Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 10

"The third is--to remember that the great ma.s.s of the population in Ireland belong to one creed, and the great bulk of landed proprietors to another; and to take care that none of those fierce and iniquitous prerogatives of power, which are claimed and exercised by those who possess property, shall be suffered, in the name of religion, or politics, or prejudice of any kind, to disturb or abridge the civil or religious rights of the people, and thus weaken the bonds which should render the interests of landlord and tenant identical. Prejudice so exercised is tyranny. Every landlord should remember that the soil is of no religion.

"The fourth is--simply to remember that those who live upon our property have bodies and souls, pa.s.sions, reflections, and feelings like ourselves. That they are susceptible of hunger, cold, grief, joy, sickness, and sorrow--that they love their children and domestic relatives, are attached to their religion, bound by strong and heartfelt ties to the soil they live on, and are, in fact, moved by all those general laws and principles of life and nature, which go to make up social and individual happiness--to remember, in short, that they are men who have higher destinies in life, than merely administering to the wants, excesses, or crimes of others; and that no condition has ever yet been known to subsist between landlord and tenant, or even between man and man, by which one party is required to surrender comfort, freedom, and enjoyment, in fact, all that life is good for, merely to gratify the wants, vices, or ambition of the other.

"The fifth and last is--not by oppression, cruelty, or rapacity, to goad the people into madness and outrage, under the plausible name of law or justice; or to drive the national mind--which is a clear one--into reflections that may lead it to fall back upon first principles, or force it to remember that the universal consent by which the rights of property are acknowledged, may, under the exasperation of overstrained pressure, in a land so peculiarly circ.u.mstanced as Ireland is, be altogether withheld, and thus its whole foundations shaken or overturned, and the justice of individual claims and prescriptive right lost in the tumult.

"These principles are simple, my Lord, but they ought at least to be better known, or what would be still more desirable, better practised.

As, however, my paper is nearly filled, I shall finish my communication with a short fab!e, to which I beg your lords.h.i.+p's serious attention.

"There lived a man once, who was foolish enough to entertain a senseless prejudice against cows, because they did not give milk all the year round. This man was married, and of course, had a numerous family of children, and being very lazy and improvident, depended princ.i.p.ally upon the kindliness of an excellent cow, whose milk was the chief means of his support and theirs. At length in the due course of time, the poor cow, as every one must know, began to yield it in diminished quant.i.ties, and as it happened to be a severe year, and as the lazy man we speak of had made no provision for its occurrence, it is unnecessary to say that he and his family were put to the greatest straits for subsistence.

Finding, after much deliberation, that the poor animal, which they kicked and cudgelled to excess could not change the laws of nature, or afford them that which she did not possess, it was determined by her proprietor, that as she failed in supplying them with sufficient milk they should try the fleams, and have recourse to her blood, in order to eke out their support. Accordingly she was bled, along with being milked; but if the quant.i.ty of milk she gave before was little, it now became less, so that in proportion as they drew upon the one the other diminished, as was but natural. In this way they proceeded, milking and bleeding the poor animal at the same time, not only without any benefit to themselves, but with a certain prospect of her ultimate loss, when one day the cow, after having ruminated for some time on the treatment she was receiving, began to reflect that she could not be much worse, or rather that she must soon altogether sink under this system of double drainage. 'Well' thought she, 'I feel how matters must close with me at last; I am indeed near the end of my tether; what have I now to fear when I know that I cannot be worse? And if I am to die, as I must, is it not better to have satisfaction for my sufferings'? Accordingly, me next morning when her owner went to get blood for their breakfast, it so happened that the cow thrust a horn into him, and he was found lying a corpse under her lifeless carcase--the last drop of her blood having been expended under the final operation of the fleams. My Lord, the moral of this is as obvious as it is fearful--and fearfully have the circ.u.mstances of the country, and the principles of such men as you, caused it to be ill.u.s.trated. If landlords will press too severely upon the functions of human suffering and patience, it is not to be surprised, although it is to be deplored, that where no legal remedy exists against individual cruelty or rapacity, or that plausible selfishness, which is the worst species of oppression--that the law, I say, which protects only the one party should be forgotten or despised by the other, and a fiercer code of vengeance subst.i.tuted in its stead.

"With respect to Mr. M'Clutchy, surely your lords.h.i.+p must remember that by your own letter he was appointed under agent more than three years ago.

"If, after the many remonstrances I have had occasion to make against his general conduct to the tenants, you consider him a useful man upon your property, you will, in that case, have to abide the consequences of your confidence in him. You are, at all events, duly forewarned.

