Take It Slow Part 6

"Nick, you were right. He is a good-looking young man. Sit down, now, Daniel, and try to eat a little, just enough to get you through. How do you feel, darlin'?"

74.Mama pointed to the spot across the table from her.

Mano scooted in first so Daniel could have the outside, probably in case he had to get up to go vomit.

"I feel better, ma'am. It's nice to be clean. Thank you for everything." Daniel had never forgotten his manners.

He just hadn't had cause to use them lately. Tony and Randall hadn't been much for talking, so the conversations were minimal and didn't require manners, just respect. With Jack, he was more worried about living than being nice.

"First off, it's Mama, not ma'am, and you're welcome.

I know all this is a shock for you, but we've been hoping and praying for this day for two long years."

Daniel just looked at her. He kept hearing that over and over. Was it true? Had his dad really been looking for him all this time? Since he left that night? He couldn't take that in. He just couldn't process the fact that he'd gone through all that, the beatings, the loneliness, the fear, the pain, and all the time his father was trying to find him, bring him home...love him. He exploded. That was the only word for it.

"You said I was not your son! You hated me. You called me a f.a.ggot, and you cared more about what people would think than me. I don't believe you!" He was yelling, and he felt good about that. He needed that, needed to vent, let his dad know how he'd hurt him that night and that he wasn't going to just forgive him and believe that everything was going to be all right now.

Surprisingly, his dad, with tear-filled eyes, just nodded his head at him. Daniel's eyes must have bugged out of his head when Mama Sasy smacked his dad's arm, hard.

"Say something, Nick."

"What can I say, Mama? He's right. He's ent.i.tled to his anger, and he's due my shame. I said those things to Take It Slow 75.my son, to the boy that I love more than life itself. There is no excuse for it. Shock doesn't count, doesn't excuse what I did. It explains it, but nothing will ever be enough to make up for the fact that when he needed me the most, I let him down. That huge mistake caused my son two years of pain and suffering, going through G.o.d knows what, all the while thinking I hated him. I never said that that, Daniel. But the rest I did say, and I'll never be able to take that memory away from you. I'm sorry, son." Those tears were now spilling down his dad's face, and Daniel watched them in awe. He was in a movie.

That had to be the answer. There was no way all this was happening. His dad didn't cry. He didn't have clean clothes or a clean body. He didn't have soft, warm food or people who looked at him like he mattered. When would this show be over? When would he go back to real life?

He kept watching, as if from afar, as Mama Sasy took a napkin and handed it to his dad, who took it absently and wiped his face, never taking his eyes off Daniel.

Mama Sasy looked at Daniel and said, quietly, "Look at me, hon. He's right. You are ent.i.tled to your anger. I was the same way when he showed up here showing me your picture, telling me what he'd done, and asking for my help. I gave him h.e.l.l for what he'd done to you, and I didn't even know you. But, I knew other boys who'd been treated the same way, or worse, and his remorse didn't matter to me. What you were going through was all I was worried about. It took a while for him to convince me how sincere he was with his sorry and shame." Mama reached across the table to Daniel, "Give me your hand."

Daniel looked at her in surprise but put his hand in hers and waited.

76."No one expects this to be easy, Daniel, or quick.

You take all the time you need, and you feel whatever you need to and know that it's all right. We can't say we understand, because we haven't been through what you have, but we know that it was bad, and we are all sorry about that. We don't pity you, so don't go feeling like you can't take what we're offering. We get a lot out of helping boys like you. Nick has helped countless young boys, and I've heard him say countless times that he was just praying that somewhere there was someone doing a good thing for you, helping you in some way. He's tried in his own way to atone for what he did, with all those others. Eventually, I hope you'll let him do the same for you. You must never doubt that this man loves you. You take your time, honey, and things will all come right."

Daniel could feel his hand shaking in hers and didn't know what to do. She reached up with her other hand to pat his and then let him go. He put his hands in his lap and put his head down, unable to look at either of them.

He didn't know what to say. He couldn't think of anything to make them feel better. He didn't know if he wanted to.

Mano leaned over and whispered. "It's okay. No one expects anything of you right now, except maybe try to finish that disgusting-looking mess. It's almost time to go see the doc. I'm going with you and Nick. I'll stay with you as far as you want me to. If the doc doesn't like it, too bad. This is all about making you feel safe again.

You up for this?"

