Valentine M'Clutchy, The Irish Agent Part 11

Certainly not, unless we had the people with us, and without them we are nothing.

"On the whole, then, so long as we continue to maintain our proper influence over them, I think, without doubt, we are much safer as we stand.

"With respect to the discharge of your duty, your own judgment will be a better guide than mine. As I said before, avoid Hickman's errors; I fear he was too soft, credulous, and easily played upon. Excess of feeling, in fact, is a bad qualification in an agent. Humanity is very well in its place; but a strong sense of duty is worth a thousand of it.

It strikes me, that you would do well to put on a manner in your intercourse with the tenants, as much opposed to Hickman's as possible.

Be generally angry, speak loud, swear roundly, and make them know their place. To bully and browbeat is not easily done with success, even in a just cause, although with a broken-spirited people it is a good gift; but after all I apprehend the best method is just to adapt your bearing to the character of the person you have to deal with, if you wish, as you ought, to arrive at that ascendency of feeling on your part, and subserviency on theirs, which are necessary to keep them in proper temper for your purposes.

"Your receipt for making a forty s.h.i.+lling freeholder contains many excellent ingredients, but I do not think it was honestly drawn up; that is, I believe it to be the production of some one who was not friendly to that system of franchise. I have little else to say, except that you will find it necessary I think to be very firm and rigorous. Remember that we are here to-day, and gone to-morrow; so upon this principle keep them moving at a steady pace. In three words, think of my difficulties, and get all you can out of them--still remembering, as we say in the ring, never to train them below their strength, for that would be the loss of our own battle.

"Yours, "c.u.mber."

Solomon M'Slime, Esq., Attorney-at-law, to Lord c.u.mber,

"My esteemed Lord:

"I had the unmerited honor--for, indeed, to a man sensible of his many frailties as I am, I feel it is an unmerited honor--to receive any communication from one whom the Lord hath exalted to a place of such high rank in this world, as that which your lords.h.i.+p so worthily fills.

It gives me great gratification, my Lord, to learn from your last letter that you have appointed my friend, Mr. Valentine M'Clutchy, as your agent. I am not in the habit of attributing such circ.u.mstances as this--being, as they generally are, matters of mere worldly prudence and convenience--to any over-ruling cause from above; but truly the appointment of such a man at this particular time, looks as if there were a principle of good at work for your lords.h.i.+p's interests. May you continue, as you do, to deserve it! Your change of agents is, indeed, one that, through the talent, energy, and integrity of Mr. M'Clutchy, is likely to redound much and largely to your own benefit. In his capacity of under agent, I have had frequent opportunities of transacting business with him; and when I contrast his quickness, clearness, honesty, and skill, with the evident want of----but no, my Lord; far be it from me, as a Christian man, to inst.i.tute any rash comparison either in favor of my fellow-creature or against him, so long as sin and prejudice even for that which is good, and frailty, may render us, as they often do, liable to error. In Mr. M'Clutchy it is possible I may be mistaken; in Mr. Hickman it is possible I may be mistaken--I am not infallible--I am frail--a very sinner, but not removed wholly, I would trust, out of the range of grace. My Lord, I say again, that, as a conscientious man, and as far as mere human reason--which is at best but short-sighted--enables me to judge, I am truly cheered in spirit by this, I trust, providential change in the agency of your property. My Lord, in my various correspondence, I generally endeavor to make it a rule not to forget my Christian duties, or, so to speak, to cast a single grain of the good seed into the hearts of those to whom I am privileged to write. The calls of religion are, indeed, strong upon us, if we permitted ourselves to listen to them as we ought. Will your lords.h.i.+p then pardon me for reminding you, that, however humble the instrument, I have before now been the honored means of setting your G.o.dly examples of charity before the world, with the single-hearted purpose and hope that it might imitate your virtues. There is in the neighborhood a case at present of great distress, in the person of a widow and her three young children, who have been left dest.i.tute by the guilt and consequent deportation of her unhappy husband to Australia, for the crime of feloniously abstracting live mutton. I defended him professionally, or, I should say--although I do not boast of it--with an eye to the relief of his interesting wife, but without success; and what rendered his crime more unpardonable, he had the unparalleled wickedness to say, that he was instigated to it by the ill-advice and intemperate habits of this amiable woman. Will your lords.h.i.+p, then, allow me to put your honored name in the list of her Christian friends? Allow me, my Lord, to subscribe myself,

"Your lords.h.i.+p's frail, unworthy, "But faithful and honored servant, "Solomon M'Slime."

