The Man of the World (1792) Part 11

_Serj._ [_With great warmth_.] Mr. Plausible, I have considered the clause fully;--am entirely master of the question;--my lord cannot give up the point.--It is unkind and unreasonable to expect it.

_Plaus._ Nay, Mr. Serjeant, I beg you will not misunderstand me. Do not think I want his lords.h.i.+p to give up any point without an equivalent.--Sir Pertinax, will you permit Mr. Serjeant and me to retire a few moments to reconsider this point?

_Sir Per_. With aw my heart, Maister Plausible; any thing to oblige his lords.h.i.+p--any thing to accomodate his lords.h.i.+p--any thing.

_Plaus._ What say you, my lord?

_Lord Lum_ Nay, I submit it entirely to you and Mr. Serjeant.

_Plaus._ Come, Mr. Serjeant, let us retire.

_Lord Lum_. Ay, ay,--go, Mr. Serjeant, and hear what Mr. Plausible has to say.

_Serj_. Nay, I'll wait on Mr. Plausible, my lord, with all my heart; but I am sure I cannot suggest the shadow of a reason for altering my present opinion: impossible--impossible.

_Plaus_. Well, well, Mr. Serjeant, do not be positive. I am sure, reason, and your client's conveniency, will always make you alter your opinion.

_Serj_. Ay, ay--reason, and my client's conveniency, Mr. Plausible, will always controul my opinion, depend upon it: ay, ay! there you are right.

Sir, I attend you. [_Exeunt Lawyers._

_Sir Per_. I am sorry, my lord, extremely sorry indeed, that this mistake has happened.

_Lord Lum_. Upon my honour, and so am I, Sir Pertinax.

_Sir Per_. But come now, after aw, your lords.h.i.+p must allow you have been in the wrong: come, my dear lord, you must allow me that now.

_Lord Lum_. How so, my dear Sir Pertinax?

_Sir Per_. Not about the boroughs, my lord, for those I do no mind of a bawbee;--but about your distrust of my friends.h.i.+p.--Why, do you think now--I appeal till your ain breast, my lord--do you think, I say, that I should ever have slighted your lords.h.i.+p's nomination till these boroughs.

_Lord Lum_. Why, really, I do not think you would, Sir Pertinax, but one must be directed by one's lawyer, you know.

_Sir Per_. Hah! my lord, lawyers are a dangerous species of animals to have any dependance upon: they are always starting punctilios and difficulties among friends. Why, my dear lord, it is their interest that aw mankind should be at variance: for disagreement is the vary manure with which they enrich and fatten the land of litigation; and as they find that that constantly promotes the best crop, depend upon it, they will always be sure to lay it on as thick as they can.

_Lord Lum_. Come, come, my dear Sir Pertinax, you must not be angry with the serjeant for his insisting so warmly on this point--for those boroughs, you know, are my sheet anchor.

_Sir Per_. I know it, my lord,--and, as an instance of my promptness to study, and of my acquiescence till your lords.h.i.+p's inclination, as I see that this Serjeant Eitherside wishes you weel and you him, I think now he would be as guid a man to be returned for one of those boroughs as could be pitched upon--and as such, I humbly recommend him till your lords.h.i.+p's consideration.

_Lord Lum_. Why, my dear Sir Pertinax, to tell you the truth, I have already promised him. He must be in for one of them, and that is one reason why I insisted so strenuously: he must be in.

_Sir Per_. And why not? odswunds! why not? is nai your word a fiat? and will it nai be always so till me? are ye nai my friend--my patron--and are we nai, by this match of our children, to be united intill one interest?

_Lord Lum_. So I understand it, I own, Sir Pertinax.

_Sir Per_. My lord, it can nai be otherwise: then, for Heaven's sake, as your lords.h.i.+p and I can have but one interest for the future, let us have nai mair words about these paltry boroughs, but conclude the agreement just as it stands; otherwise there must be new writings drawn, new consultations of lawyers, new objections and delays will arise,--creditors will be impatient and impertinent, so that we shall nai finish the Lord knows when.

_Lord Lum_. You are right, you are right: say no more, Mac, say no more.

Split the lawyers--you judge the point better than all Westminster-hall could. It shall stand as it is: yes, you shall settle it your own way: for your interest and mine are the same, I see plainly.

_Sir Per_. No doubt of it, my lord.

_Lord Lum_. O! here the lawyers come.

_Enter Counsellor_ PLAUSIBLE _and Serjeant_ EITHERSIDE.

_Lord Lum_. So, gentlemen--well, what have you done? how are your opinions now?

_Serj_. My lord, Mr. Plausible has convinced me--fully convinced me.