Daniel wasn't, but he nodded, picked up his spoon, and looked at the bowl. It did look disgusting. He felt a small grin on his lips and he looked over at Mano and when Mano saw the grin he laughed out loud. That.

Right there, that laugh from a new friend, and his own grin over the disgusting-looking oatmeal with the Take It Slow 77.mashed-up bananas in it was the first time he'd felt normal in two long years. He took a bite and it wasn't that bad.

Daniel thought he would shake himself to death from the inside out. He couldn't seem to stop the shudders that racked his body. He was sitting in his doctor's office and dreading having to go in and see Dr. Zardi, who had been his doctor since he was fourteen. All the people in his life now were new to him, and he wasn't as freaked out with them knowing some of what he'd been through.

But Dr. Zardi, well, he had known Daniel... before.

Seeing him, as Daniel was now, would bring it all home to him in a totally different way. Daniel didn't think he could look the man in the eyes while answering questions about what was happening to his body. What would Dr. Zardi think about him? What had his father told him about what had happened?

He must have made a sound, because Mano reached out to him.

"It's okay, Daniel. I bet you're worried about what the doctor will think; since the last time you were here you probably looked a lot different. Listen, don't you spend any time worrying about what other people think.

You've been through h.e.l.l, and it wasn't your fault. It sucks, yeah, but it's over, well, almost over now, and we just need to get you feeling better. Things will fall into place soon. Nick will have paved the way for you in there. He's been back there with them for a good while, and I doubt if he's giving himself any slack in the telling, either."

78.Before Daniel could make sense of that statement, the door opened and a nurse came into the waiting room, smiling.

"Daniel? Hi, I'm Marcie. Dr. Zardi is ready to see you." She motioned for him to follow her and paused when Mano got up, too. "You can wait here--" She stopped when Mano shook his head at her and stepped closer to Daniel. Daniel could have hugged him. He knew there was no reason to be scared anymore, but he was still in shock. This morning he had been with Jack and now he was back in his doctor's office like nothing had happened in the last two years. Yeah, he moved even closer to Mano, thankful for his presence.

"Okay, you all come on back." Evidently she knew enough of the situation to not stop Mano from coming in with him. Daniel saw his father coming out of Dr.

Zardi's office, and he stopped, frozen. Mano touched his shoulder and then pushed a little to direct him into the exam room that the nurse had stepped into. Daniel gratefully went in and sighed when the door closed and he didn't have to see his father anymore.

Daniel followed directions and put the gown on and sat on the table, looking down. He was glad Mano was there with him and even more thankful that Mano didn't seem to need to talk all the time. It was just a comfort to him.

Dr. Zardi came in nodded to Mano, and walked right up to Daniel, touching his shoulder gently, saying, "Welcome back, Daniel. Let's find out what is causing you the pain. Can you answer some questions for me?"

Daniel went into autopilot and answered the questions about how it hurt, when it hurt, how much blood he'd thrown up, and what kind of things he ate that caused it to hurt and what he ate to soothe it. He told the Take It Slow 79.doctor that he hadn't always been able to get the comfort foods so he had slowly gotten worse.

Dr. Zardi only nodded at each new bit of information, never asking probing questions about his time with Jack, and Daniel guessed he had his father to thank for that.

Not that he would. If it wasn't for his dad he would never have-- "Daniel?" Dr. Zardi asked, waiting, and Daniel realized he had gotten off task there. He looked over at Mano, who smiled gently at him. Daniel gave his attention back to Dr. Zardi, and the long session went on.

After a lot of poking and prodding and examination, during which Mano turned away, Daniel was allowed to dress again. He was really tired and didn't want to have to listen to any more. He didn't want to face his father, and certainly didn't want to talk to him. He looked at Mano and some of what he was feeling must have shown on his face because Mano nodded, taking his arm, led him back to the waiting room.

"I'll be right back," Mano said.

Daniel nodded and slumped in the chair. He just wanted to sleep. And hug a warm pillow to his stomach.

In a dark room. He'd noticed there were no windows in the dorm part of Mama Sasy's place. He wondered if that was because they knew that boys like him would feel safer if no one could see in. He just wanted to hide from the world right now, and it wasn't happening. His stomach hurt.

"Thank you, Dr. Zardi. I appreciate you using your influence to get us in tomorrow. We'll be there. Yes, I have the instructions." Daniel looked up as his father said goodbye to the doctor, and Daniel felt bad that his usual manners were missing, but he just couldn't bring himself to say anything right now. What was that about Take It Slow 80.tomorrow? He shot a panicked look to Mano who had come out before his father and Dr. Zardi.