"P.S.--With respect to your jocose and ironical postscript, may I again take the liberty of throwing in a word in season. If your lords.h.i.+p could so far a.s.sume a proper Christian seriousness of character, as to render the act of kindness and protection on your part such as might confer a competent independence upon a female of religious dispositions, I doubt not, should your lords.h.i.+p's charity continue unabated on your arrival here, that some such desirable opportunity might offer, as that of rescuing a comely but desolate maiden from distress.

"There is, indeed, a man here living on your lords.h.i.+p's property, who has a daughter endowed with a large portion of that vain gift called beauty. Her father and family are people of bad principle, without conscience or honesty, and, withal, utterly dest.i.tute of religion--not but that they carry themselves very plausibly to the world. Among such people, my Lord, it is not possible that this engaging damsel, who is now so youthful and innocent, could resist the evil influence of the principles that prevail in her family. Indeed, her abiding among them cannot be for her welfare in any sense.

"I have the honor, &c."

Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq., to Solomon M'Slime.

"My dear M'Slime:

"As it is beyond any doubt, that in the fair discharge of our duty, you and I can be mutually serviceable to each other; and as it is equally evident that it is our interest, and what is more, the interest of Lord c.u.mber, that we should be so, I therefore think it right to observe, that in all transactions between us, each should treat the other with the most perfect confidence. For this reason, I beg to a.s.sure you, once for all, that in any proceeding that may appear harsh towards any of his lords.h.i.+p's tenantry, I am and shall be actuated by no other feeling, than a strong, conscientious sense of my duty to him. This is, was, and will bo the principle of my whole life. And you know very well, my dear M'Slime, that if I were less devoted to those interests than I am, my popularity would be greater among the tenantry. Indeed, few men have a right to know this better than yourself, inasmuch as you stand in precisely the same beloved relation to them that I do.

"Our excellent friend Hickman is a very worthy man and exceedingly well meaning. Don't you think so? Oh, I am sure you do. Yet I know not how it happened that he left out of his system of agency some of the most valuable rights and privileges of the landlord. These I will mention to you when I see you, and when I have more time. I consequently must say, that in attempting to revive these rights, even while I was deputy-agent, the unjust odium that is falling upon me already, even while I had scarce time to move in them, ought rather to be--that is morally speaking--visited upon him who allowed them to lapse. Now that the fine old leases of the M'Loughlins and the Harmans, and others, have dropped, what can I do but study Lord c.u.mber's interest, in the first instance? Not but I would serve them if I could, and will if I can. I bear them no ill-feeling; and if they have joined in the calumnies and threats that are so unjustly uttered against me, what can I do, and what ought I do, but return good for evil? You, as a truly religious and pious man, will feel delighted to support me in this principle, and also to aid me in bearing it practically out. Any services of a similar kind that I can honestly and conscientiously render you--and none other would you accept--I shall be on my part delighted to offer. In the meantime, let me have your excellent advice as to the most efficient means of stifling the unreasonable murmurs that are rising among the people--and as touching M'Loughlin's and Harman's properties, I should be glad to see you, in order to consult upon what may or can be done for them, always compatibly with Lord c.u.mber's interests.

"The pair of turkies which I send you are the result of my reviving one of his lords.h.i.+p's rights. They are _duty-turkies_, and I do not think they will eat the worse for the blessings which Darby O'Drive tells me accompanied them; at least I don't find they do.