"I now must beg leave, my Lord, to render up my trust, to resign my situation as the agent of your estates--I do so with pain, but the course of your lords.h.i.+p's life has left me no other alternative. I cannot rack and goad your tenants, nor injure your own property. I cannot paralyze industry, cramp honest exertion, or distress poverty still further, merely to supply necessities which are little less than criminal in yourself and ruinous to your tenantry.

"Believe me, my Lord, I would not abandon you in your difficulties, if I saw any honorable means of extricating you from them. You know, however, that every practicable step has been taken for that purpose, but without effect--your property should grow rapidly indeed, in order to keep pace with the increasing and incessant demands which are made upon it. We can borrow no more, and the knowledge of that fact alone, ought to set a limit to your extravagance. Excuse this plainness, my Lord, it is well meant and void of intentional offence.

"I shall be ready in a few days to deliver all books, papers, doc.u.ments, &c, connected With the property, to any person duly authorized by your Lords.h.i.+p to receive them.

"I have the honor to be, &c,

"Henby Hickman."

The Right Honorable Lord c.u.mber to Valentine M'Clutchy:--

Doncaster, April, 18--

"Sir:

"In consequence of certain communications which have pa.s.sed between Mr.

Hickman and myself, I have determined that he shall no longer act in the capacity of my agent. The situation is therefore open, and, until a competent person shall be appointed, I authorize you to discharge its duties, and receive from him a correct statement of all accounts between us, together with all deeds, leases, books, papers, &c, in his possession; you first having procured me adequate security, the amount of which will be determined by M'Slime, my law agent, who will join or aid you in making all necessary arrangements.

"You will also have the goodness, as soon afterwards as you feel it practicable, to transmit me a bond fide account of the Ballyrocket and Tulygrindem estates, their capability of improvement, condition of the tenantry, what leases are expired, if any, and those which will soon drop, with a view of seeing what can be made out of it. In this, also, M'Slime will aid you.

"As to the person who may succeed Hickman, as a necessary preliminary he must lay down two thousand pounds, in the shape of an equivalent for the appointment. Could you within a fortnight or so, raise so much? If so, let me hear from you without delay, as it is not unlikely in that case, I may appoint yourself.

"By the way, do you understand the manufacture of forty s.h.i.+lling free-holders in an economical way, because if you do, it would be a desideratum. Parliament, it is said, will be dissolved in June, and I want, as well as I can remember, nearly two hundred votes. My brother lost the last election by something about that number, and I know he feels very anxious to get into parliament for many reasons. He is now on the continent, where he has been for the last three years."

Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq., to the Right Hon. Lord Viscount c.u.mber:--

"My Lord:

"I have had the honor of receiving your Lords.h.i.+p's kind communication, to which I hasten to make the earliest possible reply. And first, my Lord, allow me to return sincere thanks for your warm kindness, in promising to appoint me your agent. You may rest a.s.sured, my Lord, that I will go through my duties as such without favor or affection to any one, barring your lords.h.i.+p, whose interests it will night and day become my duty to study. With, respect to the loan your lords.h.i.+p makes allusion to, I fear it will be out of my power to raise it--that is to the full amount; but if one-half would do, I might by the aid of friends get it together. As for security, I trust it is only necessary to say, that Randal Deaker and Cadwallader Tullywagger, Esqrs., are ready to give it to any amount, so that there is no difficulty there at all events.

"On looking again at your lords.h.i.+p's kind letter, it appears possible that I made a mistake in considering the two thousand as a loan; but on the other hand, there is not a man living, who respects the high principles and delicate feelings of our aristocracy more than I do, and the consequence was, that I feared in supposing it otherwise than a loan, I might offend your lords.h.i.+p's keen sense of honor, which I pledge my credit and reputation would grieve my heart even to think of. Under this impression, then, I shall continue to believe it a loan, until I have the honor of hearing from your lords.h.i.+p again.

"Your anxiety, my Lord, to ascertain the state of your property and the condition of your tenantry is certainly honorable to yourself, as being a direct proof of the generous interest you feel in their welfare. It is fortunate in this instance, that your lords.h.i.+p should apply to a man who has had the opportunities of becoming acquainted with both. True, I am a simple-minded man, my Lord, and if I possess one quality more than another it is a love of truth, and a slow, but straightforward perseverance in whatever is right. It is to this, always under Providence, that I owe everything. I grant indeed, that it ill becomes me to speak in this manner of myself, but my object in doing so is, that as I am about to enter into communications touching your lords.h.i.+p's tenants and property, you may be induced to place the fullest confidence in whatever I shall say. Many a time, indeed, my excellent and worthy friend, Mr. Hickman, has made the same observation, and I felt it gratifying in the highest degree to hear this from a man who is truth itself, and whose only fault is--if it be one--that his heart is too kind, and rather easily imposed on by those who deal in fraud and cunning. A man like him, who, if he cannot speak well of an absent friend, will be silent, is a jewel in this life which ought to be worn in the very core of the heart.