"X-rays in the morning. You knew to expect that, right?" Mano said under his breath as he drew near Daniel. Daniel just nodded.

His father walked over and stood beside Daniel's chair. Daniel refused to look up at him. It was a small defiance, but it was all he had the strength for.

"I'll take you all back to Mama Sasy's. Mano, here are the instructions for Daniel. No food after midnight, and he's to be at the hospital in the morning for the x-rays, endoscopy, and the ultrasound tests." Nick handed the sheet to Mano and walked to the door. Daniel got up and followed. Was his father not taking them to the hospital?

He was just leaving it to the others to cart him around?

That was-- Daniel paused in his thinking. Okay, maybe his dad was doing what he thought Daniel wanted.

Daniel got into the back seat, and Mano got in with him. He woke up when he heard the car door slam. He found himself lying with his head on Mano's shoulder.

Jerking away, he started to apologize.

"Shh, relax. It's no problem. You need to come in and get something warm and soft again to coat your stomach, and then I think you should go to your bunk and sleep if you can. That sound good?"

"Yes, please. Maybe I could have a pancake?" Daniel didn't want anything, but knew these people wouldn't let him rest without trying to help him more. It was good of them, but he just wanted to be left alone.

"Daniel?" His father was standing by the car, looking a little haggard and haunted.

"Yes, sir?" Some things just never left you.

"I'm going now. I know you don't want to be around me, and I'm going to give you that. All I want to do is hold you and tell you how much I love you and how Take It Slow 81.happy I am that you are back and safe now, but I know that's not what you want. I also know that these people can take excellent care of you. I'll be back, but not to hound you. If you can find your way back to me, that is all I will ever ask of this world, but I'm not going to push you. Let Mama Sasy, Easy, Mano, and Boddy help you, son. I love you."

While Daniel and Mano watched, Nick, with tears in his eyes, got back into the car and pulled away. Daniel was afraid to look at Mano. He was afraid he'd see disgust on Mano's face. Did these people all think he should embrace his father and let it all go? Just like that?

He just stood there, looking down at the ground.

"I bet you're wondering if I, or anyone here, is going to judge you. Don't think that, Daniel. We know better.

You are ent.i.tled to feel the way you do. Look up." Mano waited until Daniel did, and said, "We all love Nick, and through him and his dogged determination to find you, we love you, too. We can't help hoping that someday the two of you will find your way back to the relations.h.i.+p you had, or even better, a new relations.h.i.+p. But we don't expect anything of you that you can't handle, especially right now. Come on, relax. Don't worry. It'll make your stomach hurt more. Pancakes, huh?"

Daniel sighed in relief, wondering at how Mano always seemed to know just what to say, what he needed. He followed Mano into the diner and jumped a little when Mano yelled, "Boddy, pancakes for Daniel."

"Coming up," Boddy yelled back, and Daniel grinned.

"Uh, Boddy's kind of a weird name. Where'd he get it?" Daniel asked.

"Boddy got his name because Easy couldn't say Ichabod, like Ichabod Crane. That's who Easy thought the guy who worked in the kitchen looked like. Boddy Take It Slow 82.acts like he hates it, but he loves Easy, so he puts up with and now he's just Boddy. Wait'll I tell you about the bat body story." Mano laughed and Daniel decided that story could wait.

Maybe he'd get used to the noise and the happiness here. He followed Mano back to what he was learning was the "family" booth. Before long, there were two plates of pancakes on the table. Mano's plate had bacon and hash browns, too. Daniel's had two pancakes. There was a pitcher of warm syrup and a milkshake for Daniel.

He felt tears sting his eyes as he looked at the food, made with such caring and thought, just for him, by people he didn't even know. He wasn't used to this. He didn't know what to do with his feelings. Mano, as usual, was right on it.

"Just enjoy it. Eat as much as you can. You're getting special treatment. By that, I mean that Mama Sasy is leaving you alone, not smothering you with love.

Everyone is respecting your s.p.a.ce, and that's what happens here. They seem to know what people need. I needed attention and got it in spades. You need some s.p.a.ce and a special understanding. Get used to it. Your life is looking up, Daniel. I'm happy to be your friend."