"All that I have yet written, however, is only preliminary; but now to business. I have received the letter which Lord c.u.mber transmitted to me, under your frank, in which I am appointed his head agent. He also is willing to accept the two thousand pounds on my own terms--that is, of course, as a loan, at the usual rate of interest. But don't you think, my dear M'Slime, that with respect to this large sum, an understanding might be entered into--or rather an arrangement made, in a quiet way, that would, I flatter myself, turn out of great ultimate advantage to his lords.h.i.+p. The truth is, that Lord c.u.mber, like most generous men, is very negligent of his own interests--at least much more so than he ought to be; and it would be most beneficial to him, in every sense, to have a person managing his estates, in the best possible condition to serve him. His property, in fact, is not represented in the grand jury panel of the county. This is a great loss to him--a serious loss. In the first place, it is wretchedly, shamefully deficient in roads--both public and private. In the next place, there are many rents left unpaid, through the inability of the people, which we could get paid by the making of these roads, and other county arrangements, which the ill-thinking call jobs. In the third and last place, he has on his property no magistrate friendly to his aforesaid interests, and who would devote himself to them with suitable energy and zeal. Indeed, with regard to the murmurings and heart-burnings alluded to, I fear that such a magistrate will soon become a matter of necessity. There is a bad spirit rising and getting abroad, wherever it came from--and you know, my dear M'Slime, that it could not proceed from either you or me. You know that--you feel it. Now, what I would propose is this--Lord c.u.mber has sufficient interest with the government, to have me--all-unworthy as I am--appointed a magistrate. Let the government but hint to the chancellor, and the thing is done. In that event, instead of giving him this large sum of money as a loan, let it go as a _per contra_ to my appointment to the bench. And there is another consideration by no means to be overlooked, which is, that by this arrangement the government would be certain to have in the commission a man who would prove himself one of the precise cla.s.s which they stand in need of--that is, a useful man, devoted to their wishes.

"Now, my dear M'Slime, I mention this to you with all the confidence of unshaken friends.h.i.+p. From you these representations will go to his lords.h.i.+p with a much better grace than they would from me. Tell him in your own peculiar way, that he shall have the two thousand for the magistracy. That is my first object as his friend--this once obtained, I have no doubt of seeing myself, ere long, a member of the grand panel, and capable of serving him still more extensively.

"Believe me to be, "My dear M'Slime, &c, "Valentine M'Clutchy.

"P.S.--I heard you once express a wish about a certain farm--but mum's the word--only this, I have something in my eye for you."

Solomon M'Slime to the Right Hon. Lord c.u.mber:--

"My Gracious Lord:

"I, of course, cannot look upon the condition you annex to the appointment of the agent as unreasonable, although my friend M'Clutchy insists, he says, for the honor of the aristocracy, that it was a mistake on your lords.h.i.+p's part, and that a loan only was meant. Be this as it may, I humbly hope a thought has been vouchsafed to me, by which the matter may, under Providence, a.s.sume a more agreeable character for all parties. Last night, my Lord, immediately after family wors.h.i.+p, I found myself much refreshed in mind, but rather jaded in my poor sinful body, after the fatigues of the day--for, indeed, I had ridden a good deal since morning. However, I desired Susanna--a pious young person, who acts as children's maid, and understands my habits--to procure me a little hot water and sugar, into which, out of a necessary regard for health, which is imposed as a duty on us all, I poured a little brandy, partly for sustainment and partly to qualify the water. Having swallowed a little of this I found the two principles combine together, almost like kindred spirits, and consequently experienced both nourishment and edification from the draught. It was then, my Lord, that it was given me to turn my mind upon the transaction alluded to, I mean the condition of paying two thousand pounds for the privilege of managing your property.

Indeed the thing was vouchsafed to me in this light;--your property, my Lord, is not represented in the grand panel of the county, which is certainly a serious loss to you, as there is no one here to advocate your interests, especially since poor Mr. Deaker's infirmities (would that they were all only of the body!) have caused him to attend the grand jury less frequently. Many arrangements might be advantageously made, by which your lords.h.i.+p would indirectly benefit;--that is, the money, so to speak, might be made to go into one pocket, in order that it should be transferred to yours. Then you have not; a magistrate in your estates devoted to your special interests, as you ought to have; this is a very necessary thing, my Lord, and to which I humbly endeavor to direct your attention. Again, my Lord, you have no magistrate of true Protestant and Ascendancy principles, who from time to time, might manifest to the government that you did not forget their interests no more than your own. Now, my Lord, what man can be, or is better qualified to serve your Lords.h.i.+p in all these capacities than that staunch and unflinching Protestant, Mr. Val M'Clutchy? In what individual could the commission of the peace more appropriately or worthily rest than in your own agent? I therefore beg your lords.h.i.+p to turn this in your mind, and if advised by one so humble, I would suggest the trial of a short prayer previous to entering on it. Should you exert your influence for that purpose with the government, the gracious, I trust I may call it so--appointment--would be immediately made, and I think I know the grateful disposition of Mr. M'Clutchy sufficiently well to a.s.sure your lords.h.i.+p, that from a thorough Christian sense of your kindness, the two thousand pounds will be, on that condition, placed in your lords.h.i.+p's hands.