_Plaus_. Yes, my lord, I have convinced him; I have laid such arguments before Mr. Serjeant as were irresistible.

_Serj_. He has indeed, my lord: besides, as Sir Pertinax gives his honour that your lords.h.i.+p's nomination shall be sacredly observed, why, upon a nearer review of the whole matter, I think it will be the wiser measure to conclude the agreement just as it is drawn.

_Lord Lum_. I am very glad you think so, Mr. Serjeant, because that is my opinion too: so, my dear Eitherside, do you and Plausible dispatch the business now as soon as possible.

_Serj_. My lord, every thing will be ready in less than an hour. Come, Mr. Plausible, let us go and fill up the blanks, and put the last hand to the writings on our part.

_Plaus_. I attend you, Mr. Serjeant. [_Exeunt Lawyers_.

_Lord Lum_. And while the lawyers are preparing the writings, Sir Pertinax, I will go and saunter with the women.

_Sir Per_. Do, do, my lord: and I will come till you presently.

_Lord Lum_. Very well, my dear Mac, I shall expect you.

[_Exit singing, 'Sons of care,' &c._

_Sir Per_. So! a little flattery mixt with the finesse of a gilded promise on one side, and a quantum sufficit of the aurum palpabile on the other, have at last made me the happiest father in Great-Britain. Hah! my heart expands itself, as it were thro' every part of my whole body, at the completion of this business, and feels nothing but dignity and elevation.--Hauld! hauld! bide a wee! bide a wee! I have but one little matter mair in this affair to adjust, and then, Sir Pertinax, you may dictate till Fortune herself, and send her to govern fools, while you shew and convince the world that wise men always govern her. Wha's there?

[_Enter Footman._]--Tell my son Egerton, I would speak with him here in the library. [_Exit Footman_]--Now I have settled the grand point with my lord, this, I think, is the proper juncture to feel the political pulse of my spark, and, once for aw, to set it to the exact measure that I would have it constantly beat. [_Enter_ Egerton.]--Come hither, Charles.

_Eger_. Your pleasure, sir.

_Sir Per_. About twa hours since I told you, Charles, that I received this letter express, complaining of your brother's activity at an election in Scotland against a particular friend of mine, which has given great offence; and, sir, you are mentioned in the letter as weel as he: to be plain, I must roundly tell you, that on this interview depends my happiness as a father and as a man; and my affection to you, sir, as a son for the remainder of our days.

_Eger_. I hope, sir, I shall never do any thing either to forfeit your affection, or disturb your happiness.

_Sir Per_. I hope so too--but to the point.--The fact is this: there has been a motion made this vary day to bring on the grand affair--which is settled for Friday seven-night:--now, sir, as you are popular--have talents, and are weel heard, it is expected, and I insist upon it, that you endeavour to atone, sir, for your late misconduct, by preparing, and taking a large share in that question, and supporting it with aw your power.

_Eger_, Sir, I have always divided as you directed, except on one occasion; never voted against your friends, only in that affair.--But, sir, I hope you will not so exert your influence as to insist upon my supporting a measure by an obvious, prost.i.tuted sophistry, in direct opposition to my character and my conscience.

_Sir Per_. Conscience! why, you are mad! did you ever hear any man talk of conscience in political matters? Conscience, quotha? I have been in Parliament these three and thraty years, and never heard the term made use of before:--sir, it is an unparliamentary word, and you will be laughed at for it;--therefore I desire you will not offer to impose upon me with sic phantoms, but let me know your reason for thus slighting my friends and disobeying my commands.--Sir, give me an immediate and an explicit answer.

_Eger_. Then, sir, I must frankly tell you, that you work against my nature; you would connect me with men I despise, and press me into measures I abhor; would make me a devoted slave to selfish leaders, who have no friends.h.i.+p but in faction--no merit but in corruption--nor interest in any measure, but their own;--and to such men I cannot submit; for know, sir, that the malignant ferment which the venal ambition of the times provokes in the heads and hearts of other men, I detest.

_Sir Per_. What are you about, sir? malignant ferment! and venal ambition!

Sir, every man should be ambitious to serve his country--and every man should be rewarded for it: and pray, sir, would nai you wish to serve your country? Answer me that.--I say, would nai you wish to serve your country?

_Eger_. Only shew me how I can serve my country, and my life is hers.

Were I qualified to lead her armies, to steer her fleets, and deal her honest vengeance on her insulting foes;--or could my eloquence pull down a state leviathan, mighty by the plunder of his country--black with the treasons of her disgrace, and send his infamy down to a free posterity, as a monumental terror to corrupt ambition, I would be foremost in such service, and act it with the unremitting ardour of a Roman spirit.