The History and Records of the Elephant Club Part 21

"_Prisoner._--'That's eight times to-day you have kissed me before.'

"_Officer._--Please, your honor, he's an octagonal liar, I didn't.

"_Judge._--Where did you get your liquor?

"_Prisoner._--'Way down south in Cedar street; rinctum'--

"_Judge_ (to officer).--What's that he says?

"_Attentive Officer._--At Ringtown's in Cedar street.

"_Judge._--What number in Cedar street?

"_Prisoner._--'Forty horses in the stable.'

"_Officious Officer._--Ringtown's, No. 40 Cedar street, your honor.

"_Prisoner._--(Voluntary remark, sotto voce.) 'A jay bird sat on a hickory limb--he winked at me and I winked at him.'

"_Indignant Officer._--Who're you winkin' at?

"_Prisoner._--'Nelly Bly, shuts her eye.'

"_Officer._--You'd better shut your mouth.

"_Judge._--What have you got to say, prisoner?

"_Prisoner._--'Hear me, Norma.'

"_Officer._--Well, go on, go on.

"_Prisoner._--'O blame not the bard.'

"_Judge._--n.o.body to blame but yourself.

"_Prisoner._--'Did you ever hear tell of Kate Kearney?'

"_Knowing Officer._--Keeps a place in Mott street, your honor.

"_Prisoner._--'O! O! O! O! O! Sally is the gal for me.'

"_Judge_ (to officer).--Who is Sally? Some disreputable female I suppose.

"_Officer._--She went up to the Island to-day, sir.

"_Prisoner._--'O tell me, where is Fancy bred.'

"_Judge._--I don't know anything about your fancy bread, if you have anything to say, go on.

"_Prisoner._--'We'll all go bobbing around.'

"The Judge here became indignant, and demanded if he had a friend to become bail for him, to which query the prisoner hiccuped out,

"I'll never, never find--a better friend than old dog Tray.'

"_Judge._--Can't take him, he is not responsible.

"_Prisoner._--'I give thee all, I can no more.'

"_Judge._--It won't do, sir, I shall fine you $10.

"_Prisoner._--'That's the way the money goes--pop goes the weasel.'

"_Indignant Officer._--I'll pop you over the head presently.

"_Prisoner._--'There's whisky in the jug.'

"_Officer._--You'll be there, too, shortly.

"_Judge._--If you can't pay you must go to jail.

"_Prisoner._--'Give me a cot in the valley I love.'

"_Judge._--Very well, sir, I'll do it. Tombs, ten days.

"_Prisoner._--'I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls.'

"The officer was about removing the individual below, when I came to the rescue, and informed the Judge that the prisoner was a friend of mine, that this was the first occasion in which he had ever manifested such eccentricities, and if he would let him off from the punishment this time, I would take him to his home and see that he never disturbed the city by his yells in the future.

"The prisoner turned his eyes upon me, and again broke out:

"'Good news from home, good news for me'----

"'Mr. Blobb,' said the Judge, 'if I let you off this time, will you cease going on these drunken sprees?'

"_Prisoner._--'I'll touch not, taste not, handle not, whate'er intoxicates.'

"_Judge._--I hope that when we meet again it will be under more favorable auspices to yourself----

"_Prisoner_ (interrupting).--'Meet me by moonlight alone, and I will tell thee.'

"_Judge_ (resuming).--For you're in a bad plight now to appear among the ladies.

"_Prisoner._--'Oh! I'm the boy for bewitching them.'

"_Judge._--Not when you're drunk, I imagine.

"_Prisoner._--'A man's a man, for a' o' that.'