"I have the honor to be, my Lord, "Solomon M'Slime.

"P.S. Mr. M'Clutchy is ignorant that a suggestion so well calculated to advance the best interests of general religion, has been graciously intimated to one so unworthy as I am."

Lord c.u.mber to Solomon M'Slime, Esq:--

"It is done--a bargain--I have arranged the business here with the secretary, and am obliged to you, my sleek little saint, for suggesting it; I wonder M'Clutchy himself did not think of it. I feel glad the old leases have dropped, for I am sure, that between you and him, you will take out of these farms all that can be taken. Of course M'Clutchy and you are at liberty to revive anything you like, provided it be done properly. What is it to me, who never go there? I do believe Hickman was not merely an easy fellow, but a fool; as to _glove-money-- Healing-money--duty-fowls--and duty-work_--I tell you again, provided you increase my remittances, and work the cash out of these fellows, you may insist upon as many of them as you can get.

"Yours,

"c.u.mBER.

"P.S.--What, my little saint, did you mean by that charitable blunder, concerning the widow, in your last letter? I never knew before that a woman was a widow merely because her husband was transported, as he ought to be, for sheep stealing, or because he happened to live, by compulsion, in another country. However, no matter; give her, for me, whatever you think proper, and add it to your bill of costs, as you will do.

"c.u.mber."

Solomon M'Slime, Esq., to Lord c.u.mber:--

"My Gracious Lord:

"As I have never intentionally varied from truth, I could not bear even for a moment to seem to fall into the opposite principle. I was certainly very busy on the day I had the honor and privilege of writing to your lords.h.i.+p, and much distressed both in mind and heart, by the woeful backsliding of a member of our congregation. On looking over the copy of the letter, however, I perceive one thing that is gratifying to me. My Lord, I made no mistake. It is not, perhaps, known to your Lords.h.i.+p that there are two descriptions of widows--the real and the vegetable; that is, the widow by death, and the widow by local separation from her husband. Indeed the latter is a cla.s.s that requires as much sustainment and comfort as the other--being as they are, more numerous, and suffering all the privations of widowhood, poor things, except its reality. The expression, my Lord, is figurative, and taken from the agricultural occupation of ploughing; for whenever one animal is unyoked for any other purpose, such as travelling a journey or the like, the other is forthwith turned into some park or gra.s.sy paddock, and indeed generally enjoys more comfortable times than if still with the yoke-fellow; for which reason the return of the latter is seldom very earnestly desired by the other. I am happy to tell you, my Lord, that some very refres.h.i.+ng revivals in the religious world have recently occurred here, such as I trust will cause true religion to spread and be honored in the land; but on the other hand, I fear that Satan is at work among many evil designing persons on your Lords.h.i.+p's inheritance in this our neighborhood. Of this, however, that good and conscientious man Mr. M'Clutchy, will, I doubt not, give you all proper information and advice.

"I have the honor to be, my Lord with profound humility, "Your Lords.h.i.+p's unworthy servant, "Solomon M'Slime."

