The Century Handbook of Writing Part 11

Faulty: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, he told me that you intend to buy a car.

Better: In talking to Mr. Brown the other day, I learned that you intend to buy a car.

Faulty: The address was concluded by reciting a pa.s.sage from Wordsworth.

Better: The speaker concluded his address by reciting a pa.s.sage from Wordsworth. [Or] The address was concluded by the recitation of a pa.s.sage from Wordsworth.

Note.--Two other kinds of dangling modifier, treated elsewhere in this book, may be briefly mentioned here. A phrase beginning with the adjective _due_ should refer to a noun; otherwise the phrase is left dangling (See 5 Note). An elliptical sentence (one from which words are omitted) is faulty when one of the elements is left dangling (See 3).

Faulty: I was late _due_ to carelessness [Use _because of_].

Ludicrous: My shoestring always breaks when hurrying to the office at eight o'clock [Say _when I am hurrying_].

Exercise:

1. Coming out of the house, a street car is seen.

2. While engaged in conversation with my host and hostess, my maid placed upon the table a steaming leg of lamb.

3. A small quant.i.ty of gold is thoroughly mixed with a few drops of turpentine, using the spatula to work it smooth.

4. After being in the oven twenty minutes, open the door. When fully baked, you are ready to put the sauce on the pudding.

5. Entering the store, a soda fountain is observed. Pa.s.sing down the aisle, a candy counter comes into view. The rear of the store is bright and pleasant, caused by a skylight.

COHERENCE

The verb _cohere_ means to stick or hold firmly together. And the noun _coherence_ as applied to writing means a close and natural sequence of parts. Order is essential to clearness.

=General Incoherence=

=24. Every part of a sentence must have a clear and natural connection with the adjoining part. Like or related parts should normally be placed together.=

Bring related ideas together: Little Helen stood beside the horse wearing white stockings and slippers.

Right: Little Helen, in white stockings and slippers, stood beside the horse.

Keep unlike ideas apart: The colors of purple and green are pleasing to the eye as found in the thistle.

Right: The purple and green colors of the thistle are pleasing.

Distribute unrelated modifiers, instead of bunching them: I found a heap of snow on my bed in the morning which had drifted in through the window. [Subject verb--object--place--time--explanation.]

Right: In the morning I found on my bed a heap of snow which had drifted in through the window.

[Time--subject verb--place--object--explanation.]

Bring related modifiers together: When he has prepared his lessons, he will come, as soon as he can put on his old clothes. [Condition--main clause--condition.]

Right: When he has prepared his lessons and put on his old clothes, he will come. [Condition and condition--main clause.]

Exercise:

1. He was gazing at the landscape which he had painted with a smiling face.

2. She turned the steak with a fork which she was cooking for dinner every few minutes.

3. d.i.c.kens puts the various experiences he had in the form of a novel when he was a boy.

4. If the roads are made of dirt, the farmer has to wait, if the weather is rainy, till they dry.

5. We received practically very little or none at all experience in writing themes.

=Logical Sequence=

=25. Place first in the sentence the idea which naturally comes first in thought or in the order of time.=

Faulty: We went to the station from the house after bidding all goodby.

Right: We said goodby to all, and went from the house to the station.

=Do not begin one idea, abandon it for a second, and then return to the first. Complete one idea at a time.=

Faulty: She looked up as he approached and smoothed her hair.

[The writer begins a main clause, changes to a subordinate clause, and then attempts to add more to the main clause.

Unfortunately the last two verbs appear to be coordinate.]

Right: She looked up and smoothed her hair as he approached.

[Or] As he approached she looked up, and smoothed her hair.

=Ordinarily, let a second thought begin where the first leaves off.=

Faulty: An orange grove requires plenty of water. The young trees will die if they do not have plenty of water. [The order of ideas is: "Grove ... water. Trees ... water." Reverse the order of the second sentence.]

Right: An orange grove requires plenty of water. For without water the young trees will die. [Now the order of ideas is: "Grove ... water. Water ... trees."]

Exercise:

1. I boarded the train, after buying a ticket.

2. I dropped my pen when the whistle blew and sighed.

3. Unless the bank clerk has ability he will never be successful unless he works faithfully and hard.

4. I remember the days when Rover was a pup. Now he is not half so interesting as he was then.

5. A chessboard is divided into sixty-four squares, and there is plenty of room between the opposing armies for a terrific battle, since each army occupies only sixteen squares.