Once a Week Part 22

ACT I.

SCENE--_A grand restaurant. Enter Tommy, a very handsome man, just back from Oxford._

_Tommy sings:_

Felicia, I love you, By all the stars above you I swear you shall be mine!-- And now I'm going to dine.

[_He sits down and orders a bottle of ginger-beer and some meringues._

_Waiter._ Your dinner, Sir.

_Tommy._ Thank you. And would you ask Mr. Reynolds to come in, if you see him? (_To the audience_) A week ago I was crossing the Channel--(_enter Reynolds_)--Oh, here you are, Reynolds! I was just saying that a week ago I was crossing the Channel when I saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen who had lost her umbrella. I said, "Excuse me, but is this your umbrella?" She said, "Yes."

Reynolds, I sat down and fell in love with her. Her name was Felicia. And now I must go and see about something. [_Exit._

_Reynolds._ Poor Tommy! An awfully decent chap if ever there was one. But he will never marry Felicia, because I happen to know her real name is Phyllis, and she is engaged to Samuel.

(_Recitative._)

She is engaged to Samuel. Poor Tommy, He does not know she's fond of Samuel.

He _will_ be disappointed when he knows.

CURTAIN.

ACT II.

SCENE--_A beautiful country wedding._

_Tommy_ (_in pew nearest door, to_ Reynolds). Who's the bride?

_Reynolds._ Phyllis. She's marrying Samuel.

_Enter Bride_.

_Tommy._ Heavens, it's Felicia!

_Reynolds_ (_to audience_). Poor Tommy! How disappointed he must be!

(_Aloud_) Yes, Felicia and Phyllis are really the same girl. She's engaged to Samuel.

_Tommy._ Then I cannot marry her!

_Reynolds._ No.

_Tommy sings:_

Good-bye, Felicia, good-bye, I'm awfully disappointed, I Am now, in fact, about to die, Felicia, Felicia, Felicia!

[_Shoots himself._

CURTAIN.

That is how I see it. But no doubt Bobby and Short, when they really get to work, will make something better of it. It is an engaging theme, but, of course, the t.i.tle wants to be spelt properly.

AMONG THE ANIMALS

Jeremy was looking at a card which his wife had just pa.s.sed across the table to him.

"'Lady Bendish. At Home,'" he read. "'Pets.' Is this for us?"

"Of course," said Mrs. Jeremy.

"Then I think 'Pets' is rather familiar. 'Mr. and Mrs. J. P. Smith'

would have been more correct."

"Don't be silly, Jeremy. It means it's a Pet party. You have to bring some sort of pet with you, and there are prizes for the prettiest, and the most intelligent, and the most companionable, and so on." She looked at the fox-terrier curled up in front of the fire-place. "We could take Rags, of course."

"Or Baby," said Jeremy. "We'll enter her in the Fat Cla.s.s."

But when the day arrived Jeremy had another idea. He came in from the garden with an important look on his face, and joined his wife in the hall.

"Come on," he said. "Let's start."

"But where's Rags?"

"Rags isn't coming. I'm taking Hereward instead." He opened his cigarette-case and disclosed a small green animal. "Hereward," he said.

"Why, Jeremy," cried his wife, "it's--why, it's blight from the rose-tree!"

"It isn't just blight, dear; it's one particular blight. A blight.

Hereward, the Last of the Blights." He wandered round the hall. "Where's the lead?" he asked.

"Jeremy, don't be absurd."

"My dear, I must have something to lead him up for his prize on. During the parade he can sit on my shoulder informally, but when we come to the prize-giving, 'Mr. J. P. Smith's blight, Hereward,' must be led on properly." He pulled open a drawer. "Oh, here we are. I'd better take the chain; he might bite through the leather one."

They arrived a little late, to find a lawn full of people and animals; and one glance was sufficient to tell Jeremy that in some of the cla.s.ses at least his pet would have many dangerous rivals.

"If there's a prize for the biggest," he said to his wife, "my blight has practically lost it already. Adams has brought a cart-horse. Hullo, Adams," he went on, "how are you? Don't come too close or Hereward may do your animal a mischief."

"Who's Hereward?"

Jeremy opened his cigarette-case.