Valentine M'Clutchy, Esq., J. P., to Lord c.u.mber:--

"My Lord:

"In point of fact, nothing could be more beneficial to your property, than my very seasonable appointment to the commission of the peace. It has extended my powers of working for your advantage, and armed me with authority that will be found very necessary in repressing outrages and disturbances when they occur; and I regret to say, that they are likely to occur much too frequently. I should be sorry to doubt Mr. Hickman's candor, but in spite of all my charity, I can scarcely avoid thinking that he did not treat your Lords.h.i.+p with that openness of purpose and confidence to which every landlord is ent.i.tled. Of course, I say this with great pain, and rather between ourselves, as it were; for heaven forbid, that a single syllable should escape either my tongue or pen, that might injure that gentleman's character. The path of duty, however, is often a stern one, as I find it to be on the present occasion. The truth, then, is, that I fear Mr. Hickman must have kept the disturbed state of your tenantry from your Lords.h.i.+p's knowledge, owing probably to a reluctance in exposing his own laxity of management. Indeed, I wish I could with a conscientious sense of my duty to your Lords.h.i.+p end here, so far as he is concerned. But under every circ.u.mstance, truth, and honesty, and candor, will in the long run tell for themselves. It is an unquestionable fact, then, that from whatever cause it may proceed, your tenantry and he, ever since my appointment, have had much intercourse of--not exactly a public---nor can I decidedly term it--a private nature; and it is equally true, that in proportion as this intercourse became extended and enlarged, so did the dissatisfaction of the people increase, until they are now almost ripe for outrage. I have observed, I think, that poor Hickman never was remarkable for strength of mind, though not dest.i.tute of a certain kind of sagacity; and whether his tampering--if it be tampering--with these people,--be the result of a foolish principle of envy, or whether on the other hand, there is anything political in it, I really cannot say. All I can do is to state the facts, and leave the inference to your lords.h.i.+p's superior penetration.

"If, however, it be the fact, that Hickman could stop to foment this unhappy feeling on your property, still, my Lord, he is not alone in it. Indeed it is possible that the intercourse between him and them may after all be innocent, however suspicions it looks, I trust and hope it is so--for there are two other families in the neighborhood, who, to my certain knowledge, have, by diffusing wicked and disloyal principles among the tenantry, done incalculable injury. I had indeed some notion of communicating with government on the subject, but I have not as yet been able to get any information sufficiently tangible to work on. In the meantime, I think the wisest and most prudent steps I could take for your Lords.h.i.+p's advantage, would be to get them as quietly as possible off the estate. I think, from a twofold sense of duty, I shall be forced to do so. Their leases very fortunately have dropped in the first place, and it will not be your interest to renew them on political grounds; for they have lately expressed a determination to vote against your brother--and in the next, we can get much larger fines from other sources. Besides his large farm, one of these men, M'Loughlin, holds a smaller one of eighteen acres, of which there are fifteen years yet unexpired, yet on consulting with Mr. M'Slime, and examining the lease, he is of opinion that it contains a flaw, and can be broken. I am sure, my lord, for your sake I shall be glad of it.

"I cannot conclude without feeling grateful to Heaven for having given me such a son as I am blessed with. He is, indeed, quite invaluable to me in managing these refractory people, and were it not for his aid and vigor, I could not have been able to send your lords.h.i.+p the last remittance. He is truly zealous in your cause, but I regret to say, that I am not likely to be able to avail myself long of his services. He is about taking a large farm in a different part of the country with a view to marriage, a circ.u.mstance which just now occasions me much anxiety of mind, as he will be a serious loss to both your lords.h.i.+p and me. I am also looking out for an under agent, but cannot find one to my satisfaction. Will your lords.h.i.+p be kind enough to acknowledge the remittance of last week?

"I have the honor to be, my lord, "Val M'C."

Lord c.u.mber to Val M'C, Esq.:--

"Dear Sir:

"The check came safely to hand, and seasonably, and the oftener I receive such communications the better. The best part of it, however, is gone to the devil already, for I lost six hundred on Alley Croker at the last Ascot meeting; I write in a hurry, but have time to desire you to keep your son, if possible, on the property. By the way, as the under agency is vacant, I request you will let him have it--and, if he wants a farm to marry on, try and find him one somewhere on the estate: who has a better right? and, I dare say, he will make as good a tenant as another. As to Hickman, I think you are quite mistaken, the truth being that he resigned, but was not dismissed the agency, and if he has not a wish to get himself replaced--which I do not think--I don't know what the deuce he should begin to plot about. I rather think the cause of complaint amongst the people is, that they find some difference between his laxity and your rigor; if so, you must only let them growl away, and when, ever they resort to violence, of course punish them.