It was all Daniel could do not to cry as he tried to eat the soft, warm pancakes that Boddy had made for him.

He couldn't believe this was his life now. These people, that he didn't even know, were bending over backwards to give him just what he needed. Daniel couldn't wrap his head around that. He ate, and when he wilted, Mano led him back to his bunk and he fell asleep, knowing that someone would wake him when he had to get up for the next day's trials. He was safe. That was enough.

Maybe home was just a word.

Chapter Five.

Daniel whimpered. Dreaming. He was in that movie reel again, but this time instead of dreaming of home like he did when he was at Jack's, he dreamed of being hit and scared and in pain while under Jack Basham's control.

"Dude, uh, Daniel? Hey!" Someone was gently shaking his shoulder.

Daniel came up swinging. He'd never been a fighter, but he wasn't about to be molested now. He'd made it this far, and Jack wasn't going to-- "Hey, Daniel, it's me, Benny. It's okay, man." Daniel opened his eyes and saw the thin boy that he'd met before. Right, Benny. He looked at the boy, who seemed to be about his age. His hair was light brown and longish, and he kept pulling it behind his ear. His eyes, Daniel remembered from seeing him in the showers, were light brown, too, like pretty wood. Daniel thought Benny was good-looking but skinny, big time, just like he was.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Daniel covered his face with one hand and his aching stomach with the other.

"No problem, man, really. You were dreaming, and it was bothering you, so I was just trying to wake you up.

Maybe you can get back to sleep now." Benny turned to walk away.

"No! I mean-- wait?" It came out as a question, but it was really a plea. Daniel was afraid if he went back to sleep he'd be right back at Jack's.

84.Benny looked surprised, then he smiled slowly.

"Sure. Pull your feet up. I'll sit down here." Benny sat on the end of Daniel's bed and crossed his arms around his own legs.

Daniel didn't know what to say now. He'd just wanted to not be alone.

"Is it okay if I don't talk? I just don't want to go back to sleep yet." Daniel s.h.i.+vered, rubbing his arms. "You talk. Tell me about Benny." After a pause he added, "Please."

"Sure. There's not much to tell. My dad kicked me out of the house when he found out I was gay. That seems to be a recurring theme here, huh? At least your dad changed his mind pretty quickly, by all reports.

Mine said he never wanted to see me again, and yeah, I tested it. He hasn't changed his mind. My uncle is cool, though. He's a policeman, and he told me about Mama Sasy's. They're good people, Daniel."

When Daniel just looked at him, Benny nodded his head as if understanding the look and went on with his monologue.

"My uncle is one of the officers who arrested Mano for murder. He was innocent, of course, but he had to go back to Tampa, and Easy went down to help him. They were able to prove who really did it, and they are the coolest couple ever. Man, you can just feel the love when they're around. They're not all over each other in public, but if you watch closely, and I do, you can see the looks and the secret little touches between them.

Makes me think that maybe I'll find something like that someday. It also makes me glad I haven't gone the other way." Benny paused and despite himself, Daniel was intrigued.

"What other way?"

85."You know, hooking up at bars and messing around with just anybody. I might have been tempted until I saw what it could really be like, when there's someone special, ya know? I don't mean to sound all preachy or mushy or anything like that. Everybody is ent.i.tled to do whatever they want. I don't know about you at all. You may have been, uh, I mean..."

"It's okay, Benny. I'm a virgin. I was was attacked but managed to get away both times, and Jack never got that far. He was getting close, though, and I was scared all the time. He was just waiting." Daniel's stomach rolled and he grabbed it. attacked but managed to get away both times, and Jack never got that far. He was getting close, though, and I was scared all the time. He was just waiting." Daniel's stomach rolled and he grabbed it.

"Waiting for what? I mean, I'm glad you're okay, but what was he waiting for? Permission?" Benny's head was tilted, and Daniel thought he looked cute. What was that?

"Jack had this code thing that he must have gotten from his father that he kept repeating: 'you don't mess with kids'. I guess eighteen is the magic age, so I lied to him and told him I was seventeen. He kept asking when I was going to be eighteen. It scared the s.h.i.+t out of me every time." Daniel closed his eyes, but when he did he saw Jack so he opened them again. There was Benny at the end of his bed. That was better.

"How old are you?"

"Nineteen."

"Cool, dude. Smart thinking. I'm glad you were able to, you know, not get..." Benny paused, and Daniel filled in the blank.