Virgin Soil Part 23

"I'm going home with him." He pointed to Markelov, who was standing motionless, his hands crossed on his breast. "We have horses and a conveyance."

"Very well.... And I'm going to Fomishka's and Fimishka's oasis. And do you know what I should like to say? There's twaddle here and twaddle there, only that twaddle, the twaddle of the eighteenth century, is nearer to the Russian character than the twaddle of the twentieth century. Goodbye, gentlemen. I'm drunk, so don't be offended at what I say, only a better woman than my sister Snandulia... is not to be found on G.o.d's earth, although she is a hunchback and called Snandulia. That's how things are arranged in this world! She ought to have such a name. Do you know who Saint Snandulia was? She was a virtuous woman who used to visit prisons and heal the wounds of the sick. But... goodbye! goodbye, Nejdanov, thou man to be pitied! And you, officer... ugh! misanthrope!

goodbye!" He dragged himself away, limping and swaying from side to side, towards the oasis, while Markelov and Nejdanov sought out the posting inn where they had left their conveyance, ordered the horses to be harnessed, and half an hour later were driving along the high road.

XXI

THE sky was overcast with low-hanging clouds, and though it was light enough to see the cart-ruts winding along the road, still to the right and left no separate object could be distinguished, everything blending together into dark, heavy ma.s.ses. It was a dim, unsettled kind of night; the wind blew in terrific gusts, bringing with it the scent of rain and wheat, which covered the broad fields. When they pa.s.sed the oak which served as a signpost and turned down a by-road, driving became more difficult, the narrow track being quite lost at times. The coach moved along at a slower pace.

"I hope we're not going to lose our way!" Nejdanov remarked; he had been quite silent until then.

"I don't think so," Markelov responded. "Two misfortunes never happen in one day."

"But what was the first misfortune?"

"A day wasted for nothing. Is that of no importance?"

"Yes... certainly... and then this Golushkin! We shouldn't have drank so much wine. My head is simply splitting."

"I wasn't thinking of Golushkin. We got some money from him at any rate, so our visit wasn't altogether wasted."

"But surely you're not really sorry that Paklin took us to his... what did he call them... poll-parrots?

"As for that, there's nothing to be either sorry or glad about. I'm not interested in such people. That wasn't the misfortune I was referring to."

"What was it then?"

Markelov made no reply, but withdrew himself a little further into his corner, as if he were m.u.f.fling himself up. Nejdanov could not see his face very clearly, only his moustache stood out in a straight black line, but he had felt ever since the morning that there was something in Markelov that was best left alone, some mysteriously unknown worry.

"I say, Sergai Mihailovitch," Nejdanov began, "do you really attach any importance to Mr. Kisliakov's letters that you gave me today? They are utter nonsense, if you'll excuse my saying so."

Markelov drew himself up.

"In the first place," he began angrily, "I don't agree with you about these letters--I find them extremely interesting... and conscientious!

In the second place, Kisliakov works very hard and, what is more, he is in earnest; he BELIEVES in our cause, believes in the revolution! And I must say that you, Alexai Dmitritch, are very luke-warm--YOU don't believe in our cause!"

"What makes you think so?" Nejdanov asked slowly.

"It is easy to see from your very words, from your whole behaviour.

Today, for instance, at Golushkin's, who said that he failed to see any elements that we could rely on? You! Who demanded to have them pointed out to him? You again! And when that friend of yours, that grinning buffoon, Mr. Paklin, stood up and declared with his eyes raised to heaven that not one of us was capable of self-sacrifice, who approved of it and nodded to him encouragingly? Wasn't it you? Say what you like of yourself...think what you like of yourself, you know best... that is your affair, but I know people who could give up everything that is beautiful in life--even love itself--to serve their convictions, to be true to them! Well, YOU... couldn't have done that, today at any rate!"

"Today? Why not today in particular?"

"Oh, don't pretend, for heaven's sake, you happy Don Juan, you myrtle-crowned lover!" Markelov shouted, quite forgetting the coachman, who, though he did not turn round on the box, must have heard every word. It is true the coachman was at that moment more occupied with the road than with what the gentlemen were saying behind him. He loosened the shaft-horse carefully, though somewhat nervously, she shook her head, backed a little, and went down a slope which had no business there at all.

"I'm afraid I don't quite understand you," Nejdanov observed.

Markelov gave a forced, malicious laugh.