"With respect to the Ballyracket estate, of which I shall speak first, I cannot report so favorably as I could wish. The task, in fact, is to me, personally, a very painful one; especially with reference to that well meaning and estimable gentleman, Mr. Hickman. In the first place, my Lord, the tenantry are not at all in arrears, a circ.u.mstance which is by no means in favor of the landlord, especially an Irish one. Every one knows that an Irish landlord has other demands upon his tenantry besides the payment of their rents. Is there no stress, for instance, to be laid upon his political influence, which cannot be exerted unless through their agency? Now a tenant not in arrears to his landlord is comparatively independent, but it is not with an independent tenantry that a landlord can work his wishes. No, my Lord; the safe principle is to keep the tenant two or three gales behind, and if he fails in submission, or turns restiff, and becomes openly contumacious, then you have the means of rectifying the errors of his judgment in your own hands, and it can be done with the color of both law and justice, behind which any man may stand without the imputation of harsh motives, or an excessive love of subordination. I am sorry that Mr. Hickman should differ with me on this point, for he is a man whose opinions are very valuable on many things, with the exception of his amiable and kind-hearted obstinacy.

"The next disadvantage to your interests, my Lord, is another error--I am sorry to be forced to say it--of Mr. Hickman. That gentleman is an advocate for education and the spread of knowledge. Now if an agent were as much devoted to the interests of the people as he is and ought to be to those of the landlord, this principle might pa.s.s; but as I take it, that the sole duty of an agent is to extend the interest of his employer exclusively, so am I opposed to any plan or practice by which the people may be taught to think too clearly. For let me ask, my Lord, what cla.s.s of persons, at the approach of an election, for instance, or during its continuance, are most available for our interests? Who are driven without reluctance, without thought, or without reason, in blind and infatuated mult.i.tudes, to the hustings? Certainly not those who have been educated, or taught to think and act for themselves; but the poor and the ignorant. And, my Lord, is not the vote of an ignorant man as valid in law as one who is enlightened? For these reasons, then, I do not approve of the new schools which Mr. Hickman has established; and I was pleased to hear that your lords.h.i.+p was sufficiently awake to your own interests, to decline granting them any support. No, my Lord; an educated people will be a thinking people--a thinking people will be an independent people--but an independent people will not be a manageable people; and if that is not placing the subject in a satisfactory light, I know not what is.

"I need scarcely a.s.sure you, my Lord, that in my own humble way, I did everything I reasonably could to discountenance the education system. I even went so far as to prevent several of the tenants from sending their children to these schools; but, as usual, I experienced but little grat.i.tude at their hands, or at those of their parents. This, however, was not so much owing to my interference, as to the accidental circ.u.mstance of three or four of them having been hanged or transported for crimes which they were base enough to impute to the ignorance occasioned by my principles--for so they spoke.

"Such then is the condition of the Ballyracket tenantry. They are not in arrears, and you may consequently guess at the wretched state of their moral feelings. They are, in fact, every day becoming more aware of the very kind of knowledge which we don't wish them to possess. They do not slink aside when they see you now; on the contrary, they stand erect, and look you fearlessly in the face. Upon my credit and reputation this is truth--melancholy truth, my Lord--and I fear that at the next election you will find it so to your cost.

"I have lost no time in ascertaining the other particulars mentioned in your lords.h.i.+p's letter. The leases of three townlands expired on March last. They are Derrydowny, Cracknaboulteen, and Ballyweltem. The princ.i.p.al tenant of Derrydowny is a very respectable widow---one Mrs.

M'Swaddle--a woman of serious habits, if not of decided piety. She has three daughters, all of whom sit under the ministration of a Mr.

Bolthan--which is p.r.o.nounced Bottom--a young preacher, belonging to the Methodist connection. They are to all appearance well in the world, keep a conversation car, and have the reputation of being very honest and saving--Old M'Swaddle himself was a revenue collector, and it is said, died richer than they are willing to admit. Cracknaboulteen is altogether in the possession of the celebrated family of the M'Kegs--or, as they are called, the Five Sols--the name of each being Solomon, which is shortened into Sol. There is lame Sol, blind Sol, long Sol, uncertain Sol, and Sol of the mountain. They are celebrated distillers of poteen whiskey, but are not rich. The estate, in fact, would be better without them, were it not for their votes. The townland of Ballyweltem is princ.i.p.ally the property of a wild faction, named M'Kippeen, whose great delight is to keep up perpetual feud against an opposite faction of the O'Squads, who on their part are every whit as eager for the fray as their enemies. These are also poor enough, and in an election are not to be depended on. I should say, in addition to this, that several renewal, fines will fall in during the course of the winter. I shall, however, examine the leases, and other doc.u.ments, still more searchingly, and see what can be got out of it, and how far we can go.

