agreement, I believe I did consent:--but at that time, man, my lord's affairs did not appear to be half so desperate, as I now find they turn out.--Sir, he must acquiesce in whatever I demand, for I have got him intill sic an a hobble that he cannot----

_Plaus_. No doubt, Sir Pertinax, you have him absolutely in your power.

_Sir Per_. Vary weel:--And ought rial a man to make his vantage of it?

_Plaus_. No doubt you ought;--no manner of doubt.--But, Sir Pertinax, there is a secret spring in this business, that you do not seem to perceive;--and which, I am afraid, governs the matter respecting these boroughs.

_Sir Per_. What spring do you mean, counsellor?

_Plaus_. Why this Serjeant Eitherside,--I have some reason to think that my lord is tied down by some means or other to bring the serjeant in, the very first vacancy, for one of these boroughs;--now that, I believe, is the sole motive why the serjeant is so strenuous that my lord should keep the boroughs in his own power;--fearing that you might reject him for some man of your own.

_Sir Per_. Odswunds and death! Plausible, you are clever,--devilish clever.--By the blood, you have hit upon the vary string that has made aw thjs discord.--Oh! I see it,--I see it now.--But hauld--hauld--bide a wee bit--a wee bit, man;--I have a thought come intill my head--yes--I think, Plausible, that with a little twist in our negotiation that this vary string, properly tuned, may be still made to produce the vary harmony we wish for.--Yes, yes! I have it: this serjeant, I see, understands business--and, if I am not. mistaken, knows how to take a hint.

_Plaus_. O! n.o.body better, Sir Pertinax.

_Sir Per_. Why then, Plausible, the short road is always the best with sic a man.--You. must even come up till his mark at once, and a.s.sure him from me--that I will secure him a seat for one of these vary boroughs.

_Plaus_. O! that will do, Sir Pertinax--that will do, I'll answer for't.

_Sir Per_. And further--I beg you will let him know that I think myself obliged to consider him in this affair, as acting for me as weel as for my lord,--as a common friend till baith:--and for the services he has already done us, make my special compliments till him--and pray let this amicable bit of paper be my faithful advocate to convince him of what my grat.i.tude further intends for his great [_Gives him a bank-bill._] equity in adjusting this agreement betwixt my lord and me.

_Plaus_. Ha, ha, ha!--upon my word, Sir Pertinax, this is n.o.ble.--Ay, ay!

this is an eloquent bit of paper indeed.

_Sir Per_. Maister Plausible, in aw human dealings the most effectual method is that of ganging at once till the vary bottom of a man's heart:--for if we expect that men shou'd serve us,--we must first win their affections by serving them.--O! here they baith come.

_Enter Lord_ LUMBERCOURT, _and Serjeant_ EITHERSIDE.

_Lord Lum_. My dear Sir Pertinax, what could provoke you to break off this business so abruptly? you are really wrong in the point,--and if you will give yourself time to recollect, you will find that my having the nomination to the boroughs for my life was a preliminary article;--I appeal to Mr. Serjeant Eitherside here, whether I did not always understand it so.

_Serj._I a.s.sure you, Sir Pertinax, that in all his lords.h.i.+p's conversation with me upon this business, and in his positive instructions,--both he and I always understood the nomination to be in my lord, durante vita.

_ SirPer_. Why, then my lord, to shorten the dispute, aw that I can say in answer till your lords.h.i.+p is--that there has been a total mistake betwixt us in that point,--and therefore the treaty must end here. I give it up.-- O! I wash my hands of it for ever.

_Plaus_. Well, but gentlemen, gentlemen, a little patience.--Sure this mistake, some how or other, may be rectified.--Pr'ythee, Mr. Serjeant, let you and I step into the next room by ourselves, and reconsider the clause relative to the boroughs, and try if we cannot hit upon a medium that will be agreeable to both parties.