"So you don't understand me! ha, ha, ha! I know everything, my dear sir!

I know whom you made love to yesterday, whom you've completely conquered with your good looks and honeyed words! I know who lets you into her room... after ten o'clock at night!"

"Sir!" the coachman exclaimed suddenly, turning to Markelov, "hold the reins, please. I'll get down and have a look. I think we've gone off the track. There seems a sort of ravine here."

The carriage was, in fact, standing almost on one side. Markelov seized the reins which the coachman handed to him and continued just as loudly:

"I don't blame you in the least, Alexai Dmitritch! You took advantage of.... You were quite right. No wonder that you're not so keen about our cause now... as I said before, you have something else on your mind.

And, really, who can tell beforehand what will please a girl's heart or what man can achieve what she may desire?"

"I understand now," Nejdanov began; "I understand your vexation and can guess... who spied on us and lost no time in letting you know--" "It does not seem to depend on merit," Markelov continued, pretending not to have heard Nejdanov, and purposely drawling out each word in a sing-song voice, "no extraordinary spiritual or physical attractions.... Oh no!

It's only the d.a.m.ned luck of all... b.a.s.t.a.r.ds!"

The last sentence Markelov p.r.o.nounced abruptly and hurriedly, but suddenly stopped as if turned to stone.

Nejdanov felt himself grow pale in the darkness and tingled all over. He could scarcely restrain himself from flying at Markelov and seizing him by the throat. "Only blood will wipe out this insult," he thought.

"I've found the road!" the coachman cried, making his appearance at the right front wheel, "I turned to the left by mistake--but it doesn't matter, we'll soon be home. It's not much farther. Sit still, please!"

He got onto the box, took the reins from Markelov, pulled the shaft-horse a little to one side, and the carriage, after one or two jerks, rolled along more smoothly and evenly. The darkness seemed to part and lift itself, a cloud of smoke could be seen curling out of a chimney, ahead some sort of hillock, a light twinkled, vanished, then another.... A dog barked.

"That's our place," the coachman observed. "Gee up, my pretties!"

The lights became more and more numerous as they drove on.

"After the way in which you insulted me," Nejdanov said at last, "you will quite understand that I couldn't spend the night under your roof, and I must ask you, however unpleasant it may be for me to do so, to be kind enough to lend me your carriage as soon as we get to your house to take me back to the town. Tomorrow I shall find some means of getting home, and will then communicate with you in a way which you doubtless expect."

Markelov did not reply at once.

"Nejdanov," he exclaimed suddenly, in a soft, despairing tone of voice, "Nejdanov! For Heaven's sake come into the house if only to let me beg for your forgiveness on my knees! Nejdanov! forget... forget my senseless words! Oh, if some one only knew how wretched I feel!"

Markelov struck himself on the breast with his fist, a groan seemed to come from him. "Nejdanov. Be generous.... Give me your hand.... Say that you forgive me!"

Nejdanov held out his hand irresolutely--Markelov squeezed it so hard that he could almost have cried out.

The carriage stopped at the door of the house.

"Listen to me, Nejdanov," Markelov said to him a quarter of an hour later in his study, "listen." (He addressed him as "thou," and in this unexpected "THOU" addressed to a man whom he knew to be a successful rival, whom he had only just cruelly insulted, wished to kill, to tear to pieces, in this familiar word "thou" there was a ring of irrevocable renunciation, sad, humble supplication, and a kind of claim...) Nejdanov recognised this claim and responded to it by addressing him in the same way. "Listen! I've only just told you that I've refused the happiness of love, renounced everything to serve my convictions....

"It wasn't true, I was only bragging! Love has never been offered to me, I've had nothing to renounce! I was born unlucky and will continue so for the rest of my days... and perhaps it's for the best. Since I can't get that, I must turn my attention to something else! If you can combine the one with the other... love and be loved... and serve the cause at the same time, you're lucky! I envy you... but as for myself... I can't.

You happy man! You happy man! I can't."

Markelov said all this softly, sitting on a low stool, his head bent and arms hanging loose at his sides. Nejdanov stood before him lost in a sort of dreamy attentiveness, and though Markelov had called him a happy man, he neither looked happy nor did he feel himself to be so.

"I was deceived in my youth," Markelov went on; "she was a remarkable girl, but she threw me over... and for whom? For a German! for an adjutant! And Mariana--"

He stopped. It was the first time he had p.r.o.nounced her name and it seemed to burn his lips.