"The Tullygrindem estate is, I am sorry to say, in a still more disheartening condition. There is a very bitter and knowing family living on the townland of Beleeven, named M'Loughlin, who contrive to spread dangerous and destructive principles among the tenantry. They are cunning, unscrupulous, and vindictive, but cautious, plausible, and cloaked with the deepest hypocrisy. I have been endeavoring for years to conciliate, or rather, reform them by kindness, but hitherto without effect; whether I shall ultimately succeed in purifying this fountain-head of bigotry and unconst.i.tutional principle--I do not wish to use a shorter, but a much stronger term--I cannot yet say. I shall, at all events, from a sense of justice to you, my Lord, and of kindness--mistaken it may be, I grant you--to them, continue to make the desirable attempt. My amiable friend, Hickman, has certainly been made the dupe of their adroitness, but, indeed, he is too simple and credulous for this world, as every kind-hearted man, with great benevolence and little judgment, usually is. If I had not risen honestly and honorably, as I trust I may say, through the gradations of office upon this property, I think it probable I, might myself have been deceived and misled by the natural and seductive tact of this dangerous family. Mr. Hickman espouses their quarrel, not exactly their quarrel, but their cause against me; but that is so completely in accordance with his easy simplicity of character, and his pardonable love of popularity, that it rather endears him to, me than otherwise.

"Indeed, I may say, my Lord, candidly and confidentially, that there is a spirit abroad upon your estates, which requires to be vigilantly watched, and checked with all due and reasonable prompt.i.tude; I allude princ.i.p.ally to these M'Loughlins, and when I state that my excellent and well disposed friend is absolutely popular among your tenantry, even although he made them pay up to the very last gale, and that I am by no means in good odor with them, you will not be surprised when I furnish your lords.h.i.+p with a key to this same state of feeling which exists so generally in this country. This, then, my Lord, is the secret:--whenever an Irish agent devotes himself honestly to the wants, wishes, and interests of his employer, especially if he be needy and pressed for money, so sure will he become unpopular with the tenantry. Now, I am somewhat unpopular with the tenantry, and my amiable friend, Hickman, is beloved by them; but I think your lords.h.i.+p by this time understands the why and the wherefore on both sides. As your agent, my Lord, I should regret such popularity, at the same time, I think the intentions of poor, sweet, amiable Hickman's heart, are such as we must all love and admire.

"With respect, my Lord, to the manufacture of the "forties," as a certain comical cla.s.s of freeholders are termed, I could have easily undertaken to double the number you mention, on the most reasonable terms, were it not for the discouraging system adopted by Mr. Hickman.

As it is, I must see what can be done; but your lords.h.i.+p knows that I can take no step either in this or anything else, until my appointment shall be finally confirmed. Perhaps you are not aware of the remarkable doc.u.ment, on the subject in question, which has recently gone its rounds in this country. It is called--

"'A RECEIPT TO MAKE A FORTY s.h.i.+LLING FREEHOLDER.'

"'Take the poorest Irishman you can get, he must be dest.i.tute and ignorant, for then he will be slavish, give him a mud cabin, but no education; let the former be a bad model of an indifferent pig-stye, and held at thrice its value. Put him to repose on a comfortable bed of damp straw, with his own coat and his wife's petticoat, for bed-clothes.

Pamper him on two half meals of potatoes and point per day--with water _ad libitum_. For clothing--let him have a new s.h.i.+rt once every three years--to give him exercise and keep him clean--a hat once in every seven, and brogues whenever he can get them. His coat and breeches--lest he might grow too independent--must be worn upon the principle of the Highlander's knife, which, although a century in the family, was never changed, except sometimes the handle and sometimes the blade. Let his right to vote be founded upon a freehold property of six feet square, or as much as may be encompa.s.sed by his own s.h.i.+ft, and take care that there be a gooseberry bush in the centre of it; he must have from four to ten children, as a proof of his standing in society, all fas.h.i.+onably dressed, and coming at the rate of one every twelve months. Having thus, by a liberal system of feeding and clothing, rendered him strong for labor, you must work him from dark to dark--pay him fourpence a day for three quarters of the year, with permission to beg or starve for the remainder. When in health task him beyond his strength, and when sick neglect him--for there is nothing so beautiful as kindness in a landlord, and grat.i.tude in a tenant--and thus will your virtues become reciprocal. He must live under a gradation of six landlords, so that whoever defaults, he may suffer--and he will have the advantage of six tyrants instead of one. Your agent is to wheedle, and your bailiff to bully him; the one must promise, and the other threaten; but if both fail, you must try him yourself. Should he become intractable under all this, you must take purer measures.--Compliment him on his wife--praise and admire his children--play upon his affections, and corrupt him through his very virtues--for that will show that you love your country and her people better than your own interests. Place a promise of independence on one side of him, but a ruined cottage and extermination on the other. When all his scruples are thus honorably overcome, and his conscience skilfully removed, take him for twenty minutes or so out of his rags, put him into a voting suit that he may avoid suspicion, bring him up to the poll--steep him in the strongest perjury, then strip him of his voting suit, clap him into his rags, and having thus fitted him for the perpetration of any treachery or crime, set him at large once more, that he may disseminate your own principles upon your own property, until you may require him again. Having thus honestly discharged your duty to G.o.d and your country, go calmly to your pillow, where you can rest in the consciousness of having done all that a virtuous man and true patriot can do, to promote the comfort and independence of his fellow creatures.'

"I have the honor to be, &c., &c., "VAL M'CLUTCHY,"

Lord c.u.mber to Solomon M'Slime, Esq., Attorney at Law:

"DEAR SIR:

"Enclosed is a letter to Mr. M'Clutchy, which I will trouble you to forward to him as soon as you can. It contains his appointment to the vacant agency, together with the proper power of attorney, and I have every reason to hope that my property will improve under him. I did think it no breach of any honorable principle to make him advance, by way of compensation, the sum of two thousand pounds. It is a thing very usually done, I am aware, and by men who would not bear any imputation against their honor. But I know not how it is, his letter has deterred me from taking the money in that light. It would be certainly too bad to allow a person of his birth and standing in the world to teach one of mine a lesson in delicacy of feeling. For this reason, then, let him advance the money on the usual terms of loan:--that you can adjust between you. All I ask is, that you will not lose one moment of unnecessary time in accomplis.h.i.+ng this business, and remitting the money. Two thousand in a fortnight will be of more value to me than four in a month, owing to the peculiar difficulties in which I am placed.

"Yours, c.u.mBER.

"P.S.--I say, my little saint, I hope you are as religious as ever--but in the meantime as it is not unlikely--but on the contrary very probable--if not altogether certain--that I shall be in Ireland should the election take place, I trust you will have the kindness to let me know if there's e'er a pretty girl in the neighborhood--that wants a friend and protector--ha, ha, ha--as great a sinner as ever, you see--but for that reason you know the more ent.i.tled to your prayers for my conversion. The greater the saint, the greater the sinner now-a-days--or is it the other way? I forget.

"c.u.mBER."

Lord c.u.mber to Val M'Clutchy, enclosed in the above:

"Dear Sir:

"I am very happy in appointing you to the important situation of my agent, with all the necessary powers and authority to act as may best seem to you for my advantage. The money I will take on your own terms, only I beg that you will lose no time in remitting it. I agree with you in thinking that Mr. Hickman, however well meaning, was deficient in firmness and penetration of character, so far as the tenants were concerned; and I would recommend you to avoid the errors which you perceived in him. With many principles laid down in your letter I agree, but not with all. For instance, if I understand you right, you would appear to advocate too much indulgence to the tenantry at my expense; for what else is allowing them to run into arrears. This certainly keeps the money out of my pocket, and you cannot surely expect me to countenance such a proceeding as that:--whilst I say this, it is due to you that I consider your ultimate object a correct one. Property loses a great portion of its value, unless a landlord's influence over the people be as strong as his right to the soil; and for this reason, the duty of every landlord is to exercise as powerful a control over the former, and get as much out of the latter as he can. The landlords, to be sure, are of one religion and the people of another; but so long as we can avail ourselves of the latter for political purposes, we need care but little about their creed. The results in this case are precisely the same as if the country were Protestant, and that is as much as we want. Indeed I question if the whole Irish population were Protestant to-morrow, whether the fact would not be against us. I now speak as identifying myself with British interests. Would we find them as manageable and as easily shaped to our purposes? I fear not. They would demand education, knowledge, and all the fulness of civil liberty; they would become independent, they would think for themselves, and in what predicament would that place us? Could we then work our British interests, foster British prejudices, and aid British ambition as we do?